"Our first destiation is in World War II. World War II is the second most horrible and important point in history. 9/11 is the first of course but that is too horrible and tragic to use in any story. Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11! Never forget 9/11!" Our writers thought that the very essential credo, one that certain potential terrorists considered an Overly Long Running Gag, had gone too far so Satan continued, "World War II is so important that all video games should be set, entirely, within it. Any game set in any other time period is an insult to the Americans who, almost singlehandedly, won the war and defeated the Communist menace!
"We need a powerful explosive to destroy the spatial distortion, thus, I have equipped Death Note Man with Nitro Glycerin. Johnny, you must protect him at all costs. Nitro Glycerin is extremely unstable, however so you must be careful. We cannot fail this Escort Mission or we will all be fucked!
Johnny and Death Note Man landed on a hilltop. They saw, South of them, a brutal battle between the Violent Glaswegian army, one that happily tortured its victims and the N.A.S.T.Y. A.S.S.E.S (nihilistic, authoritarian, stupid turd: you, amazingly, stupid shits, evil stupidity,) who replaced the Nazis because of Executive Meddling. Their banners were emblazoned with crossed arms, their hands placed at suspicious angles, because the executives said No Schwaztikas Allowed. All of the combatants aimed walkie-talkies at each other and no one was visibly injured. North, they saw a bright beacon leading to the target but it was in the middle of the enemy base.
They stood still while N.A.S.T.Y. A.S.S.E.S. soldiers walked under the hill and talked. Both had very fake accents, one Russian, the other German, although, both were supposed to be from the same country. "Ja, mein liebschen hausfrau is such a bitch and is as hairy as one of your bears. She never lets me have any fun and is so demanding: She says, 'Was ist sie nein Kommandant auf der Panzer berhalteren?' Icht bin in love with her, despite those faults." "Da, wife I have, always, want stop drinking me to. Need, I do to escape the horrors of Russian life.
They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood and took their clothes. These uniforms fit, perfectly and were clean, despite the blood but the process of putting them on caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. They left the alcove and entered a hallway, where guards attacked,caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. A guard saw the bodies, raised the alarm and the pounding footsteps caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They stepped through a tripwire and triggered a trap that caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where a sniper shot Death Note Man and caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where crouched and hugged the wall, staying out of the sniper's field of vision. They climbed the stairs, killed the sniper from behind and opened the door to a dining area, where Death Note Man slipped on spilled grease and caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where crouched and hugged the wall, staying out of the sniper's field of vision. They climbed the stairs, killed the sniper from behind and opened the door to a dining area, where Death Note Man, carefully, walked across the floor. They entered an area that was covered with mysterious red barrels, knocked one over, it, improbably, exploded, caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where they crouched and hugged the wall, unnoticed by the sniper. They climbed the stairs, killed the sniper from behind and opened the door to a dining area, where Death Note Man, carefully, walked across the floor. They avoided the red barrels and entered an open area that was, mysteriously, placed in the middle of the base. They saw that the beacon was in front of a door at the end of a courtyard, overlooked by a guardtower and the tower had a harness, used to take guys up and down from the tower. Johnny told Death Note Man to stay in the tower while he checked for any resistance in the courtyard. He used the harness to pull him up but the force caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where they crouched and hugged the wall, unnoticed by the sniper. They climbed the stairs, killed the sniper from behind and opened the door to a dining area, where Death Note Man, carefully, walked across the floor. They avoided the red barrels and entered an open area that was, mysteriously, placed in the middle of the base. They saw that the beacon was in front of a door at the end of a courtyard, overlooked by a guardtower and the tower had a harness, used to take guys up and down from the tower. Johnny told Death Note Man to stay in the tower while he checked for any resistance in the courtyard. He used the harness, very slowly to pull him up. Johnny entered the courtyard and enemies swarmed around him. Death Note Man used a sniper rifle, found inside the tower to help him but the recoil caused the Nitro Glycerine to detonate and everything went black.
Satan said, "don't worry, Johhny, I'll use my powers to reverse time." They, easily, passed the first layer of guards because the enemies had No Peripheral Vision and the shadows, perfectly, concealed them. They found two guards, standing where no one else coould see them, knocked them out, producing a large amount of Black Blood but left the clothes. Johnny and Death Note Man dragged the bodies into the shadows. They waited until the guards passed by and quickly left the alcove and traveled further into the complex. They disarmed the trap, dodged some more guards and opened the door to an area where they crouched and hugged the wall, unnoticed by the sniper. They climbed the stairs, killed the sniper from behind and opened the door to a dining area, where Death Note Man, carefully, walked across the floor. They avoided the red barrels and entered an open area that was, mysteriously, placed in the middle of the base. They saw that the beacon was in front of a door at the end of a courtyard, overlooked by a guardtower and the tower had a harness, used to take guys up and down from the tower. Johnny told Death Note Man to do nothing while he defeated the enemies, then, used the harness, very slowly to pull him up. Johnny entered the courtyard and enemies swarmed around him. He fought them in a grand battle, won and Death Note Man used the Nitro Glycerine to destroy the objective.
A couple ran out to what had happened. They were introduced as Master D. and Ilsa Gunderson but were, very clearly, Hitler and Eva Braun. Gunderson did an Ass Pull and produced a gigantic minigun, causing Johnny and Death Note Man to leap behind cover. Master D.followed them and unleashed a flurry of incredible martial arts. He kicked, punched, bit, stomped and elbowed them and whenever they tried to escape, Ilsa shot at them. Johnny, finally, saw a pattern and hit the Master at the right time, catching him off guard and allowing the dictator to be beaten into unconsciousness. He threw a grenade that blew up right in front of Ilsa and seemed to kill her.
Johnny and Death Note Man walked away, waiting for Satan to return them to the present, when the Master and Ilsa merged and formed a Crystal Dragon Jesus 2000! It had giant spiked wings, teeth that would make a Tyrannosaurus's look like cardboard by comparison, razor sharp claws the size of truck tires and a mysterious glowing spot. Our heroes ran towards the battle.
They ended up at the Violent Glaswegian front, where inconsistent censorship caused the combatants to fight properly: With guns, rockets, swords and bombs, filling the ground with blood. It was pure, an ignorant man would say hellish chaos. One of the Glaswegians confronted them. "Ach, ye er pueyass snbitch, inchter? Ye on ho thee hund pou mus mass, ah had more'n at win ah was et! Ah betcher ho mo'n fity I.Q, thus, smtr'n ny o' us Glaswegians! Ah..." he stopped when the Crystal Dragon Jesus 2000 swooped in and strafed the battlefield with fire. Glaswegians were massacred as they tried to defeat the monster. One soldier, finally, noticed the glowing spot and shot it, causing the creature to die. Violent Glaswegians, however, were, now, hopelessly outnumbered, trapped and seemingly, fucked. Johnny closed his eyes and screamed as he prepared to return to oblivion.
American troops, however, appeared and attacked the enemies. They were very few but as everyone knows, Americans were and will alwways be far better than anyone else. They defeated the enemies and conquered the land, then, Satan found Johnny and Death Note Man and transported them back to the present.
