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    The Narrator 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/cc41b2ac_9c09_47eb_ac03_5ea71d4d16ba.jpeg
"I awoke in a cold room, hunched on the floor beside a black and empty grate, the clock striking three, and the siren howling overhead."

C. S. Lewis' Author Avatar who finds himself in the Grey Town and gets on the bus to the Valley of the Shadow of Life on Heaven's doorstep.
  • Author Avatar: of C. S. Lewis dreaming the events which he then reports on in the book.
  • Afterlife Tour: Lewis is given one that resembles Dante's journey in The Divine Comedy; except that here Hell and Purgatory are the same place (depending on whether the Grey Town representing both is someone's final destination or not). Unlike the poet Vergil guiding Dante, Lewis' Spirit Advisor George MacDonald doesn't join him until he gets to Heaven's doorstep. In both books, the journey turns out to have been a dream, though.
  • All Just a Dream: This is heavily stressed at the end of the book, emphasised by MacDonald relaying divine orders to make it absolutely clear the story is not theological statement. Lewis was careful to hammer the MST3K Mantra home in the preface and the last chapter; he makes it very clear that even In-Universe he is just describing someone's vision of what the afterlife may be like, not heretically trying to propose his writing as doctrine.
  • Dead to Begin With: The only human character for whom this is averted - although in an inversion of how the trope is usually played neither he nor the reader know this until MacDonald tells him.
  • First-Person Peripheral Narrator: The real plot are the conversations between the Ghosts and the Bright Ones. Except for his own talk with MacDonald, the narrator just reports on them.
  • Heroic BSoD: After talking to the Hard-Bitten Ghost, who's Seen It All and believes that the controlling forces for both sides of all conflicts (including Heaven Versus Hell) are actually on the same side, Lewis almost believes it himself.
  • I'm Your Biggest Fan: Very starstruck to meet George MacDonald, whose books were a major influence on his spiritual life both In-Universe and in Real Life. Lewis is not quite Starstruck Speechless, but he does admit to stammering a bit.
  • The Knights Who Say "Squee!": Upon meeting George MacDonald, the narrator begins to gush with admiration when he realizes he's met George MacDonald - until the latter stops him, pointing out he's familiar with his own biography.
  • Made of Plasticine: Like all the other visitors to the Valley of the Shadow of Life he is just as much tragically intangible, and interacting with anything heavenly hurts him. Lewis' face in the bus's mirror is also implied to look just as full of impossibilities in the cruelly revealing heavenly light as everyone else's when the light is still dusky before the sunrise — and then even interacting with the light hurts him when the sunrise comes and it grows much stronger.
  • No Name Given: Although “C. S. Lewis” would be a reasonable assumption for the the narrator's name; he's only ever referred to in the first person, or second person by others.
  • The Nicknamer: The narration from his point of view nicknames several of the ghosts — sometimes even after you know their names in the rare cases they have ones.
  • The One Who Made It Out: When the sun rises in Heaven (likely) spelling doom for the Ghosts, Lewis wakes up instead. This also makes him one of only two (possibly three) people able to leave Hell without eventually going back during the story.
  • Unreliable Narrator: The Narrator's Fatal Flaw, per Word of God — though it only shows in the narration if you know. MacDonald, being someone he really looks up to, is able to gradually get him out of it a bit — most notably when he calls Lewis out for being a Know-Nothing Know-It-All:
    Lewis: "God forbid!", I said, feeling very wise.
    MacDonald: "He has forbidden it, that's what I'm telling ye."

    The Bus Driver 
"You need never come back unless you want to.
Stay as long as you please."

The one who drives the bus that ferries Ghosts up to Heaven.
  • Afterlife Express: He drives one all the way from Hell up to Heaven (and it's implied another bus from Hell to Earth). The bus between those two realms has to fly miles and miles and miles above Hell and journey for a day before it can reach the doormat of Heaven.
  • A Form You Are Comfortable With: If the Bus Driver showed up there in full and true Form You Are Uncomfortable With, that would probably wipe Hell and anyone in there from existence just by proximity.
  • Angel Unaware: The narrator is unaware of who exactly is driving the bus — and where from to where to as well, for that matter — at the time of the journey, and only finds out all of it later. Also a shout out to the trope namer.
    Later in the story, George MacDonald states that the only one in Heaven who can shrink down enough to get into Hell is God. The Bus Driver is quite clearly a resident of Heaven whose job entails going down into Hell. Do the math.
  • Being Good Sucks: He is the only being capable of feeling sorrow for those in Hell. He runs the bus service constantly, shrinking down smaller than an atom to reach them. For all those efforts, the hellish ghosts are never pleased to see the Bus Driver. His bus is never full.
  • Deliverance from Damnation: His job description. He drives an Afterlife Express that can bring damned souls (the Ghosts) to the outskirts of Heaven, where they can stay if they like (if they like being the key words, since many of them don't).
  • Everyone Calls Him "Barkeep": played straight during the scenes the Bus Driver appears in, and afterwards all the way up until the reader can possibly figure out the true identity — at which point it's assumed they catch on a bit quicker than the narrator does.
  • God Is Good: The bus service is there in order to give damned souls a chance to leave hell. Most don't take the opportunity, as they are unwilling to make the necessary sacrifice of giving up their Fatal Flaw (and in some sense their self along with it).
  • Good Shepherd: Strictly speaking, the Bus Driver isn't clergy — but considering the Deliverance from Damnation part... and being who He is...
  • Holier Than Thou: Several ghosts accuse the Bus Driver of this, although the Narrator can't see any base to these accusations.
  • Holy Is Not Safe: Downplayed, as with anything heavenly in the story. Just as there is a constant sense of background danger in the Valley of the Shadow of Life, getting too close to one of Heaven's residents (like the Bus Driver) is dangerous for the Ghosts because of the inherent divine power. He cloaks the latter with A Form You Are Comfortable With, and the narration doesn't comment on Holy Is Not Safe until after the bus trip. Near the end of the story, MacDonald quite explicitly relays a divine command with a lot of implied authority behind it, though; and one of the Bright Ones compares the effect of using even lent divine power directly on a Ghost to pulling teeth (without anaesthetic, it's implied). He is the authority and power behind both.
  • It Was His Sled: The Driver's true identity is heavily implied throughout, and all but stated by MacDonald at the end of the story: it's God making a cameo.
  • Psychopomp: His role in the story is to chauffeur the damned to Heaven, and its implied this job has already been going on for a long time.
  • The Quiet One: He only has one line of dialogue in the entire short novel.
  • Reasonable Authority Figure: He is the authority figure, so the trope is played with and almost inverted — but there is not one person in Hell whom the Bus Driver hasn't tried to talk into being sensible and taking the bus up to Heaven to be free of their Self-Inflicted Hell. Or at least provide a bit of comfort to by offering them that help. Most don't listen, averting the "reasonable" part from the other end. Likewise, He is God reasoning with others.
  • Sacred Hospitality: His one line of dialogue is inviting the ghosts to stay in Heaven as long as they wish.
  • Sizeshifter: He has to do this to bring anyone to Heaven, as Hell and its denizens are so infinitesimally small — more of a state of mind than a state of reality — shrinking into minuscule dimensions to reach hell, and upsizing the passengers of the bus along with it on the way out.

