Characters: Team Fortress 2 Offense
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Voiced by: Nathan Vetterlein
An American, with a Bronx accent
, but is really from South Boston
. Wears a team-colored t-shirt, a black messenger bag, cleats, dogtags, and handwraps. Canonically the youngest of eight brothers, son of a single mother, grew up on the streets. Looks and sounds exactly like Vince Offer
, and to some extent even has a similar personality. The fourth class to receive new equipment. Uses a scattergun, a pistol, and a bat. Meet the Scout!
The Scout provides examples of:
- Adorkable: In the Expiration Date short film.
- American Accents: He's supposed to be from Boston, but sounds like he's from Brooklyn (which is intentional).
- Animal Motifs: Rabbits. He's fast and he has buck teeth. The following domination lines support this:
Demoman: "You're like a little bunny...scurryin' around, eatin' up yer lettuce and berries!"
Engineer: "Just a dead little jackrabbit."
Spy: "Ooh, you were quick as a little bunny, weren't you?"
- Attention Whore: Several of his lines are some variant of "LOOK AT ME!"
- Badass Boast:
"Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brudda... I hurt people. I'm a force of nature. If you were from where I'm from, you would be ***ing
- Batter Up: Being a baseball fan, his default melee weapon is an aluminum bat, and a few of his unlockables are bats as well. It's even the name of one of the Scout's achievements (Perform 1000 double jumps).
- Big "OMG!": In "Meet the Sandvich".
- Body Horror: Has a live bird sealed in his chest after surgery, that was never removed. On rare occasions, when he gets gibbed, the bird will fly out unharmed.
- We can safely assume that the Medic cut his favorite dove, Archimedes, out of the Scout's chest without bothering with anaesthesia roughly five seconds after the screen faded to black at the end of "Meet the Medic". We see Archimedes again later, for example in the Mann vs. Machine comics.
- Bratty Half-Pint: Just listen to his lines for about 5 seconds. It's a fair guess that he's meant to sound annoying.
- Backstory-wise: he's the runt of eight children (referred to as "his mad-dog brothers").
- Brooklyn Rage: Even though he's from Boston, it certainly counts.
- Buffy Speak
- Caffeine Bullet Time: Of a sort. His Bonk! Atomic Punch allows the scout to "dodge" all damage for a short period of time, while also being unable to attack.
- Cannot Spit It Out: He's got a hell of a crush on Miss Pauling, but just can't work up the guts to ask her out, much to Spy's amusement.
Spy: Asking out that dial-tone again, I see?
Scout: Go to Hell, Spy.
- Can't Act Perverted Toward a Love Interest: While he's got plenty of one-liners for single mothers and whatever girls he comes across, attempting to ask out Miss Pauling leaves him faltering and stammering.
- Casanova Wannabe: Not so much in-game due to a lack of female characters, but in the online comics he hits on nigh-on every woman he sees, with very little success.
- One of the pages for the Halloween 2012 update includes a dating advert that's obviously written by the Scout - the gratuitous amounts of self-praise mean it couldn't have been made by anyone else.
- In "A Cold Day in Hell" he passes up what's probably one of the few chances he'll get to have sex with a woman (Heavy's sister) because he's convinced Miss Pauling will like him if he keeps waiting.
- "Expiration Date" shows he's had success with "girls"—that is, random women willing to have casual sex with him—it's ladies that he gets nowhere with.
- Charles Atlas Superpower: The Scout trained himself to run everywhere, originally so he could reach fights in time to have some fun before his seven older brothers got there. By the game's scale, he's running at about 10 meters a second — as fast as an Olympic sprinter (about 22.3694 MPH) — perpetually. And that's not taking into account his jumping abilities.
- Characterization Marches On: Initially Scout's interest in Miss Pauling was treated as nothing more than macho posturing by him that was ignored by her out of disgust. This was supported by mentions of other attempts by him to pick up chicks such as on the description for The Fast Learner. Then A Cold Day In Hell hinted that Scout's crush on her might actually be sincere, followed by Expiration Date recharacterizing their relationship. The end result was that Scout actually likes her as a person but doesn't know any other way to ask her out other than hitting on her like any random stranger, and Miss Pauling isn't against dating him and merely didn't notice his feeble attempts to ask her out.
- Companion Cube: Becomes very attached to the Haunted Hat during the 2013 Scream Fortress event, even talking to it and treating it like a friend and teammate.
