Fan Fic: Back To The Frollo
"Back to the Frollo" is a piece of fanfiction reviewed by The Fan Fiction Critic
. It was written by a woman calling herself "Crazed Writer" and "Frollo Freak
." It's the sweeping, romantic tale of how a Sassy Black Woman
discovered a time-traveling Chevy
, traveled to 1480's Paris, met Judge Claude Frollo
, and fell madly in love with him. It can be read here
"Back to the Frollo" contains examples of:
- Affectionate Nickname: Danisha calls Frollo "sugarbritches." Squick.
- Angry Black Woman: Danisha becomes a "dissed sister" or a "sister with a 'tude" at the slightest perceived insult.
I really let him know how I felt and went off on him. I became a dissed sister, a raised voice full of fire and spit.
- Author Appeal: And how! Being that Danisha is pretty much a self-insert for Frollo Freak, all of her likes are obnoxiously shoved into the story. Soul food, Motown music, American games like kickball and baseball, the color purple, and folk tales about slave heroes, black history, and poetry are all blatantly, and rather rudely forced upon to all the other characters who all love them. Including Frollo.
- Berserk Button: Danisha seems to have many, among them being mistaken for a Gypsy. When her Berserk Button is pushed, she becomes an Angry Black Woman.
- If anybody turns down the advances of a powerful man like Frollo, Danisha is pissed.
- Big Beautiful Woman: Danisha, according to how she describes herself.
- Break the Haughty: The author attempts to do this with Esmeralda, but it comes across more as Break the Cutie. Esmeralda's only real crime is being physically attractive. Frollo threatens to kill her if she refuses him, which she does. Both the author and Danisha act as though turning Frollo down was a mortal sin and that the scene where Frollo corners Esmeralda in the cathedral and propositions her is romantic.
- Cold-Blooded Torture: Esmeralda's ultimate fate.
Danisha: Hmmm —- 'cruel and unusual punishment' —- a lot of folks in my time would say, "Bring back the rack!"
- Color Motif: Probably unintentional, but the color purple shows up a lot.
- Costume Porn: Any time Danisha's outfits are described, and any time Frollo's outfits are described.
He wasn't wearing the splendid black velvet judicial robe with its jewel-trimmed yoke and epaulets. Instead, he wore a casual, hunter-style outfit complete with tall boots, tunic, form-fitting black hose, a sweeping cloak, and the famous triangular hat with its long red veil. The entire ensemble fitted his tall, slender form perfectly.
- You think that's bad? Just look at how Danisha describes herself.
I smiled. Maybe, just this once, I could believe that he was paying attention to my attire; I wore a silk shantung dress of deepest violet, very elegant and figure-enhancing. My hair was upswept in a stylish twist, a la En Vogue, held with a sparkling amethyst ornament. Matching highheeled peau de soie shoes, a gold and amethyst necklace, and oversized earrings completed the ensemble. Even my makeup followed the same color scheme, right down to the deep-violet lips. Now I am by no means skinny; in fact, I am what you would call a "healthy" girl. Not fat, but all womanly curves and pleasing-to-the-eye fleshiness. But why should I apologize? I guess Claude liked what he saw because he couldn't stop checking me out.
- Defrosting The Ice King: Easygoing, fun-loving Danisha has to get strict, uptight Frollo to loosen up!
- Disproportionate Retribution: Malus shows up at Danisha's party to collect his younger siblings, for whom he is responsible. He insists on taking them home, even though it's time for ice cream. As he leaves, Danisha demands that Frollo arrest him...for denying his siblings ice cream and taking them home.
To quote The Fan Fiction Critic
: That bastard! That bastard! How dare he? How dare he decide that it’s time to go home? How dare he act like a responsible older brother and bring his younger siblings home for bed? How dare he? How fucking dare he?
- At the end of the story, Esmeralda is beaten up by Danisha and then arrested and tortured because she turned Frollo down.
I put on my cloak and hat as Claude summoned the guards to take Esmeralda away to the Palace of Justice. As the soldiers put her in shackles, I walked up to her, squared my shoulders proudly, and in a firm, clear voice, said, "Baby, let me give you some advice. The next time you give a man an almost lap-dance, get him all hot and sweaty, and don't follow through...Honey, don't expect him to be too accommodating the second time." That said, the soldiers dragged the gypsy dancer away.
- Distressed Dude: Frollo in most of What REALLY Happened.
- Fangirl: Frollo is accosted by a group of fangirls after his clothes are stolen.
- Fat Bitch: Danisha is described as being 'curvy', and 'voluptuous', but if you look at 'Suspiciously Specific Denial' and 'What The Hell Hero?' below, you soon realize that's she's this.
- Faux Action Girl: Danisha. Most of her "fights" occur against captives.
- Felony Misdemeanor: Danisha accidentally breaks one of Frollo's windows while playing baseball with some children. She offers to work for him until she has paid off the cost of the window. He agrees on the condition that he keep the baseball until she has paid off the debt. Danisha responds to this by throwing a tantrum and screaming at Frollo. The audience is expected to side with her even though Frollo is being perfectly reasonable - he originally wanted to arrest her and throw her in the dungeon for breaking the window.
- Female Misogynist: Danisha, as proven by her "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Esmeralda, where she essentially tells Esmeralda that she was ASKING for Frollo to try and rape her.
- Food Porn: Danisha and her friends cook up modern American foods - barbecue chicken, pecan pies, ice cream, etc - for Frollo and his friends.
We really knocked ourselves out to make this party a truly memorable experience. Fern and Kyle cooked mounds of barbequed ribs, chicken, and turkey (Kyle's idea — to introduce medieval Parisians to native American foods). Jacki and I worked overtime, preparing salads and scrumptious desserts. I proudly pointed to the pecan cake.
