Characters: The Game of the Gods
This is a list of tropes found in bad fanfiction! Actually, its the character sheet for The Game of the Gods. These 33 Mary Sue characters are the pawns of Morgoth, and they will corrupt Middle-earth! Yet they are just pawns, so they are easy to remove from the board. If you have read or discussed bad fanfiction, these characters may seem too familiar.All spoilers are unmarked. This character sheet reveals how everyone died.
AnjaraAnjara is an exile. She must return to Middle-earth, where she is the rightful ruler of both Gondor and Mirkwood. The portal to Middle-earth is a television playing the DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring.
- Bag of Holding: Anjara has a "extra-light magical backpack". It's big enough to hold a microwave oven and a skateboard.
- Crazy-Prepared: With an emphasis on the "crazy". As noted, she plans to take a microwave oven to Middle-Earth, which is not known for ready access to electricity.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Anjara is a half-elf, born to Aragorn's father and Legolas's mother.
- Parental Abandonment: Anjara's "evil father", Arathorn, sent Anjara into exile.
- Rightful King Returns: Anjara intends to take the thrones of Gondor and Mirkwood from her half-brothers. This is really Morgoth's plan to replace the rulers of Gondor and Mirkwood with a Mary Sue.
- Television Portal: Anjara wants to visit Middle-earth inside her television. Reality Ensues, and Anjara crashes into the TV and suffers a fatal head injury.
MirrililliMirrililli is an elf from Lothlórien, in yet another Legomance. She wants Legolas, the prince of Mirkwood, and feels certain that she will win his love, because she is "such a beautiful girl". Mirrililli enters Mirkwood to search for Legolas.
- Friend to All Living Things: After Mirrililli has died, Morgoth tries to invoke this troke, insisting that "forest animals" would have aided Mirrilli.
- Love at First Sight: The one-way version. Mirrililli saw Legolas "one day two centuries ago, and since then she had been unable to forget him."
- Too Dumb to Live: Mirrililli is too stupid to survive in Mirkwood, and becomes a victim of canon from The Hobbit. First she drinks the enchanted water and falls asleep. Then a Giant Spider kills her.
SauroniaSauronia is the daughter of Sauron and an elf. She intends to kill Gandalf, take the One Ring from Frodo, and rule Middle-earth.
- Child by Rape: Sauron raped the elf who was Sauronia's mother.
- Evil Gloating: Just enough to doom herself. Sauronia has a chance to kill Gandalf, but decides to "have some fun". She asks Gandalf for Any Last Words?, and then reveals that she is the daughter of Sauron. With that info, Gandalf argues that Sauron is a giant red eye with no body, who has no way to impregnate Sauronia's mother, therefore Sauronia cannot exist. A literal "puff of logic" destroys Sauronia.
- Kaleidoscope Eyes: Sauronia's eyes "altered with her moods."
- Non-Human Humanoid Hybrid: Half Maia, half Elf.
- Puff of Logic: This death is a Shout-Out to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
- Rapunzel Hair: "She had long dark hair that hung to her ankles when it wasn't bound in a battle-braid..."
- Seer: Sauronia has "clear sight", and can see where to find Gandalf and the One Ring. This is an example of how Morgoth gives out superpowers to make his plot work.
- Super Senses: She also has super-hearing.
- Unwanted Harem: All nine of the Nazgûl love Sauronia, but Sauronia wants only the Witch-King.
- Villain Sue: Invoked by Morgoth. Sauronia wants to Take Over the World.
XacanythiaXacanythia is the world's last dragon. While Dreaming of Things to Come, she learns that a hobbit named Bilbo will come to Mirkwood. The dream inspires her to leave her treasure hoard and fly to the assistance of the characters of The Hobbit.
- Heel-Face Turn: Xacanythia had attacked dwarves and stolen their treasure. That was evil. Now she wants to do good and help Bilbo.