Just you an' me, scary hat.
- Deadly Dodging: A Scout under the effects of the Bonk! Atomic Punch drink can use his bullet-dodging state to kill Engineers with their own Sentry Guns, and to kill explosive-using classes by forcing them to take self-damage.
- Difficult but Awesome: Unskilled Scouts die quickly, but skilled ones rack up the bodies and capture points. His playstyle requires quick reflexes, constant movement, and in-depth knowledge of the map, as well as good aim since he has to keep moving while shooting to stay alive. He is hard to control for many veteran FPS players, due to his ludicrous speed. On the other hand, truly veteran FPS players might get a sense of nostalgia from the quick movement and emphasis on dodging attacks rather than soaking them up.
- Double Jump: One of his special abilities. Certain equipment can improve this skill, giving him a third jump at the cost of some health, a Recoil Boost, and increased jump height.
- Soda Popper's Hype, when charged by simply running around, can grant the Scout a quintuple jump. However, this takes up the same slot as the aforementioned Force-a-Nature and doesn't stack with the Atomizer.
- Eat My Dust: One of his lines.
- Even Bad Men Love Their Mamas: Seems to be fond of his. "Look at me, ma!"
- Extra! Extra! Read All About It!: "Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!"
- Fiery Redhead: Some of the comics depict him with red hair, while his in-game model has brown hair.
- Fourth Wall Observer: One has to wonder where he picked up the word "ragequit". Yes, he actually does tell his domination victims to ragequit.
- Fragile Speedster:
- Of the four classesnote with only 125 HP, Scout is the only one made for direct confrontation, but he more than makes up for this with blinding speed and agility. His scatter gun does over 100 damage point-blank in a game where only one class has more than 200 health.
- It's also worth knowing that if he's equipped with the two weapons from the Pyromania update, Baby Face's Blaster and Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol, that changes; he becomes the third-slowest class until you get boost from dealing damage and can't jump without resetting it (though the Pistol adds 15 health and prevents you from taking fall damage, though fire damages you more), but if it's fully charged, the Scout becomes nearly impossible to catch (it doesn't hurt that the Blaster is more accurate, despite doing a little less damage).
- Grievous Harm with a Body: See Improbable Weapon User below.
- Handwraps of Awesome
- Hit-and-Run Tactics
- Hidden Depths: Some of the Scout's lines hint that he may be smarter than he lets on: He seems to know about the Hippocratic Oath ("Where's ya precious hippo-crates now?") and have read some of the works of H.P. Lovecraft ("There's some eldritch horror, H. P. Dumb-craft!").
- Given that the Medic owns a marble bust of Hippocrates, the Scout probably heard the Medic mention the term. And then made fun of it.
- He also seems to be rather decent with a pencil, with his boredom-fueled scrawls showing he has a rather steady hand.
- Hopeless Suitor: For Miss Pauling in Expiration Date, though she seems to turn around to the idea in the end.
- I Fell for Hours: One of his responses for falling into the pit in the Halloween version of Lakeside.
- I Have Brothers: Rare male example. He's the youngest of his family's eight sons.
- I Love Nuclear Power: His Bonk! Atomic Punch energy drink is described this way in his update:
"Bonk! is fulla radiation, which as we all know is pretty great for givin' people superpowers."
- Improbable Weapon User: The Wrap Assassin is a roll of wrapping paper and a Chri—uh, Smissmas Ornament that causes the target to bleed. The Candy Cane causes Scout's victims to drop health packs. And then there's the Unarmed Combat, which is actually the Spy's severed arm used as a bludgeon. There's also the Fan O'War, a Japanese war fan that does Scratch Damage, but causes all hits on that opponent to be minicrits for the next 15 seconds. And, to top it off, there's the Holy Mackerel, which has no special properties but, as the item description puts it best, "being hit by a fish has gotta be humiliating."
- Inherently Funny Words: BONK!
- Jerkass: In his Meet The Team video, he constantly toots his own horn and generally acts like a narcissist. The comics show he's not the nicest guy even to his own teammates either, like when he rats out Soldier in the Smissmas comic or mocks Heavy for giving Sasha her own bed.
- Ladykiller in Love: Towards Miss Pauling, as of "A Cold Day In Hell".
- Lean and Mean
- Lightning Bruiser: In Mann vs. Machine mode, the Scout gains 20-50 health every time he picks up a pile of money. The limit on how much health this can add is rather absurd; it's not uncommon to see a Scout running around with more health than an overhealed Heavy.
