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"A missive to the Gotei 13 from Yamamoto."

Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflies is a Bleach Fan Fic by Mistress Nika.

It is a Crack Fic that is written in list-type format depicting the numerous things that are considered "objectionable behavior" performed by shinigami, posted in the barracks of each division on a daily basis to incite some form of public humiliation. Instead, it is considered a source of deep amusement and gossip, with the occupants of the list attempting to outdo themselves regularly. Therefore as time went on the guidelines became more... outlandish.

Warning: Do not eat food or drink while reading this Fanfic. It will not end well.


Tropes:

  • Accidental Hero: Omaeda didn't intentionally go out to stop Gin entrancing most of the female shinigami by streaking by going streaking himself. Still Yamamoto does thank him for discouraging a mass defection of female shinigami with his own nudity.
  • Accidental Marriage: Ichigo and Aizen. It was Gin's fault.
  • A God Am I:
    • Thanks to running off with "The Unholy Alliance of White-Haired Pretty Boys," Hitsugaya now believes he is the reincarnation of a dragon god, going as far as to use his Bankai to perform miracles. He also asked Rukia to become his high priestess.
    • This happens among the cast enough that Yamamoto believes that being given power in a division inspires most to go mad with power. While not specifically stated, he likely wants to nip the bud of calling the Seiretei Mt. Olympus or actively comparing Zarakai and Kyoraku to Aries and Dionysus respectively to prevent the spreading of further god complexes as much as possible to retain some sanity among the upper ranks.
  • All Women Are Lustful: The perverted antics in this fic are by no means limited to the men.
  • Animal-Eared Headband: Gin has taken to wearing bunny ears, a bunny tail, and absolutely nothing else.
  • Anything but That!: Yamamoto promises to give the Vizards an official apology, publically and in writing, along with 100 years worth of back wages but for the love of god he does not want them joining the thirteenth and three quarters division! They end up joining anyway.
  • Army of Thieves and Whores: The more the fic goes on, the more the Gotei 13 resembles this.
  • Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: For whatever reason, Mayuri turned several members of the thirteenth and three quarters division into kaiju.
  • Back from the Dead: Ulquiorra, courtesy of Orihime's powers.
  • Bad Boss: For all of the madness that Yamamoto has to clean up, he can at least order the Gotei 13 to behave. The same cannot be said of the lower ranked Shinigami, who are made to mate with ostriches, beaten up by Zaraki, tormented by Yachiru, thrown into hell, have their genders changed, thrown into mobs with a desire to kill them even before an announced prize on their heads without their weapons, and otherwise abused by their leaders without any recourse unless Yamamoto tells their superiors to knock it off.
  • Bait-and-Switch: Yamamoto occasionally pulls these with his reprimands if the victim of the day deserved it (usually Aizen).
  • Belligerent Sexual Tension:
    • Byakuya and Ichigo's... "explosive" relationship prior to becoming intimate makes Rukia believe that Ichigo will have an epic romance with Aizen. Yamamoto shoots this down, pointing out Ichigo isn't even that antagonistic towards Aizen.
    • They end up getting married. Blame Gin.
  • Bestiality Is Depraved:
    • Mayuri forces several of his subordinates to dress up as birds and mate with ostriches to try and create chocobos.
    • Zaraki is noted to have once said that "a cat is fine too" should he ever be very drunk and horny, which was used as a warning aimed at Yoruichi and Urahara.
  • Beware the Nice Ones: Ukitake is normally a pretty chill captain who doesn't cause intentional trouble, but on occasion he will partake in the chaos and show he can create just as much chaos as his fellow captains. At one point he tells Kiyone and Sentaro that someone made him cry, unleashing Zaraki level destruction from the two in the process.
  • Beyond the Impossible: Yamamoto didn't think Zaraki could be any more terrifying. Then Renji introduced him to KISS and he got his face painted that way. For which Renji's pay was suspended for a few weeks.
  • Big Bad: There's a license. Aizen's was expiring. In practice, most of the insanity is Gin's, and to a degree Rukia's and Momo's, handiwork.