- Last of Her Kind: She's the world's last dragon, but that's wrong! Smaug, the dragon from The Hobbit, is still alive.
- Nonhuman Humanoid Hybrid: Half dragon, half elf. The dragon parent shapeshifted into a humanoid.
- Our Dragons Are Different: Xacanythia is different, but Smaug is still his same, canonical and evil self. Xacanythia has "breath of purest light", but Smaug uses his fire breath to roast and eat Xacanythia.
- Skunk Stripe: Her silver hair has "streaks of white".
- Too Dumb to Live: One of the worst examples among the many Sues that qualify. Even Morgoth, who usually loudly protests the fate of his Sues and accuses Varda of cheating at the drop of a hat, is reduced to admitting that someone who treated dragons as friendly in a setting where they're violent, greedy Always Chaotic Evil monsters couldn't have ended up any other way.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: She can take the form of a dragon, or a winged elf. Morgoth justifies this by claiming that long ago, "the dragons had not yielded to evil and could still assume the forms of Elves."
- Winged Humanoid: One of her two forms is a winged elf.
ArwenArwen Undómiel is a character from canon, but now her mind is different. Sue!Arwen feigns love for Aragorn, the King of Gondor, but she secretly hates him. Her father forces the marriage, but Sue!Arwen plots to kill her new husband and steal the throne of Gondor.
- Demonic Possession: Morgoth forgot that Arwen's grandmother is Galadriel, who can do Telepathy. Galadriel sees the ghost inside Arwen, and expels it, thus restoring the canon version of Arwen.
- Goth: Sue!Arwen is a stereotypical "Gloomy Goth" who wears "thick black makeup" and "bright red lipstick", but only when she is alone and no one else can see her.
- Possession Sue: Invoked by Morgoth. Arwen is from canon, so Varda can't just kill this character.
- Til Murder Do Us Part: Arwen, with a knife, in the bedroom, would kill Aragorn. The marriage would have lasted part of a day.
ChangelingChangeling can reshape her body, into a form that might win love. She takes an opportunity to become a female hobbit and charm both Aragorn and Legolas.
- Our Dwarves Are All the Same: All dwarves have beards, but Changeling forgot that fact.
- Impostor Forgot One Detail: Morgoth (and hence Changeling) forgot that all hobbits have hair on their feet.
- Single Specimen Species: "There was no one else like her, no one else in existence who could flow from form to form as she could."
- Shapeshifting Seducer: Her defense against male dwarf Gimli is to become a female dwarf.
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: With mistakes. Changeling becomes a hobbit with no hair on her feet, and then a dwarf with no beard. Gimli notices these mistakes, and kills Changeling.
DeirdreDeirdre is the bastard daughter of Lúthien and Mandos. She claims ownership of the Silmarils.
- Divine Parentage: Her father Mandos is the Vala who keeps the souls of dead elves.
- Heroic Bastard: Morgoth presents Deirdre as a heroic bastard. Morgoth wants Deirdre to take the Silmarils and use them to relight the Two Trees, thus undoing events of The Silmarillion.
- Obliviously Beautiful:She went walking through the camp like a fallen star, and all around her Elves and Men bowed and gave way. Some who had never yet stopped marveling at the risen star of Eärendil turned to her, looked on her beauty, and began to weep, casting themselves to their knees, marveling that Eru himself in female form had descended from the heavens.
Deirdre did not notice the adulation; she was too modest for such things.
- Only the Pure of Heart: By Varda's logic, Deirdre is a Mary Sue, so she must be evil. Deirdre dies when she touches the Silmarils that burn evil.
- Kaleidoscope Eyes: "She had glinting eyes that shifted colors with her moods, from bright gold when she was amused, to the soft gray that they were now, echoing the color of the sorrowful sky."
- Nonhuman Humanoid Hybrid: Deirdre is an Elf, but her ancestry is three-quarters Maia, one-quarter Elf.