- Stone Wall: On the other hand, Scouts lack the damage output required to complete the waves in MvM, so their role is relegated into money collection and marking the Giant Robots.
- Motor Mouth: Once talked for at least five hours on end.
- Must Have Caffeine: In an early trailer, his motto simply reads "Too. Much. Caffeine." Plus, two of his unlockable weapons are energy drinks.
- Obnoxious Snarker: He's a Small Name, Big Ego Attention Whore with a Motor Mouth from Boston. Of course he's this.
- Oh Crap: Variations of this when Crit-A-Cola wears off and if he's being hit while trying to chug Bonk! Atomic Punch when his health is in the red.
- Older than They Look: Many fans guessed that the Scout was around 16-20. According to the description for the Track Terrorizer jacket, he's at least 23note note .
- Pastimes Prove Personality
- Pet the Dog: In the 2011 Halloween comic, he kneels down to eye level with one of the kids and gives him a tooth that he beat out of someone with his bat.
Hey there, slugger. C'mere. You are gonna love this. You see this bat? Bam! That... is a human molar. From some dummy with a big mouth that used to be fulla teeth. It's all yours, little talkin' France.
- He's also quick to defend the kids at the mall when Old Nick arrives to kidnap them.
- Pintsized Powerhouse: Being the youngest member of the team doesn't stop him from bashing in an enemy merc's head with his Sandman or blowing their brains out with a Pretty Boy's Pocket Pistol.
- Power-Up Magnet: The Auto Innate type in Mann vs Machine, which helps the Scout collect credits and be more useful as Scouts don't tend be good on defense.
- Psychotic Smirk: Dude, chill...◊
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: "I! EAT! YOUR! SANDVICHES! I EAT 'EM UP!"
- Roadrunner PC: As mentioned previously, his speed makes his style of combat reminiscent of early First-Person Shooters where you're faster than anyone else, except with lower health and fewer enemies.
- The Runt at the End
- Sanity Ball: Scout has to act as the Sane man to Soldier and Pyro in "A Cold Day in Hell".
- Satisfied Street Rat
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: "Wanananana!", "Bonk!", and a bunch after drinking Bonk! Atomic Punch. He also says "Bonk!" in one of his taunts.
- Screams Like a Little Girl: In "Meet The Sandvich" and one of his responses to a ghost. And again in "The Sound of Medicine".
- Self-Deprecation: One of his responses to getting a rare gun drop in Mann vs. Machine mode:
"For the first time in my life, I'm at a loss for words."
- Sir Swears-a-Lot
- Small Name, Big Ego: Even with "Scout" as the only identifier of his name, he has about the same ego and notoriety as Cirno.
- Street Smart: The comics and certain Valve-written item descriptions make it clear that the Scout never finished High School and is in general pretty stupid. He is full of "brilliant ideas" that sometimes turn out to work more out of luck than planning (like using his mercenary money for buying Tom Jones memorabilia). His ego, though, leads him to think he knows everything.
- The All-American Boy: Viciously parodied. Scout loves baseball, his ma, and bashin' people's heads in.
- Too Slow: Some of his lines mock the enemy for being too slow.
- Trademark Favorite Food: That Bonk! Atomic Punch makes him quite hyperactive.
- You Have Got to Be Kidding Me!: One of his actual lines in the game.
- You Have Researched Breathing: The "Baseball Bill's Sports Shine" is an item that removes Scout's hat and headset.
- Verbal Tic: The words "yo" and "frickin'".
"Real" name: Sergeant-Barrister Jane Doe
Voiced by: Rick May/Nolan Northnote
A Boisterous Bruiser
and a Drill Sergeant Nasty
. American, thinks Sun Tzu is something of a Memetic Badass
, talks like a cross between George C Scott
and R. Lee Ermey
in Full Metal Jacket
, wears fatigues and an ill-fitting helmet in team color. Wanted to "do his bit" in World War II, but was rejected from every
service in the American military after being found too mentally unstable even for national service
— so he self-financed a one-man rampage across Europe with the intention to kill "Nazis" and "Communists", starting in 1945 after the Germans had surrendered
and not stopping until 1949 when someone managed to track him down in Poland and convince him that the war had ended.
