"Some guy told me that im on Tv Tropes now which is like a wikipedia but for tv or something! THIS A FAMOUS STORY BUT I WONT LET IT GOT TO MY HEAD EVEN IF IM AWSEOM! Im not on tv but i guess death note is and thats why they licked it?"
- "You killed my son and my daughter and you had sex with her in lights bed and you came in my house all naked and you DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE DINNER"
- [P]eople cried more until there was hurricanes and flooding and ducks everywhere stealing peopls' bread.
- "The sofa and the tv and soichiros favorite coffee table all got smashed to bits. Ray pember joined in the smashing and broke a book."
Artistic License - Biology: There is no way that Watari can be brought back to life from BULLET WOUNDS thanks to CPR (alone, that's all the "explanation" given) at least a month after being shot and killed. The human body does not work like that.
Also, Dark apparently grows a mustache while changing his clothes.
If you fall twenty feet onto a barbecue that's lit, you won't be in any danger of catching on fire if you have an erection. Okay, that probably isn't what the author meant by "he was hard", but it's difficult to read it differently.
If you cut your hair, don't wear make up, and get a tattoo that says "IM [sic] A DUDE" you will look like a man. Even if you're a woman. And you're naked.
If your arms are injected with poison, you can "gargle all the poison out" and just spit it out.
Blood Magic: Dark uses Near's blood to make the Anti Life Note.
Boarding School of Horrors: Whammy House seems to be this in the epilogues. Watari stuffs Dark and Night into a box labelled "BORING STUFF DO NOT X-RAY" to take them on a plane.
Roger the caretaker is even worse:
"All he said was "I HATE CHILDREN" all the time and laughed like an evil man and didn't give them some more at meal times and did creepy things with his dog."
"GO TO BED YOU STINKING BRATS OR I WILL TURN YOUR ARSES INTO chicken tikka masala (its a britishy Indian food! Its red LIKE BLOOD. MAYBE IT IS BLOOD?) AND SERVE IT BACK TO YOU ON A PLATE MADE OF THE QUEENS HATS" roared roger.
Soichiro:: "YOU F-CKING F-CKED UP F-CKER WHO F-CKS F-CKS TELL ME WHERE THE F-CKING LIFE NOTE IS AND DON'T LIFE NOTE THAT F-CKING F-CK NIGHT YAGAMI BAK TO F-CKING LIVE OR ILL BREAK YOUR OTHER F-CKING BREADMAKER!"
And again in Chapter 25.
"WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! WHAT F-CKING F-CKED UP F-CKING F-CK F-CKING F-CKER OF A F-CKER F-CKING M-TH-RF-CKING F-CK F-CK F-CK F-CK DID YOU F-CKING MAKE MY DORTER PREGNANT?"
Continuity Snarl: An impressive feat considering that this story is only 36 pages long and written by a single person. Nobody (including the author himself) has an idea of what's going on any more - and it just keeps on getting funnier.
The ending just makes this infinitely worse.
Cool Car: The NASBUS, which "had a nuclear for an engine and another nuclear for the headlights which were so bright that it set the road on fire."
Enemy Mine: Everyone In this fic will abruptly work with former enemies to defeat new ones. Probably the best example is Dark and Night working to kill L for a few chapters, only for Dark to ally with L's ghost to kill Night, only for L's ghost to work with Night instead to kill Dark!
"At first they only sexed a bit but then they sexed more becos Dark needed to brake in and L had to make a bunch of noise so she wood not hear the smashy bits."
"They sexed very hard and made so much nosse that a bunch of pigeons flew away all over the city and some dudes thought it was an earthquake but it wasn't because it was just some noisy sexing and Ls trailer was rocking real hard then it stopped cos they were done."
Improbable Aiming Skills: Dark kills 1,000,000 stormtroopers with 100,000 bullets. That means every time he shoots, he kills on average ten people. Except he misses one... but then punches him so hard in face it kills 100 more.
Near, using a Nerf gun, manages to shoot out the bullets of Dark's sniper rifle, as well as his scope, while Dark is shooting from atop the "Eyfal Tower".
Kick Them While They Are Down: The author does this to constant Butt Monkey Near. After being killed countless times and suffering the hatred of every character in the story, Dark steals Near's Legos so the poor boy doesn't get any presents for Christmas!
A retcon in a later chapter reveals that Near used a Blind Note to stop Light seeing a naked woman and tricked Light into killing Taylor Swift. The author specifically states that he introduced these concepts to make Near deserving of this kicking. And calls us "doushy" for it.
