"this year we got fucking magic computers up in this bitch. we got internet. we got fucking playstation and xbox. we got facebook."Harry Potter Uses Facebook For The First Time is a fanfic by THE PETE PETERSON EXPERIENCE. True to its title, the story finds the Boy who Lived setting up an account on the popular social networking site after Hogwarts gets "magic computers". Hilarity (not to mention insanity) ensues.
- Anachronism Stew: As to be expected of the author of Indiana Jones Dot Com and Red Dead Redemption But With A Good Ending. Despite the early-to-mid '90s setting of the books, Harry uses Facebook, adds Lil Wayne to his "Like" list, fights Justin Bieber, parties to LMFAO, and plays Modern Warfare 3 on his Xbox 360. He also would have seen The Dark Knight Rises on Blu-Ray if Ron hadn't walked in on his parents having sex while going to get it.
- Groin Attack: Harry tries one on Justin Bieber during their fight, only for it to fail. Turns out that Justin has "no balls or even a penis".
- I Ate WHAT?!: Snape eats Harry's shit, thinking it's chocolate, as part of Harry's "super fucking devious" plan.
- Justin Bieber: Shows up as the new student in Potions class. He quickly gets in a fight with the other students, who win the fight by attempting to give him a wedgie by attaching his underwear to a window, only for him to fall and "probably" die.
- The Internet Is for Porn: All Neville seems interested in doing on his new "magic computer" is looking up porn.
- Toilet Humor: Snape apparently smoked so much that it gave him diarrhea so bad, it "even flooded the potion room". And when it's revealed that he also has cancer, Dumbledore makes all of the students send Snape presents. Harry's present? He buys a box of chocolates, dumps all the chocolates out, and takes "a big stinky shit" in the box. Which Snape eats when he receives the present."this must be yuro-pee-in chocolate which is why it smells funny" snaep siad."more like euro-poop-in chocolate if you know what i mean ;)" the nurse said."i don't get it bitch. get out!" snape said. he went back to snuff the chocolates.