- Rapunzel Hair: "Her long hair, golden as a Vanya's save for a single long black streak, hung to her ankles."
- Skunk Stripe: Inverted. She has a black streak in gold hair.
ElacathaleeleriaElacathaleeleria is the queen of an elven kingdom far away. Her fate is to meet Elrond, the reincarnation of her dead lover Sadamir. Together, Elacathaleeleria and Elrond will destroy the One Ring.
- Death by Despair: When Elrond invokes canon and explains that he cannot be the reincarnation of Sadamir, Elacathaleeleria dies of her heartbreak.
- Hello, Nurse!: Her people "could look on the beauty of their Queen and be more content than they could with food or rest".
- Unicorn: She rides one.
RavenRaven is a modern woman who teleports herself into Middle-earth. She brings her hunting rifle and wants to fall in love with Legolas.
- Bottomless Magazines: Averted — she has to reload, and this is what gets her killed.
- Fantasy Gun Control: Exploited. Raven now has the only gun in Middle-earth.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Raven is "part-Elvish".
- Protective Charm: She made her own "magic amulet" to protect against Orcs.
- Thinking Up Portals: Raven uses magic words to open a way to Middle-earth.
Juliardianselaáfalayu / Flower-of-fireJuliardianselaáfalayu started as a villain under Morgoth and slayer of elves. Then she became Flower-of-fire, opponent of Morgoth and friend of elves. This conflict between two personalities causes her angst. When Morgoth returns to the world, Flower-of-fire withers, as Juliardianselaáfalayu comes to fight for Morgoth.
- Aura Vision: She can see a "darkness" on eight elves; it is the Oath of Fëanor (from The Silmarillion), on Fëanor and his seven sons.
- Enemy Within: The evil Juliardianselaáfalayu has, within herself, the good Flower-of-fire.
- Jekyll & Hyde: The good Flower-of-fire and the evil Juliardianselaáfalayu are the same person, but the elves never suspect that Flower-of-fire is the villain.
- Overly Long Name: Her name is so long, Fëanor invents a new script so that Juliardianselaáfalayu is only three letters long.
- Lima Syndrome: She tries to invoke this. Juliardianselaáfalayu would capture Maedhros, then she would fall in love with her prisoner, and her sympathy for him would revive Flower-of-fire. Her attempt at capture fails when Maedhros kills her.
- Love at First Sight: The one-way version: Juliardianselaáfalayu sees Maedhros and decides to love him.
- Skunk Stripe: A silver streak in her hair.
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: She has "bright blue hair with silver streaks".
KennilistaKennilista is the daughter of Haldir. Morgoth establishes that Haldir was the last King of Lothlórien, and Kennilista is the rightful heir. Morgoth justifies this claim by declaring that "King Elrond" backed Kennilista. The claim already contradicts canon; Kennilista fails to understand the way of elven royalty.
- Back from the Dead: Fëanor snuck into the game and killed Kennilista a few times. Fëanor should not be there, so Varda allows Morgoth to just resurrect Kennilista when this happens.
- Brainwashed: When Kennilista finds Haldir, she believes that Galadriel brainwashed Haldir to forget having been king and having a daughter.
- Dying Declaration of Love: As Kennilista dies for real, "F-f-f-f-f-father, I l-l-l-l-love y-y-y-"
- Rightful King Returns: Kennilista attempts this, but canon blocks her. Amroth, not Haldir, is the last King of Lothlórien.
- Too Dumb to Live: Dumb enough to slap Galadriel. The response is instant: Haldir kills Kennilista.
LasselleeLassellee is a different kind of Ringwraith. Because she is a Fairy, she does not have the same weaknesses as the Nine Ringwraiths of canon.
- Emotion Bomb: Averted. Even though the other Ringwraiths have an aura of terror, Lassellee does not.
- God-Mode Sue: Invoked by Morgoth, who intends that Lassellee be impossible to kill. Varda counters with Glorfindel, who powers through Lassellee's defenses and kills her.
