"In the grim darkness
of the 21st century, there is only boredom."
is a Warhammer 40,000 Fan Fic
written by Rogue Psyker (aka Rogue Vector) (who also wrote Zero Shock
) which begins when Michael is dropped off at his home by his friend
, only to find that most of his house has been turned into a warzone between the various races of the 40K universe: multiple Space Marine chapters, Imperial Guard
regiments, Sisters of Battle
, Grey Knights
, and the attached elements of the Adeptus Mechanicus
, as well as the major xenos factions: Eldar, Tau and Orks. The 'twist' in this is that, for reasons that have only been hinted at to date, all of the armies and their respective weaponry, mecha, and tanks have been shrunk to the size of the miniatures from the game...but their weapons still work just fine.Hilarity Ensues
as Michael tries to cope with the miniature freeloaders in his home, and they try to cope with Michael and the concept (not to mention execution) of living peacefully with each other.
A mashup of an Elsewhere Fic
, Alternate Universe Fic
, Crack Fic
and slowly approaching Fan Verse
with the Omake chapters and the fact that there are absolutely no canon characters used, ToyHammer
is another take at the 4chan writefaggotry based around 'Mini-Hammer' style Fan Fics
, involving Fun Size
40K characters appearing and running around in Real Life
as a 'regular' human (called Terrans to differentiate them from the Fun Size
and more numerous humans) and his friends try to cope with things.
While initially the fic focused around the interactions between a full-size human having to do riot control over a large number of tiny, armed 40K soldiers, it soon shifts its focus more to the soldiers of the eternal war and their reactions to living a more peaceful life, one that doesn't involve them killing everything else. Christmas traditions, Valentines, co-existing with 'foul xenos' and 'dirty monkeys' are explored.
And then, the fun ends (and starts) with Chaos making their rude entrance
. The fic's last complete update on 5/21/2012; future updates will appear in pieces on Spacebattles
before being posted on FF.net, such as the 3/26/2013 update found here.
See Warhammer 40,000
for the tropes from that universe.
Provides Examples Of:
- Abusive Parents:
- While nothing is said of his mother, Michael's father was stated to have left marks on him.
- Batel's father is just short of explicitly abusive. After all, he drove Batel to summoning Chaos just to try and get rid of him...
- Turned up to eleven in the chapter where he becomes a daemonhost and Batel is physically unable to move from the terror of facing him again.
- Accidental Pervert:
- The Warp Spider Urual in the first Omake, who managed to teleport himself into the bathing pool full of naked Howling Banshees. Hilarity Ensues.
- Michael tends to get hit with this a lot whenever the facet of Zara's psyche that stores all her emotions shows up, since she's got a habit of glomping him and cuddling in a way that's very easy for the rest of Zara's psyche to over-analyze.
- Action Girl: A given, considering their origins... and most of the female cast, which is definitely not such a given.
- Action Survivor: Michael, Vincent, Alice and Batel...which is rather funny considering that all 4 of them are literal giants (say, Eva-scale) when compared to the miniatures.
- Aerith and Bob: Given the mix of races, this is par for the course: normal human names like Alice and Vincent; 40K human variants like Ishabeth, Tomas and Eizak, and of course, Sohm Vekt; Madork Gunna (Ork) and Shas'ui D'lytir Nin'per (aka Sergeant Talon) (Tau).
- Aesop: Do not touch tanks, or their gunners will shoot you. This leads to...
- Aesop Amnesia: Vincent is shot by a tank gunner (with 'low setting' on their multi-las) for treating the tank like a toy. He forgets it by the next thought: "Cool, Land Raider."
- Affably Evil: The Rose of Slaanesh when attempting to recruit Michael. It goes down exactly the same way you think it does-what with the Rose being a follower of Slaanesh; Too Kinky to Torture AND a Vamp.
- All There in the Manual: Several of the the odder characters have descriptions in the author's personal forum on Fanfiction.net. There are also some hints as to what's to come.
- Almighty Janitor:
- And You Were There: Michael has a dream where Zara is his girlfriend, Emma is Zara's baby sister, and many of the Imperial commanders are friends and coworkers. It turns out to be a ruse from the Rose of Slaanesh.
- Apocalypse Maiden: The Cultist may be going this way.
- Apologetic Attacker: Batel really doesn't want to gut you like a fish...unless you're her stepfather. Then all bets are off.
