''[[http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/ The Very Secret Diaries]]'' by [[Creator/CassandraClare Cassandra Claire]] are a [[PlayedForLaughs comical]] retelling of the ''Film/LordOfTheRings'' films in diary form, in the rough style of the Literature/BridgetJones books.
!!Tropes featured include:
* AssShove: In Boromir's section.
-->"Day Four: Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his..."
* ColorCodedWizardry: In addition to the canonical ''LordOfTheRings'' colored wizards, Saruman is corresponding with Manfred the Slightly Ecru. He also grumbles about having decided to be the White, as it makes his laundry more difficult.
* CoolAndUnusualPunishment: Sauron forces Gollum to watch bad movies.
* DeadFic: Abandoned in the middle of ''The Two Towers''.
* {{Diary}}
* DidIJustSayThatOutLoud: Sam wonders this after thinking/writing "Mr. Frodo far too hot to die."
* EitherWorldDominationOrSomethingAboutBananas: Legolas mutters something Elvish to Aragorn that might be "You're late," or possibly "Throw me down and shag me rotten." [[spoiler: It was the second option]]
* EveryoneIsGay: Except possibly Gimli.
* NoodleImplements: Merry's carrot. Gandalf's pointy hat.
* ObliviousToLove: Frodo is oblivious to just about everyone's love for most of his diary, as he believes that everyone is after the Ring. He runs off to Mordor when he figures it out.
* OverlyNarrowSuperlative: Legolas makes Pippin say he's the prettiest elf in the Fellowship; Pippin diplomatically doesn't point out that he's the only elf in the Fellowship.
* RunningGag: Sam will kill anyone who tries anything with Frodo.
* ShipperOnDeck: Gollum tried to play TheMatchmaker between the Balrog and Gandalf. Needless to say, it did not go very well.
* StupidSexyFlanders: Boromir to Aragorn.
-->"I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit."
* TerseTalker: Is v. much the style everyone writes in. Because it parodies ''Literature/BridgetJones''.
* ThirtyMinutesOrItsFree: Theoden orders Wormtongue from a minion-delivery service that promises a free orc if the minion doesn't arrive within ninety minutes.