Deadpan Snarker: Fan Fics
- General: Anytime a fanfic writer is a snarker in real life, they'll usually turn the cast into snarkers, whether intentional or not.
- Ah! Archfall! has a few but probably the best one is this:
Belldandy: "We could try... singing?"Jago: "Well that depends: would you rather be cremated or buried at sea?"
- Angel fanfics tend to make Wesley extra snarky.
- Sho in How I Became Yours
- Movie!Yue in Bring Me All Your Elderly, as she's perfectly aware that she's in a bad movie.
- Most of the animated cast has one or two moments to get their snark on. Karata draws special enjoyment from mocking her movie counterpart.
- If Tony and Loki are in the same fic, there will undoubtedly be Snark-to-Snark Combat
- Tony, Loki, Darcy, Clint, Coulson and Natasha tend to be written with this as a defining character trait.
- Matt, Arthur, and Chris from Part Right Half Wrong A Third Crazy, although given that it's pretty much a World of Snark, practically everyone is this at some point.
- In I'll Stand By You and it's sequel Scars Are Forever, Shifty Dingo is turned into a Deadpan Snarker towards Marcia, Danny Dingo, Blinky and Flap.
Danny Dingo: So you just went and baked cookies? Shifty, you're a dingo for crying out loud!Shifty Dingo: Well, if it makes you feel better, I wore a pink apron with butterflies on it while I baked them.Flap: Since when does Greenpatch have a Burger King and how did it get here?Shifty Dingo: Deforestation.
- Batman Beyond Revisited: He goes up against demons, sadists, and other manners of dangerous men, and Jake still plays this role as long as he can.
- An End To All Things features an Okazaki that's possibly even snarkier than in the canon.
- Firefly in Ace Combat The Equestrian War.
- In Deus Ex Equine Revengeance, about half of Facet's dialogue thus far has been devoted to snarking somepony. Rainbow Dash actually stated that he held back in his intro scene because her infant son was present.
- Dalek Sec from A Hero, surprisingly enough.
Kyouko: What the hell are you!?Sec: I AM AN IM-PE-RIA-LIS-TIC SPA-CE NA-ZI.
- Tatl Beryllia in The Blue Blur of Termina, especially with Sonic:
Sonic: (spotting the doors out of the Clock Tower) Hey, is that the way out?Tatl: You see any other doors, kid? Let's go already!
- Elite Four Boss and Jack Noir in Dave Stdider Pokemon Traner.
- Courier Ethan Sunderland in Mass Foundations: Redemption in the Stars
- Shirou in The Hill of Swords, so very much.
- Origin Story: Black Widow is an Olympic level athlete and a master martial artist. Alex Harris is a Kryptonian with all the powers you would expect from a member of ''Superman's species. When she is chewed out by her fellow Avengers for "letting [Alex Harris] go", Black Widow asks if they expected her to subdue the girl by breaking some of her bones on Alex's invulnerable body.
- Soul Chess has a few. Namely Lelouch in chapter 132, making Aizen flip out and Eien Tamashi, Lelouch's Zanpakuto; she channels C.C., the original snarker.
- Bronzong of the Total Pokémon Island series. Moreso in Total Pokémon World Tour.
- Harry becomes exponentially snarky in The Wizard In The Shadows after a start in which he didn't talk much at all, then getting steadily snarkier as time goes on. This is largely a reaction to trauma and his way of dealing with it. The narration is also decidedly lemony.
Narrator: Gimli, having reached the Horn, blew on it, causing one massive, and vaguely flatulent sound to echo over the deep.Harry: *just after Gandalf frees Théoden from Saruman* Look upon your kingdom once more. I hear it’s very nice this time of year.Théoden: What does Rohan owe Gondor?Harry: Would you like me to list that alphabetically, or chronologically?
- While several characters get their moments in Beyond the Veil, Kitty has one of the best when the group stumbles upon Harry fighting Mystique.
Kurt: "Which one's the real Harry?"Kitty: "Probably the one shooting magic from his hands."
- Child of the Storm has a World of Snark. Even Thor gets in on the act - something which isn't quite so surprising when you factor in that he was once James Potter.
- However, Loki, Tony and Darcy are the chief snarkers.
- Superwomen of Eva 2: Lone Heir of Krypton: Shinji, in one omake.
Shinji:"Oh, gee, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. It's not like I'm surrounded by beautiful women who are tearing their own clothes off or anything."
