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"Grrr, I am evil. And you suck." (art by Quantum Witch)
is a very funny
Good Omens Crack Fic
in which Aziraphale is captured by Hell and Crowley, War and the Archangel Michael (on a
Mission from God
) break in to save him and set off a second apocalypse. It introduces entertaining
other angels such as Michael, Raphael (Aziraphale's adopted father), Gabriel, and Uriel.
self parodying Affectionate Parody
with many interesting twists and turns along the way.
It is technically a sequel to
How Crowley Fell Out of Love with the Bentley
(which is a sequel to
has a sequel itself, which is complete:
has its own page too!
Warning: Spoilers ahead!
This fanfic contains examples of: Accidental Marriage: Aziraphale's last name has technically been 'Crowley' for the past 500 years or so; they both thought that the other had arranged the divorce. Action Girl: Sister Prudence. Aerith and Bob: Names of angels and demons varies from Aziraphale, Crowley, Beezlebub and Steve. All of the Other Reindeer: Young Aziraphale. He was a bit of a nerd. Amazingly Embarrassing Parents - Raphael. Archangel Gabriel: Poor guy is Surrounded by Idiots. Archangel Michael: At least someone is having fun. Author Appeal: Anime, music, RPGs, etc. Authority Equals Asskicking: Lucifer. Axe Crazy: Uriel. Back from the Dead: Aziraphale and Crowley. Back-to-Back Badasses: Gabriel and Michael, Michael and War briefly. Bad Boss: God and Lucifer. God gets a Pet the Dog moment / becomes a Benevolent Boss at the end. Badass Family Badass Normal: Sister Prudence. Basement Dweller: Brian. The Berserker - Michael, War, Moloch. Berserk Button: The only time Raphael is anything other than patient and kind to the other archangels is when they seem to be treating Aziraphale's death as a triviality. Beware the Nice Ones - One of Hell's very few rules. Big Damn Heroes - Many moments, often subverted. Bond Villain Stupidity - Lucifer. Chekhov's Gun: The chocolate muffin Rafael tucks away after the Archangels visit the diner in chapter 8 resurfaces when he shoves it in Uriel's mouth after the latter attempts to smite Zira in chapter 15. May double as a Brick Joke or a Chekhov's Gag depending on the reader's sense of humor. Cloudcuckoolander
Uriel: I can't believe you just killed Lucifer! Cold-Blooded Torture: It wouldn't be Hell without it. Color-Coded for Your Convenience - Demons tend to have darker wings in this ficverse. Colossus Climb Cool and Unusual Punishment: "Now that's just overkill." Crack Fic: Part of the charm. Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Uriel may be a childish Cloud Cuckoo Lander most of the time, but if he thinks you need to be smote... Crowd Song: Don't Stop Believin', which the angels use to defeat Satan. Crucified Hero Shot: Zira ties Crowley to a tree in this position so he won't be able to do anything. Cute and Psycho: War. Daddy's Girl - Jesus and War. Darkest Hour Deadpan Snarker - Crowley, Gabriel. Deus ex Machina Did You Just Punch Out Cthulhu? - Crowley punched Lucifer - In the FACE!!! Divided We Fall Does Not Understand Sarcasm - Raphael. Doting Parent: Raphael thinks that just about everything his little Zizi does is amazing and adorable. Dream Sequence - Crowley's hallucinations. Earn Your Happy Ending: Aziraphale and Crowley get together, Crowley Rises, and everyone ends up happy. But boy did they have to go through hell first. Literally, at one point. Elmuh Fudd Syndwome: Anethema and Newton's three-year-old twins, Aziraphale and Bentley. Emergency Transformation - for Aziraphale and Crowley at the end Everyone Went To School Together Evil Makeover - Subverted with Aziraphale/Zira; after he Falls, he starts looking more "evil", but his behavior doesn't actually change. Fallen Hero - Subverted with Aziraphale, see What You Are in the Dark. Fangirl: Uriel is Gabriel's fangirl. Yes, Uriel is male. Faustian Rebellion Faux Affably Evil - Lucifer Fire-Forged Friends - Crowley, Michael, and War. Five-Man Band / The Squad: The Hero - Aziraphale, Adam, Michael ( at least he thinks he is), Crowley (in the To Hell and Back arc) The Lancer - Crowley, Gabriel, Zira, Foil characters flip positions, dies for the cause The Big Guy - Michael, Uriel, War, Sister Prudence The Smart Guy - Raphael, Aziraphale, Crowley (resident expert in the To Hell and Back arc), Gabriel, Anathema, Newt, and their kids. The Chick / The Heart - Raphael, Aziraphale, Jesus, most human characters The Sixth Ranger - Crowley to the pre-established warrior angels "family"�. The Medic - Raphael The Mentor - Raphael Tagalong Kid - Skuzz Plucky Comic Relief - Aziraphale, Uriel Flanderization: Crowley and Aziraphale's respective Good Angel, Bad Angels are basically Flanderized versions of the characters they represent. Foe-Tossing Charge - Through Hell, then through Manchester. A Friend in Need Glowing Eyes of Doom Good Angel, Bad Angel - Crowley has Inner Aziraphale and Inner Hastur, Aziraphale has Inner Raphael and Inner Crowley. Good Is Not Nice Raphael to Lucifer:
"And I know you have a very strong fondness for... er... sharp, pointy things, and
so help me Light-Bringer but if you don't let me keep this child
I will mount your immortal head on one of those sharp pointy things outside my office as a reminder to everyone that even though I am the Healer I am
