On his first album, Shame Based Man, Bruce McCulloch had a recurring bit with a radio call-in show. The last of these is some happy idiot calling to say all the lonely people should "pair up". The host then gives her a list of reasons this is a dumb idea, all of which are lost on her.
On his show, Conan O'Brian said, "After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it's the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams."
The basis of one of Dave Chappelle's jokes, from Killing Them Softly, detailing a restaurant waiter telling him "blacks and chickens are quite fond of one another." Dave comments on the incident:
"All these years I thought I liked chicken 'cause it was delicious. It turns out I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken!"
Jeff Foxworthy describes how, growing up, the mailbox outside his family's house had the letters "male" painted on the side of it. By the time he was in the eleventh grade Jeff realized "That ain't right. That M's supposed to be capitalized, innit?"
Jimmy Carr, after his delayed reaction to the audience after this joke:
"People like to smoke a cigarette after sex, but you can't buy cigarettes until you're sixteen, so I have to buy them for both of us. [To audience] You think it's wrong I'm buying a 15 year old cigarettes? [Realizing] You think it's wrong I'm fucking her?"
In many countries the age of consent for sex is 15 to 18, but the minimum age required to buy alcohol or tobacco is 18 to 21 (this including a certain large country we all know about...) - so it's 100 percent legal to have sex with a 15 year old, but illegal and punished by fines to give her cigarettes or a glass of beer.
Possibly a combination of They Changed It, Now It Sucks and Values Dissonance: The age of consent for heterosexual sex in the United Kingdom has been 16 since 1885 but smoking by 16 year olds was legal until 2007, when it was upped to 18. (Alcohol consumption has been 18 for a lot longer.) So, sex with a 15 year old would land you on the sex offenders register and possibly sewing mail bags but, until fairly recently, teenagers smoking wasn't considered a big deal.
So a fag in one orifice is less important than a douche in another orifice?
Given the premise "All fish live underwater", and "All mackerel are fish", she will conclude not that all mackerel live underwater, but that if she buys kippers it will not rain, or that trout live in trees, or even that I do not love her anymore.
Comedian Mike Williams bases a comedy routine around McDonalds drive-throughs having a sign saying that they have Braille menus (for people who can't see) and picture menus (for people who can't read). To repeat, this is in the DRIVE-THRU. He claims to go up to the window in dark shades to ask for a Braille menu, to be told, "Sorry, we're out of Braille menus; would you like a picture menu?"
German comedian Otto Waalkes once made this joke: "In the 16th century, Nostradamus predicted: 'And in the year of 1985, a red-haired young man from Leimen named Boris will win the final in Wimbledon' - which is complete nonsense: First, my name is Erwinnote Otto's persona, not Boris; second, I'm blond, not red-haired; third, I'm not from Leimen, but from Emden; and fourth, if I had won the 1985 Wimbledon, I'd definitely remember that."
Rowan Atkinson pulled this off in Fatal Beatings, when he called in a student's father to his office to discuss his son's currently poor 'attitude' to school life. See it here.
A skit goes with a person walking into a restaurant and ordering a drink and a sweet roll. The waiter informs them that they are out of sweet rolls. The person thinks that apparently ordering different combinations of "sweetroll + drink" will eventually get them one, and they continue to order a sweet roll despite the waiter's increasingly angry responses that they don't have any. Eventually, the waiter gives up and walks off. The person then says "I wonder how long it'll take my sweet roll to get here."