Severus Snape comes into his rooms one day and finds a package with a card saying "read me". Upon reading the title "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", he puts it aside and grabs a potion text to read. Only the writing in every book (or student essay) he tries to read has been replaced with "Chapter One, The Boy Who lived". Giving up, he sits down to read the book and learn and few truths about the son of his schoolyard enemy.
Note: dullastacks now seems to have withdrawn from fanfiction, but the story, chapters 1-22, can be found here
This fanfic contains examples of:
- Abusive Parents: The are references to this regards to Snape and his Father. Snape finds that Vernon was emotionally/mentally abusive to Harry and is not happy. Even less so when he finds implications of physically abuse.
Vernon (Book): I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?
Snape: "Stamp it out? STAMP IT OUT? So help me, Dursley, if I find one mark on that boy that was put there by a hand larger than your son's..."
- Accomplice by Inaction
- Adaptational Sexuality
- Added Alliterative Appeal:
Harry: ...or whichever slimy Slytherin snake told you I did something.
- Beneath the Mask: The story goes into quite a bit as to what Snape is like under his "Greasy Bastard" behaviour.
- Born Unlucky: Snape apparently sees Harry as this.
Snape (mentally, about Harry): It was as if he'd been hit with some sort of counter to the Felix Felicis at birth.
- Bread, Eggs, Breaded Eggs
- Calling the Old Man Out
- Cluster F-Bomb: Snape's imagined letter by Ron telling his mother about the Dursleys' abuse of Harry.
- Dark and Troubled Past: Snape and Harry. Implied to be Neville too.
- The Dark Side
- Deadpan Snarker: Snape while reading. Quite frequently.
Snape: No, whale-spawn, your father's not gone mad, he's simply an imbecile.
- Fridge Brilliance: In-universe. Snape finds many reasons for Harry's behavior in Hogwarts, based upon the book. For example, he doesn't ask questions in class, because of Vernon's "Don't ask questions!" rule.
- Fostering for Profit
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Quirrell. See Not-So-Harmless Villain below.
- Have You Tried Not Being a Monster?
- Hidden Depths
- Hypocritical Humor: Snape while reading. Frequently.'
- I Need a Freaking Drink
- I Think You Broke Him
- I'll Kill You: Referred to. If Petunia had been present, Snape would have killed her.
- I Resemble That Remark:
Book!Ron: [to Harry] Don't push it, I've heard Snape can turn very nasty.
"Well, I was going to give that point back, Weasley, but now you can forget it," Snape said nastily.
- I Am Not My Father
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He went out of his way in the middle of the night to have Pomfrey check Harry for abuse and stayed with him while he was asleep.
- Law of Inverse Fertility
- Like Father, Like Son: Snape initially believed Harry to be this.
- My Beloved Smother
- Nobody Poops: Snape lampshades this as he notes that "the book hasn't mentioned so much as a bathroom break."
- Noodle Incident: Professor Binns's death, unlike the boring "got up one day and never noticed he was dead" tale told to Harry, is actually a sordid affair somehow involving his preoccupation with the goblin wars and pineapples. Only the other ghosts know all the details, but they're not telling.
- Not So Different: Snape starts to see Harry as this.
He'd felt that way many times as a youth, when Lily would take him by the hand and pull him into her house for a meal or kind words. Basic human compassion made no sense to someone made to feel guilty for their own birth. And somehow, he'd missed that same shadow in Harry.
- Not-So-Harmless Villain: Snape knows that there’s something up with Quirrell. He’s just not sure what. Either way, he sees Quirrell as potentially one of these.
"Nervous. Incompetent. Useless. Highly suspect in his qualifications... Quirrell is many things, Potter, and none of them good. You'd do well to stay far away from him." Snape was more convinced than ever that he needed make sure the two were never alone together, and that Quirrell didn't have any more easy access to Harry until he'd sorted exactly who and what the man was about.
- Sir Swears-a-Lot
- Social Services Does Not Exist
- Tears of Remorse: Snape, while reading the first chapter:
- They Just Don't Get It: Dumbledore to a degree.
- Wham Line: To Snape, the line "Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept." It's what jumpstarts his Character Development in-story, and also happens to be the first of a number of moments that he realizes that he and Harry are not so different after all.
- Wouldn't Hurt a Child: Snape doesn't intend to take action against Harry's bullies personally, but he's fine with "accidentally" letting the Weasley twins find out just who make his home life so unpleasant.