Let's You and Him Fight - Dark claims credit for using this tactic to trick L and Light into killing each other, but all evidence points to them coming into conflict with each other before Dark intervened.
Light: "Stop saying colour! Your in America now! Its color!"
Metaphorgotten: "HEY NEAR TRUTH OR DARE" mello roared lolling as blood explossomed out like a rainbow if all the colours except red were stolen by an evil leprechorn and instead of a pot of gold he had a pot of dead sparrows but they weren't dead they were zombies and they terrorised ireland."
Mind Screw: Dark can jump out of the basement window and fall 20 feet onto a lit barbecue... and live. Because he has an erection...
Really, most if not all of the story qualifies for this trope. Chapter 42 especially qualifies. Dark is his own father. He had sex with his mother/wife from the future who went to the past (with his amnesiac self). Or something.
The final chapter of the epilog takes this even further. It turns out that the Watari we knew throughout the whole story is actually Near, who is an evil clone who impersonates him and does L's bidding. The Near we used to know is actually the original Watari, whom L tied up and hypnotized with legos so that he forgot who he really was. The girl from the bus, who is actually also Samanther (which also makes her Light's mom) had sex with Light at some point and gave birth to L (which means that Creepy Dude is Light). Moreover, L is revealed to have somehow been transformed into a baby after being defeated by Dark during their final battle, and then sent back in time, where he becomes baby Watari. And after that reveal, Light somehow turns into Blud because he was Blud all along.
To shoot 100,000 shots in the ~10 minutes that Dark's implied to have done it, his gun would have to be firing at a rate of 166 rounds per second. And each bullet can pass through ten stormtroopers before stopping.
Motive Decay: Erm... Dark? Aren't you trying to be God of a New World? Rather than just using your powers to shag your mother?
Murder Is the Best Solution: Dark doesn't bother much with planning, instead typically writing his target's name into the Death Note whenever he needs to solve a problem. L's plans to capture Dark tend to consist of sending assassins after him.
My Nayme Is - When Dark becomes a shinigami, he renames himself Du'arq. Except it usually gets spelled Da'urq. Or D'uark. Or D'rq. Or Du'Raq.
My Own Grampa - Dark has his memory erased, becomes Soichiro, knocks up Samanther, and becomes his own dad. The Epilogues also reveal that L is Watari, making himself his own grandfather.
Offscreen Teleportation - How exactly does Soichiro get from his place to L's in the time it takes for Light & Dark to talk and Dark to call L?
Oh Cisco - "Better make it a foursome!" No, Light, just no.
One of Us - The author is aware of this wiki and makes references to it, but then a lot of these references are derisive. When they are at all coherent, anyway.
One-Winged Angel: L makes a terrifying transformation during his showdown with Dark.
The bits of candy melted and caught fire and L who was now like an inch taller slumbered forwards covered in fire and lava and his hair was all wilds and two fires burned in his eyes which kind of hurt but now he was a monster so he dint care. "THIS IS MY TRUE FORM" he said.
Parlor Games: The kiddies at Whammy House play Strip Spin the Bottle Truth or Dare. It ends as you would expect. "Near was naked cos he lost all his four fits and everyone had lolled at his ugly bod. Mello had been dared to glue himself to the ceiling so he was stuck there for now. Cool Dude had got drunk on Rgoers beer and started kissing matt who was also drunk and everyone had lolled EVEN MORE."
Pet the Dog: Light buying a new breadmaker and flowers for Yotsuba to "say soz".
Plot Hole - Dark's Royal Death Note kills anyone's who name is written in it, even if you don't know their face or name. So... what do you write in it? To be fair, he could kill L just by writting "L" in it. Whether this was the Royal Death Note's exception or yet another unintentional (or not) is left for you to decide.
Remember the quote at the top? That's bad enough on its own but it's later revealed that Dark didn't even have a car and went to America as a ship's stowaway.
Previously On - Watari has a computer that synopsizes the story so far. Except it manages to get the plot completely wrong. That's right - even the author doesn't know what's going on. Which, granted, is entirely understandable.
Punctuated Pounding - Dark punctuates his threats against Near with coshing. "DO (cosh) YOU (cosh) WANT (cosh) TO (cosh) BE (cosh) NECKS?"
Rule Of Cool: Referenced at least. "I KNOW NOAMI WAS NOT ENLGISH BUT IT MAKESS THE STORY COOLER THIS WAY!"
