Deadpan Snarker: Theatre
- Arcadia has a healthy dose of them, but most notably Septimus and Thomasina. And possibly Valentine, but he might just be being rude.
- Arms and the Man has Nicola, who is always ready with some witty banter behind the master's back.
- Touchstone and Jaques from As You Like It.
- Mrs. Baker in Butterflies Are Free. And it's awesome.
Jill: (talking about auditioning for a play naked) I don't think anyone could call me a prude.Mrs. Baker: (mock outrage) I'd like to see them try!
- Joanne in Company. She's about as snarky as you can find.
- John Proctor of The Crucible shows some of this, especially in Act One.
- Cyrano de Bergerac: In a play settled in Paris at The Cavalier Years, Witty Banter is Serious Business for everyone.
Ragueneau: Have you been in some danger?Cyrano: None in the world.Lise (shaking her finger at him): Methinks you speak not the truth in saying that!
- Cyrano: At Act II Scene III, after Cyrano has fought one hundred men, he has a slight cut on his hand and is talking casually to his friends Ragueneau and Lise:
Ragueneau: How can I? In a moment,My poets will be here. ]
- Raguenau’s wife, Lisa, gives us her opinion of Raguenau’s poets friends:
- Countess Orsina from Emilia Galotti who brims over with sarcasm, being the only enlightened woman in the whole play.
- John and Ken mostly in Fifth Of July, but everyone gets their shots in at least once.
- Phyllis from Follies.
- King Gama from Gilbert and Sullivan's Princess Ida.
- Hamlet: Hamlet himself. All the time, even when talking to himself.
- Maggie Grant in Lady in the Dark.
- Lorenzo de Medici in Lorenzaccio is famous in-universe for his snarky remarks, some of which are extremely bitter.
- Portia in The Merchant of Venice.
- Mary Flynn from Merrily We Roll Along. An unusual character trait given that she's the chick in her Power Trio.
- Much Ado About Nothing has Benedick and Beatrice, whose Belligerent Sexual Tension results in much Snark-to-Snark Combat.
- Natalie of Next To Normal, though she's something of a Stepford Snarker
- Othello: Iago has some sweet moments.
- The Lemony Narrator of Passing Strange.
- Pokémon Live! has Meowth and, surprisingly, Giovanni.
- Rogers And Hammerstiens Cinderella- Lionel can be delightfully snarky,especially around the stepmother.
- Stepmother: Let's not be coy, Lionel. I can tell that there's...something between us.Lionel: I wish there was something between us. A continent!Stepmother: Whoever the prince chooses will be the princess, right?Lionel: Yes.Stepmother: So that would make her mother a royal...Lionel: Pain in the neck.Lionel: I meant to say younger women.Stepmother: How much younger?Lionel: Younger than you!
- Romeo and Juliet:
- Mercutio. Especially as he's dying.
- Romeo's usually too busy whining, but he is shown to be quite snarky himself when he's in a happier mood, i.e. Act II.
- In 1776, Franklin, Jefferson, and Adams all have their moments, but Jefferson wins for sheer... deadpan-yness.
Adams: Do you mean to tell me that [the Declaration of Independence] is not yet finished?!
Jefferson: No, sir. I mean to say that it is not yet begun.
Adams: He has a whole week! The world was created in a week!
- And then, almost immediately afterwards:
Jefferson: Someday you must tell me how you did it.
Adams: Disgusting. Look at him, Franklin. Virginia's most famous lover!
- One of the funniest iterations of a Running Gag:
Jefferson: Virginia abstains.
- Gemma on Sons of Anarchy:
Gemma: Jesus is the guy who cuts my lawn.
- Archie from Thirteen.
- Twelfth Night
- The fool. Olivia even calls him a "dry fool".
- Olivia herself, mostly in the first act and towards Orsino.
- Speed, Servile Snarker extraordinaire from Two Gentlemen of Verona. Proteus jokes that he's so dry, he'd save a ship from sinking simply by being on it.
- Royal advisors in U.S.L.E.S. productions are often this, e.g. Dandini in Cinderella.
Fiyero: Uh, listen, I've been thinking—
- In Act One, Fiyero has elements of this. His response when Elphaba claims his carriage almost ran her over is to comment that his driver saw green (her skincolour) and thought it meant go, and when asked if he was sleeping rather than paying attention tells her that he was sleeping, it's daytime.
- Elphaba very much.
Elphaba: Yes, I heard.
- But that line is the least of it.
Nessarose: What are you doing here?Elphaba: Well, there's no place like home.Glinda and Elphaba: There must be some confusion for you see my roommate is...Glinda: Unusually and exceeding peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe.Elphaba: [Beat] Blonde.
- Ruth Sherwood from Wonderful Town, especially in her song "One Hundred Easy Ways".
- Henrik Ibsen, a virtual Snark Knight in Real Life, put deadpan snarkers in his plays for good measure.
- St Johns Eve has Johannes Birk, especially when confronting a useless urban romantic.
- Comedy Of Love has Falk, the poet.
- Brand: the titular character to a T.
- Ghosts: Regina Engstrand (a rare female example).
- Hedda Gabler: The titular character - another female example.
- The League Of Youth: Fjeldbo, the doctor, especially when confronting the hero of the play. Also the old politician Lundestad.
- The Wild Duck: Both Gregers Werle and Doctor Relling.
- The Pretenders: Jatgeir the minstrel, in service of Skule Baardsson. Also Nicolas the Bishop of Oslo.