Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre
(the original was removed from Fanfiction Dot Net
) is one of the more memorable of the over 9000 Troll Fics
that arose in the wake of My Immortal
. It is essentially Twilight
retold in a parody of Tara Gilesbie's imitatable style, from the point of view of a Mary Sue
named "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Cullen" (although she's obviously not Cullen at the beginning) who goes to High School
in "waschington" and takes the role of Bella, who's been cast in the role of a straw antagonist.
Ironically, someone wrote a werewolf and preppy version, Aurora Tha Grl Who Waz In Luuv Wik Werwolf
Compare Forbiden Fruit The Tempation Of Edward Cullen
, which, in spite of superior spelling and prose, is arguably even more outrageous.
Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre contains examples of:
- Arranged Marriage: Edward and Twila marry this way, though it is more of a "surprise marriage"
- Artistic License - Biology: Twila realizes she's "preggant" the morning after she gets laid.
- You Fail Religious Studies Forever: "a/n I DONT BELEVE IN GOD I AM N ATHEIST. i thnk saten created dis universe god bles u satan"
- Batman Gambit / Kansas City Shuffle : A failed one, when Twila goes with Ed's Dad, not to stop his "evil plan" but to make Edward jealous.
- Ballroom Blitz: Occurs when Bobby Brown crashes Twila's wedding.
- Blatant Lies: Basically all of the author's notes. ("i waz on tour wif FALLOUTBOYY becuz dey red mi story nd invited me 2 come wif them nd it wa relly kool!111")
- The Cameo: Bibby Brown, as mentioned below.
- Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: The last we see of Midnite is in Chapter 4. She becomes a brief offscreen plot point in Chapter 5, and is only vaguely mentioned in Chapters 8 and 9.
- Comically Missing the Point: "OK PPL I AM NOT A TROL!! I AM A VAMPIR OK"
- Cross Over: "Buffi the Vampir Slayer" makes an appearance for no apparent reason.
- Demonic Possession: Twila gets possessed by Satan at one point. It's Hand Waved; Satan apparently did it as a joke.
- Department of Redundancy Department: "Dis is disgusting" i said wif disgust.
- Soddenly my vision when blak nd all I could c was blakness.
- Dirty Old Man: Edward's dad pretty much instantly starts hitting on Twila after meeting her.
- Disproportionate Retribution: "Bibby Brown" comes in and calls Twila "hieneous" (probably meant to be "hideous" or "heinous"). Edward's response is to turn into a savage and try to kill him.
- Dramatic Reading: A few on Youtube.
- Dropped a Bridge on Him: In chapter 12, it is mentioned that Jacob died sadly in an "axident" which is never fully explained.
- Emo Teen: As with My Immortal, mislabeled as Goffick.
- Everything's Better With Sparkles: Averted, surprisingly considering the source.
- Extreme Omnivore: Twila, Edward, and Hamez when they eat Bella's bed after killing her.
- Expy: Considering her name (Twila Beautiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen, and Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way) and the nature of the fic, Twila's a pretty good replacement for Ebony
- Eye Scream: When Hamez appears in Twila & Edward's bedroom in the middle of the night, Ed "shine[s] his gloriosus teeth" in the intruder's face, "temporerily blind[ing him] for life".
- Fish out of Water: After causing a "diserbance" at her normal school, Twila is transferred to "Mount Saint Prepz Acadamy" (established 1847).
- Follow the Leader
- Gorn: "n blood poured out everywere n alice ate it."
- Gratuitous "Spanfish": Probably used as an homage to the Gratuitous Japanese in My Immortal.
- Heroic BSOD: Edward has one of these when Twila pretends to dump him in favor of his dad.
- Hulking Out: Happens with the vampire characters on several occasions.
- Informed Loner: Twila, who immediately befriends the Cullens despite having previously established herself as a "missenthrop".
- Jive Turkey: Found in the aforementioned Crowning Moment of Funny.
- Love at First Sight: Emmet and Gerard Way.
- Kaleidoscope Eyes: Hers are topaz and "Midnite's" are magenta.
- My Chemical Romance: It's a My Immortal spin-off, what do you expect?
- No Ending: The current posted version lacks chapters 13 and 14.
- Even in its full version, the author didn't actually finish Chapter 14 because "Swooney Toad" came on TV and she had to watch it.
- Our Vampires Are Different
- Out of Character: Like the story that inspired this one, everyone is out-of-character except the title character.
- Overly Long Name: "Twila Beatiful Psyco Topaz Cullen", and later "Twila Beautiful Psyco Topaz Sad'ness Damian Cullen"
- Product Placement: "we had berger king 4 diner"
- Psycho Lesbian: Alice toward Twila, but only in Chapter 2.
- Rouge Angles of Satin: The title is only the start.
- Shout-Out: "a/n HEZ LIK HOTSANHARU FROM FRUITY BASKET"
- Sidekick: Twila's sister "Midnite", very briefly.
- Tears of Blood: Apparently it's the blood of their victims.
- The Devil Is a Loser: It turns out that Edward's Dad is the devil, and he is repeatedly unable to get over Twila not agreeing to marry him.
- Troll Fic
- Viva Las Vegas: The characters go to "Vegass" briefly, where "Carlile" gets married to Jacob.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: Vampires can turn into bats.
- Xtreme Kool Letterz: The letter Z is often used in words that should be spelled with S.
- Yandere: Alice toward Twila in Chapter 2. Jasper, too, when he tries to make Midnight kill herself so he can pursue Twila.
- You Keep Using That Word: "omfg i would have an organism lololol"