The end credits are shortened (meaning the channel removed the scenes when the minions attempt to stretch themselves off the screen.
A TV edit of The Incredibles censored all mentions of Mr. Incredible cheating on his wife. Granted, Mr. Incredible did not actually cheat on his wife; he was merely suspected of doing so because of all the clues Mrs. Incredible found (which were actually from his moonlighting as a superhero). Still, it might've made certain scenes less comprehensible.
When aired on CBBC in the UK, the scene where the chickens learn they are being fattened up has the end omitted where Babs shows Rocky that she has knitted a noose.
Also omitted is the start of the scene where the two mice are informing the chickens where the exits are in the crate and what to do in the event of a crash, presumably down to one of the mice informing the chickens to "kiss your bum goodbye". Instead, the scene starts at the bit where Ginger asks if everyone is ready for take off.xbecause the scene was played up like someone being found with drugs and trying to deny that it's his). Later, when they're being broken out of jail, the Gingerbread Man doesn't yank at Pinnochio's thong (and doesn't protest he isn't wearing one). The CBBC edited version makes it look like Pinocchio's first denial that he is wearing ladies underwear is enough to make his nose grow long enough.
The opening song to Disney's Aladdin, Arabian Nights was changed from "Where they cut off your ear if they don't like your face/It's barbaric, but, hey, it's home" in the original theatrical version to a more acceptable "Where it's flat and immense, and the heat is intense/It's barbaric, but, hey, it's home." for the home release when Disney received complaints that the ear-cutting part was offensive to those living in Arabic countries (despite that punishments like that do exist in Arabic countries). The original version made it to the early pressings of the soundtrack on CD, but later versions used the less offensive version.
MTI's junior musical of the movie uses the less offensive version, but "It's barbaric" was replaced by "It's a furnace!".
Superman: Doomsday, a movie that was violent enough to earn a PG-13 rating, had to go through massive amounts of censorship in order to air on Cartoon Network's Toonami block with a TV-PG rating, removing much of the blood and violence. To be fair, censorship is something that alotofshows airing on Toonami had to get through, but it's still especially jarring, considering that Princess Mononoke and the Hellboy movies were able to air without any editing (which was bypassed with a Content Warning screen telling viewers that these movies had inappropriate content in them).
Thanks to the Columbine shooting in 1999 and heightened fears of school shootings and school violence, Warner Bros., who feared backlash from releasing a violent movie at that time, decided to rewrite and reanimate any scene in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker that would be considered too violent (though some scenes that weren't violent were changed, like Batgirl asking two hookers on the street a question was changed to Batgirl asking a homeless punk and an older man who could be her fathernote biological or otherwise) before releasing it, mostly to tone down the violence and to remove blood. One example is the Joker's death scene. In the original version, the Joker was shot through the chest with a BANG Flag Gun. In the edited version, he's electrocuted by wires, which is still violent, but less so because a gun isn't involved. Fortunately, Warner Bros. still had the original uncut version of the movie, and eventually released it on DVD and Blu-Ray as it was intended to be had Columbine not happened.
The TV version of The Simpsons Movie that aired on FOX, FX, and the Canadian channel Global has the following cuts:
Bart's penis showing through a bare space in a hedge during his naked skateboard ride through town was cut entirely on FOX and Global (on FX, the scene was shown, but when it came time for Bart to skate across the hedge with the gap in it, a black Censor Box that reads "European Version Only" was digitally added to cover the nudity); the "bountiful penis" scene (when Bart slams into the window of the restaurant that Ned and his sons just so happen to be praying at) was cut on all three networks.
Homer flipping off the angry mob as he's drowning in the sinkhole had Homer's middle/ring fingers erased, making it look like he's shaking his fists angrily. FX left this part intact.
Marge's line, "Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!" was shortened to "Somebody throw the damn bomb!" on FX and "Somebody throw the bomb!" on FOX and Global.
Homer's line "That could be anybody's pig crap" when he and Marge are watching his silo get extracted from the water was changed to "That could be anybody's silo" on Global.
Otto smoking a bong near the end of the film was cut on FOX and Global.
When the family discovers that Springfield is going to be blown up, Homer says he doesn't want to help the town because they chased them with pitchforks and torches at four in the afternoon. Marge corrects him and says it was 7:00pm when that happened. Homer argues that it was around the time when Access Hollywood was on, and Marge adds that Access Hollywood comes on at 4:00pm and 7:00pm. On FOX, the references to Access Hollywood were cut.