- In All You Need Is Love Naomi, Light, and L all have their moments. Also Original Character Duck.
Naomi: I'm leaving, I'll be back later. Take care of yourselves and try not to destroy any furniture in your petty battles for world domination.Light: My goal is not world domination.Naomi: Light, you said you'd be god of the new world. What do you call that?Light: A new era of enlightenment.Naomi: Whatever. Try not to get any blood on the carpet.
- Matt, Light, and L in A Cure for Love in a very Brit Com way.
Light: OK, 5 across. Dunderhead, 7 letters...L: Matsuda.Light: Ha. Not funny. I think it's...Ryuzaki...no, sorry, my mistake, it must be halfwit.L: The answer is always the obvious one, Light-kun. I think you're making a mistake.Light: Right and down...L: Is that an offer or are you asking? This is a ridiculous crossword. Have we two, apparently the greatest minds of our age, really been reduced to doing a quick crossword?Light: It's the best we have. Stop being a child.L: Do you like the crossword more than me?Light: It talks less.L: And afterwards you can wipe your arse with it.Light: You're speaking in English again.L: I thought that you liked it when I talked.Light: No, that's a misunderstanding on your part.
- Everyone in The End Is Near but especially Light with his imaginary "advice column."
- Light Yagami is extra snarky in Welcome To The Family. So are Near, Matt, and Mello. Ryuk also has a rather twisted sense of humor.
Near: L is always on his computer. If L's not on his computer that means he's dead.Light: ...Or it could mean that L is trapped under his cake freezer.
- While it's generally common for fans to portray Matt this way in fic, Xanatos decided to have a field day with it. Made even better by the fact that Linda generally doesn't get it right away.
Matt: Lin, I told you I got this worked out, didn't I? We're going out my bedroom window.Matt: No, actually there's an underground network of tunnels running through a doorway in the back of my closet.
- L also fits this trope, and he and Matt even engage in Snark-to-Snark Combat.
- Chaos and Te rriermon from Dimensions. No relation. Plus Impmon.
- From the Tamers Forever Series there's... well... okay bear with me #deep breath# Chaos, Rika, Ruki, Takato, Takeru, Terriermon, Hell even the AUTHOR (and his Avatar) counts as this.
- although Chaos is by far the most prominent example.
- The Seven Names of Envy Angevin: Envy and Russell are especially prone to this, which is what makes them such good foils to the belligerent Ed and crazily hyper Ling respectively, and makes the banter so entertaining. A sample:
Ling: Besides, you're being childish. I haven't even slept with anybody in...two weeks!Russell: Oh, how wonderful for you. Here's a memo: giving your pecker a two-week vacation doesn't make you less of a slag.
- In What About Witch Queen?, ever since Seeker appeared, she snarks from time to time, mostly due to her general tired-with-life attitude.
nameless guard: What's this 'it'?
Seeker (in her head): A neutral pronoun. Of course, you probably don't know it, seeing how you are apparently ready to believe someone is making deliveries in the middle of the night.
Ferdinand: He hugged me!
Seeker: Truly, a mark of suspicious activity.
- This trope abounds in Some Semblance of Meaning. There's Kit, Fen, Vale's sister Maybelle... Even Vale herself can dish out some pretty good snark, especially when she's in Tsundere mode when dealing with Obsidian. But the biggest example of all would have to be "the pragmatist"—the ever-present voice in the back of Vale's head.
- In Queen Of All Oni, there are numerous moments of snark, just like in canon.
- In From Shizunes Perspective, Shizune may be one in canon, but Misha becomes one in here, as the author suggests that she would act that way in sign language-only conversations. At one point, Shizune becomes suspicious because Misha is not snarking at her.
Misha: Need a little help there, Shicchan?Shizune: Eat me.Misha: No thanks, I already told you I don't go that way.note .Shizune: Your loss. Too late for you anyway; I'm over my big girl phase. (Misha laughs)
- The alternate version of Saix in The Reluctant Father Universe is this instead of the Jerk Ass he is in the game.
Saix on American Football: Axel, it's a stupid sport where men overcompensating for their low intelligence run into each other at high speeds and then beat each other to the ground.
- Pretty much all of the sharpteeth in The Seven Hunters fit this trope. Chomper's parents are also very snarky in their interactions with one another.
- A lot of characters in The Lion King Adventures are this.
The Interceptor: Oh, I'm so scared of your girly little nails!
