Comically Missing The Point: Jokes

It's worth pointing out that many jokes are based on someone comically missing the point.
  • A blonde woman is riding on a two-seater aircraft when the pilot has a fatal heart attack. She radios the tower which assures her that they are experienced and will be able to help her get to the ground. They ask for her height and position and she responds "I'm 5'4" and in the front seat!"
  • A call goes out to 911, and the dispatcher asks what's wrong. "Help, we were hunting and my gun went off on accident. I think my buddy's dead!" The dispatch says, "I need to know whether you need an ambulance; there's been another terrible accident. Can you be sure your friend is dead?" The hunter replies, "Well, alright." BANG! "Now what?"
  • A flying airplane in the air is suddenly rocked by an explosion. The air-hostess goes to the passengers and announces that one of the engines's just exploded, but since there are 3 more, the flight will simply take half an hour more. This situation repeats itself twice more with the same result and then another time. One of the passengers exclaims: "Goddamit, now it's gonna take the whole damned day to get there!"
  • A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"
  • A guy tells his psychiatrist: "It was terrible. I was away on business, and I emailed my wife that Iíd be back a day early. I rushed home from the airport and found her in bed with my best friend. I donít get it. How could she do this to me?" "Well," says the psychiatrist. "Maybe she didnít see the email."
  • A guy walks into a doctor's office and says loudly to the receptionist, "There's something wrong with my dick." The receptionist looks up rather irritated and says, "Sir, you shouldn't come walking into this office and talking like that. It's embarrassing to everyone. If it's something that sensitive, you should say there's something wrong with your ear and then discuss things more privately with the doctor in his office." "Okay, okay, sorry," the man grumbles. "Miss, I'm here to see the doctor about my ear." "Very well, what seems to be the trouble with your ear, sir?" The man replies, "It hurts when I take a piss."
  • A man at a restaurant to the waiter: "What's this fly doing in my soup?" - After a close look the waiter replies: "The backstroke".
  • An older couple are at home one evening having a nice quiet dinner together when the husband suddenly collapses on the floor clutching his chest in pain. The wife rushes to the phone and dials 911. When the emergency operator answers, she says, "Quick, I need to get an ambulance over here right away. I think my husband is having a heart attack!" The voice on the other end says, "We're dispatching an ambulance now, ma'am. What's the address?" The wife replies, "1852 Eucalyptus." "Can you spell that?" asks the operator. "No I can't. If you want, I can drag him over to Oak Street...."
  • The supervisor of a construction site leaves the site every day at 11am and returns at 1pm. Because of this, the workers start taking advantage of this with a longer lunch break. One day one of the workers decides to go home for a little nookie with his wife, but when he opens the bedroom door he finds the supervisor having sex with his wife! The guy backs out slowly and returns to work. The next day the supervisor leaves at the normal time and when the workers all leave the guy stays on the job. When asked why he isn't coming the guy says "No way — I almost got caught yesterday!"
  • The world's funniest joke, according to researchers at the University of Hertfordshire's Laughlab, goes as follows:

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up.
    Holmes: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."
    Watson: "I see millions of stars, and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."
    Holmes: "No Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"

  • A blonde woman was told to always follow a snowplow when a snowstorm got too rough, so on her way home one night she did just that. After a half hour of following, the plow stopped and the driver came over to ask her what she was doing. The woman explained she had been told to follow a snowplow in bad weather, and that's what she was doing. He replied "Well, I'm finished with the Walmart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to Target?"