    George MacDonald 
https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/george_macdonald.jpg
"Son, son, it must be one or the other."

The narrator's favorite author, who serves as his Spirit Advisor in the afterlife.
  • Funetik Aksent: MacDonald's is not as strong as the level of Scots dialect in his actual novels, but he has an obviously Scottish speech pattern.
  • Historical Domain Character: George MacDonald is of course a real historical author, whose writings greatly influenced Lewis both In-Universe and in Real Life.
  • The Mentor: MacDonald's books were a formative influence on the narrator's life, as was the case for C. S. Lewis in real life. In-story, he's there to teach the narrator about God, human nature, heaven, hell, the consequences of Earthly life, deliverance from damnation, fatal flaws, and all about how the supernatural side of things works. By all of Lewis' accounts he's a pretty good teacher.
  • Mr. Exposition: Most of the information we get about how things work in Heaven comes from MacDonald's explanations. It's a lot to take in, even for the protagonist.
  • Spirit Advisor: George MacDonald plays this role to the narrator, explaining the situation of heaven and hell, and how ghosts can be saved from damnation.
  • Stop Worshipping Me: or Stop Squeeing Over Me, rather; to the Narrator, when the latter gushes all starstruck at meeting his favorite author. Lewis gets over it, though.

Ghosts

    In general 
  • Card-Carrying Villain: Some are this, others are Never My Fault — either way, the Ghosts insist on staying evil.
  • Evil Is Petty: Most of the Ghosts are just normal people who happen to be selfish bastards.
  • Fatal Flaw: Personified. Since ultimate good and ultimate evil are in no way compatible with one another (meaning Heaven would have to completely replace every last trace of Hell within someone in order for them to go from one to the other) the Ghosts' insistence on keeping those flaws is what ultimately keeps them in their Self-Inflicted Hell.
  • Flat-Earth Atheist: The narrator mentions that some ghosts refused to give up their materialism despite being in the afterlife, instead insisting that basically everything around them is just an elaborate hallucination.
  • Hell Is Other People: These are the other people, when they get the chance. Everyone is a jerk, and no one can stand each other's company. In fact, the Grey Town is mostly empty because quarrels bad enough that the participants decide to move away from each other happen very frequently. In the Valley of the Shadow of Life, they can't hurt anyone — and any who get to know this are pissed.
  • Hell Invades Heaven: The Ghosts are too unreal to do any damage. However, some of those ghosts, in one way or another, have the motivation (but never the ability) to bring Hell into Heaven in one way or another, ranging from explaining Hell to those in Heaven, to trying to convince the people in Heaven to transform Heaven to look more like Hell, to simply screaming in hatred at anyone in Heaven.
  • Hell of a Heaven: After comparing Heaven and Hell, most of the damned choose Hell, although this is less because Heaven's a bad place and more because going there means that they have to give up their Fatal Flaw (and in some sense their selves with those flaws), which most are unwilling to do.
  • His Own Worst Enemy: All Ghosts are neither able to admit their shortcomings nor confront them; most of them not even with help from the Bright Ones. They find any welcoming invitation or reunion unbearable, and many of them flat out refuse to venture any further and leave.
  • Humans Are Flawed: And the flaws have eaten away the Ghosts' humanity — until there was nothing left of them except those flaws. As their Fatal Flaws are the only thing they have left, of course they are unwilling to give up exactly those — because then they'd be left with nothing at all.
  • Ignored Epiphany: The Ghosts each meet someone who directly points out what problems are keeping them from staying in Heaven, but despite staying being in the Ghosts' best interest, many of them plead ignorance or accuse Heaven of deception and retreat back to the bus to Hell.
  • It's All About Me: Being profoundly self-absorbed makes them (in the words of MacDonald) "shut themselves up in the dungeon of their own minds" — and thus, in Hell.
  • It's the Principle of the Thing: Most of the Ghosts decide that accepting the help of the Bright Ones would be a terrible violation of one important principle or another, and head back to the bus.
  • Karmic Damnation: Anybody who's in Hell wants to be there — as the Ghosts want to keep the Hell inside themselves along with their fatal flaws, and rather have both than neither. Nobody stays in Hell unless they chose to be there. Those that seek eternal death find it.
  • Made of Plasticine: The dimension around them is too real to bend for not-quite-real ghosts like themselves; the wind, the water spray — even the blades of grass — cut right through them.
  • The Masochism Tango: The husband and wife, and the androgynous couple, who leave the bus line at the beginning because they're too busy quarreling. The story makes clear that they will go on trashing each other forever.
  • Never My Fault: One of the main factors keeping most Ghosts from accepting grace and letting go of their faults is their inability to acknowledge those (while those that do know they are evil are Card-Carrying Villains).
  • Our Ghosts Are Different: Onscreen, we only see those Ghosts who decide to visit Heaven; who are tiny, selfish creatures so insubstantial that touching things outside of Hell hurts them. There's also a passing reference to Ghosts who have taken visits back to Earth.
  • Put on a Bus to Hell: Most of them, in the end — both figuratively and literally. They put themselves on it, though.
  • Rage Against the Heavens: Some of these Ghosts' visits sole purpose.
  • Self-Inflicted Hell: By way of their Fatal Flaws, which they'd rather torture themselves with than let go of. Arguably this is one of the two main points of the book: the only reason the Ghosts end up back in Hell is because they chose to do so for being able to keep their own petty issues there — when the chance to go to Heaven is right in front of them.
  • Tragic Intangibility: The Ghosts are so insubstantial that nearly everything passes through their form. The story shows several Ghosts fail to lift things, unable to pick a flower, unable to swim in the river (though the narrator finds out this means he can walk on it)... — and realise they feel excruciating pain whenever anything passes through them.
  • Unreliable Narrator: The Ghosts will present very unreliable accounts of themselves and their stories — which the Bright Ones No-Sell.
  • Wangst: All of them, and how; but none more than the Tousle-Headed Poet.
  • Was Once a Man: Many of the Ghosts are so bitter that there's very little left of them — leaving them looking more like a caricature of a human than the actual thing.
  • You Are Worth Hell: What they think of their fatal flaws and their self-absorption.

    The Big Ghost 
A very large Ghost the Narrator meets in the queue for the bus, whom the Narrator later sees speak to Len (a Bright One who was once a subordinate).
  • Bad Boss: Len says the Big Ghost "made life hard" for employees, who all "felt the same" (as in: dreamed of murder, in detail).
  • The Big Guy: The Narrator bases the nickname off this.
  • Domestic Abuse: Len also mentions the Big Ghost "made life hard" for family members, which is waved off as part of minor private matters.
  • Dude, Where's My Respect?: A hard man who demands rights in the afterlife based on merits in life — failing to understand Heaven doesn't work that way. Everything is free by invitation of partaking in God's grace — and nothing can be earned, bought, or sold.
  • Evil Cannot Comprehend Good: The Big Ghost has a very hard time understanding grace, forgiveness, or the concept behind going to Heaven via Karma Houdini.
  • Forgiveness: An inability to forgive or comprehend why others would do so is the Big Ghost's Fatal Flaw. The idea of forgiveness is a severe stumbling block — since Len was a murderer in life, was gifted Heaven via deathbed conversion, and is now the Big Ghost's Spirit Advisor.
  • It's the Principle of the Thing: If Heaven accepts people like Len — then the Big Ghost wants no part of Heaven, ever!
  • No Sympathy for Grudgeholders: Gets sympathy from the Bright Ones, but refuses to let go of grudges. Literally cannot comprehend how Heaven would happily admit murderers, even in the context of Len and his victim having become friends and putting the matter behind them in the afterlife. The Big Ghost insists that his past own faults are minor in comparison.
  • Wants a Prize for Basic Decency: The Big Ghost claims that going to Heaven is a justly earned reward for being an honest person in life.