- Invisibility Cloak: Lassellee has this power from her Ring. The other Ringwraiths were permanently invisible, but Lassellee can appear or disappear at will.
- Our Fairies Are Different: Morgoth invents the race of Fairies just for this story. Lassellee is about as large as a human and has "large, delicate butterfly wings".
- Sailor Earth: Lassellee is the 10th Ringwraith and bears the 21st Great Ring. Because the famous poem lists all 20 Rings, Morgoth invents adds two lines allegedly forgotten."One for a Fairy lass to keep for her own,
Until the shadows have swallowed her sigh."
- Weakened by the Light: Averted. Light bothers the other Ringwraiths, but not Lassellee.
NavareeNavaree is the last avariel or "winged elf" in Mirkwood. She is the protector of magical creatures, such as unicorns, pixies and werewolves. She wants to save the last dragon, Smaug.
- Our Dragons Are Different: Navaree believes that dragons are peaceful. When Varda recalls how Morgoth designed dragons for war, Morgoth mentions "a secret group of peaceful dragons" as an excuse.
- Our Elves Are Better: Avariels come from Dungeons & Dragons. Morgoth presents avariels as better than other Elves.
- Winged Humanoid: Navaree can fly. When Bard's arrow pierces her wing, she falls and dies.
AmaryllisAmaryllis Silverhawk is the second daughter of Elrond. (Yes, fanfiction often gives extra daughters to Elrond.) She has followed Frodo and Sam but only meets them after they break from the Fellowship.
- Can't Argue with Elves: She has two problems with Frodo: he is not an elf, and not female.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: Amaryllis is immune to the One Ring, for no reason. Morgoth makes this excuse so Amaryllis may take the ring from Frodo.
- The Prophecy: Her mother made a prophecy that a female Elf must take the ring.
- Women Are Wiser: Amaryllis believes that women are better then men, so the men who denied the prophecy must be wrong.
RoseRose is "the Princess of the Elves" and a Tenth Walker. When the fellowship breaks, Saruman's orcs capture Rose along with Merry and Pippin.
- And Now You Must Marry Me: Rose fears that Saruman will force her to be his wife. Saruman averts this trope and just kills Rose.
- Damsel in Distress: Orcs captured her.
- Immortality Inducer: She has an "immortality necklace". This is redundant, because she is an elf, and elves are already immortal. Rose believes that she has Complete Immortality, but she is only one of The Ageless, and therefore, Saruman can still kill her.
- Master of Illusion: Rose creates "an illusion of herself running away". Morgoth uses this to justify why Merry and Pippin escaped, but Rose remained captive.
- Sailor Earth: She is a Tenth Walker. The fandom has many characters of this type, but Rose from chapter 15 is the first one to appear in The Game of the Gods.
- Translator Microbes: When hearing orcs, "She couldn't understand their language, but a quickly whispered spell of tongues took care of that."
SwanSwan is a half-human who lives among elves. She believes that she is ugly.
- Beautiful All Along: Her mother insists that Swan is ugly, but Morgoth created her to as beautiful as Lúthien.In truth, Amalinde knew full well that her daughter was beautiful, but she was jealous of her and wanted to keep Swan from seeing it as long as possible.
- Dirt Forcefield: Morgoth uses this trope to describe Swan's great beauty. Nothing can subtract from her appearance: at most, she gets "a few scratches that always healed instantly".
- Half-Human Hybrid: Swan is half-elf, half-human. Morgoth presents this as a reason to claim that Swan is ugly.
- Murder-Suicide: Swan is the victim. Morgoth's opponent in this game is Celegorm. Swan's beauty seduces Celegorm. He flees into the game and soon seduces Swan. Celegorm kills Swan, then himself; because Celegorm wants to return to the afterlife, but bring Swan with him.