  • Blatant Lies: Tends to happen any time the characters actually bother to try to justify their actions. They also tell each other Blatant Lies just to see the results.
  • Brick Joke: After threatening Gin with the lemurs, Yamamoto intends to sic them on Momo unless she returns to therapy.
    • In Chapter 16, Zaraki tries to replace the bells in his hair with Christmas lights that play 'Carol of the Bells'. In chapter 27 (the Christmas chapter), Yamamoto gives him permission to wear them during the season when it's appropriate.
  • Bullying a Dragon: Both Gin and Mayuri have paid the price for trying to mess with Ichigo.
  • Bunny-Ears Lawyer:
    • In the Gotei 13 this is about the nicest thing you can say for a sizable amount of the members between the very few sane employees and the utterly horrible ones. They are all talented and skilled, (from Soifon's stealth skills allowing her to sneak crocodiles into baths undetected to Zarakai's fierce fighting abilities and ability to terrify the enemy) but are batshit insane and taxing to deal with at the best of times.
    • Speaking of those two, both are them are good case studies in the better end of the frequently mentioned Shinigami in the lists. Soifon is quick to retaliate for any perceived slights and her relationship with Yoruichi can and will cause her to act against Yamamoto's direct interests (or even attack him to replace him with Yoruichi if sufficiently intoxicated), but when Yoruichi isn't present, or when Yoruichi is back in the fold as co-captain alongside Soifon, Soifon does her role as scout fairly effectively when it comes to gathering information and only doesn't assassinate more targets because the list would be less funny that way. She's even considered more valuable than many of her fellow captains because she's only partially insane. Meanwhile Zaraki's canon characterization is basically some murder hobo given power because he's a one man-war machine, and he's not any less of a murder hobo in this story, just with more of an interest in sex than he shows in canon. Zaraki is still one of the more productive captains in actually doing things against Aizen, like clotheslining Gin to stop his antics or leading the 11th division to attack Aizen, whereas many of the other characters in story seem to be too busy trying to push their luck with Yamamoto.
  • But Not Too Bi: Downplayed. Ichigo is a shameless manwhore on a normal day, and won't hesitate to make out with anyone of any gender. All of his more significant romances however (Byakuya, Ukitake, and Grimmjow) are with the same sex.
  • Butt-Monkey:
    • Komamura, to Yachiru.
    • Aizen. Anything that causes him discomfort, pain, or humiliation (usually all three), Yamamoto usually gives a pass on. From having most of his army defect because of their collective attraction to Ichigo, to being usurped as the ruler of Hueco Mundo by Orihime of all people, to outright losing the war because Gin got Aizen drugged and Ichigo drunk in Vegas, had them get married, and then convinced them that the marriage license was legal even in Soul Society.
  • Card-Carrying Villain: The trope title is dropped when Yamamoto has to tell Aizen that kidnapping female Shinigami and tying them to rail road tracks doesn't make him one.
  • Chainsaw Good: Kira's reaction to someone bad mouthing the third division is to pull out a chainsaw and give it a few revs.
  • Character-Magnetic Team: The Thirteenth and Three-Quarters Division, lead by Captain Ichigo Kurosaki. It should be noted than anybody who is anything other than a pure shinigami (Vizard, Quincy, Arrancar, Hollow) gets sent there. Any seated officer from another division that qualifies does double duty.
  • Chew Bubblegum: Isshin enters battle with this phrase. Yamamoto promises to give him some bubblegum if he behaves.
  • Comedic Sociopathy: Everyone. And when we say everyone, we mean everyone.
  • Crazy Enough to Work: Gin ends the Winter War by drugging Aizen, capturing Ichigo and forcing them to get married in Vegas. Yamamoto applauds and honors him for it.
  • Cute and Psycho: Himamori. A small, sweet girl who collects skulls, dressed them up like Aizen, and talks to them. Some skulls weren't skulls when she found them...
  • Dating Catwoman: Ulquiorra and Orihime, Yoruichi and Soifon, and Rangiku and Gin. Sometimes Yoruichi arranges invasions of Seireitei to sneak off with Soifon, and Gin never lets being one of Soul Society's most wanted stop him from anything, least of all dating Rangiku.
