Fan Fic / Harry's New Home
Harry's New Home
is a completed AU Harry Potter Fan Fiction
written by kbinnz
. Includes the oneshot prequel Harry's First Detention
and the multichapter titular fic, found here
The story details the events set into motion when one Severus Snape is given care of Harry Potter after the abusive and neglectful treatment by the Dursleys is uncovered. Hillarity Ensues, with many Crowning Moments of Heartwarming
Harry's New Home provides examples of:
- A Lesson Learned Too Well: Snape tells Harry he should be careful and not trust Dumbledore because whether good intentions or not Dumbledore is responsible for Harry getting placed in an abusive home. Harry takes his advice and starts to fear Dumbledore more than he does Voldemort to Snape's horror.
- Abusive Parents: Snape suffered from an absent mother and a criminal, abusive father.
- Accidental Misnaming: Harry calls Voldemort Vol-au-Vent and Voldesnort. Snape decides to stop trying to correct Harry after a while.
- Accomplice by Inaction: Snape and Harry come to fear Dumbledore when they both realize he didn't check up on Harry, enabling the Dursley's abuse or when Dumbledore didn't insist that Sirius get a trial.
- Action Dad: Snape puts a lot of work into seeing that Harry is safe.
- Action Girl: Amelia Bones.
- Action Mom: Molly, a former Wizarding Duel champion, really gets to show her stuff.
- Action Survivor: Harry is essentially this with Snape planning and executing most of the adventures.
- Adult Fear: Often. Snape does not appreciate it.
- Affectionate Nickname: Harry eventually christens Snape 'Da.'
- Age-Appropriate Angst: Lampshaded by Hermione and Ron when Harry is moping about not spending time with Snape. To avoid embarrassing him, they say it's only because he's not used to Snape the way they are used to their parents.
- All Amazons Want Hercules: Jones is mightily impressed that Percy jumped in to save her and Harry from Umbridge.
- Anti-Hero: Harry fears becoming this after he crushes Quirrel with a stone pumpkin. In-story, there is Snape, Draco and Jones.
- Apologizes a Lot: Harry at first much to Snape's annoyance.
- Aww, Look! They Really Do Love Each Other: The only one who seems oblivious to this is Snape. Everybody can see how much he cares for and protects Harry all the time.
- Badass Adorable: Harry.
- Badass and Child Duo: Snape and Harry.
- Badass Grandpa: Dumbledore, Flitwick and Moody.
- Bad Boss: Snape shows signs of this in regards to Lucius Malfoy. A simple assignment from the former? Overthrow the government in the next few months. Backfires when the latter tries to gain some recognition.
- Battle Couple: Percy and Jones.
- The Beast Master: Harry and snakes.
- Berserk Button: Blood Quills. This literally sent the entire faculty of Howgarts out for blood. Dumbledore nearly hunted down Dolores when he was informed of this.
- Percy literally lost it when he learned one of the bullies nearly Crucio'ed Ron.
- Insulting Harry, even from miles away, is a bad way to get on Dobby's bad side as shown in chapter 58 where he appeared out of nowhere to beat up Kreacher.
- Big Brother Instinct: Percy did not like it when one of Harry's bullies almost Crucio'ed Ron.
- Break the Haughty: Draco Malfoy. Dumbledore in a more benign soft kind of way, specially so during the Horcrux hunting (Advice: don't put the soul sucking ring on your finger)
- Big Damn Heroes: When Harry was Ambushed by Ravenclaw students, he was rescued by Hermione (who breaks a student's ankle) Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, the Twins, Marcus Flint and Jones.
- An Epic one during the Rescue mission against Death Eaters. From champion Duelist Molly to Remus ripping apart Death Eaters left and right.
- Cheerful Child: Harry, so long as he's around Ron, Hermione or Snape.
- The Chess Master: Snape becomes this after rescuing Black from Azkaban. And become more and more deadly during the fic.
- Cluster F-Bomb: Sirius. Justified, he's been in Azkaban for 10 years.
- Combat Pragmatist: Slytherins believe in strength in numbers and airing enemies' dirty laundry.
- Hermione, having been taught some basic self defence by her father, tends to go for vulnerable spots like the knee or the crotch when she's forced to become physical.
- Cool Big Sis: Davidella Jones and Katie Bell.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: McGonagall's more... atypical detentions.