The German release of the original Direct-to-DVDBIONICLE films cut many scary and/or violent shots. The most notable omissions from the first movie, Mask of Light, are the shots of the Rahkshi splitting their headplates open (though some made it through), and the complete scene of Makuta creating his first "batch" of Rahkshi. The third, Web of Shadows suffered more: every shot with even a hint of violence and scariness got removed or shortened, including the scene in which the villains explain just what the plot is about — namely, that Roodaka wants to obtain the corpses of the heroes to drain their powers. Thus, with a total of 55 different cuts, amounting to a solid 10 minutes of this 70 minute feature, the movie becomes an even more badly paced, Plot Hole-filled mess than it was to begin with. The reasons for the cuts is that in Germany, these films were aimed at slightly younger children.
The extremely adult Heavy Metal wasn't immune to this either. The most obvious example of this attitude is in the "Den" story. Whereas in the original comics, Den arrives in Neverwhere buck naked in a fully visible fashion and never gives it any thought, the film version insists on covering up as soon as he arrives.
In the TV version of Born on the Fourth of July, the anti-war chant at the end of the film was changed from "One, two, three, four/We don't want your fuckin' war" to "...stinkin' war."
In the TV version of Arthur (the original version with Dudley Moore, not The Remake with Russell Brand), John Gielgud asks Dudley Moore, "Shall I wash your neck for you?" instead of "Shall I wash your dick for you?"
In the TV version of Die Hard with a Vengeance, when McClane hands Zeus a gun, after Zeus says he doesn't know how to use one, Zeus says "Hey, all brothers don't know how to use guns, you racist melon farmer."
The billboard McClane wears at the beginning of the film, which originally said "I hate niggers", was changed to "I hate everybody" in the TV edit. When the scene was originally filmed, the sign Bruce Willis wore actually did say "I hate everybody," as the crew was filming in Harlem (a predominantly black neighborhood) and Bruce Willis probably would have been killed, to put it mildly, if he wore the "I hate niggers" sign. In post-production, the "I hate everybody!" sign was changed to the original, racially-charged one for the film release and footage of Willis wearing the "I hate everybody!" sign was used for edited versions on TV and in some international airings.
In the TV edit of Die Hard 2: Die Harder, McClane's signature "Yippie-ki-yay-motherfucker!" is changed to "Mr. Falcon," despite the fact that there's nobody in the movie named Mr. Falcon. Or rather, there hadn't been; one character's last name was changed to Falcon in this edit.
In the German dub, it's "Yippie-yie-yay, Schweinebacke" (pigface). German dubs have a tendency to — if they only have those two options — make something sound profane, yet cool and/or funny, rather than just profane to be shocking. Also due to German often lacking proper workable equivalents to the relevant English profanity.
Much discussion was raised on Live Free or Die Hard, which reduces the bloodshed and curse words (McClane's catchphrase is cut by a gunshot) to lower the rating, making it accessible to more audiences. In a separate scene from the same film, "Yippie-ki-yay-motherfucker!" has become "Yippie-ki-yay my friend!"
All the cursing and violence is restored in the unrated DVD version, making the gunshot-cut catchphrase into a totally badass LITERAL Precision F-Strike, the rest of the film having already used the non-killing-people f-word a bunch of times.
Die Hard on TNT: not only is the language muted, but all the violence is edited out.
In the TV airing of Tales from the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood a couple of things are altered. Caleb's line "Come back you motherfucker" is changed to "motherlover", most of the naked female vampires are fully clothed, and a scene where Lilith twists a minion's head off is removed.
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls has the "rhino birth" scene altered in the TV version. Originally Ace is visible fully exiting the back of the mechanical rhino naked. The TV version replaces it with reaction shots of people staring, then cuts to Ace standing up and commenting on how he got lost in the rhino.
Television broadcasts of the Mr. Bean film Bean are edited to remove the part where a biker flips Mr. Bean the middle finger and Mr. Bean mimics him, thinking it's a friendly gesture (It's not, troper kids).
A television edit of Fargo replaced all uses of "fuck" with "frozen".
When Splash airs on Disney Cinemagic in the UK, the clothes store manager's line, "My daughter's lucky. She's anorexic" is cut down to just "My daughter's lucky."