  • Distracted by the Sexy: A Wardrobe Malfunction on Rangiku's part leads to the death of several Shinigami in the middle of a battle.
  • Don't Ask, Just Run: Ichigo advises his division to ignore what Yamamoto says unless he's telling them to run, because if he is saying that then there's generally a very good reason.
  • Doomy Dooms of Doom: Renji refers to anything he doesn't know as "Doomy dooms". Yamamoto tells him not too, even if something does look particularly doomy.
  • The Dreaded:
    • Aizen calls Orihime the "Great and Fearsome Queen of Hueco Mundo" for reasons the readers can only speculate on.
    • Yachiru, though that's to be expected. The idea of her unlocking Bankai caused a massive exodus of terrified Shinigami fleeing Soul Society.
    • Mayuri takes pride in the fact that other shinigami run screaming at the sight of him.
    • Zaraki, to whom the idea of using as a punishment via 'training' with has been the subject of Yamamoto's ire and is the one that Yamamoto threatens to send at Urahara instead of Soifon. This terror is up to eleven when Zaraki is wearing face paint or reward stickers.
  • Dude, Not Funny!: Subverted in-universe and lampshaded. Byakuya's new subordinate was indeed named Hisana, but it wasn't that Hisana. Understandably, they opt to give her to Kyoraku instead once it becomes clear that he can't handle having her around.
  • Eldritch Abomination: Mentioned in the Halloween chapter, capitalization included.
  • Elvis Lives: Actually he doesn't, but Yumichika likes to sneak him into the World of the Living, and sometimes humans notice.
  • Everyone Is Bi: Of all the characters who have been mentioned with sexual behaviors, a majority of them have had comments with both sexes in some way, with exceptions up to and including Soifon.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: Ichigo will sleep with anything, whenever his standards are low (Are they ever high?)
  • Extreme Omnivore: Yachiru has taken to snacking on Hell Butterflies. She also at one point ate from a jar full of goo that she claimed was Mayuri's liquid form.
  • Face Doodling: Yachiru likes to go to the Fourth Division and draw genitalia on the faces of recovering Shinigami.
  • Fan Disservice:
    • When Gin runs naked through Seireitei, Omaeda also strips and joins him. Yamamoto forbids him from doing that again, although he did admit that it was an effective deterrence to the female Shinigami following Gin.
    • Ikkaku at one point tries to make naked wrestling teams. Yamamoto warns him that if he doesn't knock it off, Yamamoto will show up to try out, in "uniform".
  • Fate Worse than Death:
    • After his defeat, Aizen, instead of complete obliteration of his soul, will instead become Yachiru's new playmate.
    • Of course, that all became nixed once Orihime took over Hueco Mundo and made him her vassal, aptly named "Aizen-puppy."
    • Nixed again, now that Gin arranged for him and Ichigo to have a Las Vegas wedding and convinced the two of them it was valid even in Soul Society.
  • Flanderization: As you continue reading, you'll notice that the guidelines become more... outlandish, with each chapter. This was most likely deliberate.
  • For Halloween, I Am Going as Myself: Despite his appearance, Komamura is not allowed to go as himself for Halloween. Mayuri, on the other hand, is (because he had tried to incorporate squid DNA into himself as a costume first and Yamamoto would rather not deal with that).
  • Freudian Threat: Yamamoto decrees that Isshin is no longer allowed to breed after his daughters visit the Gotei 13, and makes it clear that he will enforce that with scalpels if he has too.
  • Friendly Enemy:
    • Aizen, more aptly called "Aizen-puppy," when he became subordinate to the "Great and Fearsome Queen of Hueco Mundo," aka Orihime. Then he got forcibly married to Ichigo and became a non-threat.
    • Gin in the earlier chapters. He never seemed to leave, and spent as much time in Soul Society as he did in Hueco Mundo. It eventually led to him being reinstated as Captain of the Third Division due to the fact he did all the paperwork. Zaraki's too.