- Prophecy Twist: In the prophecy, Swan will "marry a prince", but whom? Morgoth wanted Legolas (prince of Mirkwood), but Morgoth's opponent Celegorm (prince of Nargothrond) inserts himself into the story.
- Rapunzel Hair: Her hair "tumbled almost to her ankles".
- Skunk Stripe: There is a "streak of silver" in Swan's hair.
- Whole Plot Reference: This story is The Ugly Duckling IN MIDDLE-EARTH! The character named "Swan" is a reference to the swan in The Ugly Duckling.
GweniwenGweniwen is the bodyguard of her uncle Théoden. She fights in the Battle of the Pelennor Fields.
- Fictionary: Morgoth declares that Gweniwen is Elvish for "Maiden of Stone", but Morgoth's opponent disputes this. "Gweni doesn't mean 'stone' in Elvish." To fix this, Morgoth invents a "secret dialect" of Elvish where the translation is correct.
- Hero Secret Service: Gweniwen is a one-woman secret service for King Théoden. The people don't know about her. She is also the heir, which means that if she fails and the king dies, she will become Queen of Rohan! Morgoth's opponent questions how a secret person can become the queen.
- Incest Subtext: Invoked by Morgoth's opponent, who brings Glaurung the dragon Back from the Dead, so that Glaurung can bespell Gweniwen and cause Brother-Sister Incest. Suddenly, Gweniwen kisses her brother Éomer. This stops when Éomer kills Gweniwen.
- Instant Awesome, Just Add Ninja: To justify Gweniwen's skill in battle, Morgoth declares that "Elvish ninjas" trained her. Morgoth's opponent complains. "Because there are no Elvish ninjas."
- Training from Hell: The "Elvish ninjas" trained Gweniwen "from birth".
LilyLily is the daughter of Lord Foxbright, who orders her to marry Legolas. The arranged marriage with Legolas is a common plot in fan fiction. Lily wants out of the marriage, but immediately changes her mind when she glimpses Legolas.
- Abusive Parents: Her father killed her mother, then forced Lily into marriage.
- Arranged Marriage: With Legolas. Reality Ensues when she meets Legolas, and his family explains that they don't do arranged marriages.
- Freak Out: With deadly results. "She promptly fell into an apoplectic fit, and died a few moments later."
- Love at First Sight: As soon as Lily sees Legolas, she wants to marry him. This is a one-way love. Morgoth also wants Legolas to love Lily, but that doesn't happen.
ImmanuelaImmanuela is a fan of the Left Behind books, and wishes to do a crossover with The Lord of the Rings. The Lord grants her wish and transports her to Middle-earth. She brings The Bible and the Left Behind books with her, and intends to spread Christianity in Middle-earth.
- Belief Makes You Stupid: Immanuela tries to banish a Balrog with a prayer, but the Balrog just ignores her words and slays her.
- Invocation: Immaneula uses prayer to invoke the power of the Lord. "In Jesus's name, I bid you begone!"
- Sailor Earth: She's another Tenth Walker.
BellatronaBellatrona is a woman from Amazonia who somehow found out about the One Ring and rushed to join the quest. She must deal with Boromir, who is now a Straw Misogynist. This story parodies how fan authors cause Boromir to insist that women are useless, in order to make their own female characters seem more special.
- Bling of War: When Bellatrona duels Boromir, she wears golden armor. The visual effect is perfect — "He just gaped at her." — but the gold is too soft to block Boromir's steel sword.
- Does Not Like Men: Bellatrona hates all men. In her backstory, she crushed a rebellion by men who wanted to enslave all women.
- Friend to All Living Things: Because "animals trusted her so much", Bellatrona can ride a horse bareback.
- Hypocrite: Bellatrona tells Boromir that women "don't do stupid things like underestimating our opponents just because of sex", but Bellatrona herself underestimates Boromir because he is male.
- Sailor Earth: She's another Tenth Walker.
- Too Dumb to Live: She challenges Boromir to a duel, insists that they fight to death, then loses the fight.