- Giving Radio to the Romans: Danisha introduces modern food, music, technology, and American sports (kickball and baseball) to the medieval peasants of 1480's France. She also teaches Quasimodo about early American history, including the Underground Railroad and the Civil War.
- Groin Attack: Clopin makes the mistake of cornering Danisha in a dark alley and threatening her. She responds by kneeing him in the groin and running away.
- Hair-Trigger Temper: Danisha, even though the author insists that she is kind and patient. See 'Angry Black Woman' above for more details.
- Homeschooled Kid: Quasimodo - despite being in his 20's - is visited in the bell tower by both Frollo and Danisha for lessons. Danisha's lessons include early American history and African-American poetry.
- Informed Attractiveness: And how! The author repeatedly goes out of her way tell us what a sexbomb Frollo is, when in reality he looks like this. ◊
- In Name Only: Frollo. If you didn't see it at first, wait until he tells Danisha that he doesn't believe in witchcraft.
- Ironic Nickname: Frollo's coal-black horse is named Snowball. Danisha points out the irony to him.
I looked at Frollo quizzically. "Minister Frollo, this horse is not white, he's black. Naming a black horse 'Snowball'?...That's like naming a polar bear 'Midnight'." I was certain that the good judge would slap me upside my head, but he just softly chuckled and said, "My dear, never lose that special style of humor. I will admit I am getting used to it..." He paused for a few seconds, then adding at last, "And getting used to you."
- According to the director's of the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame Frollo's horse was nicknamed "Snowball" by the animators.
- A Little Something We Call "Rock and Roll": Danisha introduces Frollo to Motown. He loves it.
- Man Child: Quasimodo is portrayed as this.
I heard a sound from under the table. I pulled back the tablecloth and, to my surprise, stared directly into the eyes of Quasimodo. He was munching on cookies and drinking lemonade. "Quasi! What are doing here? You're going to get into trouble!" Quasi shushed me and whispered, "I heard about your party, and I wanted to come. Please don't tell my master." I thought for a few seconds, then decided not to tell Claude; after all, Quasi's my little buddy.
- May-December Romance: Danisha and Frollo.
- Meaningful Name: The villain's name is Malus, which is Latin for "bad."
Malus? Well, he's based on a kid that used to live in the 'hood - a real bad seed – I think he's in jail(!). Hence the name, "Malus"...that name came from the only Latin teacher in my building. Sort of fits..."Malus" means "bad".
- Misunderstood Loner with a Heart of Gold: the author portrays Frollo as this.
- Never My Fault: Danisha. For example, she acts like it was Frollo's fault that their first impression ended with her yelling at him when she was the one who overreacted to an innocent mistake that he made (namely calling her a gypsy).
- No-Holds-Barred Beatdown: Danisha does this to Esmeralda.
- Out of Character: Frollo - an incredibly racist man who hates anyone with skin darker than his - falls madly in love with Danisha, a black woman. He also spends a great deal of time giggling and simpering when he's around her, and finds her tendency to speak her mind "most endearing". He also doesn't believe in witchcraft at all and has very modern and politically correct views on issues like racism and slavery.
Claude smiled as he immediately explained, "My love, kindly leave the superstitions to the common crowd. I'm not as close-minded as some would have you to believe."
- Of course, the author tries to justify this OOC-ness, with her made-up theory about the Disney's Frollo identity (see YMMV page for details).
- Pimped-Out Car: Danisha's purple, time-traveling Chevy.
- Purple Prose: Often used when describing Danisha's outfits.
Maybe, just this once, I could believe that he was paying attention to my attire; I wore a silk shantung dress of deepest violet, very elegant and figure-enhancing. My hair was upswept in a stylish twist, a la En Vogue, held with a sparkling amethyst ornament. Matching highheeled peau de soie shoes, a gold and amethyst necklace, and oversized earrings completed the ensemble. Even my makeup followed the same color scheme, right down to the deep-violet lips.
- Random Events Plot: Granted it's a little more realistic example than most, but the "plot" mostly just consists of Danisha and Frollo having shenanigans, flashbacks, sexually suggestive scenes and time-travel, to the point that the intended plot (Malus rebelling against Frollo and Esmeralda getting arrested) feels at best like a subplot and at worst like an afterthought.
- Salt and Pepper: Frollo and Danisha are an interracial couple. Frollo is laid-back and easygoing, and Danisha is sassy.
- Sassy Black Woman: Danisha fits this to a T.
I returned the smile and, feeling a little silly, replied in a mock-Southern, down-on-de-ole-plantation dialect, "Mornin', Min'ster Frollo, suh. Much 'bliged y'all kin stop by an' set a spell. I has some pow'ful tasty pecan cake in yonder. Y'all sho' is welcomed."
- Shout-Out: The title has only one word difference with the title of Back to the Future.
- Silver Fox: Frollo, apparently.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: Danisha's claims that she is a "healthy girl", without really needing to do so. Rather than making the audience believe her, it instead makes them believe that she's actually just fat, and in denial about it.
- The Tease: Esmeralda.
- Trademark Favorite Food: Frollo adores Danisha's pecan pies.
- Unholy Matrimony: Frollo and Danisha. Granted, the author didn't intend this, but this is ultimately what the pairing feels like.
- Villain Protagonist: Danisha and Frollo, coinciding with the above. Again, not intentional, just how the two of them act.
- What the Hell, Hero?: Danisha beats up Esmerelda for turning Frollo down, even though he tried to assault, and rape her.
- Yandere: Danisha borders on this when you mess with Frollo or Quasimodo.