He shared his class update
alongside the Demoman, similar to the Sniper versus Spy
update. The WAR!
comic conclusively revealed that he was never in the Army (his personal Berserk Button
), as well as the Soldier's lifestyle; the BLU Soldier lived in a shabby, windowless apartment filled with weapons and weapon magazines, ready to kill any visitor who wasn't a tomato soup salesman or a roast rib deliveryman. The RED Soldier once shared an apartment with Merasmus the Magician, an actual immortal wizard from Scotland, until Merasmus evicted his lodger for being lazy and stealing Merasmus' belongings. The Soldier might have a heart condition (or think he has one) even after the heart-valve surgery, as hinted at by him eating Merasmus' Kill Me Come Back Stronger
pills because he thought they were heart medication, and one of his voice lines for the Halloween 2013 Helltower
map has him yelling, "I am having a heart attack!"
Uses a rocket launcher, a shotgun, and a shovel. Meet the Soldier!
The Soldier provides examples of:
- Achievements in Ignorance: Including building a functional rocket launcher and an effective robot disguise out of garbage.
- Adoring the Pests: Through reasons comprehensible only to him, he snuck back into Merasmus' home, hid a refrigerator full of spoiled sour cream in the yard, and attracted several rabid raccoons, prone to chewing on everything in their path. Even though one of them has Soldier's own arm as its meal of choice, he still seems to think it's cute.
Merasmus: "Where did all these raccoons come from?"
Soldier: "They sniffed out all the sour cream I hid! They love the stuff. Don't you, Lieutenant Bites? Yeahhh, you do."
Soldier holds "Lieutenant Bites" in his arms, scratching his head affectionately. The raccoon growls and digs its teeth into his arm. Several large, bloody gashes are already seeping out from the sleeve of his uniform. Merasmus stares on in shock.
- American Accents: Drill Sergeant, apparently from the Midwestern states.
- Artistic License - History: If this post about Abraham Lincoln is part of his interior monologue.
- Awesome, but Impractical: In practice, any strategy heavily relying on the Market Gardener or the Mantreads isn't suited to deal with most situations and is a risky strategy for dealing with medium to large-sized groups. It's still satisfying and fun to come blasting out of nowhere and make an enemy go CRUNCH though.
- Ax-Crazy: Why he was rejected from the Armed Forces.
- Bad Bad Acting: When he's trying to coax Merasmus out of hiding.
"Oh hello, Merlin, the famous magician! Noooo, I have not seen Merasmus. What's that? Noooo, I can't think of anyone who'd want an autograph."
"Oh hello, Gundorf! Where's Blasbo Babbins? Oh there he is! Everyone's here! Labalos, Gimpy, Dumpy, Snoopy...
um... Man, I wish Merasmus was around to see this magical turn of events!"
"Oh look, it's Houdini. What's that Houdini? You looking for a new best friend? Too bad there's no wizards around... get out here, Merasmus!"
"What's that, Merasmus's favorite actor, Burt Lancaster? You think people who hide are cowards? Wise words, Burt Lancaster. You've convinced all of us-... damn it Merasmus, get out here!"
- Badass Bandolier: Including two semi-cosmetic frag grenades. You can only use one of them in a suicidal explosion if you've got the Equalizer equipped.
- Badass Normal: Despite having been rejected from every branch of the military and thus having no formal military training, the Soldier apparently went on a "Nazi killing spree" using entirely self-taught techniques.
- Berserk Button: Do not call him a civilian.
- Blinding Bangs: The Battle Bob promotional hat.
- Boisterous Bruiser: "You are not welcome in MY WORLD!"
- Bond One-Liner: Many of his killing spree voice notes qualify. "Time to inform YOUR NEXT OF KIN!"
- Book Dumb/Genius Ditz: The only thing Jane Doe is good at is War and Killing. Many of his battle tactics defy all logic.
- However, the "Grave Matters" comic reveals that he's actually a lawyer and an exorcist (just not in New Mexico), as well as a priest (but only in Guam).
- Admittedly, we only have Soldier's own word for that, and Soldier's delusional personal reality often doesn't match external reality. He has also for a time been employed as a park ranger for a Raccoon Wildlife Reserve (= Meramus' castle) and as a tourist guide, without any apparent training, simply by pretending to be one. Add in the fact that he got his lawyer job from Merasmus, and it's impossible to tell what his actual qualifications are.
- Captain Obvious/Parrot Exposition:
Administrator: Intruder Alert! Intruder Alert! RED Spy is in the base!