- 24-Hour Armor: Bellatrona wears armor with no cloth underneath. Even her underwear is metal. Varda hangs a lampshade, explaining how metal next to skin would become too cold.
FloriellaFloriella is a "she-elf" who wants to save the life of Boromir. She repeatedly warns Boromir against taking the One Ring, because his attempt to do so caused his death in canon.
- Fixer Sue: Invoked by Morgoth. Floriella has been sent to Middle-Earth by the Order of Secret-Keepers, who are "committed to correcting cosmic mistakes".
- Fix Fic: Parodied. There are many fan stories that insert a female character to prevent Boromir's death, and become his Love Interest.
- Imaginary Love Triangle: Floriella quickly becomes jealous whenever she suspects that Boromir loves someone else, as in the improbable pairings of Boromir and Aragorn, or Boromir and Galadriel.
- Incorruptible Pure Pureness: Floriella claims this trope. "Because the Ring does not affect me." Galadriel doesn't believe her, and assumes that Floriella will bring the One Ring to Sauron.
- Sailor Earth: She's another Tenth Walker. That makes three in a row!
TuringethelTuringethel is a hybrid vampire and werewolf. Don't confuse her with her mother Thuringwethil, the canon vampire in The Silmarillion.
- Anti-Sue: Invoked with a note, "Turingethil is NOT a Mary Sue! She has flaws!" She is actually a God-Mode Sue, with numerous vampire and werewolf powers.
- Baleful Polymorph: Turingethel threatens to transform Pippin. "I will turn you into a rabbit and put you among foxes."
- Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot: She's not just a vampire or a werewolf. She's both!
- Nonhuman Humanoid Hybrid: Her mother is the vampire Thuringwethil, and her father is the werewolf Draugluin.
- Red Eyes, Take Warning: Her eyes are black but can glow red with anger.
- Sailor Earth: She's another Tenth Walker, though often a flyer rather than a walker.
- Seer: Turingethel can "see the future". This is Morgoth's excuse for why Turingethel knows everything about the plot.
- Too Dumb to Live: Turingethel sees a crown in a lake, tries to grab it, and drowns herself. It is doubly dumb because the crown is really a constellation of reflected stars. So Turingethel drowned herself for something that wasn't there!
- Voluntary Shapeshifting: She can switch between her vampire and werewolf forms.
- Winged Humanoid: Her wings are bat-style.
MirandolaMirandola Potter is the twin sister of Harry Potter. After Voldemort kills Harry, Mirandola hides herself in Middle-earth. The ideas that Harry has a twin, and Ron is evil, are both clichés specific to the Potter fandom.
- All Just a Dream: At the end, Mirandola is just a dream. Harry dreamed the whole story, so Harry is not really dead.
- Defeat by Modesty: Mirandola attempts to defeat a man by casting "Alohomora!" to unlock his belt and lower his pants.
- Friend Or Foe: The Rangers of Ithilien decide that Mirandola is a foe, because she speaks no Westron. So they kill her.
- Functional Magic: Mirandola's magic stops working, because the canon of Middle-earth imposes a different magic system. Magical Incantations are not in Latin. Only wise characters like Galadriel can read minds.
- Telepathy: She can read minds. She can also read objects like Ron Weasley's wand; this is how she found out about Ron the Death Eater.
- Thinking Up Portals: She cast "Spatio mundis!" and made the portal to Middle-earth.
ZneirraZneirra Tal'Abluth is a drow (or dark elf) out of Forgotten Realms. She flees from her homeland and falls into Middle-earth, where she meets Legolas.
- Expy: Zneirra is yet another clone of Drizzt. Most dark elves are evil, but Drizzt clones rebel against evil, and the other dark elves hate Drizzt clones. As well as Lloth, who unfortunately for her, can and does follow her to Middle-Earth, along with a bunch of her angry worshipers. Zneirra never stood a chance.