"Did I say you were forbidden to use magic to complete the task?"
- Cuddle Bug: Harry LOVES hugging Snape.
- Cut His Heart Out with a Spoon: Again, McGonagall. She deliberately makes Blood Quills look mild. (See I'm a Humanitarian for details.)
- Dark Action Girl: Davidella Jones, of the Anti-Hero variety.
- Dark Humor : Mad-eye, as seen when he dubs the partially liquified Pettigrew "Pettigoo".
- Dark Is Not Evil/Light Is Not Good: Being from Slytherin doesn't automatically make you a Death Eater and being from any of the other three Houses doesn't mean you can't be one as we find out from several Ravenclaws.
- Depraved Dentist: Parodied. Hermione spins a yarn that makes mundane dentistry sound like brutal torture. When her parents visit Hogwarts, everyone is remarkably polite...
- Dirty Coward: Deconstructed. Slytherins encourage pragmatism and bringing back-up to a fight but anyone who totally abandons one's House and those protected by said House is considered the lowest of the low, Slytherin or not.
- Dirty Old Woman: Madame Hooch is very vocal about her enjoyment of Snape's new look. She's also about 30 years his elder.
- Doorstopper: 64 chapters and over 300,000 words.
- The Dreaded: Hermione becomes this after Harry's ambush. While breaking the wand of a fallen foe was considered "hardcore", her explanation of Muggle dentistry gave her the top spot for the "not mess with" list in the entire school.
- Dumbledore became this for Harry for more than half of the fic.
- Fantastic Racism: Played straight with the Death Eaters obviously and with Umbridge who calls Jones an island person who practices hoo doo despite the fact the girl was born in Brighton.
- Downplayed otherwise, the usual "anti-muggle" sentiment is much less omnipresent than it usually is in HP fan stories, as fan writers have a tendency to exagerate how racist the Slytherins actually are in the books.
- Fearless Fool: Deconstructed with Harry who lacks a sense of self-defense (and of self-preservation) thanks to his upbringing, allowing him to put himself in danger without a thought, much to Snape's annoyance and horror.
- Fights Like a Normal: Hermione, who kicks people in the knees, ankles and nuts and will slam your head into the floor.
- Fix Fic: One of the best written in the entire Potter Fandom. It avoids Mary Sues, superpowered versions, wangst and bashing and is so cutesy and epic that it would give you both diabetes and testosterone poison just by reading it.
- Four-Temperament Ensemble: Ron is sanguine, Hermione is choleric, Harry is melancholic and Draco is phlegmatic.
- From Bad to Worse: He had to ask.
Albus: Oh, Severus? (pokes head around the corner) Did Minerva mention your appointment to the Inter-House Friendship and Holiday Decoration Committee?
- The Gadfly: Dumbledore just loves teasing Snape about his parenting Harry.
- The Glomp: Harry has a tendency to hug Snape as much as possible. Snape, having had virtually no positive physical contact in his entire life, is both mortified and appreciative.
- Groin Attack: Castrato Explosivo. And HOLY CRAP.
- Hermione helps take down Qurriel by kicking him in the crotch when he's kneeling on the ground.
- Guile Hero: Snape and McGonagall.
- Happily Adopted: Harry.
- Harmful to Minors: Splatting someone's head with a stone pumpkin even if they deserve it, is not something eleven-year-olds should do or see.
- The Heart: Harry becomes some form of this, thanks to being Snape's ward. Because of it, the Gryffindors and Slytherins are more willing to cooperate.
- He Cleans Up Nicely: Just something as simple as practicing basic hair care makes Snape a good deal more attractive as his hair doesnt look like he's been dunking it in a deep fryer anymore.
- Hoist by His Own Petard: Thanks to Snape's past misdeeds, it allow Umbridge to act scott free against the students of Howgarts, especially against Harry. Needless to say, McGonagall was grimly amused by Snape's cries of unfairness and abuse.
- Honorary Uncle: Ron and Percy called Snape "Uncle Sev", much to his mortification. And Harry calls McGonagall "Auntie Min" later on.
- Hot Teacher: Snape, after his make-over.
- Humiliation Conga: Fudge gets one of these, starting with his most trusted advisor unfurling a banner that reads, "FUDGE IS AN IDIOT."