- Ascended Extra: Quite a few; many of the secondary characters have gone from Flat Characters who were added as padding to actual characters with Character Development and a dose of Badass.
- The Atoner: Comes with the job description of being a Penitent Witch for Batel.
- Audience Surrogate: This role is passed around between Alice, Michael and Vincent, giving different perspectives and opinions: Alice does not enjoy the fact that there's miniature warriors running around. Vincent is on full out Squee because of it. Michael is trying to deal with it.
- Author Avatar: Vincent, per Word of God.
- Back from the Dead: Eizak, with an absolutely delicious one-liner; (Answering whether the Last Rites should be administered) "That will not be necessary."
- Badass Army: >90% of the characters in the story belong to at least one Badass Army or another.
- Badass Boast: More than a few of these. For example:
- Badass Bookworm: Vincent kind of plays this straight, since he's a military otaku with lots of spare time and Youtube. Averts I Just Shot Marvin in the Face because of this. However, Vincent then semi-subverts this since he's not at all fit (A quick run from one side of a parking lot to the other? Exhausting enough to get him mildly out of breath) and gets his ass handed to him by the Daemonhost.
- Battle Couple:
- Justicar Amadeus and Canoness Samisha are definitely headed this way. Their parting gesture when about to head into battle? A knuckle tap. Others are starting to form, but whether its an actual couple or not is up to debate.
- The Stealthsuit team from the Valentines Omake are a Battle Foursome.
- Possibly Danilov and Raquel.
- Battle in the Center of the Mind: The Mind War arc is all about this.
- Beta Couple: Several Token Romances are the background.
- Big Damn Heroes: Emma during the battle with the forces of Chaos. Spectacularly so.
- Blessed with Suck / Cursed with Awesome: Turns out, both Michael and his sister are psykers.
- Bonus Material: Actually called Omake chapters, these are semi-related chapters presented as one-shot gag shorts, especially with the main story taking the Darker and Edgier track.
- Bring My Brown Pants: Doubles with Brown Note when the forces of Chaos realize that their former Emperor has joined the battle.
- Calling the Old Man Out: Batel vs Ryan. Ready... FIGHT!
- Cerebus Syndrome: Starts setting in around chapter 8, although it doesn't lose the comedic elements.
- Chunky Salsa Rule: Used whenever bolt weapons are involved.
- Click Hello: Tomas, using a Hell-Pistol.
- Combat Pragmatist:
- Vincent's first weapon? A can of spaghetti. Followed by a bag of flour, which is then turned into an improvised explosive. Silverite is also this, with his backstory.
- Also; given a choice between a lightsaber, a chainsword, a psychic sword, a spear and every other weapon imaginable, what does Michael pick? A fire extinguisher.
- Which really came in handy when his opponent started using fire-ball attacks.
- Michael, in the Mind War arc, goes beyond the regular summoned small arms that's the local fare, and begins breaking out the laser-linked gatling weapons for crowd control.
- Michael even uses himself against The Rose: sneezing on her face as a distraction, biting her tongue when she is trying to kiss him, as well as a list of other solutions to some very...uncomfortable situations.
- Contest Winner Cameo: Kinda, since its more 'thanks for a critique', although many characters (such as Trooper Sohm Vekt, Madork Gunna, Miles Henderson and Silverite, to name a few), are actually expanded upon to become AscendedExtras in the omake chapters or in the main plot.
- Conveniently an Orphan: Averted, in that while Michael does live alone in a big house, its because of his grandfather's will - his family is still alive and well, with both parents alive.
- Cosmic Plaything: Batel's claim to The Woobie status is her being the Chaos Gods' bitch and her father's... uh... plaything. Michael and the rest may or may not be part of a plan of some kind.
- Creepy Child: Subverted by Emma in ch. 20; see The Reveal below.
- Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass: Silverite.
It was the strangled, near-panic cry of one of his men, “Brother Timmae“, and it was soon followed by the dakka dakka dakka of Silverite's twin bolters
. Of course, that didn't last long until a roaring Ork stopped the firing. A series of crunches and another dakka followed
. The Ork's voice was next heard whimpering for mercy.
Justicar Amadeus gnashed his teeth. Near heretical he may be, but Silverite was not a coward nor incompetent.
- The named Grey Knights tend to be CMHBs or inverted; the three Grey Knights in Chapter 23 are more Crouching Badass Hidden Morons, since they are extremely badass but with a hint of moron (like feeding a normal human Space Marine-grade alcohol. For them its 'tipsy'. For Michael, its 'almost dead from alcohol poisoning'.)
