Fanfic / The Quest for the Holey Grail
The Quest for the Holey Grail (yes, Holey) is a ridiculous multi-fandom crossover written by KingAurthr (later known as KingAurthr2), a mysterious figure who appears to be approx. six and a half years old, and rife with major spelling, grammar, and plot mistakes.
The story begins with King Arthur
(alternatively, "Aurthr", "Aurthur", "Aurther", and other such misnomers) and Lancelot getting a message about the 'Holey' Grail, and culminates in a massive epic battle between the "good team" and the "drak ones". Along the way, King Arthur meets up with Harry Potter
(Didn't you know? "Yes, the grail is atually the goblet of fire from the harry poter book", and yes, that's an actual quote, from Harry himself
), Hagrid, "indian Jones"
, "the lord of the rings people"
, Doctor Who
, "professor snake" (a character who can only be Professor Snape), and inexplicably, Scooby-Doo
and the Mystery Machine. The "evil team" has an equally eclectic mix of characters that includes the "lick king from Wrodl fo Warcraf
", "Voldermor", Sauron, and the "russian woman from indian Jones and the crystal skull
". There is also a sequel, titled "Trouble on Darklands", set 20 years after the original, which throws "Frey"/Freyja/"Rey"
the valkyrie into the mix and features the return of most of the characters from the first story (including several dead ones!)
Of course, it has all the makings of a terribly awesome fanfic including time travel, out-of-character plots, killing characters off for little to no reason, leaving basically everything unexplained, and doors made from skulls, bones and dead bodies. The finished version of the story can be found here
, and the sequel can be found here
This fanfic provides examples of:
- all lowercase letters: A fair amount of character's names are spelled using only lower case letters at some point in the story.
- Anachronism Stew: As would be expected in a King Arthur/Harry Potter/Lord of the Rings/Indiana Jones/Doctor Who/Scooby-Doo/World of Warcraft crossover. Even stranger when the characters travel to the past; apparently, there was no electricity 20 years ago, but there were chicken wings and hamburgers. Up to 11 in the sequel, where, among other things, Aragorn holds off the dark forces with a machine gun.
- Anyone Can Die: Something like half the characters in the story die. Up to 11 in the sequel, where several of the main characters in the first story, including Indian Jones and Harry, are offed. Death Is Cheap, to an extent, as well (several characters return as zombies and ghosts,) but they rarely return unscathed, and the vast majority of killed protagonists stay dead, making the story oddly mature regarding death for something with the grammatical quality of an elementary schooler.
- Artistic License - Geography: The Prancing Pony, or "dancing pony in", is not in "hobbittown", and there probably isn't a haunted house at Rohan either.
- Big Damn Heroes: At the end of Part 2, Boromir's ghost shows up with a ghost army, which distracts the Man Made of Blood long enough for the heroes to defeat him.
- Bloodier and Gorier: More so than all of the original stories. All of the villains who get stabbed seem to have Overdrawn at the Blood Bank to the point that it borders on Bloody Hilarious.
- Breaking the Fourth Wall: All over the place, both in dialogue and in description. Characters, particularly Harry, repeatedly refer to the books and movies they're from, and the author shortens descriptions by referring to the original works or, in some cases, earlier parts of the story. The latter is especially prominent in the sequel, where references are constantly made to Part One.
- Commie Nazis: The "russian woman from indian Jones and the crystal skull" is in charge of a group of Nazis, presumably the result of the author misinterpreting the film or conflating it with the third one.
- The Corrupter: In the sequel, the Man Made of Blood curses Harry to fall to The Dark Side and use evil curses. It reaches a climax when the Ghost King uses Harry's curse-induced weakness to possess him, which forces Indian Jones to kill him.
- Crazy-Prepared: Indian Jones, in order to keep up with the magical powers employed by the other heroes, seems to develop the ability to pull anything out of his pockets.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: Pretty much any time the "good team" fights the evil forces.
- Disproportionate Retribution: After the Scooby-Doo team helps the heroes solve the mystery of "rohan house", Aragorn cuts off the culprit's head to show as proof to Gollum, which somehow solves the mystery.
- Evil Laugh: Voldermor's specialty; he starts and ends most of his lines with "ha ha ha".
- I Have Many Names: The innkeeper is variously called "butterbean", "bitterman", and "butterman".
- The Man Behind the Man: In the sequel, it is revealed that the Man Made of Blood was the true mastermind of the Drak Ones.
- Mid-Season Upgrade: Partway through the first story, the anti-Drak Ones weapon is completed and provides everybody with new weapons. King Arthur gets a "magic exabluber". Seeing as he already has "an excalibur" before this and uses it multiple times, the original Excalibur apparently wasn't magical. Or, possibly, the exabluber is something else entirely.
- New Powers as the Plot Demands: "Indian Jones" appears to have bottomless pockets that can hold flamethrowers and crystal skulls, and Gandalf can use all kinds of magic explosions. Toward the end, everybody gets a magical weapon from the "holy relic", and while most characters receive a magical version of the weapon they already owned, Scooby and Shaggy acquire magical Scooby Snacks that turn them into an unstoppable force of destruction.
- No Punctuation Period: Tends to happen for fairly long stretches of story.
- Omniscient Council of Vagueness: Subverted. Huge amounts of the story are devoted to villainous planning scenes that come off this way, but we are privy to all the details of their schemes. The reverse Unspoken Plan Guarantee kicks in every time.
- Out of Character: Most characters have at least a slight deviation.
- Religion of Evil: The cultists from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom appear in Part 2, where their leader tries to sacrifice Indian Jones and eat his heart.
- Rivers of Blood: In the sequel, the lair of the Man Made of Blood has a ridiculous amount of decorative blood in it.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: Quite a few times. Most notably, "Aragorn" eventually morphs into "Targaron", and Eowyn's name is never spelled correctly.
- Skeleton Motif: The "drak ones" love skulls, bones, and dead bodies of all sorts. The things made out of them include tables, doors, and soldiers.
- Superpowered Evil Side: In the backstory of the sequel, Gandalf goes insane and splits into Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the Black. Gandalf the Black is a rapper who speaks in Jive Turkey and has an ultra-powerful magical staff that plays Magic Music.
- The End... Or Is It?: At the end of the sequel, it is revealed that the Man Made of Blood put some of his own blood into all of the heroes to ensure he could never truly die. The story ends on a cliffhanger/reveal where he plots vengeance.
- Time Skip: Between the first and second stories. After the Drak Ones are defeated, Aragorn becomes king of Gondor and takes over Mondor in Sauron's absence, Arthur returns to his "castel" at "Ablion", and Dumbledore dies. However, Harry and his friends still attend Hogwarts, despite logically being in their thirties.
- Unexpected Character: Basically every time a new character arrives, but especially when Scooby-Doo and the gang show up, and when "Frey" the Valkyrie appears in the sequel.