    The Tousle-Headed Poet 
A Wangsty poet whom the Narrator meets on the bus.
  • Born Unlucky: To hear the (exaggerated) story in the telling...
  • Dark and Troubled Past: If the Poet's account is to be believed (though the account probably shouldn't be).
  • Driven to Suicide: After a bad breakup (described as 'the last straw') with a woman who wanted a marriage the Tousle-Headed Poet did not want, by his own account the latter was driven to jump under a train. Presumably the suicide did happen, but since the Poet has a bad case of Never My Fault, it's quite possible that suicide wasn't quite as "driven to" as insisted on.
  • Entitled Bastard: Like the Big Ghost, the Tousle-Headed Poet also believes admittance into Heaven is a just desert and recognition — but for personal intellect and ideological enlightenment.
  • Insufferable Genius: Oh, of course the other people on the bus are fine with Hell. After all, it's not like they're intellectuals like the tousle-headed poet is. All of them have movie theaters and fish-and-chips shops, and what else would the common folk want?
  • Spoiled Brat: Done by a wealthy father in life.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: The Poet's reaction to the foregoing — and to life, the universe, and everything else, for that matter.
  • Unreliable Narrator: That the sorry creature was not as ill-used by the world as the story alleges is very likely.
  • Wangst: Quite prone to whining about First World Problems.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The narrator does not see the confrontation with a Bright One in Heaven.

    Ikey 
An economically-minded ghost with a bowler hat and a bulbous nose, whom the Narrator meets on the bus and later sees attempting to take an apple from Heaven. Ikey explains a lot about how Hell works.
  • The Determinator: Ikey has gone up to heaven to get a "commodity" to force the damned to stay together — and manages (through a little luck and a lot of pain) to grab hold of a small apple. This is in spite of the fact that the apple is of Heaven, and therefore more real than any Ghost could be, which results in the apple being very heavy. Despite this, Ikey manages to pick the apple up anyway — when even a leaf is described by the Narrator as being "heavier than a sack of coal". Of course, this is All for Nothing since nothing in Heaven can be taken to Hell.
  • Enlightened Self-Interest: Argues, as part of the aforementioned economic mindset, that taking some kind of commodity to Hell will help establish a community rather than a bunch of squabbling individuals. Though at least at first Ikey suspects the trip to Heaven won't be one way, and starts talking about "discipline" and getting cops to put Hell's denizens in line. Then again, accomplishing the heroic feat of lifting a small apple is perhaps a sign that Ikey's not yet beyond redemption.
  • Mr. Exposition: As "the Bowler-hatted Ghost", Ikey tells the Narrator how Hell works, why Hell (a. k. a. the Grey Town) is so empty, and a good deal about the Grey Town's mechanics: everyone arrives at the same place, but since nobody can get along with anyone else, they quickly move away, and spread through the town. This is a lead-up to explaining the reason for going to Heaven — Ikey wants to go to Heaven to get ahold of something that can be called a commodity and use economics to force people to stay together — and also hints that everything's going to get worse once darkness sets in.
  • Token Good Teammate: The story mentions in passing that, in contrast to most of the Ghosts who just make one another miserable, Ikey has struck up a friendship (no mean feat in Hell) with a neighbor who has a telescope; and even while going about them in the wrong way the motivations for the trip to Heaven are genuinely altruistic motivations (albeit tied up in selfish interests and the worse nature all ghosts share).
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: An odd fellow who only wants Hell to have a sense of community and belonging, believing apples from Heaven can accomplish this. Through this Ikey is actually able to lift the apple, despite the terrible agony that action causes, but even then the apple can't be taken to the nearly non-existent state that is Hell.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The narrator doesn't see how the exchange with the waterfall angel ends. If anything, it's very possible Ikey is saved, because there was still enough good inside to want the impossible and bring community spirit to Hell. A lost soul lifting an apple in Heaven is no joke.
  • You Fool!: Is rebuked by an angel (in the form of gigantic waterfall) for undertaking the Sisyphean task of trying to take a single apple to hell. The fruit alone is impossibly vast in size compared to the infinitesimal grey town.

    The Episcopal Ghost 
A former preacher who doesn't believe in Heaven, Hell, or the Second Coming (or God, as we learn in the end) — despite being damned, in Hell, and taking a trip to the outskirts of Heaven. Despite being an apostate, the Episcopal Ghost was apparently a bishop in life, and rather famous.
  • Ambivalent Anglican: Apostatically denying most of the central tenets of Christianity seems to have been no hindrance to the late bishop's career in the church.
  • Arbitrary Skepticism: Persists in thinking that Christianity isn't really true, despite being in the Christian afterlife and saying this to a resident of Heaven.
  • Children Are Innocent: Dick (the aforementioned Heavenly resident) notes that as a kid, the Episcopal Ghost only asked questions out of an honest desire for answers — while the later adult self-blinding to reality is what led to apostasy and damnation in the first place.
  • Insane Troll Logic: The Episcopal Ghost actually expresses surprise that Dick believes in an Objective Reality writ large, or that it could render one's opinions and beliefs objectively correct or incorrect.
  • Flat-Earth Atheist: Staggeringly so: an apostate who continues to deny that "Heaven" and "God" are literal things that exist and insists they're just metaphors — while actually in the afterlife, talking to a resident of Heaven, and being offered to go and see God this very minute.
  • The Heretic: As it turns out, the ghost claims a prior commitment to present a paper at a theological society in the other place, lecturing on how the significance of the Crucifixion is the tragedy that we never got to hear Jesus develop more mature views later in life.
    The Episcopal Ghost's apostasy goes to the point of not believing in a literal Heaven and Hell in spite of currently being in Heaven. In the end, even an invitation to see the face of God this very minute is turned down:
"Ah, but we must all interpret those beautiful words in our own way!"
  • Only in It for the Money: As Dick points out: only cared for the respect and rewards being a preacher got in life, and not about caring for a flock of followers for God.
  • Secretly Selfish: Dick undermines the apostate bishop's claim that said apostasy was the result of "honest opinions fearlessly followed" by pointing out that it was neither: the Episcopal Ghost didn't become an apostate primarily because of truly thinking Christianity was false (rather it was for wanting the material benefits that came with declaring agnosticism); and the beliefs weren't really followed fearlessly because there was nothing to fear (there was no real chance of persecution, and the most likely result of coming out as an apostate was gaining wealth and fame).
  • The Treachery of Images: Near the end of the talk with Dick the Episcopal Ghost goes so far off the deep end that it becomes admonishing Dick for "implying some sort of static, ready-made reality which is, so to speak, 'there', and to which our minds have simply to conform."
  • Unreliable Narrator: The Episcopal Ghost paints himself as a heroic figure fearlessly following beliefs even when they meant persecution — but Dick points out those beliefs weren't really honest, and that there was no risk in following them.
  • Wanting Is Better Than Having: Argues this by saying it were better to travel hopefully than to arrive. Dick deconstructs this mindset by returning that if you knew that to be true, you could not travel in hope — because how can you hope to reach an inferior destination? If the destination isn't good enough, then there'd be no point in traveling at all.
  • What Could Have Been: The Episcopal Ghost speculates about how Christianity could have turned out differently (and goes on to argue: better) if Jesus had not been crucified, and had continued teaching throughout a longer life. According to Christian orthodoxy, this is completely missing the point — which is why the apostate bishop is an apostate.