- Fainting: "Zneirra fainted from sheer shock" when she discovered that Legolas is not her enemy, even though he is a faerie elf.
- Love at First Sight: This time, it is the canon character who feels love for the Sue. Legolas looks at Zneirra and thinks that she might be "his One, his soulmate".
- Translator Microbes: Zneirra uses "a quick spell of tongues" to speak with Legolas.
RaistliaRaistlia is "the most powerful mage ever to live" in the setting of Dragonlance. Her mission is to find and arrest the evil wizard Gandalf.
- Aura Vision: Raistlia can see "corruption and evil".
- Color-Coded Wizardry: Raistlia knows the Dragonlance colors and decides that Saruman the White is good and Gandalf the Grey is evil. The other characters don't believe her.
- Fantastic Racism: Raistlia thinks that Elrond hates half-elves. Morgoth has forgotten that Elrond is a half-elf.
- Half-Human Hybrid: Raistlia is a half-elf. Her mother was an elf; Raistlia is "the daughter of Raistlin and Princess Laurana of Qualinesti".
- Improbable Age: "She had passed the Test of High Sorcery at seven-"
- Unicorn: Yes, Raistlia rides a unicorn named Flowervale to Middle-earth.
KitsuneKitsune is a loud fangirl who likes both The Lord of the Rings and Japanese things. She somehow gets into Middle-earth, and tries to befriend everyone with her fangirl Japanese.
- Captain Oblivious: Kitsune almost never notices that the other characters can't understand her fangirl Japanese. She supposes that characters cover their ears as a "kawaii" custom, not because she is too loud. She believes that her cat bites and claws her because the cat loves her.
- Emphasize EVERYTHING: Almost every sentence spoken by Kitsune has an exclamation point.
- Gratuitous Japanese: Kitsune speaks in fangirl Japanese.Kitsune: Konnichiwa, Leggy-chan. Watashi wa Kitsune! Oh, you are so genki!
- Kitsune: Not an example. Her name is kitsune "fox" but she is not a fox.
- No Indoor Voice: Kitsune screams her words. Other characters frequently cover their ears.
- Prince Charming Wannabe: Gender-flipped. Kitsune loves Legolas and ignores the fact that he hates her.
- Technicolor Eyes: Purple eyes.
- Too Dumb to Live: She's too dumb to run away from danger, because she assumes that Legolas will rescue her.
- Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma: "KAWAIIIII!!!!!1!"
- You Gotta Have Blue Hair: Blue hair.
A'maelA'mael is a servant. Since she was a child, she has felt love for Legolas. Morgoth wrecks her speech by trying to write her lines in Elvish. (Morgoth should already know Sindarin, but he seems to have forgotten it here!) This story parodies how some fan authors use the wrong Elvish language in their stories.
- Gratuitous Foreign Language: Gratuitous because it isn't Sindarin. A'mael speaks a mixture of Grelvish, misspelled Quenya, Elvish from Forgotten Realms, and the chemical name melamine. (That's a typo on melamin, Grelvish for "my love".) Legolas also speaks this language.
- Parental Abandonment: A'mael never knew her parents.
- Precocious Crush: A'mael as a child already loved Legolas. This might have been Puppy Love if Legolas was also a child.
- Rags to Royalty: Morgoth intended to reveal that A'mael is a princess. This would show that this Mary Sue is special, and allow her to marry Legolas.
- Star-Crossed Lovers: Morgoth invokes Rule of Drama and declares that A'mael the servant may not marry Legolas the prince, because Morgoth wants "dramatic tension".
- Too Dumb to Live: Because A'mael is too dumb to learn Sindarin, Morgoth's opponent concludes that A'mael is dumb enough to drown herself.
Vanimelda and MorwenVanimelda is the Crown Princess of Gondor. Morwen is her half-sister, a by-blow of Aragorn's, who is secretly plotting to kill her and take over Gondor.
