is a particularly crack-tastic fanfic
. It can be found here
. Perhaps one of the best crack-fics written about the Fullmetal Alchemist
series, the premise has Ed constantly drunk
and Al as the only brother with the least bit of sense
, looking to discover the powers of the mysterious Internet. It Makes Sense in Context
This work provides examples of:
- Abhorrent Admirer: Garfiel, to Edward.
- Alcohol Hic: Edward, all the time. Winry too, actually.
- Almighty Janitor: Liza Hawkeye. Lampshaded in Chapter 21:
Roy: How is it that I'm a higher rank than you?
Liza: Not a day goes by where I don't ask myself that same question, sir.
- Ambiguously Gay: Envy/Spam, considering he not only looks but also sometimes acts like a girl.
- Amusing Injuries: Paninya takes Ed's kidneys, STD chops off Fat-Ass's head, and Winry's demon-head, just to name a few...all played for laughs.
- Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking
- Berserk Button: Surprisingly, there's been but one joke related to Ed's height. He actually calls himself short. He doesn't react well.
- Winry grows a second, demonic head that tears out Ed's entrails whenever Ed wrecks his automail.
- En...er, "Spam" really seems to hate it when people mistake him for a girl.
- Black Comedy: Big time. There have been jokes made about underage drinking, steroid use, eating disorders, and Ling's opium.
- Buttmonkey: Alphonse, though Edward himself is certainly not exempt.
- Spam definitely counts, considering he's pretty much always the butt of a gender-confusion/gay joke or getting hacked (or otherwise injured) by Ling.
- Catch Phrase: "Roy Mustang, Fire Hazard,"
- The Chew Toy: Edward, definitely.
- Cloud Cuckoolander: Ed, Roy, Winry, Ling...pretty much everyone, actually. Even Riza and Al have their moments.
- Comedic Sociopathy
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: Roy Mustang punishing Ed with a vuvuzella.
- Mustang's subordinates rearranging the furniture in his office, causing him to have "heavy diarrhea," by disrupting the principles of feng shui. That is, until he discovers Pepto Bismol.
- The author punishes herself after a Firestorm of Incredibly Lame Fire-puns by reading Twilight!
- Cute and Psycho: Winry. She has a second head that tears out Ed's organs whenever he wrecks his automail.
- Depraved Homosexual: Garfiel.
- The Ditz: Ed, but that's mostly due to being drunk.
- Drunken Master: Invoked by Ed at least once. Whether or not he is one...well, we have yet to see him sober.
- Dude Looks Like a Lady: Envy...well, Spam in this case, gets mistaken for a girl constantly. He hates it.
: Dude, you're like the *hic*
hottest chick I've ever seen!
- For Inconvenience, Press "1": Poor Hughes...
- Funny Foreigner: Ling. Dear God, just Ling.
- Genre Savvy: Riza in Chapter 20:
: Oh, no no no
. I've seen this in too many horror movies. We're in the dark basement of a lab, chasing a monster. If we split up in pairs, someone's going to die.
Liza: It's okay, Jean, we're blond.
- Gratuitous Japanese: Alphonse referring to his brother as "Nii-san"
- Hurricane of Incredibly Embarrassing Nicknames: Mustang keeps calling Riza various nicknames like "Lieutenant Dove liver" or "Lieutenant Ostrich Belly".
- I Just Want to Have Friends: Ling, apparently.
- I'll Tell You When I've Had Enough!: Guess who?
"Hey ID. You saw my old man!"
- Insult Backfire: Kind of...in Chapter 21:
Armstrong: AND THEN RAYMOND HAD TO PRETEND TO ENJOY THE COOKING, LEST DEBORAH MADE HIM SLUMBER UPON THE SOFA ONCE MORE.
Edward: Maybe if I get off this horse and lay in the sun, I'll die of heat stroke and my suffering will end.
Armstrong: I AM SERIOUS, EDWARD, LET US WATCH THE SHOW TOGETHER SOME DAY. IT IS MOST ENJOYABLE.
Edward: That sounds about as appealing as a prostate exam.
Armstrong: SOME PEOPLE LIKE PROSTATE EXAMS, EDWARD.
- Jerkass: Ed, especially towards Alphonse.
- Large Ham: Major Armstrong, as per usual:
Armstrong: MAJOR ALEXANDER LUIS ARMSTRONG, AT YOUR SERVICE, SIR.
Roy: Why are you yelling?
Armstrong: IT'S THE STEROIDS, SIR. THEY MAKE ME VERY ANGRY.
- My Eyes Are Up Here:
Lust STD has this problem with Roy and Havoc.
- Narm: Deliberately invoked when Maes Hughes dies, which basically turned one of the most gut-wrenching scenes in the original series into one of the most hilarious instances of For Inconvenience, Press "1"!
- No Fourth Wall
- No Indoor Voice: MAJOR ALEXANDER LOUIS ARMSTRONG! But that's because of the steroids...
- Only a Flesh Wound: Repeatedly. Obviously done with the homunculi because their
Philosopher's Stones Internet gives them extra lives. Also happens with a few human characters too:
STD: How are you doing this? You should be bleeding to death from that wound!
- Rule of Funny
- Shout-Out: There are quite a few of these in the story
- Take That: Many, many examples of this toward Two and a Half Men. The author probably doesn't like the show.
- Thanks for the Mammary: Roy's attempt to get STD's Internet...
- That's What She Said: The Situation, all the time.
- Tourettes S*** C**k Syndrome: Izumi.
- Weaksauce Weakness: Roy Mustang is heavily affected by the balance of his office furniturenote , and his subordinates use this against him a lot. Then he discovers Pepto Bismol.