    The Hard-Bitten Ghost 
A conspiracy theorist who believes that Heaven and Hell are on the same side, faking the War to exploit the Ghosts.
  • Ancient Conspiracy: The Hard-Bitten Ghost, who has Seen It All, believes that the controlling forces for both sides of all conflicts, including Heaven Versus Hell, are actually on the same side; and insists that the afterlife they're in is false and that any attempt to invite them to Heaven is a deceptive trick.
  • Conspiracy Theorist: thinks that Heaven is a scam, and that the idea that ghosts can get more solid if they stay is merely propaganda. This is a continuation of the same thoughts held about Earth: all the wonders of the world (the Forbidden City, the Taj Mahal, the Pyramids, et cetera) are all run by a World Combine that, quote, "just takes an atlas and decides where they'll have A Sight."
  • Fatal Flaw: Bitterness, believing everything that's good in the world is contrived and done so to manipulate people into being used and abused. The Hard-Bitten Ghost knows enough about Heaven to feel indifferent to it, and ultimately hate it. The manifest cynic makes sure the Bright Ones or Angels don't approach, and is often seen by the narrator as the The Aloner.
  • God and Satan Are Both Jerks: Both are on the same side (according to the Hard-Bitten Ghost), and just fake being mortal enemies to torment everyone else. It's pretty clear from the narration that this is not objectively the case in-story, though — the Jade-Colored Glasses just keep the ghost from seeing that God Is Good.
  • Jerkass Has a Point: Notes that when it does rain in Heaven, the rain will drill through Ghosts like bullets.
  • Mundane Afterlife: Complains that Hell is this rather than "red fire and devils and all sorts of interesting people sizzling on grids".
  • Seen It All: The Hard-Bitten Ghost has seen a lot of beautiful things — and thinks they are meaningless and the work of an Ancient Conspiracy.
  • Silly Rabbit, Idealism Is for Kids!: Despite also being an ultimate cynic, the Hard-Bitten Ghost deconstructs cynicism and the thought that the cynical view of the world is more reliable (the Narrator describes the ghost as appearing as the type that he — the Narrator — has always found reliable, and trusts what is said about the conspiracy enough to go into a Heroic BSoD because of it). As a conspiracy theorist who has lost all ability to enjoy anything because of cynicism, the Hard-Bitten Ghost thinks that all of the Wonders of the World are just tourist traps run by a World Combine. Being in Hell now, the sorry creature can't accept that he could get into Heaven because of not trusting the Bright One's assurances that those who choose to go to Heaven can become more solid. Heck — doesn't believe in Heaven at all; thinking that Heaven and Hell are secretly on the same side, faking the war to extort from the Ghosts.

    The Ghost with the unicorns 
A female Ghost who doesn't want to be seen in Heaven — being ashamed of appearing phantasmal, and afraid of how the Bright Ones will react to her. When the unicorn-herd who stopped by to help fails at all persuasion attempts to stop focusing on appearances, he calls the unicorns to stampede, to hopefully cause enough of a distraction to get the ghost out of the eternal mental loop of self-reflection about looks.
  • Appearance Angst: Unlike many of the proud arrogant hellish ghosts, is aware of ghostly near-intangibility. This is not awareness of the fallen state, though — being vain as a flock of peacocks, her acute shame is about how the "ugly" ghostly nature looks when in the company of the Bright Ones. The Ghost tries to retreat back to Hell, unwilling to face this perceived shame (much less the very real shame of a fallen state that should be in the vanity's place) by going to Heaven with one of the Bright Ones.
  • Freakiness Shame: Ashamed of the near-intangible form that comes with being a denizen of Hell, the Unicorn Ghost can't bear to look upon (let alone journey with) the Bright Ones. Even though they don't hate anyone, least of all for looks; having only the Ghosts' true best interest at heart.
  • No Name Given: Not making their acquaintance, the narrator is a bystander, and doesn't know her name.
  • Wangst: Spends most of the time angsting about her ghostly state and worrying about being judged for it, despite the Bright One's assurances that it's Heaven and no one will care.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The Narrator doesn't see the end of this conversation, though George MacDonald does give an educated guess about what will happen — the ghost might be saved, if the unicorn stampede could provide enough of a distraction from her self-centeredness.

    The Grumbler 
The ghost of an old lady who complains a lot – in fact, complains so much that the Bright One listening to all of it can't get a word in edgewise.
  • Conversation Hog: The Grumbler is the archetypal grumbling old woman. MacDonald predicts that if a Bright One is eventually given a chance to talk, the Grumbler will be saved; but if not, then the grumbling will just go on until there's no personality left anymore, only a perpetual stream of complaints.
  • Elder Abuse: One of the many complaints about the nursing home where the Grumbler spent the last days is of starving people there.
  • Motor Mouth: Fits a lot of complaints into a small amount of time.
  • No Name Given: Like with the Ghost with the unicorns, the narrator doesn't know her name.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The Narrator doesn't see what became of the Grumbler, although George MacDonald tells him that if there is still a grumbler (that is, a little bit of personality left under all the grumbling), then salvation is not only possible, but almost certain — but if there's just a grumble left that keeps going and won't stop, then it won't happen.

    The Seductive Ghost 
The ghost of a woman who has grown obsessed with sex to the point of being unable to see conversation as anything but a means to seduction. Unfortunately, those techniques don't really work for a ghost.
  • Extreme Omnisexual: The Seductive Ghost is obsessed with sex, and completely unable to conceive of any purpose for interaction other than seduction. Which includes actually trying to seduce the Bright Ones who are attempting to talk to the ghost about entering Heaven.
  • Failed a Spot Check: Hasn't yet noticed that seduction techniques don't work for someone who's phantasmal. Or noticed being phantasmal.
  • Fan Disservice: The Narrator thinks the flirtation attempts are appalling, especially when they are attempted on the Bright Ones.
    If a corpse already liquid with decay had risen from the grave, smeared lipstick on its gums, and attempted a flirtation, the result could not have been more appalling.
  • Foil: To the Ghost with the Lizard, who is freed of the same flaw the Seductive Ghost keeps.
  • Lust: The Seductive Ghost's Fatal Flaw, so much so that there's little left of them, but the compulsion to initiate seduction.