- Cry Cute: Of all people, Little!Zara.
- Curb-Stomp Battle: Batel vs the Daemonhost. Also a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.
- Cute Clumsy Girl: Little!Zara and Ishabeth.
- Cute Little Fangs: Batel has either these or the not-so-cute variety depending on whether or not she's suffering from Demonic Possession.
- Dark Action Girl: The Rose is a scarily competent one.
- Demonic Possession: Batel's step-father becomes a daemonhost.
- Although this may also extend into More Than Mind Control, if one listens to the Sorcerer's threats in Chapter 20.
- Double Entendre: Put to glorious use by the Rose. To note: "She tried to jump on me!" "You could've said you liked being on top."
- Demoted to Extra: Poor Necrons, right after their awakening, they're greeted with equivalent of 1.7 kiloton raw C4 explosion inside a giant mining cave the size of starship hangar. Nothing out of the ordinary considering how resilient they are compared to the rest, but still...
- Distracted by the Sexy: Zigzagged since Michael does get distracted-as in the fight with not-Zara-but manages to shake himself free with outbursts of activity-voluntarily or otherwise, like sneezing from the Rose's perfume and biting tongue while she's trying to kiss him.
- Enemy Mine: In chapter 20, the Orks actually team up with Order to fight the Chaos incursion. The Assault Marine commander even lampshades this, rationalizing that Orks team up with Order because everyone else will be there, while Chaos troops will be only available for a limited time.
- Evil Counterpart:
- A lot of the Imperials have these in the Chaos forces.
- The Rose is played up as one for Batel.
- Evil Laugh: The Chaos Sorcerer is not a nice man.
- Evil Sounds Deep:
- The Daemonhost pulls this, along with Voice of the Legion levels of distortion.
- Averted with The Rose, who has a very soft, seductive voice.
- Evil Twin: Although not an actual evil twin sibling, the not!Zara comes real close. Comes with False Crucible.
- Exactly What It Says on the Tin: Bows of Frustrationnote
- Expospeak Gag: "A lot of the crystalline data storage structures also seem to be irrecoverably damaged." = "We ruined his DVDs."
- After watching Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back, Yoza becomes one of Yoda, intentionally. When the going gets tough, he drops the act.
- A young woman who dual-wields two BFGs, one of which has an extended barrel and scope. Meryl from MGS, anyone?
- Cultist-chan/Batel's appearance and speech patterns are taken from the /tg/ Fanon.
- Briefly appearing (and seen but not named in later chapters), the Space Marines Dreadnought is the same as Fanon's Tankred.
- False Crucible: Teaching Michael that daemons will come at him in any shape and form, even the bitchy Tsundere
- Fang Thpeak: Batel
- Fantastic Racism: Par for the course at the start of the fic, but gradually diminishes as the factions learn to co-exist in Michael's house, and eventually team up for various reasons. They aren't completely comfortable around each other, but they've realized that given the circumstances, it's far better that they all work together.
- Fan Verse: ToyHammer, The Enoch File, and Tomas Sturm are all connected. (Commissar Enoch was a classmate of Commissar Tomas Sturm, and the same Tomas is the IG Regimental Commissar in ToyHammer).
- Fastball Special: Used by Silverite and some Orks.
- Femme Fatale: The Rose of Slaanesh. What, did you think her name was just for show?
- Fish out of Temporal Water: Every miniature in the story.
- Five-Man Band:
- Funetik Aksent: The Orks, obviously.
- Fun Size: All the minis and the Emperor as well.
- Gangsta Style: Attempted, but the pistol stovepiped.
- Genre Shift: From a whimsical Gag Series to a more serious and Crazy Awesome (but still funny) epic tale that twists the canon while still respecting it, showing us what happens when the more reasonable minds of the Grim Dark future try to co-exist.
- Goomba Stomp: Assault Marines are now trained in it. They used to not do it, preferring to land in front of the enemy and charge from there, but then one marine realized "Hey, I'm nearly a ton of armor, marine, and the Emperor's Fury, and I'm launching myself really high in the air. What happens if I land on the enemy?" After the squishy end result, this became standard practice.
- Grammar Nazi: Used by Michael to piss off The Sorcerer.
"YOU DARE STRIKE ME!? WHAT ARE YOU TO DO? WHAT WEAPON SHALL YOU FACE ME WITH!?"