  • Friends with Benefits: Possibly Ichigo's relationship with his various conquests, since several of them are otherwise in committed relationships.
  • George Jetson Job Security: Ichigo has been fired or declared an enemy of the Gotei 13 at least twice, but Yamamoto ultimately has to bring him back on their side or give him his full captain job by the next chapter or even in the same chapter. Similarly, despite Soifon replacing the eleventh division with trained apes and Yamamoto coming around to the idea by next chapter the eleventh is back to normal, despite some implications later that the apes are still present (just presumably as part of the division instead of their replacements).
  • Girl on Girl Is Hot: This is why Yamamoto can't send Soifon to kill Urahara when the exiled mad scientist annoys him. It's not said explicitly, but it is clear that the minute Soifon shows up to kill Urahara Yoruichi will 'distract' Soifon and Urahara gets a show instead of an assassination. Yamamoto rectifies this, when he catches why the original threat didn't work, by threatening to send Zaraki instead, drunk and sexually aroused.
  • Giving Up on Logic:
    • When it comes to the Gotei 13, sanity is a commodity that only Yamamoto can afford, and he has long since adapted in order to maintain it.
    • Chojiro and Sajin are sane too. Unsurprisingly, both are Butt-Monkeys.
  • Godiva Hair: Nemu tried going as Lady Godiva for Halloween, but her hair wasn't long enough, as Yamamoto was willing to point out.
  • Grievous Harm with a Body: This is Grimmjow's default tactic for whenever he loses his zanpakuto.
  • Hated by All: Mayuri. While some do find his scientific acumen useful for their shenanigans, for the most part he's universally despised and disliked for being an amoral, creepy, clown-faced sociopathic Mad Scientist. It's telling that when he was considering an initiative to have two Captains for every Division, Yamamoto opted to have Urahara outright replace Mayuri when the former decided he wanted to come back to Soul Society instead making them co-taichos like everyone else.
  • He's Back!: Gin, Kisuke, Yoruichi, Kensei and Shinji all get their old jobs back. Soifon is co-taicho and Mayuri is sacked.
  • Heel–Face Turn: Grimmjow and Ulquiorra end up joining the Shinigami. Of course, whether the terms "heel" and "face" are applicable to this story is up for debate. This later turns into a trend, where multiple arrancar end up defecting to Seireitei, usually because they met and promptly became attracted to Ichigo.
  • Height Angst: Isane still suffers this, to the point she's been subjecting herself to sleep deprivation thinking it will stop her from growing anymore. Yamamoto had to actually address it because her sleep deprived state was causing her to give patients the wrong prescriptions, reminding her that she's fully grown at this point, and that if she doesn't get some sleep he'll have Unohana tie her to her bed and force feed her sleeping pills every night.
  • Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Otherwise known as Kenpachi (Death), Yachiru (War), Ikkaku (Famine) and Yumichika (Conquest/Pestilence).
  • If You Die, I Call Your Stuff: Zaraki likes to ask if another captain dying means he gets their division.
  • I Love the Smell of X in the Morning: The reason Aizen gives for sitting at the foot of Shinigami's beds so he can scare the crap out of them when they wake up is "I love the smell of fear in the morning."
  • It Amused Me:
    • Why Urahara felt the need to conquer hell.
      "I was bored."
    • Arguably why anybody felt the need to do anything.
  • It's Not Porn, It's Art: Yamamoto warns Kyoraku about using this excuse when Nanao finds out that she's the star of his self-drawn hentai manga.
  • I Warned You: Urahara spreads fliers around the Seireitei with chibi devil-Aizens drawn on them along with the words "I told you so!" For some reason, Yamamoto doesn't feel inclined to lift his exile. He does eventually, though only because even Urahara is preferable to having Mayuri as a captain.
  • Kill It with Fire:
    • Nemu's suggestion for dealing with an escaped experiment.
    • Hinamori is also prone to this, and Yamamoto threatens to burn things down sometimes.
  • Klingon Promotion: This is not how the Gotei 13 works outside of the 11th Division, even if Yoruichi keeps trying it on Yamamoto.