    The Artist 
A formerly famous artist who paints less out of a desire to depict a subject as seen and experienced, than as an end in itself.
  • Doing It for the Art: MacDonald says that the temptation of all artists is to stop falling in love with the stories they're telling, and to instead fall in love with their own talents.
  • Pride: The Artist's Fatal Flaw. Even though this started off as something more noble; all the painter wants now is to be respected, and only to associate with people who think exactly the same way.
  • Screw This, I'm Outta Here: Upon hearing that he and his work are about to be rejoiced in Heaven, but forgotten on Earth, the artist's ghost runs back to Hell in a rage.
  • The Treachery of Images: Discusses with another artist (who is a resident of Heaven), whether the purpose of art is for its own sake or to depict particular matters; the Artist is obsessed with the paint, while the Bright One is trying to induce a focus on a far worthier Subject.

    Robert's Wife 
A controlling woman who was ambitious by proxy — Robert's wife made absolutely sure to keep complete control over Robert's life, and made sure he had the lucrative career of his wife's choosing.
  • All Take and No Give: Of the pathological Giver variant: the interest in "helping" Robert was less a desire to genuinely see him be happy and successful, and more of a need for someone to control and use as a means to act out ambition by proxy. Though this isn't much of a secret to anyone except Robert's wife.
  • Ambition Is Evil: Robert was supposed to be well-off and have a good career, heedless of the fact that this wasn't what made him happy.
  • Control Freak: Had to have control of every part of dear hubby's life—so consequently what Robert's wife hates most about Hell is that no one there will allow similar "help" of the pathological giver variant.
  • Domestic Abuse: Towards Robert, which drove him to exhaustion and eventually a nervous breakdown. The narration implies that he was starved and socially isolated, too. Robert's wife is a Control Freak, forcing him into an idea of "success" that was not his own—and when Heaven flat out refuses to hand over Robert to a continuation of having this done to him in the afterlife, his wife is mostly outraged (and also more or less implies it was a main purpose in life).
  • Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: Averted. There's a reason Robert's in Heaven and his wife is in Hell.
  • Never My Fault: Denies that abusive control of Robert's life was what caused his nervous breakdown.
  • Point of No Return: Robert's wife flares up like a candle and then vanishes (presumably returning to Hell) after starting to beg to see Robert again to have someone to control.
  • Self-Disposing Villain: The other Ghosts have a genuine back and forth debate with the Bright Ones, returning to hell when their only choice is to accept defeat or cling to their damnation. This ghost shows up, gives a two-page hate-filled monologue and vanishes back to hell, all before the Spirit can get out a full sentence.
  • Ungrateful Bastard: A large part of his wife's endless string of complaints accuses Robert of being this, since he 'didn't appreciate attempts to make his life better'.
  • Unreliable Narrator: The ghost of Robert's wife paints herself as a diligent wife who sacrificed everything for an ungrateful husband. In reality, he was badly abused, and had very good reason to not appreciate what was done to him.
  • Vicariously Ambitious: Robert was driven into a nervous breakdown from being used as a means to build the kind of life his wife wanted by proxy.
  • Well-Intentioned Extremist: According to Robert's wife, all the things done to him were necessary, because those were in his own best interests. See the tropes above for how truthful this is.

    Pam 
Michael's mother, who was very possessive of Michael and neglectful towards the rest of the family. Pam is very eager to see Michael again, but unwilling to give up the monomaniacal obsession with him to do it.
  • Empty Bedroom Grieving: Pam was an overbearing mother who made the rest of the family miserable with favoritism for Michael. Part of the excessive mourning after his death involved keeping his room completely untouched. The narrator hears one of the Bright Ones, Reginald, calling out Pam (who was his sister in life) on this, pointing out that it made things worse for the rest of the family. Reginald, as a Bright One, observes that it was not even the memory of his dead nephew dominating their lives, but Pam's own wishes.
  • Evil Virtues: Maternal love. MacDonald notes that because it's more like heavenly love, when it falls it's worse than just an appetite would be.
  • Excessive Mourning: Pam "lived only for [Michael's] memory" for ten years after he died young. Reginald says that Pam kept his room exactly like he left it, kept anniversaries, and refused to leave their house despite Michael's father Dick and his sister Muriel hating it there.
  • Hypocrite:
    • Pam dislikes Winifred Guthrie, who's in Hell for much the same reason Pam is (the only difference is that Winifred's son Bobby is also in Hell).
    • For all the talk about maternal love, Pam neglected and neglects Michael's sister Muriel in favor of Michael.
  • Irony: Michael, whom Pam's so fixated on, was conceived by accident.
  • Love Makes You Evil: Pam's in hell because of exalting "mother-love" for Michael above all other things, including love of God. George MacDonald notes that that's how it is in Hell, since all things are good when they align with God and evil when they turn away from Him.
  • Love Redeems: Not quite averted. MacDonald also notes that even as perverted and warped as Pam's love for Michael has become, there is still a little spark in there of something that is not just self-centered, and that might yet be fanned into a flame. But he also cautions that because there's some good in her, it's all the more insidious when perverted and all the harder to be rid of.
  • Mama Bear: Deconstructed multiple ways: Pam's desire to protect and help Michael has been twisted into something evilnote , while on the other hand Michael's sister Muriel is the Un Favorite and all but forgotten about. Which Reginald as a Bright One sees through immediately, and he calls his sister Pam out on neglecting his niece almost as much as on smothering his nephew.
  • Motherhood Is Superior: Fanatical belief in this trope (at least insomuch as she refers to Michael) is why Pam ended up in in Hell.
  • My Beloved Smother: In life, was this towards Michael.
  • Never My Fault: Pam has a bad case of this, believing that Dick and Muriel started to keep their distance right during the (excessive) grief for Michael's death; because they didn't care enough about supporting each other after losing a family member, or understand what it meant to be a mother.
  • Parental Neglect: Pam was so fixated on Michael that she ignored his sister Muriel.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: The Narrator doesn't get to see the end of this conversation, though George MacDonald guesses that Pam might demand to take Michael down to Hell.
  • Yandere: Pam's Ghost is a maternal (rather than romantic) example—exalting in 'mother-love' for Michael and keeping on demanding to see him, even as Reginald explains that Michael was taken away for Pam's own good (since obsession over him caused neglect for the rest of the family—and that as long as Pam's Ghost keeps focussing on how much she wants to be with him, there's no chance of going to Heaven. MacDonald guesses that this will eventually turn into a demand to take Michael along to Hell just to be able to have him, and explains that Love Makes You Evil in Hell, whereas Love Redeems in Heaven.