- Hypocritical Heartwarming: It doesn't matter what Snape may call Harry or how he acts with him, if you dare to insult, abuse or bully him in any way he will rip out your own intestine and beat you with them.
- Hypocritical Humor: Voldemort calls Hermione an ABOMINATION.
- I Want Grandkids: Lily!
- If You Kill Him, You Will Be Just Like Him: Snape specifically rejects this line of reasoning in Chapter 30, when Harry expresses fear that his own desire to kill Voldemort makes him as evil as the Dark Lord.
Voldemort used to go to Muggle villages just to kill people. He sought to hurt as many people as possible. He targeted men, women, and children indiscriminately. He made no distinction between Auror and civilian. He wanted a high body count and when attacked, would use Muggles as shields. It is never
acceptable to deliberately kill people who have done you no harm and who are just going about their daily business.
Aurors, by contrast, may kill in the line of duty, but they do it to protect civilians. In the war, they did not deliberately target the children of Death Eaters, while the Dark Lord and his followers attacked many families just as he did yours. It is ridiculous to say that any death is a tragedy or that all deaths are morally equivalent. There are people who, by their own actions, deserve to die, and killing someone in order to protect yourself or the innocent, is not murder.
- Insane Troll Logic: Snape can literally count how far the IQ of his fellow teachers drops any time somebody says "Quidditch".
- As far Snape is concerned, this is how that brat's mind works all the time.
- Imagine Spot: When things get too absurd, Snape mentally pens, "Dear (magazine's advice column/Voldemort), I am currently (dealing with playing daddy to the Boy Who Lived). Would (snarky/overkill reaction) be within the norm? Is it considered poor form to cut my own throat rather than suffer through such an excruciating evening?"
- I'm a Humanitarian: McGonagall. If you use a Blood Quill on her students, anyway.
- Intergenerational Friendship: Between Harry, Sirius and Remus.
- Iron Lady: McGonagall, natch. Also Madame Bones, especially after she becomes Minister of Magic. Jones is a teenage version, to the point that Fred and George fear angering her.
- I Want My Beloved to Be Happy: Upon seeing how happy Harry is with Snape, Sirius chooses not to fight for custody.
- Kick the Son of a Bitch: What both Snape and McGonagall do to Dolores and Fudge after they try to attack Harry. While Snape managed to personally destroy Fudge's career, McGonagall takes the cake by Transfiguring and devouring Dolores alive.
- Killed Off for Real: Quirrel, Umbridge and Voldemort definitely ain't comin' back.
- Licked by the Dog: Harry's near-hero worship of Snape defrosts most other people's concerns about him.
- Little Miss Badass: Hermione.
- Ma'am Shock: Sirius is horrified when Harry call him "sir" and Mr. Black to be polite. Snape snarks that screaming at Harry and freaking out won't make him stop.
- Magnificent Bastard: It's what Slytherins aspire to be: someone who can observe and analyze a situation, then take control and use it for their own best advantage. Draco manages to live up to it when he saves Harry from a violent assault (particularly because he sensibly gets backup first rather than charge in recklessly like a Gryffindor would).
- Malaproper: Harry mixes up wizarding terms to the point of Running Gag.
- Mama Bear: At difference to her canon counterpart, McGonagall is extremely protective of her lions and she will devour you alive if you mess with them.
- Mass "Oh, Crap!" : Pretty much sums up the reaction of male upper years when they realize what spell Jones is about to use (see Groin Attack).
- Mood Whiplash: "The Case of the Mysterious Turban" quickly devolves into "Don't Get Killed by Quirrel or Voldemort."
- My Greatest Failure: It nearly broke Dumbledore when he realized Harry was afraid of him.
- Muggles Do It Hardcore: After Hermione's explanation, nobody ever doubted that Muggles are 1) Psychopaths, 2) Unyielding, 3) More Metal than the blackest black, times INFINITY.
- Just to specify, said explanation is about Hermione's parents jobs as dentists. Due to the wizarding worlds complete lack of contact with the Muggle world, mundane tasks like dentistry sounds like torture sessions since Muggles cant just magic away all their ailments. She does also get a more conventional Badass moment explaining how Muggles practice basic self defence with no magic.
- Mr. Fanservice: After being broken out of Azkaban and recuperating from 10 years of imprisonment, Sirious Black quickly regains his status as a sex icon in the wizarding world. His new "suffering the wounds of wrongful torment" story just makes him even more irresistible.