  • Leeroy Jenkins: It might be Kenpachi's real name.
  • Let Us Never Speak of This Again: The Halloween Episode.
  • Made of Evil: Yamamoto is convinced Yachiru is this and is having Mayuri look into it.
  • Mad Scientist:
    • Mayuri, more so than usual, to the point that Urahara, a psychotic megalomaniac, is preferable to him. Especially after the incident with the exploding babies. Many push for performing the most insane stunt "without any actual punishment", as a competitive game. Mayuri manages to stay in the upper positions just by being Mayuri.
    • Urahara himself counts, though even he isn't as bad as Mayuri. Something that, disturbingly, he feels offended by.
  • Marshmallow Hell: Rangiku is still doing this to Toshiro, and Toshiro still doesn't appreciate it.
  • "Metaphor" Is My Middle Name: "Danger" is Chad's middle name. No, it really is. Yamamoto even apologized for not believing him at first.
  • The Most Wanted: Mayuri after he escapes from prison becomes the most wanted man in Soul Society, to the point that he outright tries to flee to the Living World at one point.
  • Mr. Fanservice: Gin thinks he's this, hence his proclivity for disrobing. Considering multiple female Shinigami start chasing him around when he goes streaking in Seireitei, it's true — but Gin himself is too much of a creep to properly take advantage of it.
  • Mud Wrestling: Yamamoto shoots down Kyrokau's idea for a Shinigami-Arrancar Mud Wrestling Championship.
  • Mundane Utility:
    • Yamamoto advises Himamori against using Tobiume to light fireplaces. He knows it's a bad idea from personal experience.
    • Aizen frequently sends members of his Arrancar army to infiltrate Seireitei for "water runs" so he can have his usual bi-hourly fix of tea. Yamamoto tells him it's his own fault for putting his base in a desert, and orders him to knock it off because the Captain-Commander is sick of having to chase Arrancar out of his kitchen.
  • Naked People Are Funny: Quite often, even though Yamamoto outlawed public nudity. Gin is a frequent offender.
    ""But I was wearing bunny ears!" is no excuse. Those are still nude pictures."
  • "No. Just… No" Reaction: Yumichika did something to cause this reaction in Yamamoto.
  • Normal Fish in a Tiny Pond: Shiba Ganju, who joins the Gotei 13 in order to "destroy [it] from the inside". Unfortunately for him, not only is Yamamoto not fooled, but he also informs Ganju that compared to the destruction Seireitei goes through on a daily basis, the damage from his efforts is "insignificant".
    "This is Seireitei. If you want to be considered an "insane badass", go back to Rukongai."
  • Not So Above It All: While Yamamoto is undoubtedly the sanest person in Seiretei, he's not above taking advantage of his subordinates "objectionable behavior" for his own amusement. Particularly if that amusement involves grievous bodily harm and/or satisfying humiliation to the person of one Aizen Sosuke.
  • Noodle Incident: Invoked. Due to the sheer chaos of Halloween, nobody is allowed to speak about what happened.
    • There was an incident involving Mayuri and exploding babies.
    • Quite a few of the incidents that result in a mention on the list aren't explained in fact; like why Aizen calls Orihime "Great and Fearsome Queen of Hueco Mundo." This results in the list mostly being made up of Noodle Incidents.
  • Obviously Evil: The first few chapters (which presumably take place prior to the start of the series) make out Aizen to be this. As the story goes on, you can see why nobody noticed.
  • Official Couple: Ichigo/Everyone, Ichigo/Byakuya, Ichigo/Aizen, Yoruichi/Soifon, Ulquiorra/Orihime, Gin/Everyone, Gin/Rangiku
  • Only Sane Employee: Yamamoto eventually asks Ukitake to keep an eye on Ichigo and never leave his side to keep his more... interesting ideas from becoming realities.
  • Only Sane Man: Yamamoto. He's learned to adapt.
    • Hisagi was this. Then he got promoted....
    • Sasakibe is most likely this; judging by the generally lack of his mention on the list.