- The Interceptor has his moments. Especially with Virusi.
Nala: Let's see you come up with something smart, Mr I-Know-Everything-About-Nothing!
- Nala, too.
Scar (at the thought of teaming up with Hago again): Where did that get us last time? Oh, yeah… it got me exiled to this filthy, infested jungle!
- Predictably, Scar.
Zazu: This is getting tiresome. I'd love to stay and chat, discussing how the names of all my family members are ridiculous and all, but I'm afraid your parents have requested that you are present when they leave.
Simba: That would explain why you're no fun.Zazu: I heard that.Simba: Yeah, well you were supposed to.
- Simba has a few moments in Dead as a Dodo.
Nala: Now, if we killed somebody - and we have - what would we do?'''Simba (half-heartedly): Run around screaming and crying?
- And later:
- In The Legend of Zelda: Rings of Dualty, protagonists Link and Samba get their moments, as do various NPCs. Most humor comes from Lampshade Hanging, though.
Link (after Samba advises him to use explosives to beat a beamos): But we're knee-deep in goron territory and have yet to find a bomb. Notice that little cosmic joke yet?The blonde dropped her jaw. "Well, that was, like, really rude," she commented."Yeah, sneaking past all the OTHER guards instead of going and asking the FIRST one's pretty rude," the man scoffed.
- Sarakshi, Marjani and Tora from Seduction. Will often engage in Snark-to-Snark Combats. Some examples:
Sarakshi: Your shirt smells of grass.Marjani: That is a highly flattering compliment, Sarakshi. I don't know how I've survived so far without it.Tora: Who do you think Hoseki's representatives would believe? One of the maids from a café that has done a grand event for the first time, or the well-mannered and chivalrous Igarashi heir?Sarakshi: Well-mannered. Chivalrous. Excuse me while I gag, Igarashi.Tora: I'm sure something as unattractive as that would be right up your street.
- In Mega Man: Defender of the Human Race, ProtoMan often makes snarky comments about Wily's plans or new 'bots he's building.
- Hard Reset is told in the first person from Twilight's perspective. As the time loop starts to get to her she becomes more and more like this.
- Harmony Theory: Astrid telling Star that she regrets becoming an "unstoppable badass" instead of learning "egghead language" shows her to be this.
- The eponymous Midnight Green.
- Pretty much the most defining characteristic of TD from The Non-Bronyverse. In one of the non-canon transformation stories, he even gets this as an official job title.
- Shining Armor is this in his self titled arc of the Pony POV Series, which he calls 'Classic Equestrian Wit'. The fact he finds himself in crazy situations all the time gives him plenty to snark about.
Shining Armor: However, the Royal Guard Regulations state in Rule Four Hundred and Nine, that 'in face of overwhelming stupidity, an officer is permitted to deploy sarcasm'(I appreciate the Princess' understanding of our position).
- Apparently, the Royal Guard handbook actually encourages this.
- Brownie gives us some rather witty examples in the early chapters of Rainbow in the Dark.
- In Shadow Snark the titular character is, as expected, very snarky.
Shadow Snark: You're sending me to that backwater semi-racist insane asylum to learn about friendship?Princess Celestia: See this is why you're leaving.
- The protagonist of Sophistication And Betrayal has a habit of snarkily lampshading the weirdness found within Equestria. His marefriend Rarity is also quite fond of responding to his antics with snark.
- Navarone in Diaries of a Madman could almost make a career out of doing this. Celestia and Taya show a lighter version of this, usually responding to his antics with the occasional dry and snarky remark.
- The narrator of Kakashi's Kid exhibits this in spades. Unfortunately, she keeps most of her comments to herself in order to keep her cover.
Had my face not already been implanted in the floor, I would have done said action immediately.ANBU Sparrow: "I never fail interesting missions." Nothing like reassurance, eh?
- Several members of the cast of Kitsune no Ken: Fist of the Fox get a shot at this here and there, but one of the main ones is Shikamaru, usually in response to Ino's nutty antics or Choji's appetite. There's also Jugo, regarding anything Suigetsu does, or Kushina, who never fails to take the occasional pot-shot at her own son Naruto.
- A Crown Of Stars: Many characters are excellent at snarking. Asuka may get quite sarcastic due to her hellish past prior to the fic -fortunately she becomes less caustic and less bitter throughout the story-, but the whole Avaloni civilization loves snarking. And the Emperor is a master at it:
Ching:“This is an Army show, sir. I’m here as a volunteer, friend, and doc, not as a naval officer. And it’s your Empire. You could put a purple-arsed baboon in command, and I’d just salute.”