BLU Soldier: A RED SPY IS IN THE BASE?!
Administrator: Protect the Briefcase!
BLU Soldier: WE NEED TO PROTECT THE BRIEFCASE!
- Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys: Dominating Spies will have the Soldier taunt them while generally mentioning their French nationality. One calls the Spy a "rifle-dropping coward", another has him say, "Your white flag does not stop American bullets". Think not of how the latter would be a war crime, and remember that the Soldier isn't too sane.
- One of his Achievements is "Geneva Contravention", which literally makes you kill 3 unarmed people. Granted, he's not exactly in the army.
- Chekhov's Gun: His robot Halloween outfit turns out to be useful in fooling Grey Mann's robots initially.
- Cigar Chomper: Seen smoking a cigar in the Mann vs. Machine trailer, and he has a cigar as a cosmetic item.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Whatever's in Soldier's head would probably not be reciprocated by too many people. For instance, his historical accounts are rather off from what you should know though other background material in Team Fortress 2 frequently states odd history such as that as well. He also keeps severed heads of his enemies to line up and act Drill Sergeant Nasty to.
- Taken Up to Eleven in "Expiration Date". Everything out of his mouth is pure Cloud Cuckooland craziness.
Soldier: You did not read [my dying wish]!
Spy: Does it say you want the buc-?
- Colonel Kilgore
- Companion Cube: His enemies' severed heads.
- Also the Larval Lid, a Halloween-restricted hat in the form of a giant botfly maggot (which, according to its texture file, is just a latex costume piece) "growing" from his head. Triggers special voice lines of Soldier conversing with his buddy the "brain maggot" when equipped.
- Crazy Enough to Work: With the Mann Vs. Machine update, he came up with the idea of creating a decoy facility for the robots to attack. And it worked.
- He then proceeded to infiltrate the robots' meetings by wearing his terrible robot Halloween costume as a disguise. It worked until Gray Mann got suspicious and built a smarter robot (patterned after the Engineer).
- Crazy Homeless Person: As of the Pyromania update, the Soldier seems to be one. The blurbs and descriptions of the update's set's items imply that he thinks of his tinfoil-lined helmet and two soup cans as good friends. The helmet has foil in it so no one can steal his "valuable tramp-thoughts".
- Doesn't seem to be homeless anymore, as he now somehow owns Merasmus's castle.
- Crazy Jealous Guy/If I Can't Have You/Yandere: In the "Unhappy Returns" comic, Jane tracks down Merasmus to Tom Jones' house, murdering the singer in cold blood when he finds out Tom Jones is Merasmus' new roommate. When Merasmus asks why, Jane says:
- Crazy-Prepared/The Cuckoolander Was Right: Apparently he always knew a robot attack would happen, and has taken measures to prepare for this. Then again, one of these measures was staring down a toaster for several months to "get inside its mind", so effectiveness is debatable.
- Crazy Survivalist: The BLU Soldier apparently lived in a windowless apartment with a barricaded door, several hundred cans of army surplus soup, and a pile of "Guns and Haircuts" magazines.
- Death from Above: Rocket jumping allows the Soldier to fly to great heights from which he can rain down rockets upon his enemies. The Gunboats greatly reduce the self-damage taken from rocket jumping, allowing Soldiers to perform bombing runs with high frequency, while the Mantreads let him actually land on enemies to damage them. There's an achievement for killing a number of players from above.
- And now, with the Beggar's Bazooka, Gunboats, and some creativity, he can act as a living airstrike.
- Diminishing Returns for Balance: Subverted. While in most cases, a single-class team will expose themselves to a certain type of weakness (all-Scouts are vulnerable to Sentry Guns, all-Heavies to Spies & Snipers, all-Snipers/Spies just plain won't work), an all-Soldier team can literally blast anything short of an Ubercharge apart with a salvo of rocket barrage. The other class which comes close is the Demoman.
- Unless they're opposed by a team full of airblasting Pyros and Engineers with the Short Circuit gun which disintegrates projectiles.
- Dirty Communists: What he thinks of the enemy Heavy.
- Difficult but Awesome: Rocket jumping. A lot of people see it as just a typical advantage that Soldiers and Demos have, but when you can blast all the way across the map in five seconds (as showcased in the openings to these tutorials) and even beat out the Scout with enough practice, it becomes clear how useful it really is.
- Drill Sergeant Nasty: Very similar to Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket, and even more psychotic than his team.
