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Voldemort Goes Back To School by KisaraP is a cracky Slash Fic and full retelling of The Half-Blood Prince in which Voldemort disguises himself as a transfer student named "Evan Farley" to gain access to Hogwarts in order to kill Harry Potter personally but things don't go according to plan... Hilarity Ensues.


Voldemort Goes Back To School provides examples of:

  • An Offer You Can't Refuse: When Snape catches "Evan" raiding his potion stores, "Evan" forces him to let him go without punishment or telling anyone else or a flashing neon sign reading 'Dumbledore Took My Virginity And I Liked It!' will appear on the back of Snape's trousers.
  • Bad Boss: Voldie crucios Draco when Plan B fails and Voldie is left in emotional turmoil.
  • Bad Liar: Both "Evan" and Draco are very bad liars when flustered though most of the time Harry still falls for it.
  • Because You Were Nice to Me: after Harry has sex with "Evan," Voldie doesn't want to go through with his plan to kill him.
  • Becoming the Mask: Voldemort berates himself because Plan B was supposed to be him seducing Harry, not the other way around.
  • Brain Bleach: Harry and Draco want some after imagining Harry having sex with Voldemort. "Evan" is surprised to find he's actually hurt by their reaction.
  • Broken Ace: Voldie, the poor Sociopathic Evil Overlord seems very uncomfortable with his own emotions and sexuality.
  • Dating Catwoman: Harry and Evan/Voldemort
  • Death Glare: "Evan" keeps glaring at Harry through potions class. This leads Hermione and Harry to conclude that the new kid has a crush.
  • Didn't Think This Through:
    • in a state of panic, "Evan"/Voldemort creates massive wards on an abandoned classroom door that only Dumbledore or Grindelwald could hope to break in the hopes of avoiding further interactions with Harry and Draco. He realizes the gaping flaw in his plan when he begins to worry that McGonagall might get around his wards if she were to transfigure the door into something else and as it is Harry circumvents the door and all of his carefully laid warding altogether by dropping in through the window on his broomstick. And because he's so heavily warded the door he's essentially locked himself in.
    • "Evan" antagonizes Snape, the only person who can supply him with the potions he needs, and hopes to just control him with blackmail and didn't think to obliviate him afterwards.
  • Dirty Mind-Reading: Thanks to being a natural leglimens "Evan" is privy to Draco's mental images of "the Dark Lord screwing Harry."
  • The Dog Bites Back: after "Evan" steals from Snape's potion stores and humiliates him Snape plans to sabotage him in the near future.
  • Don't You Dare Pity Me!: "Evan" gets annoyed when everyone is fussing over him in the infirmary.
  • Dramatic Irony: when Draco warns "Evan" that the Dark Lord doesn't tolerate failure.
  • Evil Duo: "Evan" and Draco.
  • Forceful Kiss: Harry in his social awkwardness decides this is the fastest way to prove whether or not Evan has a crush on him.
  • Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Draco does this to "Evan" when he's freaking out after his first encounter with Potter.
  • Go-Karting with Bowser: Harry shares the Marauder's Map with Draco when they have the common interest of finding Evan to see if he's alright.
  • Grudging "Thank You": When Draco keeps calm and comes up with Plan B "Evan" assures Draco that if he keeps up the good work and he may soon replace Lucius as the Dark Lord's right-hand man much to Draco's pride, dread, and confusion (because that would mean offing his father.)
  • Handsome Lech: Draco. When Draco sees how uncomfortable "Evan" is with anything sexual Draco comes onto him as well (initially in order to get revenge for his torturing him.)
  • The Infiltration: Voldemort at Hogwarts.
  • Interplay of Sex and Violence: Voldemort thinks Harry is waiting for him after class so that they can duel to the death and has no idea how his intense staring has been misinterpreted.
    Voldemort: This was not how wizards dueled!
  • King Incognito: "Evan" tells Draco he's on a mission from the Dark Lord but doesn't let him in on his true identity. This leads to several Right in Front of Me moments.
  • Laughing Mad: Voldie when he realizes that Potter won this round by snogging him.
  • Let's Fight Like Gentlemen: Voldemort wants to beat Harry fair and square so that no one will ever say he was bested by a child again and so waits for Harry to draw his wand so they might duel properly.
  • Living with the Villain: "Evan" with everyone at Hogwarts.
  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places: after Harry, "Evan", and Draco do it in the library Harry worries that Hermione is going to kill him.
  • Mix-and-Match Man: for his plan Voldie developed the "Evan Farley" identity by using a potion similar to polyjuice but instead of just copying the appearance of one person he creates a new identity by using several different donors.
  • My Parents Are Dead: awkward...
    Harry: Why can't you just directly ask your mother or father? You could Fire-Call them, right?
    "Evan": Oh, the reason I, uh, can't ask them, is uh, because they're both dead.
    Harry: Oh, I'm, er, so sorry. I, er, know what it's like to... not have a family.
    Draco: Nice one, Potter. I think the prize for the Gryffindor's stupidest House-member just got handed over from the Weasel to you.
  • No Escape but Down: "Evan" leaps out a fourth story window to get away from Harry and Draco.
  • No-Sell: Before his infiltration Voldemort made sure that any detection enchantments (such as the Marauder's Map) would identify him as "Evan Farley" instead of "Tom Riddle."
  • Not So Stoic: "Evan" After it hits him that he just willingly submitted to Harry and Draco he flees in terror.
  • The Twink: Voldemort. He attributes this to his new body somehow being defective and doesn't consider any alternative explanations. See You Need to Get Laid below...

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