You can't read a passage like this one and tell me this isn't the coolest thing ever:
Things got more awesome and they were fighting on the roof and there was lighting all around and winds blew everyones hair aaround and also blew away the sheet night was using to not be naked. An thunder smash the roof of the building and bits of tile flew every where and it was very scary. Like if youve ever jumped in front of a bus and the bus was being driven by satan and there was a dead frog on the front and fire instead of a windscreen - thats how scary it was.
This entire fic is basically fueled by this trope.
Sexy Discretion Shot - "The stuff that was going on was pretty grafic and I donít want to make this fic M so all Iíll say is that it was sexy and Takada was using mop but was naked (youíll have to figure out how for your self rofl!)"
Shaped Like Itself - the favourite snack of Dark's shinigami Blud: "blood bananas made of blood". Also, "The nuclear bom went off like a bom".
Stable Time Loop - Dark has his memories erased by Blud in the final battle. So Samanther lives with him while being pregnant with three of his children. Because Dark has no idea who he is anymore, he grows a moustache and decides to be a cop named Sochiro. The three children they have are: Dark, Light, and Night. Since Dark can't remember Samanther's name anymore, she decides to just be called "Light's Mom". And from there the entire wacky thing begins again... somehow.
"Suddenly a rocket WOOOSHED past and left a big line of smoke and a bang at the end where it missed but only the helicopter because it still hit another tower but it was okay because noone was in the tower except for that leloosh guy (MORE LIKE LELOSER AM I RIGHT!) an d everyone hates him so its cool except he has a giant robot and also ive never seen it."
And yet another one at Twilight.
[...] but it [the skin] wasn't shiny cos those vampires are lame
Temporal Paradox: Invoked but improperly used. Blud tells Dark that he's going to write Matt's name in the Death Note so that he dies in a car crash in the past and prevent him from stealing the Death Note from Yotsuba. Blud uses this trope to explain why he is saying this now and not when he uses the Death Note in the near future.
Time Police: Explicitly mentioned as existing in Chapter 33, but absent from the story. A time banker explains that they guard all time machines in the world except for "time trains"; the reason for this remains unknown.
Near provides an even more confusing example. In chapter 13, Dark kills Near because he needs him for a "sacrifis". However, later in the chapter, it's stated that Dark imprisoned Near. Night then writes Near's name in the Anti Life Note which is stated to be able to kill the victim forever. However, in the next chapter, Near is revealed to be alive.
Two more examples are L and Light, whom Dark "tricked" into kill each other, but they both appear alive and well a few chapters later. Bizarrely, the opposite happens to Mello, who is described as a ghost during the same scene, even though he seems to have escaped the chapter he had last appeared in perfectly alive.
Unit Confusion: The author claims that "killmeters" are the same as miles in France.
Unrealistic Black Hole: Appears in the climactic battle, after Blud spits sizzling bacon grease at the ground that somehow penetrates to the Earth's core and causes it to rapidly expand until the planet explodes, somehow creating a black hole that proceeds to suck up the entire universe.
Unusual Chapter Numbers: Dark goes back in time in Chapter 35; every chapter number after this is three less than what it should be.
Unusual Euphemism: "Getting happy" seems to refer fairly consistently to becoming aroused (for male characters) or having an orgasm (for female characters).
Voodoo Shark: This fic is so convoluted, it actually manages to Voodoo Shark a Voodoo Shark. Night magically reappears after Dying For Real. How did she come back to life? She was accidentally life-noted back by Higuchi Yotsuba when trying to revive his dog Might Yagami. Why does he have a dog called Might Yagami? Because Light Yagami accidentally got cloned and came back as a dog called "Might" in the future. Right...
He had a machine in his hands that looked like a bomb which scared people but it was actually just a father detector. He stuck the wires to the creepy dudes neck and eyes and butt and the machine went "bip bip bip bip biiiiip bip bip biiiiiiiiiip bip bip" and exploded and then a paper came out.
"Yotsuba" apparently revived Night Yagami by mistake, trying to revive his pet Might Yagami. It's not dumb that he screwed up the name (though that is bad); it's that he gave his own pet somebody else's last name.
We Used To Be Friends: Dark claims that he and L used to be best friends until Dark shot Mello and Watari.
What the Hell, Hero?: Soichiro denounces L for testing the Death Note on his wife, but he uses the Life Note to revive her.