- Never Mess with Granny: McGonagall, of course. Also, Sprout.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: As much as Lucius Malfoy counts as a hero, anyway.
- Not So Above It All: Snape. Often.
- Odd Friendship: Snape strikes one up with McGonagall, Sirius, Lupin and Molly Weasley. Also Hermione with Jones and Ron with Draco.
- Oh Crap!: The two Death Eaters holding down Snape consider changing career paths when they see Harry arise from being Avada-ed.
- Papa Wolf: No matter how much Snape denies it, he would go to any length, break any rule, face the Dark Lord and Dumbledore himself without hesitation if it mean Harry's protection. Soon enough most of the Wizarding World learned not to mess with Harry.
- Lucius Malfoy is a more chilly, stern type.
- Likewise with Dumbledore. He nearly hunted down Umbridge when he found out she used a Blood Quill on Harry. Also in the prequel, his casual warning to Snape if he should ever harm a student again.
- Parental Substitute: Snape to Harry, as well as Molly and Arthur Weasley.
- Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Flitwick is considered the best duelist of the entire faculty and he demonstrated why during the last battle against the Death Eaters.
- Power of Trust: Snape finds himself simultaneously frightened and heartened by the nearly blind trust Harry has in him and annoyed by his continued attempts to live up to it.
- Psychic Nosebleed: Hermione experiences this trying to save Harry from falling to his death in chapter 26. Even still, she keeps trying.
- Refuge in Audacity: Death Eater Black Granted Asylum in Switzerland! Really, Snape?
- Running Gag: Snape's imaginary letters to various publications and people.
- Sadist Teacher: Snape tries to be this. See Stern Teacher below.
- Sesquipedalian Loquaciousness: Wizards do love their big words.
- Serious Business: Quidditch, to Snape's detriment. From forgetting that a student nearly killed himself in a broom to nearly starting a brawl in the great hall by the teachers, Quidditch certainly brings out the best and the worst of wizards.
- Servile Snarker: Snape is this to Dumbledore.
- Shout-Out: One of the books Harry picks out is titled "There and Back Again".
- Small Name, Big Ego: Lucius Malfoy.
- Snark Knight: Snape.
- Spared by the Adaptation: Dumbledore, Snape, Sirius, Lupin, Fred Weasley, Hedwig and Tonks.
- Spit Take: Snape, of all people, in response to McGonagall's "Something I ate."
- Stern Teacher: Snape ends up being this, while trying to be a Sadist Teacher. Most of his punishments are actually helpful, as Harry frequently points out. Snape constantly blames Harry and his friends for ruining his reputation.
- Surrounded by Idiots: When you get to know the point of view of Snape for all the decisions around Hogwarts, especially Potter, you can't not only sympathize but wonder how Snape hasn't just snapped already.
- Tall, Dark and Snarky: Snape again.
- They Call Me Mister Tibbs: After the Ma'am Shock above, Sirius tells Harry to address him by his name as opposed to Mr. Black.
- Too Dumb to Live: Umbridge's utter lack of self preservation when dealing with an enraged Snape and McGonagall during her "Potter Should Be Silenced" spiel ends poorly. Even Jones admits to being frightened of an angry McGonagall.
- True Companions: Harry, Ron, Hermione and Draco plus others.
- Tsundere: Take a wild guess who.
- Ugly Guy, Hot Wife: While Percy is not ugly, he is defined as plain while Jones is often described as a very beautiful, willowy... and absolutely scary witch. Like a "saner, controlled version of Bellatrix Lestrange".
- Unstoppable Rage: Snape has to be pried off of The Umbridge after the Blood Quill incident.
- Villains Act, Heroes React: Inverted. Dumbledore may be content to react but Snape acts and acts fast.
- Villainous Rescue: Slytherin, as far as Hogwarts is concerned. But say what you will about the house, when one of their "Firsties" was in trouble, literally the entire House was moved to battle in seconds. As Harry's attackers learned the hard way.
- Vitriolic Best Buds: Ron and Draco enjoy arguing.
- Water Wake Up: When Snape visits Lupin at his home when the other man is asleep, he wakes him up with a Aquamenti to the face.
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong?: with knocking off a few Death Eater relatives, Lucius? What, indeed.
- Witch with a Capital B: This story features Umbridge in all her horribleness.