    • Among Ichigo's circle, Chad. Unlike the others he doesn't intentionally antagonize the Shinigami (Uryu), cause problems via a mixture of intentional acts of being a nuisance, unintentionally acting like a nuisance, or causing others to act like a nuisance from a variety of faults ranging from entirely his own to undeserved (Ichigo), or unintentionally causing trouble with her unique mindset (Orihime). While he doesn't appear on Yamamoto's lists often, it is even rarer that he's done something specifically to annoy Yamamoto (and its even debatable if his startling Yamamoto was intentional or just from Chad's quiet nature).
  • Operation: [Blank]: Yamamoto threatens to unleash something called "Operation Flaming Undead Lemurs" on Gin.
  • Opposite-Sex Clone: Urahara wants to create one in order to prove he's a better scientist than Mayuri.
  • Orcus on His Throne: Yamamoto says that if Aizen wants to continue being the Big Bad, then he actually has to get off his butt and do some work himself instead of just smirking at everyone.
  • Out of Focus: Nel's apparently around, but rarely gets an entry to herself until much later, usually with Yachiru. Chojiro is mentioned infrequently, until Yamamoto specifies that he hasn't forgotten about him, he's just very well behaved. Tosen is also this; apparently he doesn't like to mess with Seireitei like Aizen and Gin do.
  • Over-the-Shoulder Carry: Gin to Rangiku and later Yoruichi to Soifon, with presumably sexual intentions.
  • Painful Body Waxing: As a prank, somebody covered the inside of Rangiku's underwear with double-sided clear tape. She vows to find the person responsible and show them the horrors of a Brazilian body wax.
  • Parrot Pet Position: Yachiru at one point puts up missing flyers of Nel, saying that Ichigo's lost his "shoulder pet".
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: You wouldn't know that a war is going on for most of the story. Very few of the in story Shinigami and allied forces are actively terrorizing Aizen (Kenpachi and Ichigo's groups do attack Aizen's forces and Soifon is shown to do intelligence gathering) while the majority of trouble Aizen causes is via Gin's booty calls instead of active villainy.
  • Playboy Bunny: What Rukia evidently dressed as for Halloween.
  • Plunder: Yamamoto was thankful that Kenpachi stopped Gin from causing a mass defection of female shinigami by clothslining him. However, he was not thankful enough to allow him to claim Matsumoto as the "spoils."
  • Polyamory:
    • The Thirteenth and Three Quarters Division is basically Ichigo's personal harem. While many of the members are in committed relationships with others (most notably, Orihime and Ulquiorra), and Ichigo himself is in simultaneous committed relationships with both Byakuya and Ukitake (they may or may not be a triad), he is also known to sleep with just about every member in his division, and most of Seireitei for that matter.
    • Gin is similarly promiscuous despite being practically married to Matsumoto. Ironically, the only person he has yet to sleep with is Ichigo — though not for any lack of trying on his end.
    • Chad came back from one anti-Aizen mission with a harem of female Arrancar. Because Chad isn't trying to actively expand said harem, or given his silent nature no one notices if he is, this fact comes up a lot less than the aforementioned Ichigo and Gin.
  • The Pornomancer: Known as The Kurosaki Effect™.
  • Power is Sexy: What Ichigo attributes to his success.
  • Puppy-Dog Eyes: Yuzu uses these on Yamamoto for unknown reasons. He tells her to quit it.
  • Psychopathic Manchild: Yamamoto, Sasakibe, Komamura and Ukitake. There, four people who DON'T act this way on a regular occurrence.
  • Pyromaniac: Hinamori. Unfortunately, it's just one facet of her crazy.
  • Radiation-Induced Superpowers: Hinamori attempts to invoke this trope in one chapter. Why? Well, she's crazy, so there's that.
    Stop playing in the runoff from the twelfth division. That is not the way to go about gaining superpowers. You are a Shinigami. You already have superpowers.
  • Rain Dance: Somebody told Omaeda that doing a rain dance on your roof in tribal garb is a sign of true wealth.
  • Really Gets Around:
    • Ichigo. Dear God...
    • Gin, though his favorite targets are Rangiku and Ichigo.
