Epic Fail / Newspaper Comics

  • Beetle Bailey:
    • Cookie manages to make soup that is too tough to cut with a knife... and steak that is too tough to cut with a machine gun and grenades. He also manages to fail to not include the kitchen sink — in food. No wonder he graduated 50th out of a class of twenty-five.
    • Failures in reading the map have led the soldiers to standing on thin air or upside down on the downside of a cliff — or, more explicably, in a river when Lt. Fuzz insists on following the blue line.note 
  • In one strip of The Far Side a man lost a quick draw to a sloth. One bystander mentions that the newly deceased wasn't exactly what you would call a "quick draw".
  • In one strip of Piranha Club, a character tries to boil water for a home economics class, but somehow manages to freeze the water solid.
  • From FoxTrot:
    Jason: Why can't my successes ever be as spectacular as my failures?
    • There's also Roger once being effortlessly defeated at Chess by a computer... after having Jason modify the chess program's code so that Roger had a King and fifteen Queens, while the computer had a King and fifteen Pawns.
    • Roger and the barbecue grill do not go well together. One time he lit it and the flames shot towards the ground, leading him to announced that he put the charcoal in upside down. Jason even says it would be impossible for anyone else.
    • Roger, in general, is a failure. One time, while playing golf, he finally makes a straight shot! Too bad it was in the opposite direction of the hole...and impacted into the windshield of his boss' car. In fact, the only time he can get a hole-in-one is when the golf course is flooded under 5 feet of water. Of course, he probably didn't even come close to the green but no-one wants to swim out and check.
    • Another is a strip where Roger is golfing and hits his first shot. The shot ricochets off of trees, yard markers, bounces on a sidewalk, etc. until, defying the laws of physics, it inevitably ends up right back on the tee Roger hit it off of. He implies that this is actually a ROUTINE occurrence.
    • Roger takes Walking Techbane to new levels. A single press of a button or a click of a mouse can destroy an entire hard drive. Fortunately, he rarely can find the on switch in the first place.
    • Also, a Pavilionplex worker ended up somehow mistaking the theater's internet server with the butter server and promptly washing it, explaining the reason for the long lag time for the Pavilionplex's site when Jason was ordering tickets for Attack of the Clones online.
  • Charlie Brown of Peanuts is well known for failing in ways that are utterly impossible through no readily apparent fault of his own. Blockhead.
    Linus: That's the first time I've ever seen a kite explode.
    • His kite has also ended up down a sewer and in a mailbox slot. And of course, he tends to get tangled up in a tree with the kite a lot.
    • The arc that marked Peppermint Patty's first appearance involved her trying to help his sandlot team by taking over as manager. Despite hitting five home runs and pitching a no-hit game, they lost thirty-seven to five via unearned runs, which is when she decided she could not help them and left.
    • There was one arc where Charlie Brown helped Peppermint Patty sell popcorn while she pitched for her team. After badgering her by saying he can pitch the final out, he promptly gives up a fifty-run lead and her team loses.
    • Also lampshaded in The Movie A Boy Named Charlie Brown, when the girls mock Charlie by singing the song "Failure Face." They quip that, if trying to fail were like running a race, Charlie Brown would actually win.
    • There is a line of Epic Fail t-shirts displaying his greatest failure moments.
  • Garfield
  • In one Dilbert strip, a generic co-worker decides to hide his boyish looks by growing a beard. Dilbert and Wally chuckle on how they don't think Ted is smart enough to grow a beard. In the final panel, we see that Ted has indeed grown a beard...out of his forehead.
  • In My Cage, Jeff the land shark somehow got stuck inside the water cooler.
  • When Calvin breaks his dad's binoculars, Hobbes asks, "Was the casing just chipped a little, or did the lens itself get cracked?" It turns out that, somehow, the binoculars have literally been ground into a fine powder.
    Calvin: Don't sneeze.
    • Subverted in the numerous strips where Calvin attempts to learn how to ride a bike. Getting your face stuck in the chain sounds like quite the failure...if it wasn't for the fact that the bike is actually alive and attempting to kill Calvin. His parents don't believe him though.
  • Pearls Before Swine: The antics of the crocodiles of the Zeeba Zeeba Eata fraternity are guaranteed to result in this, namely when trying to kill and eat Zebra.
    • Some of their more memorable failures involve attempting to kill Zebra...and end up killing several crocodiles in the process, usually with some form of I Just Shot Marvin in the Face.
  • Drabble:
    • Ralph once went on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?. The first question: "Humpty Dumpty sat on a what?" Ralph can't think of the answer, so he uses the lifeline to remove two of the answers. He's now left with "wall" and "whoopee cushion" which were the two he couldn't decide between before. He then decides to poll the audience. After the entire audience claims that it's "wall", he dismisses the poll because he thinks the audience looks kind of stupid. He finally phones his son Patrick who starts to give him the answer only for time to run out. Ralph ends up walking away with nothing.
    • In 2016, Norman decided that Echo was the girl for him and he should finally stop pursuing Wendy. So, he sends Wendy a series of nasty breakup texts to finally let her know how he feels about the way she treats him. How is this an Epic Fail? He sends them to Echo by mistake. Worse yet, he mentions it to Wendy and she says he didn't need to break up with her because they were never actually dating. Fortunately, it appears his relationship with Echo will recover.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/EpicFail/NewspaperComics