"Uh, buddy, you just ended a sentence with a preposition."
- Gratuitous Indonesian: Vincent commonly swears in Indonesian, since it's his native language.
- Heel-Face Turn: Batel, sort of, since she wasn't quite a heel in the first place.
- Horde of Cerebus: The Forces of Chaos, when summoned.
- Huge Guy, Tiny Girl: Michael to Zara. Somewhere between 5'6"-6' compared to 0'2". Inverted when Zara shows up at her true height inside Michael's head.
- I Call It "Vera":
- Grey Knight Silverite named his Guns Akimbo BFGs 'Facebreaker' and 'Mr. Right'. Facebreaker lives up to its name.
- Michael's weapon of choice is a fire extinguisher, which are called Big Red # (# being the number that he's at. With the Valentine's Day Omake, its currently at 7.)
- Vincent wields number 11 in Chapter 19.
- Imperator Ex Machina: Quite literally with Emma's intervention in chapter 20, considering who and what she is.
- Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: Referenced in the "Ordo Vermin" Omake.
- Ineffectual Sympathetic Villain: Hilariously done with the Chaos Sorcerer. He's not exactly ineffective at what he does, but you have to feel bad for him when he gets continuously interrupted in the middle of his hammy-as-hell "I'm totally going to kill you" speech by quips from Michael's forces-at one point by a friggin' AXE.
- Interface Screw:
- Da WAAAAGH!!! and Madork Gunna's gun do this to the formatting. Lampshaded.
- As does Michael becoming drunk or knurd.
- Klatchian Coffee: Literally. Michael is given some Klatchian coffee after experiencing 'Space Marine'-grade alcohol, and then causes some Interface Screw when he stopsusingspaceslikethistoshowhthesideeffectsofthecoffee.
- Large Ham: Any and all factions, as gloriously experienced back in the source universe for this story. But the Chaos Sorcerer seems to steal 40 minced-ham pies when he gets pissed off. Michael and Vincent also seem to be growing to enjoy the taste of scenery as well.
I HAVE KILLED MILLIONS! SET WHOLE WORLDS TO THE TORCH! BILLIONS HAVE COWERED BEFORE ME AS I DESTROYED THEIR CHAMPIONS! YET, YOU MOCK ME!?
- Lighter and Softer: Very much so in comparison to the source material. All the human, Eldar, Tau, and even (to some extent) Ork characters seen so far are decent people who actually care about their fellow soldiers and are even willing to ally with xenos once they start getting adjusted to living in Michael's house.
- Little Miss Snarker: Emma, of all people. She apparently enjoys being this.
- Made of Iron: The little soldiers obviously aren't as durable in their miniature state, but they're still pretty hard to squish.
- Masquerade: Michael tries to keep one up, but real people keep seeing through it.
- Meaningful Name: A coincidence, and a few purposeful ones:
- 'Vincent' means 'conqueror', and he later becomes the Supporting Leader (kind of).
- Batel is a Hebrew name for 'Daughter of God'. Which God is still questionable since she was once a Chaos cultist.
- We also have Miles, which means 'Soldier'. The guy was a combat engineer.
- 'Shas'ui Fi'rios Yon'anuk Eldi'myr' = Fire-caste veteran trooper of the Fi'rios colony, hunter-bird winged-knife' = 'Sergeant Talon of Fi'rios'. The author is showing his work here.
- "The Rose". She wants to suck out your soul (amongst other things) and sacrifice you to the God of Pleasure (not a euphemism). She's also incredibly hot.
- Modern Major General: Imperial Guard General Faust. He's really good at logistics and organization; combat, not so much.
- Mood Whiplash:
- Played for laughs at the end of Chapter 23. Michael has just been dragged off by a Slaaneshi cultist with a heavy rose theme, and promptly whiplashes into absurdity when his nose starts sniffling from his hay-fever.
- Continually through chapter 24. Especially when the Rose goes from cheerfully teasing Michael to slitting the throat of a young girl (thankfully it was only a memory mannequin) within the space of two paragraphs.
- Morality Pet: Michael may in fact be this for the minis, since there's no other reason to not fight each other than the fact that Michael is around to keep them from doing so. Oh, and this pet's of the 'cat' stereotype with a fire extinguisher.
- More Dakka:
- Orks. 'nuff said.
- A possible Chekhov's Gun is the gun club Michael has connections with, gives us a potential increase in Dakka if implemented.