  • Reincarnation: Officially, Kurosaki Ichigo is not the reincarnation of Shiba Kaien. However, official records have been wrong before... just don't bother trying to tell that to Kiyone and Sentaro.
  • Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue...: Gin sent Ichigo a note saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's fuck". Clearly, poetry isn't his strong suit.
  • Running Gag: Either in a single chapter (The Boxer Bandits, for example), or across several (the Battleships, for instance); there are a few, and they do tend to get a little more detail.
  • Screams Like a Little Girl: Due to an incident with Byakuya's zanpakuto, Ichigo does this whenever he sees cherry blossoms. It crops up in a couple of other places too.
  • Serial Escalation: At the beginning, the list was much shorter and a bit quirky, but not nearly as insane as it is gets as the chapters go on.
  • Sex for Services: Yamamoto warns Gin to stop trying to invoke a Sex–Face Turn from Ichigo, as he has given Ichigo "ample reason" not to defect, even if he has to "whore the entire Gotei 13" to him.
  • Shout-Out:
    • In a reference to a similar list, Kenpachi and Yachiru are told to stop making "carnage angels" in the blood of their enemies.
    • Rukia busts Byakuya out of a real world prison with a technique called Shinigami Jail Break no Jutsu!.
    • Grimmjow asks if he can rename his zanpakuto's release command to "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Pantera."
    • Nanao likes to cover her books with Death Note slip covers.
    • Yamamoto declines Isshin's suggestion to change the official Shinigami uniform to a black suit and tie. He also doesn't know what Isshin means when he mentions "neuralizers".
  • Sign of the Apocalypse: A quiet day in the Serietei is not one, according to Yamamoto.
  • Sleeps with Everyone but You: Ichigo is this for Gin. To be fair, Gin's approach leaves something to be desired...
  • Stalker with a Crush: Gin really wants to sleep with Ichigo. Yamamoto points out that if he stopped being a creepy stalker, Ichigo would probably sleep with him.
  • Streaking: Female shinigami are not allowed to chase after Gin when he is streaking, due to the possibility of mass defection from the Gotei 13.
  • Stupid Sexy Flanders: Yumichika wears a fairy costume for Halloween that ends up leaving the other Shinigami rather confused.
    • Renji is forever banned from wearing leather pants. Uryu joined him not long after.
  • Suspiciously Specific Denial: Denied by Yamamoto about the zombies.
    • Which gets even more hilarious now that people are getting zombified left and right in the actual manga.
    • Also how Mayuri escaped from prison; he just wiped of his face paint and walked out.
  • Superhero Prevalence Stages: There is apparently a well-established bureaucracy for heroes and villains: not only does Aizen have to keep up a license for his status as big bad, but Ichigo is able to apply for a 'conquering hero' license for his efforts as well. Who gives these out is not explained.
  • Tantrum Throwing: This was Hisagi's reaction when Yamamoto refused to make Kensei his co-taicho.
  • The Thing That Would Not Leave: Gin never seems to leave even after his treachery is revealed and keeps breaking back in. Yamamoto finally relented and gave him back his position as Captain of the Third Division after finding out he did all the paperwork and had offered to do Kenpachi's as well.
  • There Was a Door: Kenpachi, of course.
    "Wall is not synonymous with door."
  • This Is for Emphasis, Bitch!: As soon as Rukia became a lieutenant, she smacked Byakuya with her badge and told him "In your face, beeyotch!"
  • This Means War!: Lampshaded.
    "Why is everyone so obsessed with declaring war? We're already at war."
  • Title Drop: Where do you think the title came from?
    "Kusajishi-fukutaicho - Please stop eating the Hell Butterflies."
  • Too Much Information: Yamamoto at one point remarks that he knows way too much about the sex lives of his subordinates. This is after he tries to forbid Ulquiorra from using Segunda Etapa when he's having sex with Orihime or Ichigo.
  • Tracking Chip: Kiyone and Sentaro implanted Ukitake with one. Are you surprised?
  • Trade Snark: Kurosaki Cluster Fuck™ is apparently a registered trade mark of the Soul Society. As are the Kurosaki Route-to-Power™ and the Kurosaki Effect™.
