The German flag. Also is Hans von Hozel's avatar on Fanfiction.net
"Hallo there, my name is Hans von Hozel.
Please read and enjoy! :)" "I had idea when one day, I going in Berlin. Suddenly, everything in English! I could not understand it. It was like it in another language, so I make English and do stories in it. : D"
— Hans von Hozel
Hans von Hozel is one of many writers on Fanfiction Dot Net
, though his original account and fanfics are no longer on the website, having been removed by the site without explanation. Probably the most notable thing about Hans' collection of fics is that he had a fic for just about everything. Well, maybe not everything, but chances are if there's a huge fanbase (e.g. Twilight
), there will be a fic for that sooner or later. Although, the plot might not have to do with the storyline at all...
You can find a steadily-building archive of his old work here
. Additionally, his new account is available here
, though it hasn't been nearly as prolific as his old account was.
Hans von Hozel's works provide examples of:
- Anyone Can Die: Most of his fics end on a melancholy note. For example: He kills all of the Ninja Turtles and Splinter in his story Ninja Turtles and in his Doctor Who fic, the Doctor gets eaten by raptors.
- Artistic License – Astronomy: in Werewolves, executives on earth successfully harpoon the sun.
- Artistic License – Biology:
- In The Raven, the titular raven is being hunted for its fur coat.
- Also, the Glee fanfic involves a banana forest growing as a result of Produce Pelting. Edible bananas have no seeds.
- Artistic License – Nuclear Physics: "Suddenly, his potion solution constructed nuclear in its half life and opened up a black wormholee!!!!!!"
- Author Vocabulary Calendar: Many of his fanfics use "danube" as a verb.
- Black Comedy Rape: In his Titanic fanfiction, the iceberg rapes the ship itself.
- "Blind Idiot" Translation: His stories are like this.
- Butterfly of Doom: Doctor Who has a time travel related accident with a feather duster which causes the world's population to turn into dinosaurs... who eat The Doctor... and conquer the world...
- Catch Phrase: His usage of "Danube" as a verb, usually to indicate someone or something moving.
- Crack Fic: Many of his works fall into this category.
"One day, Naruto
was sit on a beach.
It was many suns in the sky.
- Darker and Edgier: Pikachu gets made into a coat by Team Rocket, causing Ash to kill himself, Mary Poppins gets hit by an airplane while flying with her umbrella, Alice accidentally poisons herself when she drinks from the "Drink Me" bottle, just to name a few of the fates of famous popular characters.
- Department of Redundancy Department:
"It is good to have House House!" say House, as he walk into House House.
- Deus Ex Nukina: "Dragon Droppings":
"Oh no!" said Obama, "The feces are spreading outside the wall of the city! We must use nuke!"
So he pressed a button and nuke city, which killed the dragon and evaporated all of the fecals.
The world of celebration, for dragon to gone!
- Die for Our Ship: Invoked in Valentine's Day, Harry sets a dragon on Ron so he can have Hermione for himself.
- Disproportionate Retribution: In Pikachus Umbrella, Pikachu is locked in a prison cell for all eternity for stealing a TV set.
- The Dog Bites Back: "The animals had had enough of being used by Panda, and gave humans location."
- Don't Like, Don't Read: He used this in his NUMB3RS fic when he rehosted it (it had been reported and deleted).
- Downer Ending: A rare humorous example can be found in nearly everything he writes.
- Flash Fiction: Most of his works are quite short.