- Captain Oblivious: Vanimelda thinks that Morwen's life, that of a beggar on the streets, is wonderful.
- Evil Is Petty: Morgoth's opponent finds this aspect of Morwen's character objectionable; killing her half-sister isn't anything like ambitious enough.
- Friend to All Living Things: Vanimelda thinks she is. She's wrong.
- Princess Classic: Vanimelda.
- Rags to Royalty: Vanimelda found Morwen living on the streets.
- Tomboy Princess: Zigzagged. Morwen is streetwise and spunky, but not as athletic as Vanimelda.
- Too Dumb to Live: Vanimelda's plan is to spend the night in a wood where dangerous wild boar live. Morwen seizes the opportunity to set up a fatal 'accident', but finds that Wild Boars Are Not Toys.
- Villain Sue: Invoked by Morgoth; Morwen wants to murder her sister and rule in her stead.
BeautyBeauty is a Tenth Walker, who accompanied Frodo and Sam from Hobbiton. She intends to rescue Frodo after he's been poisoned by Shelob.
- The Bait: Used as such by Morgoth. His opponent in this game is Shelob herself, and he uses Beauty merely to distract her while he escapes.
- Cannot Tell a Lie: Believes that if she lies, vaguely-defined "spirits" will punish her.
- Even Evil Has Standards: Even Morgoth finds Beauty insipid.
- Glowing Eyes: As part of her Phosphor-Essence.
- Intimate Healing: Her plan for Frodo, once she's saved his life.
- Non-Human Humanoid Hybrid: Beauty is half-elf, half-hobbit.
- Phosphor-Essence: She glows all over.
- Sailor Earth: Another Tenth Walker.
RaptureRapture is Legolas' sister, an Elven princess. Her father has told her to Stay in the Kitchen; she intends to defy him and set out on her own to save the world.
- Amulet of Concentrated Awesome: Manwë doesn't let her keep it.
- Cosmic Retcon: As each of Rapture's Common Mary Sue Traits shows up in the story, Manwë removes it.
- Heel-Face Turn: Or rather, Sue Face Turn.
- Internal Deconstruction: Of the premise that Sues should be killed for the readers' entertainment. Manwë uses this chapter to demonstrate how, with a few judicious tweaks, Rapture ceases to be a Sue without ceasing to be.
- The Medic: After Manwë is done with her, she's a healer and a pacifist.
SteelSteel is the only male self-insert character in Morgoth's box. Fëanor releases him into Valinor, where he proceeds to fight the male Valar and charm the female ones.
- The Ace: He is the ultimate fighter, the ultimate wizard, the ultimate lady's man.
- The Casanova: Part of his all-round brilliance. No woman can resist him... or so he thinks.
- Cyborg: He has robot arms.
- Gary Stu: Invoked by Morgoth.
- Ladykiller in Love: When he meets Lùthien.
- Name's the Same: Not related to the Element of that name.
- Nigh Invulnerable: Even Morgoth can't think of any way to defeat him.
- Refugee from TV Land: Escapes from the game into the framing story.
- Rule of Cool: What he believes the Universe runs on.
- Sizeshifter: Can change his size at will.
- Your Head Asplode: When he tries his powers of seduction on Lùthien and she responds with a flat No Sell, he takes it badly.
IsanthétarilThe daughter of Manwë and Varda, she has the power of all the Valar combined and more. Like Steel, she is released into Valinor by Fëanor.
- Cool and Unusual Punishment: Punishes Finwë for stealing Morgoth's diary by having rabbits hit him with pillows. Later, she becomes this herself for Morgoth.
- God-Mode Sue: The ultimate example in the story — she's a physical goddess.
- Godzilla Threshold: Represents this for the Valar.
- Physical God: As part of her nature as a Vala.
- Refugee from TV Land: As with Steel, gets into the framing story.
- Skunk Stripe: Her dark hair has a gold streak.
- Spoiled Brat: Has the personality of a spoiled child.