    The Ghost with the Lizard 
A ghost troubled by uncontrollable lust, which is manifested as a lizard on his shoulder. While he recognizes that the lizard is quite unsuitable for heaven, he is unwilling to give it up—until he does.
  • Beauty Is Never Tarnished: One of the two main points of the story is that there is no room for evil or sin whatsoever in Heaven. While many of the Ghosts refuse to go to Heaven because it will mean giving up their quirks, the contrapositive of that statement (which also falls under this trope) is seen in the Lizard Ghost. Everything in us can find its fullest and most joyful expression in Heaven, if it will only submit first to God. Specifically seen in the case of the Lizard, which represented uncontrollable lust. After the Lizard is killed by an Angel (with the Ghost's permission), the Ghost turns into a Person, and the Lizard is reincarnated as a Stallion, an expression of joyful, holy physicality.
  • Bond Creatures: Whether it's earthly lust, or heavenly desires, the lizard (or the reincarnated stallion) is a part of him.
  • Foil: To Pam. While Pam allowed something normally considered a good thing (maternal love) to fall and become evil, he let something normally considered a bad thing (lust) to turn towards God and become good.
  • Lust: The Lizard Ghost's fatal flaw—and his redemption also shows the flip side of this: even the deadly sin of lust is based on a desire humans are supposed to have, and when it submits to God and is killed and reborn, it becomes a beautiful thing.
  • Reptiles Are Abhorrent: The ghost's lust is manifested as a lizard. When killed, it returns as a stallion.
  • The One Who Made It Out: is the only (confirmed) Ghost who accepts redemption and begins the arduous process towards becoming a Bright One.
  • Throw the Dog a Bone: The ghost allows an angel to kill the lizard—causing it to rise again as a stallion and help him to go to Heaven.
  • White Stallion: The lizard representing his lust transforms into a giant horse when he is freed of that flaw.

    Frank Smith 
Frank is husband to the saint Sarah Smith. Frank's ghost looks like a dwarf leading a tall figure by a chain that the Narrator dubs "The Tragedian". The Tragedian represents Frank's overdramatic and emotionally manipulative side, and speaks for the Dwarf whenever the Dwarf rattles the chain. The more precedence the Tragedian takes, the smaller the Dwarf (who represents Frank's real self) grows.
  • Achilles in His Tent: The reason Frank is damned is because of refusing to lose gracefully, instead going off and sulking until people gave in out of sheer pity. MacDonald explains why those like Frank voluntarily choose damnation over salvation:
    "Ye see it easily enough in a spoiled child that would sooner miss its play and its supper than say it was sorry and be friends. Ye call it the Sulks. But in adult life it has a hundred fine names—Achilles' wrath and Coriolanus' grandeur, Revenge and Injured Merit and Self-Respect and Tragic Greatness and Proper Pride."
  • Anthropomorphic Personification: The Tragedian is a personification of Frank's tendency to emotionally manipulate people using pity.
  • Baritone of Strength: Played for Laughs — the Tragedian, an illusion of a man created by Frank, tries to assert dominance over Frank's Heavenly wife Sarah by periodically lowering the pitch of its voice. Considering it's a projection chained to a transparent dwarf (and it's uncertain if she, who's as good as an angel, can even see it) it comes off as quite pathetic.
  • Becoming the Mask: Played with: Frank "became" the Tragedian all right, but only because the Tragedian has consumed Frank, and as a personality without substance, this destroys the Tragedian. What's left of Frank most probably goes back to Hell at this point.
  • Domestic Abuse: Frank abused Sarah's pity and emotionally manipulated her to make her miserable many times when they were married. Trying the same shtick on her as the Bright One she now is no longer works, despite Frank's best efforts.
  • Large Ham: The Tragedian is quite melodramatic. The Dwarf, by contrast, has a rather small voice.
  • Incredible Shrinking Man: Consumed with selfish desires to be pitied, Frank begins to implode back down to the minuscule state of Hell's existence, and Sarah has no way to stop this as long as Frank won't stop.
  • Ignored Epiphany: The narrator notes that after Sarah confirms that she's here for Frank and not the Tragedian, Frank realizes how silly the Tragedian is and exactly what Sarah is talking about — but then rejects it because it's not the meeting pictured beforehand (which was presumably the 'pity me' shtick actually working and Frank going back to emotionally abusing Sarah).
  • Large Ham: The Tragedian is very melodramatic in its attempts to get Sarah Smith to feel sorry for Frank.
  • Milking the Giant Cow: The Tragedian's attempts at exploiting pity come across as shabby ham-handed melodrama.
  • No-Sell: The Tragedian cannot make Sarah feel sorry for Frank.
  • Point of No Return: Eventually the Dwarf shrinks so much it's effectively invisible, and the Tragedian disposes of the chain, completely taking over.
  • Pride: Part of the reason Frank won't go with Sarah is because of wanting to set the terms for their meeting, not have it be on "her" terms; and both the Dwarf and the Tragedian can't accept that people can be happy without or in spite of Frank. In Frank Smith's worldview, people should only be happy when Frank lets them be.
  • Split-Personality Takeover: The Dwarf eventually disappears completely and the Tragedian takes over, then collapses in on himself.
  • Wounded Gazelle Gambit: Frank's Fatal Flaw is using other people's pity to manipulate them and make them miserable. This trait is represented by the Tragedian. Even as a boy, Frank would selfishly use other people's pity. It no longer works on Sarah, who sees through the ruse and calls him out for what it is — and while Frank would literally rather go to hell than repent, it no longer has any power over her.

    Archibald 
A "survivalist" obsessed with outdoor activity who wants to go on teaching survival even to those in an eternal idyllic afterlife.
  • All Take and No Give: "Sir" Archibald wants to be a Giver and isn't allowed, literally having nothing to offer the residents of Heaven — and until accepting this fact, couldn't enjoy paradise at all. It's worse because all Archibald wants to give are things that would only work on Earth.
  • The Ghost: We don't see "the survivalist" onscreen, MacDonald tells his story.
  • The Simple Life is Simple: Just as in life, Archibald wants to teach everyone that this is a fallacy, and prepare them for survival in the real world. The problem is that in the Valley of the Shadow of Life — which is not only a real Arcadia, but more importantly part of the afterlife — this just looks ridiculous; and Archibald doesn't even notice.