Daniel:“Duly noted; I’ll make sure your next commanding officer is an unusually colored simian, just for you,’
- Advice And Trust: Everyone gets a few licks here and there, but highest marks have to go to off-her-sedativesRei and her comments on her friend Asuka's clandestine affairs.
Rei:"No, I am not 'fucking with you.' That is Ikari-kun's job."
- Evangelion 303: Several characters snark occasionally. Main offenders are:
- Shinji -mainly in the first chapters-:
Asuka: Ya know... You'd be a pretty good pilot if you knew how to control yourself...
Shinji: Weirdest way of conceeding I've ever heard...
Misato: Now I want all of you out on the flightline at 1400 hours to greet him.
Asuka: Will this be an official buttkissing, or can we blow sunshine at our own leisure? I think I'm getting my nails done this afternoon...
Jessika (after Asuka has spent a long while complaining about "idiot Shinji"): Hey Asuka... What's the German word for boyfriend?
Asuka: Depends... Could be "fester freund"... or simply "freund" if you were introducing him.
'''Jessika: Hmmm... I thought maybe "idiot" was the German word for it...
- Ritsuko is the biggest offender of this series:
Misato: There are times when I really hate this job...
Ritsuko: The better question is: Are there any times when you don't hate your job?
- Misato also has some good lines every so often:
Misato: Alright kids, listen up. I got news!
(She excitedly tells them the news. Neither of them reacts or pretends to care)
Misato: On the edge of your seats, clearly.
- Shinji -mainly in the first chapters-:
- In "Even The Score", OCs Ace and Streets are snarkers to the bone. Combined with Jack and Racetrack, all snarky hell breaks loose:
Ace: "Conlon...he called you Cowboy." Jack: "Yeah, so?" Ace: "So does he call ya that 'cause of your taste in hats, or what?"Streets [referring to a bet]: "Can I get in on that?" Racetrack: "On whose side?" Streets: "Not yours."
- Several characters in Silver Blood can be considered snarkers, but the most obvious and constant example is Silver. Though, growing up in Team Rocket certainly explains why this is his default reaction to others, at least in his thoughts.
Silver: I would feel so much cleverer if I didn’t solely do that because everyone else in the Team is apparently stupid.
- Wally's also quite snarky, though it's mostly reserved for Brendan.
- Valkron of Warriors of the World is the biggest offender considering that in some conversations nearly every other line of dialogue from him is snark. Someone in-universe even remarks his snarkery spreads out and infects people the longer they spend more time with him.
- The four in With Strings Attached. Some examples:
John: "Why're you so bloody calm?"George: "Because I'm a better person than you.”The Hunter: “I warn you, children, I have little patience for fools.”Ringo: “If you were a doctor, would you have little fools for patients?”
- In Step by Step, Spock, per the norm. Kirk even refers to one of his comments as a "Vulcan burn."
I do not show favoritism among my subordinates, Doctor, as that is both against Starfleet regulation and, in addition, quite illogical. Also, were I to for some undisclosed reason to show favoritism, it would most certainly not be towards you.
- Down To Agincourt takes 2014-Castiel's tendency towards snark (insouciant, anyone?) and turns it Up to Eleven.
- In Nightblade, this is Nick's favored form of communication. His Inner Monologue claims that after people have been exposed to him for long enough, they either develop this trait or start ignoring him, and it shows.
- This is Tsuuma's main trait, in Tengen Toppa Gurren Solvernia, she never misses an opportunity to snark at Viral, even if when in the middle of a battle:
Viral: "My scars have history."Tsuuma: "Now, here you are, the most distinguished assassin of the empire, the ultimate life form, the über-beastmensch of tomorrow!"Tsuuma (after Kamina knocked him down): "I'm sure you're on the ground because you like it there."
- And if she's not being sarcastic, better pay attention.
- An unnamed Administratum Master in Tales of the Emperasque:
Emperor: I WANT YOU ALL TO LISTEN VERY CLOSELY.
Administratum Master: I assure you that will be very easy, my Lord God.
- The picture made by one of the fans has another Lord of Terra snarking as well:
Emperor (having just crashed a huge table): SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
Lord of Terra: Actually, I don't.
- The picture made by one of the fans has another Lord of Terra snarking as well: