Deadpan Snarker / Theatre
has a healthy dose of them, but most notably Septimus and Thomasina. And possibly Valentine, but he might just be being rude.
Arcadia has Nicola, who is always ready with some witty banter behind the master's back.
Arms and the Man Touchstone and Jaques from .
As You Like It Mrs. Baker in Butterflies Are Free. And it's awesome.
Jill: (talking about auditioning for a play naked) I don't think anyone could call me a prude.
Mrs. Baker: (mock outrage) I'd like to see them try!
: Francesca definitely has her moments. See: her suggestion that "the patron saint of Iowa housewives" sent Robert to her, or this little exchange:
The Bridges of Madison County Robert: Is there anything else you'd like me to do?
Francesca: That you haven't done to me already?
Joanne in . She's about as snarky as you can find.
Company John Proctor of shows some of this, especially in Act One.
The Crucible : In a play settled in Paris at Cyrano de Bergerac The Cavalier Years, Witty Banter is Serious Business for everyone.
Ragueneau: Have you been in some danger?
Lise (shaking her finger at him): Methinks you speak not the truth in saying that!
Raguenau’s wife, Lisa, gives us her opinion of Raguenau’s poets friends:
Ragueneau: How can I? In a moment,
My poets will be here. ]
Countess Orsina from Emilia Galotti who brims over with sarcasm, being the only enlightened woman in the whole play.
John and Ken mostly in Fifth Of July, but everyone gets their shots in at least once.
Phyllis from Follies.
King Gama from Gilbert and Sullivan's .
Princess Ida : Hamlet himself. All the time, even when talking to himself.
Hamlet Maggie Grant in .
Lady in the Dark Lorenzo de Medici in Lorenzaccio is famous in-universe for his snarky remarks, some of which are extremely bitter.
Portia in .
The Merchant of Venice Mary Flynn from . An unusual character trait given that she's the chick in her Merrily We Roll Along Power Trio.
has Benedick and Beatrice, whose Much Ado About Nothing Belligerent Sexual Tension results in much Snark-to-Snark Combat.
Natalie of , though she's something of a Next To Normal Stepford Snarker
: Iago has some sweet moments.
Othello The Lemony Narrator of .
Passing Strange has Meowth and, surprisingly, Giovanni.
Pokémon Live! :
Romeo and Juliet Mercutio. Especially as he's dying.
Romeo's usually too busy whining, but he is shown to be quite snarky himself when he's in a happier mood, i.e. Act II.
In , Franklin, Jefferson, 1776 and Adams all have their moments, but Jefferson wins for sheer... deadpan-yness.
Adams: Do you mean to tell me that [the Declaration of Independence] is not yet finished?! Jefferson: No, sir. I mean to say that it is not yet begun.
And then, almost immediately afterwards:
Adams: He has a whole week! The world was created in a week! Jefferson: Someday you must tell me how you did it.
Adams: Disgusting. Look at him, Franklin. Virginia's most famous lover! Jefferson: Virginia abstains.
Gemma on Sons of Anarchy:
Gemma: Jesus is the guy who cuts my lawn.
Archie from .
Twelfth Night The fool. Olivia even calls him a "dry fool".
Olivia herself, mostly in the first act and towards Orsino.
Speed, Servile Snarker extraordinaire from . Proteus jokes that he's so dry, he'd save a ship from sinking simply by being on it.
Two Gentlemen of Verona Royal advisors in productions are often this, e.g. Dandini in U.S.L.E.S. Cinderella.
Wicked In Act One, Fiyero has elements of this. His response when Elphaba claims his carriage almost ran her over is to comment that his driver saw green (her skincolour) and thought it meant go, and when asked if he was sleeping rather than paying attention tells her that he was sleeping, it's daytime.
Elphaba very much.
Fiyero: Uh, listen, I've been thinking— Elphaba: Yes, I heard.
But that line is the least of it.
Nessarose: What are you doing here?
Well, there's no place like home.
Glinda and Elphaba: There must be some confusion for you see my roommate is...
Glinda: Unusually and exceeding peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe.
Elphaba: [ Beat] Blonde.
Ruth Sherwood from Wonderful Town, especially in her song "One Hundred Easy Ways".
Henrik Ibsen, a virtual Snark Knight in Real Life, put deadpan snarkers in his plays for good measure.
St John's Eve has Johannes Birk, especially when confronting a useless urban romantic.
Comedy Of Love has Falk, the poet.
Brand: the titular character to a T.
Ghosts: Regina Engstrand (a rare female example).
Hedda Gabler: The titular character - another female example.
The League of Youth: Fjeldbo, the doctor, especially when confronting the hero of the play. Also the old politician Lundestad.
The Wild Duck: Both Gregers Werle and Doctor Relling.
The Pretenders: Jatgeir the minstrel, in service of Skule Baardsson. Also Nicolas the Bishop of Oslo.