Ben ChathamGay, drunk archaeologist and former companion of the Tenth Doctor. Member of Operation Delta, which is basically UNIT but not as good. Has been given the opportunity to travel through time, battle evil, save the day and experience the wonders and beauty of the entire universe. Would usually rather get drunk and mope about instead.
- Adventurer Archaeologist: In theory. In practice, his archaeology skills barely come up, even when they should and what he does can hardly be termed an adventure.
- Creator's Pet: In addition to singing his praises for doing absolutely nothing of any use, everyone else will not shut up about how great they think this horrible human being is.
- Gay Conservative: Ben, and by extension, Spara himself have very Conservative political views despite being gay.
- It Is Pronounced "Tro-PAY": Inversion - Ben's surname, despite sharing its spelling with the town of Chatham (pronounced Chat-um) in Kent, is apparently pronounced Chay-thum.
- Miles Gloriosus: In a manner of speaking; Ben rarely contributes to the successful conclusion of events in any meaningful way, or in any way that exposes him to any risk, yet has no problem with accepting the credit that is inevitably lavished upon him.
- Once an Episode:
- In early fics; when will he call Torchwood/UNIT so that they can solve everything? Then everyone sings "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" and ruffles his hair.
- "Ben Chatham was relaxing on the sofa enjoying a glass of one of the most exclusive french absinthes available..." That's how all stories open.
- What Could Have Been: According to sparacus, Ben was originally envisioned as a Thai ladyboy named Lin Sang.
Katie RyanBen's oft-spurned former lover and (supposedly) fellow archaeologist.
- The Mean Brit: Katie is very unpleasant towards almost everyone she meets.
Kyle Barry ScottA "chav" from a council estate somewhere. Notable for being the only working class character, the only vaguely likeable character, and the only character that ever does anything of any use whatsoever (though Ben still gets all the credit)
- Funetik Aksent: Although the precise regional accent Sparacus is attempting to evoke is unclear.
- Heel–Face Turn: Kyle was originally a violent thug, until Ben "rescued" him. This is presumably the only reason for Kyle's continued loyalty.
- Working Class People Are Morons: At least, as far as Ben is concerned.
Craig ChathamBen's nephew. Was introduced when his mother, Ben's sister, died of a drug overdose. Ben didn't really care, as she was a "druggie chav" (and indeed, got his parents to disown her out of spite) and took the kid under his wing under duress. Doesn't have a personality beyond being a stereotypical Emo Teen, who writes bad poetry and cuts himself. Was LBC's Author Avatar in his writing days.
IsobelIntroduced by LBC, this character, existed solely to wear skimpy outfits, get captured by the monsters, and fall in love with Craig. Her "backstory" is that she is actually a powerful alien with a dark side known as the
The Tenth DoctorThe first incarnation that Ben met and travelled with. Has a rather alarming tendency to either stand by uselessly as evildoers get away with their evil schemes or to actively forbid his friends from doing anything that might prevent evildoers from getting away with their evil schemes.
- Moral Dissonance: Once thought that killing a hamster (that albeit contained the life essence of an alien, but was otherwise about as harmless as any hamster is) was a good way to solve a problem. Specifically, by dropping it on the ground and stamping on it. Sparacus didn't see what the problem with this was.
The Eleventh DoctorA wild teenager type who is only interested in sleeping with Martha and records everything so he can post it on Myspace. Seriously.
- Totally Radical: Spara's idea of appealing to the "yoof" of today is using the word "like" in every sentence and throwing in references to texting, Myspace and Skins without any meaning whatsoever.
Shakey JakeMiddle-aged drug-addict who is clearly funnier than any canon character (especially Malcolm in Planet of the Dead).
K9The Doctor sent Chatham a K9 unit...supposedly, since he rarely appears. Most recently in The Caves of Oblivion.
Anselm AshfordBen's most long-term lover, whom he met in Winter of the Lost: when they met, Anselm was a member of a cult plannning to travel to another planet, and he and Ben had sex less than an hour after first meeting. He joined Ben's team as an "investigative interviewer", but after being caught cheating in Face of Death, he appeared once more in Planet Waves (still apparently a member of the team) and then did not appear again until The Operation Delta Interviews (see below).
Martha Jones...is nothing like canon Martha. She's uninterested in her travels and quite whiny. Prefers wine and Cambridge to alien planets any day. She still loves the Doctor after when she should be with
- Berserk Button: The lower class people of a Cornish fishing village hit her berserk button by being "distasteful" (read: lower class). Also people (read:the Doctor) hitting on her.
- Fan Nickname: Spartha Jones, to distinguish her from canon Martha.
Donna NobleAs different from her onscreen persona as Martha before her, the normally-talkative Donna is rendered virtually mute when written by sparacus.
The Operation: Delta TeamA group of new recruits taken on at the conclusion of the "interactive" Operation: Delta Election Special. Originally, they all interviewed for one open position, which had been left when Ben essentially fired Anselm for cheating on him. After readers actually wasted their time voting on who should get the job (hindered by Sparacus insisting that he be allowed to vote on behalf of each of the members of the interview panel, in the hope that Adam Wooten would be the one chosen), the story concluded with David Cameron increasing O:D's funding so that they could hire all of the applicants, including one they hadn't even interviewed yet.The new recruits include:
- Anselm Ashford. Yes, he applied for his own job.
- Barry Tuck, the bartender at Mermaids Wine Bar. Notable for having previously sexually harassed every female member of the interview panel and being hated by almost everyone present.
- Júlíus Indriði Aðalsteinsson, an Icelandic evolutionary biologist with a helicopter pilot's license. The only eligible candidate not created by sparacus.
- Adam Wooten, a young, attractive male with few practical skills. Inevitably a love interest for Ben.