- Dumb Muscle: Generally portrayed as the least intelligent, and possibly lowest-ranking, member of the team, but due to his loose cannon nature, it's implied that it's generally easier on the Team to let him believe whatever won't get the rest of them killed:
A man whose combat strategies are so complex, so nuanced, that they have never been used on the field of battle, even though Heavy told him they would try them out last week.
- The "Unhappy Returns" comic implies his stupidness is because of lead poisoning, as he didn't know about the water bottles the mercs were given so they wouldn't drink lead-contaminated water.
- Eagleland: The Soldier marinates himself with Flavor #2.
- Embarrassing First Name: Mister Jane. That's right, not "Captain Jane" or "Corporal Jane" or even "Private Jane". Just MISTER Jane.
- Eskimos Aren't Real: Invoked to goad his enemies on. The Soldier will declare that Scotland is not a real country, and thus the Scottish Demoman is actually "an Englishman in a dress".
- Eye-Obscuring Hat: Has a helmet as his default headwear, and it was tilted in a way that his eyes aren't visible. While there are many hats the soldier can wear that can show his eyes, there are also other hats that also obscure them.
- And once you have seen Soldier's crazy eyes, you will agree that this is a good thing.
- Fluffy Tamer: Whether it's rabid raccoons, bald eagles, or giant brain-eating maggots, Soldier seems to be genuinely fond of animals. He'd also rather contemplate eating his friends than some ermines in Siberia. Doesn't keep him from neck-snapping an angry bear, though.
- Friend to All Children: He's tough, but he took three kids trick-or-treating on Halloween, and didn't hesitate to defend the children of Teufort from Old Nick.
- The Friend Nobody Likes: While the Pyro is merely feared by its team, the Soldier is the member who's most despised by his peers. Many of his teammates have taken to lying about their nationalities so he won't bother them/break their limbs more than he already does.
- From Nobody to Nightmare: Somehow he went from being rejected by every branch of the military, having no training, and being unable to locate Poland on a map to personally killing over 6000 people during and after WW2.
- Gender-Blender Name: His name is apparently Mister Jane Doe.
- General Ripper: Aside from the Pyro, the Soldier is probably the most dangerously unstable, fanatically violent character in the whole team of lunatics.
- And since the release of "Meet The Pyro", even this is debatable.
- Historical Character Confusion: In "Meet the Soldier", he attributes the story of Noah's Ark to Sun Tzu instead.
Soldier: "Then he [Sun Tzu] used his fight money to buy two of every animal on Earth, and then he herded them onto a boat, and then he beat the crap out of every single one!"
"You cannot burn me. I am already ablaze with passion for war!"
- Hypocritical Humor: A Pyro domination line goes, "Fire is for cooking s'mores, son; get a REAL GUN." This coming from the guy whose primary is a rocket launcher (not technically a gun) and whose secondary default is a shotgun (the same as the Pyro).
- I'm a Humanitarian: He nearly eats the Scout and his hands while they and the Pyro are stranded and starving in the frozen wastes of Russia.
- Idiot Savant: Soldier's grip on tactics, language, logic, and basic sanity is very suspect and he's never actually been in the military, but he did manage to figure out how to use his weaponry without killing himself or getting killed fighting in World War II (and then probably many more unfortunate random invididuals around Europe who were subject to his attacks four years after the war ended) and now survives working as a mercenary fighting against other mercenaries hardened by possibly (marginally) more legitimate means.
- Innocently Insensitive: Jane's Funny Schizophrenia leaves him unable to comprehend that burning Merasmus' body just might piss Merasmus off.
- Irony: The Soldier has made his disdain towards hippies and long hair (read: anything longer than a buzz cut) clear. There's also a promotional hat in the form of unusual-looking long hair for the Soldier.
- It's All About Me: Capturing points or intelligence noticeably has him stress in his lines that they're his.
- Jack of All Stats: The Soldier simply isn't included in most counter cycles, and his weapons and stats are fairly straightforward. That, and his weapons make him comfortable to Quake arena players.
- This is not to suggest he's not a valuable player; the Soldier is a vital staple in competitive play once Rocket Jumping is mastered.
- Juggling Dangerously: His taunts with non-Shotgun secondaries involve him juggling two grenades from his bandolier and a rocket.
- Kiai: Screams "HUTTAH!" whenever he snaps someone's neck in the supplemental comics.
