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EthanThe main character. Until the Drama Bomb Finale.
- Achey Scars: On Ethan's shoulder and caused by Rory - which has only been mentioned once and never again.
- Flanderization: He began as The Ditz, but moved on to Cloud Cuckoolander. More recently, he has surpassed this, and some fans are starting to suspect he is in fact clinically insane. (This may explain why Ethan made a Heroic Sacrifice to prevent a dystopian future from happening, and the entire strip is going to be rebooted.)
- Genius Ditz: It's stated that for 7 seconds a day, he enters into this zone that grants him insight into the universe, which in turn lets him do amazing things like build sapient robots or dispense amazing relationship advice, before returning to "normal". To cap off this bit of insight into his character, he puts slices of pineapple over his eyes to make pineapple goggles.
- Heroic Sacrifice: Sacrifices himself to turn off the time machine. Results in Character Death.
- Jerk Ass: when it comes to customers and Rob due to his limited experience or ignorance of videogames.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: In spite of his flaws he truly loves his wife Lilah and at least respects his friend Lucas when he's not trying anything stupid.
- Only Sane Man: Inverted. Everybody else can come across as sane when compared to him. In fact, during a period in which he starts acting sane, everyone else starts acting insane to compensate, as though he's a lightning rod for the universe's insanity.
- Too Dumb to Live: According to Zeke, if you run the data from Ethan's various misadventures, his life expectancy comes out negative. Negative forty.
- Unexplained Recovery: He jumped off a second or third-story fire escape in his underwear because according to video game logic if he's lighter he'll be less injured. He lands on concrete and winds up with about two inches of bone sticking out of his arm. He goes to the hospital and is sent home the same day (in real life he'd probably have to stay for at least one night's observation) with "Paaaaaaaiiiiiiiiin killers!" and a cast. The next comic he's featured in there's no evidence he was ever injured despite having a break that would've taken months to heal (then again...) and would've at least left a nasty scar.
- Babies Ever After: Lucas's wife gives birth to a son in the last strip, whom he affectionately names Ethan.
- The Straight Man: He's this to Ethan.
LilahEthan's gamer girlfriend and eventually widow.
- Gamer Chick: She's as big of a gamer as Ethan and Lucas.
- Her Heart Will Go On: Founds the Ethan MacManus Church of Gaming.
- Nerd Nanny: As another Straight Man to Ethan.
ZekeFormerly known as X-Bot, Zeke was built by Ethan from an X-Box console.
- Instant A.I., Just Add Water: How Ethan managed to build a fully functional artificial intelligence out of an x-box console is a mystery.
- Player Killing: In episode 5 of season 2.
- Super Strength: Comes with being a robot.
- Took a Level in Badass: After Ted reveals his Evil Plan, Zeke rescues Ethan in a Badass way.
The PlayersFeeling that he had taken the original cast as far as he could go with, Tim Buckley announced on his blog that the strip will now feature the Players (side characters once used for violent gags) as the main cast. They consist of Player 1 (Blue), Player 2 (Red), Player 3 (Yellow) and Player 4 (Green).
- Ascended Extra: They've taken over as the main cast of the comic.
- Amazing Technicolor Population: As mentioned, Player 1 is blue, Player 2 is red, Player 3 is yellow and Player 4 is green,
- Berserk Button: See Ax-Crazy above. Don't ever mess up Yellow's cards after a game.
- Butt Monkey: Yellow, who is often the victim of gruesome acts of violence by the other players.
- Character Development: Undoubtedly as the comic progresses.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Green. She is seen here casually drinking a bottle of mustard. She also never knew the Player's apartment had a ceiling,and thinks it's plotting something.
- Color-Coded Characters: They're all different colors.
- Comedic Sociopath: Red in the old strips. His violent temper has yet to be seen in the reboot.
- It seems to be resurfacing.
- Death Is Cheap: The only reason they're still around after killing each other so much is that they have a respawn chamber in their house.
- Genius Ditz: Green in this strip.
- Jerkass: Blue, but Red and Green can also qualify for this.
- Only Sane Man: Yellow. Doesn't seem to have changed at all in the reboot, judging from this.
- Shrinking Violet: Yellow is said to be this.
- Those Two Guys: Blue and Red, par for the course as they're Players 1 and 2.
- Took a Level in Dumbass: Red seems to be steering towards this. See random pools of blood on the ground? Sample them and get horrible diseases. Get offered a lot of useful healing items? Opt for a stick and use it to plug up a gushing wound.
- Took a Level in Kindness: Somewhat. They don't seem to try to brutally kill each other as often as they did when they were side characters, and get along quite amicably nowadays. Red is the most noticably changed, all of his past appearances had him trying to kill somebody.
- And I Must Scream: Some of his arguments with Ted seem to imply that this trope is, at least partially, in effect. Particularly when it comes to killing Ethan off.
- The Dragon: To Ted
- Arch-Enemy: Of a sort to Zeke.
- Big Bad: Until he leaves via Exit Villain Stage Left, followed somewhat shortly after by the Drama Bomb Finale.
- The Dog Was the Mastermind: He's Scott's pet penguin. Nominally at least.
- Everything's Better with Penguins: He's a penguin.
- The Speechless: Being a penguin, he's incapable of actual human speech. So he shares a body with Scott sometimes.