Bright Ones

    In general 
  • Afterlife Welcome: The Bright Ones gather to welcome the Ghosts to Heaven. Sadly, many of the Ghosts don't appreciate it.
  • Condescending Compassion: Nearly all of them are accused of this by the Ghosts, which mainly stems from their fallen states in being unable to understand what compassion is anymore.
  • For Happiness: Happiness for themselves and happiness for the recipients is the reason many Bright Ones choose to delay their own ascensions and try to rescue as many from their Self-Inflicted Hell as possible.
  • Good Feels Good: All of them are vibrant and happy, and take joy in their work helping the ghosts.
  • Good Cannot Comprehend Evil: MacDonald draws a distinction between the "action" of pity, the power of the giver to help another; and on the other hand the "passion" of pity, the power of the recipient to affect (or outright manipulate) another. The damned no longer have any power to make those of Heaven feel sadness or loss, or to diminish their joy in the slightest. This is why the Bright Ones are moved by love and compassion to want to help the hellish ghosts, but aren't able to be blackmailed into coming along with them into hell should the ghosts fail and choose to go back there. Neither can the Bright Ones understand why anyone would want to.
  • Karma Houdini: All of the Bright Ones' backstories to one degree or another, but most notably Len's who got to Heaven via deathbed conversion. That everyone in Heaven is a Karma Houdini is exactly the point: no one person deserves Heaven more than another — because in the end no one does. The ones who make it in are those who realize they'll never earn it, and accept Heaven as a gift. This fact is a severe stumbling block for most of the Ghosts.
  • Nice Guy: Some of the kindest people you'll ever meet — one of the book's main points is that after being gifted a Karma Houdini and taking several levels in kindness, anyone will become this. Per MacDonald's word, each of them has travelled immense distances and retraced a considerable part of their own spiritual journey just to come to the bus stop for the off chance to be able to help some ghost — though they also take considerable joy in this work.
  • No Animosity in the Afterlife: There is no enmity between anyone in Heaven. In particular, two of the Bright Ones — Len and Jack — are on perfectly friendly terms even though the former had murdered the latter. The Bright Ones are also ready to extend this to and make peace with the visitors from hell, whether or not the latter decide to stay or go back.
  • No-Sell: Nothing the Ghosts do or say can in any way hurt the Bright Ones — in fact, nothing the Ghosts do can really affect the Bright Ones. The Ghost's arguments don't convince anyone, and any attempts at manipulation (like Frank Smith's attempts to elicit pity from Sarah by passive aggression) fall flat and end up looking ridiculous.
  • Spirit Advisor: Each visitor from Hell is personally invited to Heaven by one of the Bright Ones, who acts as part Psychopomp, part parole officer, and part therapist in trying to get them to be able to stay.
  • The Journey Through Death: The Bright Ones live (if you can call it that) only to journey up and up into the heavenly mountains, though some of them retrace their steps and come back down to the Valley of The Shadow of Life on the off chance that they can help a hellish ghost become a Person and join them on the journey.
  • Took a Level in Kindness: All of their backstories.

    Len 
The Big Ghost's Spirit Advisor. Len was a former subordinate of the Big Ghost's, at one point killed his co-worker Jack, and got into Heaven via deathbed conversion. This is a severe stumbling block for the Big Ghost, given how obsessed the latter is with fairness.
  • Heel–Faith Turn: By his own admission, Len was hateful and even committed murder, then repented and turned to God. God’s mercy being what it is, this was enough to get him into heaven.
  • The Jeeves: Len would be more than happy to serve the Big Ghost for as long as the latter wishes, to make amends for his mistakes in life. The hellish ghoul hates him though, and refuses the offer.
  • Karma Houdini: A murderer who later repented and converted on his deathbed. The Big Ghost can't get it through the head why Heaven let Len in.
  • Spirit Advisor: Getting the Big Ghost to let go of the obsession with fairness, realize that no one has a right to Heaven, and that anyone can get there by God's grace who accepts it as a gift — that would be Len's job, if the Big Ghost only let him do it.
  • The One Who Made It Out: It's implied that the same thing which happens to all the Ghosts in Hell also happened to Len in life — his desire to murder the Big Ghost gradually ate up and replaced all of his personality, until there was nothing left inside him except the desire for revenge and killing. Ultimately, there was nothing that could be done for him except Len completely giving up all that was left of his self, and being gifted a whole new personality. Which converted him into a Bright One and let him go to Heaven — the only difference is that this happened to Len via deathbed conversion, while the offer to the Ghosts of the same thing is in the afterlife via taking the bus trip and journeying into the mountains from the Valley of the Shadow of Life. An example we see onscreen is the Ghost with the lizard, and George MacDonald tells of a third: Trajan.

    Dick 
The Episcopal Ghost's guide, friend, and former fellow apostate.
  • Good Shepherd: Dick eventually became this near the end of his life, after turning from his near lifelong apostasy back to truly believing. This is why he went to heaven after all in the end.
  • Ironic Name: Despite his name unfortunately being Richard, Dick is not a bad sort.
  • Last-Second Chance: Dick only turned away from his apostasy and back to God near the very end of his life, but this was enough for him to end up in Heaven. Dick's friend the Episcopal Ghost declines that same choice.
  • My Rule Fu Is Stronger than Yours: Although Dick is no slouch when it comes to philosophical arguments and theology when the Episcopal Ghost actually engages in them, he simply has to give up as soon as the latter resorts to Insane Troll Logic.
  • Not Listening to Me, Are You?: Dick tries repeatedly to get the Episcopal Ghost to listen to reason and abandon philosophical triviums. After making appeals to happiness, he fails — and finally gives up when the Episcopal Ghost just walks out on him.
  • Spirit Advisor: Dick's job is to get the Episcopal Ghost to accept that theology is a matter of reality, that no amount of philosophy is going to make the situation any different from what it is, and that answers are more important than questions.
  • The Treachery of Images: Dick finally gives up on trying to reason with his damned apostate friend not very long after the Episcopal Ghost has gone so far off the deep end into pseudo-intellectual diatribe that he evolved into complaining about how the Bright One is talking "as if there some hard, fixed reality where things are, so to speak, 'there'." The Episcopal Ghost takes this realisation of futility as a cue to simply walk out on Dick, talking about "spiritual" life in hell and what a more mature version of Christ's teachings might have been.
  • Tranquil Fury: Dick is not impressed that the Episcopal Ghost's father didn't come along on the trip to escape from Hell — and that the Episcopal Ghost didn't even try any persuasion attempts. All the Bright Ones are happy to be hosts for the hellish ghouls, but Dick is quite near the end of his patience with the Episcopal Ghost's stubbornness on manners and his Passive-Aggressive Kombat. Justified as preachers deceiving or taking advantage of their flock on the one hand, and not caring about others on the other hand are God's own Berserk Buttons in the scriptures; which Dick quite likely shares. The Episcopal Ghost manages to hit both.

    Hilda 
Robert's sister, and the guide to Robert's wife. Doesn't get a chance to say much in between complaints about Robert.
  • Spirit Advisor: Hilda is one, but doesn't get to do much as her conversation with Robert's Wife mostly consists of Robert's Wife ranting.

    Robert 
Robert is practically a refugee, who fled to Heaven from his wife's lifelong domestic abuse and torture (psychological and otherwise). Heaven's support of the persecuted being what it is, they are both very supportive to and very protective of him.
  • Domestic Abuse: Robert was a lifelong target of his wife's abuse — being emotionally abused, starved, socially isolated, driven to exhaustion, brought to nervous breakdown — and in the end found refuge in Heaven. Heaven is adamant in that his wife flat-out can't see him, so the abuse won't continue. Robert's wife is in Hell (and well deserved, too).
  • Double Standard: Abuse, Female on Male: Averted — it's very much taken seriously and played for drama.
  • Earn Your Happy Ending: While one of the plot points is that you couldn't, by accepting the offer of it Robert obtained the happiest ending after all.
  • Henpecked Husband: One of the ways in which Robert is abused, though the full extent of it is worse.
  • Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: Implied — Robert definitely is a writer (his wife shreds his writing before he can publish it, though).
  • The Ghost: We don't meet him, only his Control Freak wife.
  • Protectorate: Mess with Robert and Heaven will make you regret it.