- Michael has the Grey Knights materialize a dozen Sentry Turrets from Modern Warfare 2 and has them all blazing at full-auto at an advancing pack of daemons. The front ranks evaporate.
- Morton's Fork: In ch. 33, this is revealed to be the reason the Emperor allowed the Horus Heresy and its aftermath to play out as it did - all the alternatives would've been worse, some much sooner than later.
- Mr. Exposition: Vincent. Named as such in-universe.
- Mundane Utility: Some of the minis, mostly the various scout units, help Micheal with his day job as an exterminator. Several Omakes focus on this.
- My Little Panzer: Played with, the minis are exactly the same size as their toy counterpart, but not only they're durable (accounting their armor at least) but are certainly dangerous due to fully functional weaponry. Even more literal with their tanks, especially after retooled to accept 'real' cartridge (read: Titan small arms ammunition), and Tau railguns are noted to be a s strong as decent rifle.
- Noodle Incident: Just how did Vincent and Alice get subdued by a coalition army that had trouble handling ONE human?
- We do know, however, that they fired an anti-tank rocket as a 'warning shot'... at Vincent's face.
- Normally, I Would Be Dead Now: A variant.
Normally, I'd be dumbstruck, but since the Grey Knight had been kind enough to give me a four-line rhyming warning, I reacted.
- Nosebleed: When Warp Spider Urual accidentally teleports in on the Howling Banshees' bathtime.
Urual coughed. Blood leaked from his nose, yet he had never been struck in that whole time.
- Oh, Crap:
- Michael, when he is found with little!Zara in a very intimate embrace by the Banshee!Zara, Warlock!Zara and Avatar!Zara.
- The Chaos soldiers also experience this (partly literally) when Emma shows up.
- Oh, No... Not Again!: Michael, Urual to blacking out.
- Oneof Us: A few trope names (Batel is noted to be an Expy) are dropped. Not really surprising, considering that Vincent, the Author Avatar, is egregiously stated to be Oneof Us.
- Percussive Maintenance: Epitomized by Ad-Mech Cogboys.
Eldar Bonesinger: I do wonder, mon-keigh, is how are you able to simply hit the thing and make it work?
Cogboy: It may take two seconds to learn how to hit a machine, xenos, but it takes two decades to learn where to hit a machine.
- Poke in the Third Eye Michael gets one when he accidentally gets a front row seat to a Chaos summoning.
- Power Trio:
- Power Perversion Potential: Explored with Butt Monkey Warp Spider Urual. Not that he did it on purpose-but you have to imagine what a Slaaneshi would do for his jump pack.
- Pre Ass Kicking One Liner:
- Precision F-Strike: Used by Michael and Vincent.
- Rape as Backstory: Heavily implied with Batel and almost stated word to word in case of Rose.
- Reality Ensues:
- A semi-reclusive artist (who had just had his legs sprayed by miniature machine guns) and a nerd run across a parking lot while being chased by an Apologetic Attacker with a daemonically possessed Knife Nut. They're out of breath by the time they've gone halfway. Knife Nut is just about at their heels.
- Also, when the poser gangsta tries shooting his Colt .45 Gangsta Style and it 'jams' (it actually stovepipes), he tosses it away as useless. When the Badass Bookworm gets a hold of it, guess what?
- Reality Warper: Michael, in the mindscape. Temporarily, though.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Justicar Amadeus and Grey Knight Silverite. Also a Boke and Tsukkomi Routine.
- The Reveal: Remember that Creepy Child Michael met in the supermarket? She's THE FREAKIN' GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND.
- Rule 34: Mentioned.
- Running Gag:
- Sad Clown: Vincent's coping mechanism when he's being attacked by a Daemonhost and the forces of Chaos.
- Security Cling:
- When Tomas saves Ishabeth from her Chaotic counterpart, it's hard to see her hug as anything else.
- Enforced with Batel, by Michael, who physically drags Vincent so that he would be on the receiving end of that particular Security Cling.
- Self-Insert Fic: Vincent is a direct self-insert of the author, but rather than being a Marty Stu, this Self Insert is a rather Squee-prone otaku who starts off with only ONE appearance in the first eight to ten chapters, but soon builds himself up to become the Supporting Leader as Michael and his friends answer The Call.
- Sexy Santa Dress: Used in the Christmas Omake, especially the one made entirely of red and white ribbons.