Then there's Uriel's Righteous Smiting. He cares not who the sinner is, or was, or who might care about him/her. Happy Place Has Two Daddies - War. The Heart: Raphael, to the rest of the archangels. He is the healer, after all. At one point he notes that without his stabilizing influence they'd probably be a lot less sane than they are. He Is Not My Boyfriend / Transparent Closet The mood lightener after Aziraphale's torture; Crowley feels the need to remind War "He is not my mate!" Here We Go Again - Warrior Angels of the Apocalyse Bikers of the Apocalyse and Skuzz Heroic BSOD - Aziraphale for a while during and after being tortured and going to his "Happy Place." Crowley after Aziraphale/Zira dies. Heroic Sacrifice - Aziraphale/Zira Hero Stole My Bike - When the Four Archangels "borrow" some motorcycles. "Itís not stealing if youíre On a Holy Mission." Hey, That's My Line! - "Ciao." Hippie Jesus: Jesus come in as a 'Southern Hippy'. I Shall Taunt You / Did You Just Flip Off Cthulhu? I Want Grandkids - "Run!" Idiot Ball - Now Zira, you promise you won't try and escape? Ignored Enemy I'm Standing Right Here Insult Backfire Irritation Is the Sincerest Form of Flattery - No, Michael isn't taking fashion tips from Crowley, not at all. Kill It with Fire - There's Hellfire, and then there's Sister Prudence's Blessed Napalm. Knight Templar - The Order of Our Most Holy Lady of the Righteous Smiting Lampshade Hanging - Lots; it's a lot of Snark and Self-Parody Large Ham
Michael: Wait, it needs something. Wait, I know - ambiance!
Music: You're the best, around! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down! Lawful Stupid, Chaotic Stupid - Raphael ( Stupid Good), most of the angels ( Lawful Stupid), Moloch most of the demons ( Stupid Evil) Locked in a Freezer Man on Fire / Incendiary Exponent - Zira kills Beelzebub while lit on holy fire, much to Michael's pride and jealousy that he died so awesomely Mars Needs Women: How do angels reproduce anyway? Messenger: Gabriel is THE Messenger. Meta Guy: Brian. Mission from God Mood Whiplash: One scene has some characters battle Lucifer, and one of them becomes exhausted and fall down. The gripping suspense is somewhat broken as the author inserts the following note:
His face looked like this: X_X
More Hero Than Thou Musical Episode Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: Nice job opening a portal that connects Hell and Earth that can't be closed, dumbass. No Social Skills: Those entities that haven't been on Earth for very long aren't aware of appropriate human behavior. Noodle Incident: Death owes the Antichrist a favor for never mentioning this one incident. It involved two kittens, thirteen girl scouts, an ice cream cone, a goat and six pairs of socks. Ominous Latin Chanting: The song playing in the background when Uriel destroys Mammon. One-Winged Angel: Lucifer, it gets a Lampshade Hanging. Open Minded Parent: Raphael again. Opposite Day: Er... Bizarro book of prophecies. Otaku: Brian. Papa Wolf: Raphael. Poke the Poodle: Zira's "insults." Psycho for Hire: War Rousing Speech Rule Of Cool Rule of Funny Running Gag: There is only one response, be you demon, nun, Jesus, or Satan to the question "Would you like some tea?". Samuel L. Jackson: Beelzebub's human form. Because Samuel L. Jackson is badass. Samus Is a Girl: And so is Jesus. Screw Destiny: God doesn't want the Apocalypse stopped this time. Aziraphale doesn't care. Second Law Of Genderbending: Jesus decides to stay female. Shout Out: Turtle Power! "Brian, you are such a geek, you are NOT Sailor Moon!" Author's notes reveal that the Lord Jesus Christ is in the body of Tifa Lockhart. Small Name, Big Ego: Agostino Nutter, Michael. Stock British Phrases: Inner Aziraphale uses these quite liberally. Straw Feminist : Pepper. Strapped to an Operating Table Take That: Crowley's hallucinations are a mockery of badfic. Team Mom: Raphael. Teeth-Clenched Teamwork The Dragon: A real dragon and Beelzebub, both for Lucifer. The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Michael and Lucifer to each other; Gabriel to Michael. Theme Music Power-Up They Do Third Line, Some Waiting - The Famine, Pollution, Newt, and Anathema subplot. Third Law Of Genderbending - PMS, meekness, and a tendency to cry were not part of the New Testament. This Is for Emphasis, Bitch! Throw Away Town - Manchester; nobody misses it. To Hell and Back Too Much Information Too Spicy for Yog Sothoth Trademark Favorite Food - Angels like chocolate. Trap Door - "Sauntering vaguely downwards" sounds so much better. UST - Gets out of it at the end. Victorious Childhood Friend - Kireawel/Crowley in some respects, to Aziraphale. Vitriolic Best Buds: Michael and Gabriel. What Do You Mean, It's Not Symbolic? - Crowley is tied cruciform to a tree. It's very painful for a demon and causes hallucinations. What You Are in the Dark - Aziraphale/Zira after Falling does not change in his resolve to help save humanity. With Due Respect - Poor, poor Aziraphale. Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds: Averted. Aziraphale/Zira accidentally Falls and becomes a demon, but it doesn't change his mission to save humanity or his sweethearted personality in the slightest. Your Mom - Used twice by Adam, both times on beings without mothers. Zen Survivor - Hell does not scare Aziraphale, he survived Auschwitz.