STATLER: Hi, and welcome to A VERY MUPPETS MYSTERY!
WALDORF: I know you'd love to get rid of us, but I'm afraid you're stuck here.
STATLER: Why, I'll bet you're just GLUED TO YOUR SEATS!
. . . . . . . . .
WALDORF: That must be pretty powerful glue you used, Statler. They haven't gotten up.
STATLER: Well, this is a Muppets story you've never seen the likes of before.
WALDORF: ...And with luck, you'll never see the likes of again.
STATLER: It's a MYSTERY!
WALDORF: Well, I hope it's nothing like that awful THE GREAT MUPPET CAPER. We only showed up three times in the entire movie!
STATLER: There's only one thing I'm worried about...
WALDORF: What's that?
STATLER: Well, I...I've never heckled a MYSTERY before. I don't know how I should go about it!
WALDORF: What do you mean you've never heckled a mystery before? You always said it was a MYSTERY why anyone thought THE MUPPET SHOW was funny!
STATLER AND WALDORF: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!A Very Muppets Mystery is a fanfic by The Illustrious Crackpot. It's about an OC named Phyllis Pepper, who's a detective, trying to solve a murder. Here's the full summary:"Phyllis Pepper is the only human in an all Muppet town. But will things spice up when Fozzie brings her a case that leads swiftly to Muppet homicide? An insanely long and ridiculously complicated mystery."
The fanfic A Very Muppets Mystery contains examples of:
- Amateur Sleuth: Averted with Phyllis, since she has no connection with the police and is a young "works alone" detective, but she sometimes gets paid.
- Chekhov's Gun: Earlier on, when Phyllis first calls Alice in Chapter 2, she mentions having to wait for a eight foot tall, brown furred guy to finish talking to his mother. It later turns out that the guy was Sweetums and he was calling Statler and Waldorf about murdering Sam.
- Deadpan Snarker: Phyllis and, of course, Statler and Waldorf.
- Everyone Is a Suspect: All of the theatre cast and crew could easily have killed Sam.
- Fair-Play Whodunnit
- Hidden in Plain Sight: Statler and Waldorf are the bad guys that ordered the murder of Sam to stop the acts in the show. And since their there making making snarky comments in every single chapter in the story they're hdden in plain sight. Also Chief Sweetums since he was the one Statler and Waldorf hired to finish off Sam.
- Hidden Villain: Again Statler and Waldorf.
- Important Character, Important Evidence: Fozzie, Kermit and Phyllis always find the important evidence.
- Mistaken for Evidence: Phyllis thinks Kermit has found something important, but it turns out... to be a nasty review for Kermit's musical "Manhattan Melodies."
- Running Gag: "All big time performers and acts start out as simple sideshow acts and performers."