Double Standard Abuse Female On Male: Music
- An article here notes the popularity of "revenge songs" where after a bad breakup or catching the boyfriend cheating, the singer kidnaps, ties and gags, or even flat-out murders the guy, with the actions often Played for Laughs. Chances are if a male singer made a video where he tied up and gagged an ex-girlfriend or attempted to kill her, he would be justifiably condemned by the public.
- "Strong Enough" by Sheryl Crow is possibly a Deconstruction. The woman openly flaunts that she's unstable and possibly violent but asks the guy she's addressing is he's "man enough" to put up with her outbursts. Whether she expects him to hit her back is debatable.
- The music video for Maroon 5's "Misery" is a perfect example of this. This actually goes against the lyrics of the song, which are definitely not about a healthy relationship, as well as the words of Adam Levine himself:
"'Misery' is about the desperation of wanting someone really badly in your life but having it be very difficult. Kind of what all the songs I write are about. I'm not treading on new ground, but I think a lot of people – including myself – deal with that all the time. Relationships are difficult, and it's good therapy to write about them." (source)
- When Florence + the Machine's "Kiss With A Fist" came out, a number of critics condemned it for its Romanticized Abuse overtones — fair enough, except that they all seemed to see the female singer as the poor, innocent victim, despite the fact that she's clearly giving as good as she gets (she hits him, slaps him, sets fire to his bed, breaks his jaw...).
- Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" is all about a woman destroying her boyfriend's car because of the cheating he might be doing. The video says she was right in her unconfirmed suspicions, but there's no way she would be able to get away with it with the genders reversed. Let's see: "I dug my key into the side/Of her pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive/Carved my name into her leather seat/I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights/Slashed a hole in all 4 tires/And maybe next time she'll think before she cheats". Um, yeah. Changing four pronouns changes the connotations quite a bit.
- The video for the Vanessa Carlton song "Pretty Baby" has a Twist Ending where it turns out that the singer has her boyfriend Bound and Gagged in a locked room after catching him talking to another girl earlier in the song.
- The video for Christina Aguilera's "Can't Hold Us Down" has a street full of women ganging up on all the men and spraying them with a fire hose. Why? Because one guy grabbed Christina's ass as she walked by.
- The Rihanna song "Man Down" off her Loud Album - about a woman killing a man with a gun - was met with a backlash from the male audience. At the same time, the female audience defended the song and celebrated it. This was especially the case, because of the attack music star Chris Brown, inflicted on her in real life still being on woman's minds. The song was a huge hit. In the music video the woman kills the man after he rapes her. It's hard to imagine a man killing his female rapist being as highly regarded.
- In what is supposed to be comedic (presumably) but comes off as just seriously disturbing is the music video for "I Pray for You" by Jaron and the Long Road to Love. The song itself is about the narrator grumbling about an ex-girlfriend who has treated him badly and praying all sorts of horrible things happen to her. But the video is just sadistic. The video starts with the man walking into the house, where his girlfriend throws several vases at his head and a hot cup of coffee in his face. The next scene has the man tied up in a bathtub full of water while his girlfriend teasingly dangles a hairdryer over him! The the man gives her a teddy bear. She cuddles it close and then kicks him in the crotch. She then proceeds to try and smother him with the teddy bear.Later, she lays a trip-wire of dental floss that makes him fall down the stairs. And when he tries to leave, she runs over his car with a monster truck. And this is played as funny. If the gender roles were reversed, this would probably be the music video to a tragic song about the horrors of domestic violence.
- "You Don't Love Me Anymore" by "Weird Al" Yankovic describes a man's girlfriend, among other things, disconnecting the brakes in his car, leaving poisonous snakes in his underwear drawer, slamming his face into a barbecue grill, pushing him down an elevator shaft, threatening him with a knife, setting his house on fire, telling all her friends that he's the Antichrist, leaving him for dead in a ditch, and shaving off his eyebrows. Imagine if the song was sung from a female perspective.
- Played for Laughs in the Vocaloid video "I Don't Care Who, Somebody Go Out With Me!"
- Within Temptation's "Frozen" has the wife poisoning her husband's drink after he abuses his daughter. This ends up averted - she ends up on death row for her actions and it is strongly hinted the daughter goes to an orphanage.
- Taylor Swift's song "Stay Stay Stay" features the singer throwing her phone across the room at her boyfriend. The boyfriend played it for laughs by coming back with a football helmet. A song with the roles reversed would not take this so lightheartedly.
- Read the lyrics to Please Don't Leave Me by P!nk. Now, imagine the reaction if that song were sung by a man. And her latest, True Love where she sings about wanting to put her hands around a guy's neck at the same time she allegedly wants to hug him. Somehow, this song is seen as empowering. If a guy were singing those lyrics...yeah. Most male covers keep the lyrics as-is but Halfway To Hollywood genderflipped half of the lyrics. Thus we get like "Sometimes I hate every stupid word you say/Sometimes you wanna slap me in my whole face" and "At the same time, I wanna hug you/You wanna wrap your hands around my neck/I'm an asshole but I love you". It comes off as a Domestic Abuse victim self-victim blaming themselves.
- The Sundays' "I Kicked A Boy".
- In the video for John Legend's "Ordinary People" this trope is gratifyingly averted. Yes, there is the bit where the man hits the woman, but then you have the couple in which it is the woman who strikes first, and in neither case is it considered funny, or appropriate, or anything other than tragic that things have come to the point of violence.
- Not strictly within the trope, but Slate's Amanda Marcotte expressed surprise that Alanis Morrisette's "You Oughta Know" was ever considered a feminist anthem when it's clearly written from the point of view of a stalkerish woman who won't take no for an answer after the relationship's over.