  • Troubled Fetal Position: Zaraki isn't allowed near people in this state.
  • Ultimate Job Security: The vast majority of the cast are incredibly unprofessional, so the question of 'why Yamamoto keeps them around' would be easy to ask. Simply put, Captain-grade Shinigami do not grow on trees, as Yamamoto put it once, so there are very few candidates to replace them. Not just anyone can lead a division, and those that do tend to be the crazier ones. Even someone like Yumichika, a fifth seat who could be a fourth seat if he didn't think that four was too ugly of a number to be labeled with, is difficult to replace. That being said, if you are really over the line, you can be replaced if a suitable candidate exists to replace you, as Mayuri found out when he crossed too many lines and Urahara was cleared of his crimes.
  • Un-person: Both Gin and Matsumoto are hereby persona non grata on the Kuchiki estate due to their actions during the party they held on the estate in celebration of Gin winning the war, attended by various members of the Unholy Alliance of White-Haired Pretty Boys.
  • Unreliable Narrator:
    • The prelude establishes that a lot of the actions being done are more the characters doing things either For the Lulz or as part of a bet to determine who can do the most outlandish things. Since the fic is largely told via a missive from Yamamoto, it is therefore hard to tell how much of what is said actually happened, or was just what Yamamoto perceived happened.
    • Ichigo's "A Message to New Recruits" and "Rules to Live By" in particular demonstrates this by giving his perspective on certain details compared to Yamamoto. While Yamamoto thinks his division being named "Thirteenth and Three-Quarters" division was Ichigo having a horrible naming sense, Ichigo claims he thought Yamamoto was joking about making him a Captain, so he gave a joke name, also noting he was likely drunk at the time, hence why he didn't realize it wasn't a joke until after filling out the paperwork and being given a Haori.
  • Unsafe Haven: Played for Laughs, but Seireitei is far less secure than in canon. Both Aizen and Gin sneak in at least once, Aizen's Arrancar keep breaking into Yamamoto's kitchen to steal water for Aizen's tea habit, and Gin in particular spends so much time hanging around that Yamamoto eventually gives up and re-instates him as a captain (it helped that he did all the paperwork for his own division as well as Zaraki and Yachiru's).
  • White Hair, Black Heart: An entire unholy alliance. Hitsugaya ran off with them, Gin is one of their members, and they were likely to have kidnapped Ukitake at one point, if his disappearance, shackle marks and a later freakout when Zaraki offered him a ride and he answered with his shikai are any indicaton.
  • Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Due to Grimmjow wrecking a carnival when they ran out of cotton candy, Ulquiorra is forbidden from going from the World of the Living even though he's far more sane.
  • Wildlife Commentary Spoof: Kiyone and Sentaro at one point follow Yumichika around narrating everything he does in an overly dramatic Australian accent. Well, he DOES have plumage...
  • With Catlike Tread: Ichigo and company sneak in to arrest Mayuri dressed as Robin Hood and the Merry Men.
  • With Great Power Comes Great Insanity: Ever since Hisagi was promoted, he's started acting like everybody else. He's since been demoted, and Hiyori's been put in ahead of him in the pecking order.
  • World Gone Mad: It's a miracle that Yamamoto has managed to maintain his sanity, if this is what he has to deal with every day.
  • World's Strongest Man: Ichigo. So much so that Yamamoto is determined to keep him on the side of Seireitei, even if he has to "whore out" the entire Gotei 13 to him. Many times, a problem is solved simply by letting Ichigo wail on it.
  • Worth It: Occasionally Yamamoto will make allowances for certain types of behavior, particularly if they involve some kind of misfortune on Aizen.
  • Would Hit a Girl: Yamamoto warns the SWA that Kenpachi has promised to kick their asses if Yachiru brings home "manporn" again.
  • Yaoi Fan Girl: The Shinigami Women's Association. Quite militant about it, actually.
  • Yandere:
    • Momo, for Aizen. So much that she tries to kill Shinji for "replacing" him.
    • Nnoitra is one as well, for Tesla.

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