- Large Ham
- Laughing Mad: He's already loopy but in Expiration Date after accidentally creating a giant bread monster he descends into maniacal laughter as he gets beaten up.
- Literal-Minded: He thinks that if you're not forbidden from doing something then you are required to do it such as constantly teleporting bread for three days straight because he'd been told he was allowed to teleport bread if he wanted. He also thinks that that if you're not about to die of being full of tumours then you must be immortal.
- Macross Missile Massacre: One of his primary weapons can fear three highly inaccurate missiles at once.
- Malaproper: The supplemental comics have him replacing words with other words that sound similar, for instance, 'pepper-pants' when he had meant to say 'pepper pot' and 'salsa' instead of 'salty.' In the game, he seems unable to correctly pronounce anything related to literature, if his constant mangling of the names of characters from Lord of the Rings and the Bombinomicon is any indication. He always sounds like he's close to what he means to say, but it's patently clear he's just spouting gibberish syllables.
- Misery Builds Character: As the Soldier says, "Pain is weakness leaving the body!"
- Monster Roommate: RED Soldier's former roommate is an immortal spellcasting wizard! (Admittedly not a very powerful one.)
- Moral Myopia: To the Soldier, it's only a war crime if the enemy team does it. (Just like real-world politics, then.)
- Naked People Are Funny: "Scout, I am nude and covered in honey again! Let's wrestle some damn bears!"
- Never Learned to Read:
- In the comic "Unhappy Returns", Miss Pauling claims that some of the mercenaries are illiterate. It's heavily implied that this refers to the Soldier and the Pyro, as we've seen the other characters being able to read and some of them canonically have academic grades (i.e. the Engineer, the Medic, and the Heavy in Poker Night at the Inventory).
- The rest of the supplemental material suggests that it's probably just Soldier: Pyro has been shown reading magazines (The Stinger of "Meet the Medic") and newspapers ("Ring of Fired").
- In "A Cold Day in Hell", Soldier manages to read one letter of a SEARS tag before deciding it probably stands for 'soviet', 'Stalin', or 'socialism'.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: The reason the teams have been fighting otherworldly beings on Halloween for the past two years? This genius decided to tick off an evil wizard both years. Yep, the main reason these characters are fighting for their lives on Halloween is entirely the Soldier's fault.
Soldier: "Then I told the mighty ghost wizard, 'Ha! I'd like to see you try!'. And that is why he's killing all of us right now!"
Scout: "I gotta admit, that DOES sorta explain everything."
- No Indoor Voice
- No Name Given: Answers to "Jane Doe", which is the standard moniker for females of unknown identity. It's possible that this is his actual name but it's just as likely he's using a pseudonym.
- Noodle Incident: As seen in "A Cold Day in Hell" he has apparently been naked and covered in honey around Scout before. At least once when Scout was on a double date.
- Official Couple: As of "A Cold Day In Hell", he's dating Heavy's younger sister Zhanna.
- One-Liner, Name... One-Liner: When the Tin Soldier set is equipped, upon getting a Revenge Kill, the Soldier may say:
"Beep boop son, beep boop."
- One-Man Army: He was (or, at least, claimed to be) one of these from 1945 to 1949. It's officially stated his killing spree ended four years after the war ended, so how many of his kills weren't bewildered civilians is unclear.
- Also, by his own claim he spent some time in Guam; knowing him, it was years after the USA had recaptured Guam in 1944.
- Paper-Thin Disguise: Almost taken literally in that it's his cardboard Halloween costume.
- Parrot Exposition: See Captain Obvious above.
- Patriotic Fervor: Taken to the extreme for Rule of Funny.
- Perma Stubble
- Pet the Dog:
- In this Halloween comic, if the Soldier's line about being on the lam with the kids is just an attempt to get candy, it's quite touching to see the merciless military man putting on a goofy costume and taking some kids trick or treating with him. If it isn't, he's still trying to keep them fed.
- In an outtake of "Meet the Medic", the BLU Soldier holds a dying teammate in his arms. Quickly turns into Kick the Dog when he gets run over by a train.
- Like the Scout, he saves the kids of Teufort from being kidnapped.
- Phony Veteran: Contrary to his claims, he has never served in an army, and all those medals he has are self-awarded. However, he did acquire a flight to Poland (in 1945!) on his own initiative, though most of the years in Europe were spent killing civilians because he didn't know the war was over.
