The first time any incarnation of My Balls appears in a video, raise your glass in toast and drink.
When My Balls makes its first appearance in the LP proper, finish your glass.
If Lucah mentions that you can always expect something bad to happen after a bridge, take a drink. Take a second if she mentions Chrono Trigger.
If Lucah had previously established a voice for a character, but then gives them a different voice, drink. (For the sake of your liver, it is recommended you do this only for named NPCs.)
If Lucah solves an incredibly difficult puzzle or muscles past a rough boss in her first try, drink.
If she then proceeds to get stonewalled on something trivial in the same video, finish your glass.
If Lucah makes a pop culture reference that she thinks won't resonate with younger viewers, drink.
Every time Lucah gives a character a stereotypical "ethnic" accent, drink. Take a second drink if she mentions losing subscribers for it.
If a guest star makes an appearance, take a drink.
If Lucah construes something completely innocent as innuendo, sip. (Sip, for the love of god!) Finish your glass, however, if a prime moment for innuendo shows itself and Lucah lets it slip without comment.
The first time Lucah says "sir!" or "madam!" in a video, take a drink. Take sips for the rest of the video whenever one of those phrases appears.
If Lucah sings the first line of "Come Sail Away" by Styx (with the word "sailing" replaced by what she is doing), drink.
Take a drink whenever Lucah refers to Goombella as "Miss No-Arms" or otherwise comments on her lack of arms.
If Lucah fangirls over Vivian, drink.
Every time Lucah refers to a character by a crude nickname (e.g. "Lord Dump" for Lord Crump, or "Scrotum" for Grodus) then drink. Finish your glass if she actually refers to a regularly nicknamed character by their proper name.
Every time Lucah attempts the Pit of 100 Trials, drink.
Every time Lucah refers to Mario's supposed ladykilling abilities, drink.
Near the end of the game, drink every time Lucah finishes a battle with Showstopper.
Whenever Jolene's appearance is followed by a "gurrl..." take a drink.
If Lucah needlessly flips to 3D due to paranoia, drink.
Drink if you notice a shout-out to an earlier Paper Mario game. Drink again if Lucah comments on it.
Every time Lucah mentions Squidward in context of Squirps, take a drink.
Drink if Lucah complains about her lack of item space.
If Lucah successfully captures an enemy in a catch card, take a drink.
If O'Chunks manages to throw Lucah across the screen, start drinking and don't stop until he finishes posing.
Take a drink whenever Lucah obtains a Pure Heart.
When Lucah replaces the word "Prognosticus" with another word in the game text take a drink. If she actually tries to pronounce it, finish your drink. If she pronounces it CORRECTLY, finish your drink, get a new drink and down it completely.