    Reginald 
Pam's brother and guide.
  • Moving Beyond Bereavement: According to him, his sister Pam mourned the deceased Michael excessively for ten years, driving all of the family crazy with allegations they weren't devoted enough to his memory - eventually Pam stopped caring for Michael himself and revelled in self-importance as a grieving mother, and should instead have let Michael go.
  • Motherhood Is Superior: Reginald proves Pam hypocritical and incorrect in this in more ways than one - pointing out that Pam's only speaking of Michael and not even mentioning their own mother: he gently informs his sister that Dick and Muriel (Michael's father and sister) revolted over the (excessive) mourning for the deceased Michael not because they were less loving towards him, but because Pam was obsessed and uncaring. Later, MacDonald points out to the narrator that Reginald is correct, and Pam would gladly demand to take Michael to Hell to keep possession of him.
  • No-Sell: Being reassured by him that Ghosts can't hurt the residents of Heaven kind of takes the wind out of Pam.
  • Spirit Advisor: Reginald's supposed to teach his sister that what Pam idolises as "mother love" really isn't the be-all and end-all, and isn't really being loving towards Michael.

    Sarah Smith 
A saintly woman who's now a very important figure in Heaven. Sarah is accompanied by a retinue of everyone whose lives she touched, and she is the guide to her husband Frank Smith.
  • All-Loving Hero: Sarah was a mother to every child she knew, but not in a way that stole them from their own parents, and she was a lover to every man she knew in a way that allowed them to return to their own wives and love them more. The only one this failed with was Frank; and she admits that her love for her husband was mostly a desire to be loved, though now that she's in Heaven she's ready to put that behind her.
  • Friend to All Living Things: and accompanied by a lot of animals because of this.
  • Getting Smilies Painted on Your Soul: She is about to mourn Frank’s failure and implosion to Hell, when the angels gather to sing and dance around her as a distraction.
  • Incorruptible Pure Pureness: Sarah is not in the least swayed by the Tragedian's attempts to manipulate her. No doubt being a blessed soul in Heaven has something to do with it.
  • No-Sell: None of the Tragedian's attempts to manipulate her and drag her down to its level work, and they just leave the Tragedian looking ridiculous.
  • Special Person, Normal Name: Since she was a normal person on Earth and is special in Heaven because of how good she was. This demonstrates that a nobody on Earth can be exceptional in Heaven, as different things matter for each.
  • Spirit Advisor: Sarah is here to teach Frank how to leave behind pride, and to accept joy instead of deliberately rejecting it (and then dragging others into misery as well by sulking).

    The Unicorn-herd 
A Bright One minding a flock of unicorns, who becomes a guide when he finds a ghost in obvious distress and offers help.
  • Good Samaritan: The Unicorn-herd sees a Ghost in obvious distress hiding (as far as possible) in the bushes, and goes to offer help.
  • Good Shepherd: Arguably, as he then acts as a Spirit Advisor to the distressed Ghost. For bonus points, he's also a literal animal-herd minding enormous unicorns.
  • Get a Hold of Yourself, Man!: After first trying to comfort the distressed lady and offering help, then trying to find out what is wrong and looking what he can do to make her better, then offering to make things as easy as possible on the Ghost and all but carry her to the mountains, then attempting to coax the frightened creature out of hiding and into opening up, then trying to reason with the Ghost - at long last he tries this as a last ditch effort to get through to be able to talk (though the shock is achieved by the means of a dangerous-looking unicorn stampede rather than by percussive maintenance). MacDonald thinks the fright may well have succeeded in shocking the Ghost out of self-obsession and then getting her to open up.
  • National Geographic Nudity: Although he doesn't wear any clothes to speak of, there is no nudity context attached to it and this is as completely normal and innocent as it was with Adam and Eve. It's only mentioned in passing as a Foil to his charge, who is obsessively concerned with looks. Overlaps with Fully-Clothed Nudity as he's a Bright One; and as the narrator notes, they are glowing so brightly it's impossible to tell whether they're nude and "clothed" with glory or clothed but their glory shines through anyway.
  • Noble Savage: Implied - though he also has shades of Arcadia as he minds animals - he is definitely a contrast to the City Mouse lady in the bushes, and also morally superior to the Ghosts.
  • We Need a Distraction: As a last resort, he calls the unicorns to stampede as a distraction to give the self-centered Ghost a reason to think about something else than herself, and get her thoughts out of their constant loop of concern about appearance. The unicorn-herd only means to shock the Ghost out of being stuck in this thought pattern, though - not hurt her.

Angels

    In general 
  • Brutal Honesty: All of the angels are given to this. The angels' intentions with the Ghosts are good, however: telling the Ghosts how they can get more solid to stay in Heaven.
  • Holy Is Not Safe: It's somewhat dangerous for the Ghosts to get too near an angel. That said, those angels we see are definitely on the side of good.
  • Our Angels Are Different: Unsurprisingly, considering the setting. The story gives two angels a larger role: one is a sentient waterfall, and another is a giant humanoid Wreathed in Flames. A third sings a few lines and is the earth of a sentient valley (which makes you wonder if they all have some kind of elemental affinity).

    The Burning One 
This angel is the Spirit Advisor to the Ghost with the Lizard. The angel offers to kill the lizard for the Ghost, but will only do so with the Ghost's permission.
  • Brutal Honesty: The Burning One is nothing but blunt to the Ghost with the Lizard.
    "I didn't say it wouldn't hurt. I said it wouldn't kill you."
  • God's Hands Are Tied: The angel ties them himself, in that he will do nothing to the Lizard without the Ghost's permission.
  • Good Is Not Nice: Makes no efforts to make the Ghost with the Lizard comfortable when just being near him causes the ghost pain, and is brusque and blunt enough that the ghost's ultimate request to kill the lizard is made with audible irritation and an almost annoyed cry to just get it over with quickly instead of continuing to talk about it. That being said, he does have the ghost's ultimate best interests at heart - and more to the point, doing it this way lets the ghost overcome his fear with exasperation in the end; so perhaps it's what he needed to be.
  • Holy Burns Evil: And evil only - when the Ghost with the lizard becomes a solid person thanks to the fiery angel's help, he thanks the angel by embracing his feet, and doesn't seem harmed by the flames anymore.
  • Pet the Dog: The Ghost with the Lizard lets the angel kill his Lust and becomes a Bright One. The Lizard transforms into a stallion.
  • Wreathed in Flames: The Burning One is a giant humanoid covered in flames - flames hot enough to painfully burn any nearby Ghost, and cause discomfort to the protagonist even at a distance.

    The Waterfall Angel 
A waterfall in Heaven is also this angel. The angel serves as a Spirit Advisor to Ikey, telling Ikey to give up trying to take an apple back to Hell, and offering to teach Ikey how to stay in Heaven and learn to eat the apples instead.
  • Crucified Hero Shot: The Narrator notes that the angel stands against the rocks "like one crucified".
  • Foreshadowing: The angel says that there's no room for the apple Ikey takes in Hell, advising to stay and learn to eat apples like it instead. Later on, George MacDonald shows the Narrator that Hell is actually infinitely minuscule - so there's no room for anything that's not a Ghost in Hell.


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