- Pitiful Worms: He sure loves to call people maggots and spineless worms.
- Primal Chest-Pound: His taunt with The Direct Hit and the Beggar's Bazooka.
- Punctuated! For! Emphasis!: He does this quite a bit.
"Stand! On! The! Point! Numbnuts!"
"I! Am! On! FIRE!!!"
- Religious Bruiser: He claims he is a priest. In Guam.
- The Remnant: According to his official bio, after being rejected from all branches of the military, Soldier flew to Europe on his own and embarked on a 'Nazi killing spree', which ended when he heard news of the war's end. In 1949.
- Right Wing Militia Fanatic: Heavily implied, especially in his domination lines to foreign born foes (the Heavy in particular.)
- Romantic Spoonfeeding: After sleeping with Heavy's younger sister Zhanna, they can be seen feeding each other at the dinner table as a Funny Background Event.
- Saying Sound Effects Out Loud: Sometimes, especially when he's on a kill streak. Also, if he has the Tin Soldier costume set on, he goes "Beep beep boop" and occasionally "Robot noises!" while firing a weapon.
- His first reaction to finding a shipment of space ray guns is to pose dramatically and yell "PEW PEW PEW!"
- The Scourge of God: "If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!"
- Sergeant Rock
- Shovel Strike: While using either the standard shovel or the Market Gardener.
- Serious Business: Almost to the point of being the team "Stop Having Fun" Guy.
- Sexy Shirt Switch: After sleeping with Zhanna, she lends him a frilly pink nightgown, as he doesn't have a spare change of clothes. Of course, him (and the rest of the team) are no stranger to Real Men Wear Pink (see: 2013's 'Magical Mercenary' hat).
- Smarter Than You Look:
- The Soldier is more eloquent in his blog posts than one might expect from someone who can't spell "heads" or "weapons" right.
- In "Doom-mates", he manages to evict Merasmus from his own castle to keep it for himself, using only sour cream and raccoons. Of course, this might have worked a lot better if Merasmus wasn't a wizard, but it's still pretty impressive for someone who blows himself up on a regular basis.
- In "Ring of Fired", he is the only one who sees through Miss Pauling's ridiculously Paper-Thin Disguise.
- Sociopathic Soldier
- Taught by Experience: Managed to survive learning to fight after getting to Europe alone while untrained and unaffiliated to the U.S. because they wouldn't accept him. Granted, he "fought" for four years after World War 2 had ended.
- Team Pet: In the Fourth Annual Halloween Special, he adopts a ton of raccoons. Wild ones that bite him and subsist on rancid sour cream he stole from his former roommate's house, but oh well.
- Testosterone Poisoning: According to the Soldier, true men get haircuts, yell, eat ribs, do pushups, and defend hills. Any person who doesn't do these activities every waking moment is a pansy.
- They Killed Kenny Again: The BLU Soldier is killed in every Meet the Team video.
- This Cannot Be!: At times, it doesn't take much to alarm him.
Spy: This... is a bucket.
Soldier: Dear God.
Spy: There's more.
- Trademark Favourite Food: Captain Dan's army surplus soup. And ribs.
- We All Live in America: Sort of. The "Shadow Boxers" comic shows us that he thinks all his teammates are American. At least his teammates are well aware of this fact and use it to their advantage. Granted, it really doesn't take much work to keep their foreign-birth a secret.
Heavy: Ha ha! Germany! Russia! Is big joke! Big American joke! On Soldier!
Soldier: Ha! You got me!
Heavy: Ohh, America. It is the place I am from. All the time.
- Would Hit a Girl: When the Administrator comes with the proposition of killing his best friend, Soldier threatens to shove his boot so far up her ass, it'll be on the news. Also prepares to threaten the female Apple Store assistant with the same before being interrupted by a pig cooking tool.
- Your Brain Won't Be Much of a Meal: Says this about himself when he has the Larval Lid hat equipped.
- Your Mom: In Mann vs. Machine mode, he may use a variant of a well-known insult and may be a reference to Full Metal Jacket:
Soldier: The best part of you ran down your motherboard.
Voiced by: Dennis Bateman
Race, nationality, and gender
unknown as the Pyro dresses in a head-to-toe fireproof suit in the team color, and a face-obscuring gas mask
which muffles their voice
. The second class to receive new achievements and weapons. Uses a flamethrower, a shotgun, and a fire axe. Meet the Pyro!
The Pyro provides examples of: