The main character, who recently moved to the village of Konohagakure. From there, he proceeds to dominate the story, having sex with many female characters and becoming King of the ninjas.
Always Save the Girl: Takes this to its natural conclusion when helping the council so that Sakura and Atni will be spared.
Bastard Boyfriend: Repeatedly throws around terms such as "bitch," "slut," "whore" and "cunt" toward the women he has sex with, abuses them and considers them (except for Sakura) expendable.
Bigger Is Better in Bed: Has a penis that is anywhere from two to ''45' feet long. (Granted, the latter is supposedly a typographical error, but Jake's correction indicates that Ronan's penis is the ridiculously large four feet long).
The Chosen One: First to defeat Orochimaru, and later to destroy the world.
A Date with Rosie Palms: Ronan masturbates to a picture of Sakura during the search for her, angering Sasuke.He later masturbates to Sakura getting raped by Taliana.
Disproportionate Retribution: Hands down death sentences for liking modern music, but commutes them to life imprisonment because the author had some complaints.
Dude, She's Like, In a Coma!: Has sex with Sakura when she's unconscious after the first time he rescues herand later when she's in a coma
Easily Forgiven: Gets off without consequences for virtually everything, but after killing Mandy, Sakura asks why, and immediately understands after he says he loves her and Taliana more.
Eye Scream: Does this to the Council, taking out both the blonde-haired woman and gray-haired man's eyes, then takes out one of the brown-haired woman and red-haired man's eyes.
Fake Defector: Joins the Council to prevent Sakura, Atni and Ekaj from being killed, but isn't able to prevent the end of the world
Get A Hold Of Yourself Man: Does this to Sakura, Atni and Ekaj when they become hysterical over his plan to serve as a Fake Defector, but this comes off as closer to physical abuse than most examples of the trope.
Glowing Eyes: After joining the Council to help them destroy the world.
Groin Attack: Launches one on Madara but avoids hitting him in the balls because he doesn't want to be seen as a homosexual.
Inverted when he uses his penis to make a Megaton Punch against Taliana.
Heroes Prefer Swords: Has a katana with his name on it, and later gets the Sword of Ukijamaya.
Jerkass: Is abusive and hypocritical towards his girlfriends, intolerant of other people’s opinions, and is willing to injure people for looking at him wrong.
Kavorka Man: Though it's really his personality that makes him ugly.
Kick the Son of a Bitch: Killing a judge who turns out to be evil and corrupt after he fails to get a divorce from Taliana. He also seems to go into this trope from the author's perspective when, while working for Madara, he kills Benji.
Moral Myopia: Quite a bit of it. Even during the sex scenes, he doesn't care when what he's doing is painful to Sakura, but yells at her when she does something he doesn't like.
Pointless Bandaid: In chapter 55, he gets one on the side of his face, which Sakura thinks is sexy. Apparently, he's always had the bandaid there - he just never bothered to mention it before.... or since.
Politically Incorrect Hero: He's sexist, hates religion, dislikes homosexuals and even people who don't share his taste in music.
Traitor Shot: After agreeing to help the council and reuniting with Sakura, viewers are told that his eyes are glowing, signifying his having joined "the darkside"
You Monster!: Says this to Madara as he is eating Mandy
Yuri Fanboy: Likes watching lesbians have sex with each other.
Naruto
The former main character of the series, who spends much of his time whining about how Ronan is better than he is. This leads him to commit suicide, and eventually come back as a villain, only to be defeated by Ronan.
Crazy Jealous Guy: Angry about Ronan getting together with his "GF", Sakura along with him being better than him in several other regards.
Even Evil Has Standards: He's angry enough with Ronan to punch him and make death threats against him, but he's unwilling to let Sakura cheat on Ronan with him, and after he does it, commits suicide partly out of shame.
Unexplained Recovery: Three times; the temple bombing, his suicide and his defeat by Ronan in Benji's ending.
Ungrateful Bastard: Supposedly, as he attacks Ronan and kidnaps Sakura after Ronan claims that he saved him after he committed suicide, except this never actually happened; Ronan let him die and didn’t care.
Sakura
Ronan's girlfriend and eventual wife. She goes along with everything he does, no matter how much she suffers as a result. She has been reduced from a (arguably) competent fighter to someone who can't get up by herself if she falls. She is also the mother of Mandy and Nanor/Ekaj, and Taliana was cloned from her.
Absurdly Youthful Mother: According to Word Of God, 13 at the start and 16 at the end, and she still gets pregnant and gives birth. And twice, at that.
Anti-Hero: Being complicit in Ronan’s misdeeds makes her Type IV at best.
Chickification: Plays the passive girl that does whatever Ronan tells her to and puts up with mistreatment. She also goes from canonically starting out weak and arguablybecomingquite competent, to being completely helpless almost from the get-go.
Distressed Damsel: Has no combat skill whatsoever and gets kidnapped on a regular basis. In Chapter 41, she might be gone for a longer period of time than usual.
Dropped A Bridge on Her: [[spoiler:Killed off by the Council for no apparent reason other than to motivate Ronan to participate in the tournament.
"You. You stole my virginity. You abused me. You made me do the most vile sex acts imaginable. You made me compliant to crimes against humanity. At this point, I don't even know what of that was the Genjutsu and what was reality, but regardless, I only have one real response to your declaration of 'i luv u': FUCK. YOU!"
Your Cheating Heart: Cheats on Ronan in Chapter 22 out of a need to have sex.
Sympathetic Adulterer: Possibly. She cheats merely out of a desire for sex, yet the disproportionate (albeit self-inflicted) punishment she underwent, the hypocrisy in Ronan casting blame on her and Ronan's unlikeability can paint her as this.
Sasuke
Part of Team 7. He is apparently killed when the temple explodes, but survived and was brainwashed by the Kibusi Corporation.
Asexual: Mentioned to be as such, to which Ronan responds with:
Mistaken for Gay: While sucking up toRonan over his performance in having sex with Mei, Ronan wonders if he's in love with him, and Kakashi denies this.
An older woman (hence her title) Ronan rescues from Orochimaru after taking shelter with her. She eventually gets killed by Madara, but comes back in spirit form to help Ronan.
Deader than Dead: She apparently dies after Ronan pulled her out of Madara's throat in Chapter 49. Despite that she was already dead at first. She then apparently dies yet again when sacrificing herself to resurrect Ronan in Chapter 66,
Intimate Healing: Can heal Ronan from otherwise fatal injuries and even revive him by sucking his penis.
Killed Off for Real: Twice in Chapters 7 and 49. She appears again in Chapter 58 after she saves Ronan to tell him that she's gone for good but will make cameos to deliver a prophecy, and sacrifices herself in Chapter 66 to save Ronan.
Just Desserts: Eaten by Madara as part of her second death; Ronan pulls her out but she still dies.
No Name Given: "da cooger" is initially a term to refer to her, then seemingly becomes her name. However, she is referred to as "Fiona" in Chapter 34. Fiona was actually first mentioned in Chapter 7, but nobody would have guessed that was Da Cooger's real name due to a confusing POV switch and assumed Fiona was a different woman who was randomly thrown in.
Rule of Three: Her third death is final, although it could be more the result of happening three chapters from the end of the story
Satellite Character: Basically the head that comes out of Sakura's body, and someone who helps Ronan by healing him and giving him advice.
Spirit Advisor: Usually coming out as a spirit head or out of Sakura's body.
Taliana
A girl who is described as an evil clone of Sakura, who turns out to be Ronan's mother. Ronan has sex with her, and briefly marries her, but after several cases of switching sides, she seemingly permanently settles on the side of evil until her death in Chapter 33, at the hands of her former lover Ronan.
Depending on the Writer: How attractive she is and whether she's on Ronan's side seems to depend on the author's mood and view of his girlfriend at the moment.
Heel Face Revolving Door: She frequently alternates between trying to kill Ronan and his other girlfriends, and having sex with him, sometimes in the course of a single chapter.
You Have Failed Me: Dropped down a "trapped door" after Ronan comes back from the assassination attempt, but is given one last chance to kill Ronan.
The Leather Pussies
A group of 160 catgirls under Madara’s command who are persuaded to defect to Ronan’s side when he gives them an orgasm and enables them to break free from Madara's control.
Ms. Fanservice Is falling into more and more fanservice tropes, and she has had sex with Ronan the most frequently for the amount of time she's been in the story.
Unexplained Recovery: Killed in the card duel, the last round of the tournament, by a blatant ripoff of Exodia that Ronan summons, but is revived after Ronan saves Sakura.
The initial main antagonist. Little else is known about him.
Bus Crash: The first time he's mentioned after his last fight against Ronan, it's revealed that Sasuke has absorbed him.
Chuck Cunningham Syndrome: Fades from the plot in the middle of one of his evil schemes, and only comes up when his name is mistakenly used in Madara's place, and when it is mentioned that Sasuke absorbed his form.
Scaled Up: The only description of him is as a giant snake. It’s unclear whether this is based off of his true form in the manga.
The Worf Effect: Defeats all of Team 7 in their first battle with him, which isn't too much of a deviation from canon, but then Ronan curb stomps him to establish himself as more powerful than him or all of Team 7 combined.
Madara
Orochimaru’s replacement as main antagonist.
Bad Boss: Eats the slaves who fail him in his rice plantation.
I'm a Humanitarian: Eats one of the midgets who doesn’t work well in the fields, Mandy and three of the catgirls, but it's never explained how his allergies don't kill him in that case.
Eyepatch of Power: The brown-haired woman and red-haired man, after they lost an eye.
Eye Scream: The red-haired man lost his left eye, the brown-haired woman lost her right eye, and the other two lost both their eyes from Ronan's attack
Retcon: Used to be three men and two women, but now is two men and two women.
Right-Hand Cat: They have one that gets killed by Ronan to announce his return.
Sex Is Evil: Stated by all the members. Well, maybe except for the two females, who concede that their lesbian sex is against Christianity, but do it anyway. Still, they all want to destroy a medallion which supposedly gives the user power to have sex for all eternity.
The Smurfette Principle: Averted. Two of the members are female, but this is so they can make out/have sex with each other. Interestingly enough, the female members are the most vocal and active, and have some semblance of individuality.
Straw Feminist: In addition to being capitalists and Christians, they are feminists.
Sunglasses at Night: The gray-haired man and the blonde-haired woman. It does make sense, though, as they have recently become blind.
Villains Never Lie: Subverted when Sakura's antidote turns her into a Christian
Villains Want Mercy: They beg for their lives once Ronan corners them. The women are willing to be Ronan's sex slaves and the men are willing to be his household servants, but neither will convert to atheism and "logicalness", and are killed for it.
You Have Failed Me: Kills the president of the Kibusi Corporation, gives Madara a horrifying punishment and drops Taliana down a trap door
President of the Kibusi Corporation
The president of a corporation that exists in this version of the Narutoverse. He tries to set a trap for Ronan in the "Sibone" theater, but it fails. He is killed for this failure, and then replaced by a second president, who is later on killed by Ronan after not being of use to the council anymore.
Arc Villain: The most prominent antagonist while Ronan is looking for a cure for Sakura's coma.
Do Not Adjust Your Set: Uses the Sibone Theater to deliver an announcement for Ronan and detonate a bomb intended to kill him
Unexplained Recovery: Comes back with no explanation after being killed for his failure, but it's revealed in Chapter 37 that it is indeed another person in the same position.
We Hardly Knew Ye: The first one, killed off in his third appearance, two chapters after his introduction.
You Have Failed Me: The first one is killed after the theater bomb fails to kill Ronan. The second one is abandoned by the Council for his failures
The President
The President of the United States, who works to advance the “evil capitalist agenda”. It's unknown if this president is actually Barack Obama, or simply a fictional stand-in President.
Minor Major Character: As much as the author hates America, the President, despite seemingly being a part of the Council's plans, only exists to prove how powerful the Council is.
In this version, these swordsmen serve the President of the Kibusi Corporation, who has brainwashed them and forced them to convert to Christianity. The only named members are Kisame, Raiga and Zabuza.
Curb-Stomp Battle: All of them are defeated easily, but the four unnamed ones are dispatched especially easily. Two of them even get killed by Kakashi (while he won against Zabuza in canon, he's almost completely useless here).
Making a Splash: All of them have water jutsus. Zabuza can even flood the stairs.
Not Worth Killing: In Chapter 31, Ronan sets up a force field so he can leave without having to fight him and Muskoka, not wanting to humiliate them by defeating them.
Plot Armor: Ronan beats him up but doesn't kill him, the reason for this being that Benji had paid Jake to keep the character alive, most likely knowing he'd be killed by Ronan otherwise.
X Meets Y: Is described as looking kind of like "a cross between Xander Cohen from Bioshock and Archie "Snake" Simpson from Degrassi" in Benji's text. Considering Jake had previously bashed Benji for liking both of these things, it's likely he used these characters to describe Edfred as a sort of Stealth Insult/Writer Revolt against Jake.
Tadashiharakumaie
An original character based off of the author's real life friend, Danny.
Generation Xerox: His sex drive is as powerful as his father's; shortly after he's born, he's already having sex.
Informed Ability: Supposedly inherited powers from Ronan and Naruto, but is never seen using them; the only indication that he got any from the former is that he's the only character besides Ronan who consistently wins.
The (temporary) Host of The Hineki Kojiyoshai Show ("Hineki Kojiyoshai" supposedly meaning "DNA Tests For Whores" in Japanese, according to the narrative). Only appears in one chapter, Chapter 60.
Agony of the Feet: One of the variants. When Ronan finds out he's only part the father of Ekaj, he kicks Bob in the legs out of anger.
Artistic License - Biology: His explanation for how both Ronan and Naruto (though mostly Ronan) are Ekaj's father throws even the most rudimentary laws of biology out the window.
Butt Monkey: For the short time that he appears, he is subject to quite a bit of abuse from Ronan. Not that it's out of character for Ronan to do such, but still.
Expy: Seems to be a rather bizarre one of Maury Povich from Maury. Also may be one of Torgo.
Guest Host: Apparently, he's just filling in for the usual host.
Not Worth Killing: In Chapter 31, Ronan sets up a force field so he can leave without having to fight him and Edfred, not wanting to humiliate them by defeating them.