- Shipper on Deck: If chapter 26 is anything to go by, Michael ships Vincent and Batel.
- Shout-Out: Now has its own page.
- Shrinking Violet:
- Alice started out as one, but isn't anymore.
- Batel is her replacement.
- Slasher Smile:
- Batel the Chaos Cultist pulls a jagged-toothed version of this during her desperate attack on Michael and co.
- As does the False Zara.
- The Daemonhost as well.
- Sturgeon's Law : Mentioned.
- Supporting Leader: Vincent is becoming this, with him 'commanding' the various armies when they get attacked in Chapter 19.
- Sure, Let's Go with That: This line: "Yeah...a warning shot, right?"
- Terms of Endangerment: Zara repeatedly calls Michael 'mon-keigh' (Eldar term for 'human'). This is the first hint that the Zara mind-shadow is not the real Zara, when she uses his name and 'my dear' to refer to him.
- That Came Out Wrong:
- Meta-example. Jeremiah asks Tomas, "You got krak!?" He's asking for Krak-type anti-tank grenades, not the drug.
- Again with Zara, when she screams "I DO NOT WEAR PANTIES!". She actually has a 'combat membrane', possibly something like a plugsuit, which leaves no room for underwear, but still...
- There Is Only One Bed: Basically why Michael wakes up one morning with Emma a.k.a.: The God-Emperor of Man in his bed: She was cold, and none of the other options were available (no room, too short to reach, or covered by more firepower than she was comfortable with)...and she explicitly admits that she did that to Troll him as well.
- This Is My Room: Each of the factions have claimed their own territory. The Sisters of Battle in the attic (inside of two old-school doll houses that are now abbeys). The Guard have a bedroom to share with the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Inquisition. The Space Marines have a bedroom too, with their own Adeptus Mechanicus forces as well as the majority of the vehicles. The Orks have the basement. The Tau are stuffed in a corner of the living room. The Eldar have the downstairs bathroom, and have only just figured out what the 'convenient landing pad' was used for.
- Too Kinky to Torture: The Rose. Ohhhh...yes. She gets asked to fuck a chainsword. Her answer? "I'd be delighted to."
- Trademark Favorite Food: Commissar Tomas loves his coffee.
- Trolling: Emma likes to do this. In a MASSIVE one to Justicar Amadeus:
Amadeus: Are you the Emperor? I could swear that you are... well, perhaps a previous incarnation?
Emma: No. I am not the Emperor.
He sighed. So it wasn't true. Somehow, the Knight must have bee-
- Beautifully lampshaded in the chapter's title- Deus Ex Psyche
- There's also her teasing/flirting with Michael. She might be the Immortal God-Emperor of Mankind, but in the current era she inhabits the body of an eleven year old girl. Cue jokes about being Michael's kid in the next life, his future wife etc...
- Troperrific: There's an astonishingly large amount of Shout Outs, Lampshade Hanging and Leaning on the Fourth Wall for a house that almost gets burnt down with every chapter (even in the omakes). **To quote Zara: As Michael would say- "Oh, Crap"...
- Unfazed Everyman: Michael, and also Vincent (his reaction to a 1/56 scale army capable of massive destruction? Nerdgasm.)
- The Vamp: The Rose tries to be one, but fails utterly when she picked the one flower that Michael was allergic to as her theme flower.
- Warrior Poet: The Grey Knights are fond of this.
- Wham Episode: Chapters 8-12. Chaos is here.
- When She Smiles:
- Little!Zara, who combines it with Security Cling and Cry Cute.
- Any of the other traumatized girls and boys in the story.
- With Due Respect
- X Meets Y: The Indian in the Cupboard (or Small Soldiers) meets Warhammer 40,000.
- Zara again. Vaporizes the Rose with a bolt of lightning whilst the cultist was mid-kiss with Michael. To be fair, the Rose is a Chaos-worshipper...except her immediate remark to Michael is "Ah, you survived."
- Aaaaaannnndd of course The Rose is as well. Turns out she has something of a Berserk Button in that she actually starts trying to kill Michael after seeing Zara and him hugging, despite the fact that she reacts good-naturedly to each and every attempt of her victim to murder her beforehand. And when she finally gets her hands on him she threatens him with a knife whilst masturbating the pommel of a goddamned sword
- Your Other Left: Used by Jeremiah.
"Sergeant! Pass me some krak grenades. The ones on your left...no, your other left! Up two grenades, and your other left one. Yes, those."