The TV version of Scarface (1983) (another movie that shouldn't be allowed on TV due to how badly an edited version would come out. See also: Showgirls, Blazing Saddles, and anything made by Kevin Smith) is something that needs to be seen to be believed. "How'd you get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pineapple?" Another funny, but clever edit is when Tony is describing Miami he says in the original "This town is like one big pussy just waiting to get fucked"; in the TV airing he says "This town is like one big chicken just waiting to get plucked". A special edition DVD version of Scarface even includes an edited version of the movie that sometimes plays on TV.
In the 1961 film version of West Side Story, the lyrics to the "Tonight Quintet" are changed. Instead of "He comes home hot and tired, so what / No matter if he's tired, as long as he's hot," Rita Moreno is forced to sing, "He comes home hot and tired, oh dear / No matter if he's tired, as long as he's here".
And in "Officer Krupke", the original lyric "My father is a bastard / My ma's an SOB / My grandpa's always plastered / My grandma pushes tea" becomes "My daddy beats my mommy / My mommy clobbers me / My grandpa is a commie / My grandma pushes tea". Yes, by The Hays Code, cussing is out, but Domestic Abuse and having elderly grandmothers be marijuana dealers are both acceptable. And being a Communist is just as bad as beating children or selling marijuana, though it's apparently more acceptable than being an alcoholic (although it's probably more about keeping the rhyming scheme than any actual problems with alcoholism).
Even better example in the same song, the movie makes "Dear kindly social worker / They say go earn a buck / Like be a soda jerker / Which means like be a schmuck." into "Dear kindly social worker / They say go make some dough / Like be a soda jerker / Which means like be a schmo." Cussing isn't even allowed in Yiddish!
By the time it made to the movie version, it had mutated into "Dear kindly social worker / They tell me get a job / Like be a soda jerker / Which means I'd be a slob."
The Bowdlerization of "Gee, Officer Krupke" started even earlier. Sondheim wanted the last line to be "Gee, Officer Krupke / Fuck you!" thus pulling a complete 180 on the boy's exaggerated politeness and showing that they were really troubled. The producers made him change it to "Krup you," which — while very funny in a Narmy way — lacks the emotional impact he wanted.
The "Jets Song" has some fairly ridiculous Bowdlerized words too- "the best barking gang on the whole bugging street" and "the whole, ever, mother-loving street!"
Word of God says that although the producers requested the changes, all of the above except "schmuck/schmo" he considered better than the originals. "Krup You!" was actually Leonard Bernstein's suggestion and he though that it fitted the kid-like nature of the Jets better. The same goes for "the best barking gang on the whole bugging street" and "the whole, ever, mother-loving street!"
At least one TV version of Blazing Saddles has all of the profanity and racial slurs blanked out. No, seriously: all of them. Since this makes up much of the movie, the result is either extremely obnoxious or unintentionally hilarious, depending on one's point of view. Most baffling is the lengthy sequence in which a bunch of cowboys sit around a campfire eating baked beans and farting; the sequence is retained, but with all of the farts muted out. Mel Brooks himself stated that because of the heavy edits, Blazing Saddles absolutely sucks when shown on TV. The Comedy Central cut leaves in the racial slurs, but replaces the sound effect in the campfire scene with horse whinnies and cuts Madelyn Kahn's character's last name in half (Lilly Von Shh). Strange choices given what's probably more offensive to the audience, but makes sense in terms of the point of the movie.
Showgirls when aired on VH-1 (or, in the case of that one Family Guy cutaway, TBS) not only dubs over bad language and edits out most of the scenes of sex and violence, but also takes a page from Cartoon Network's version of Tenchi Muyo! and uses digitally-rendered bras and panties (most of which look as if it were rendered by graphic artist majors doing this as part of their college internship) to cover nudity. It was required to have a broadcastable version in which the plot (what little of it it has) makes any sense at all (there are plot-relevant scenes that take place while the main character, Nomi, is topless or in the nude), but really, like many of the movies shown here (particularly Blazing Saddles, Basic Instinct, and Kevin Smith's movies), Showgirls is better off not being aired on television at all. The UK version cut the scene where Molly gets punched and raped by Andrew and his men, as UK censors will still edit an 18-rated movie if it has scenes of sexual violence (i.e. rape and child molestation), animal abuse, dangerous stunts that can easily be imitated, and any content that condones or glamorizes drug abuse.
There are several examples in the TV version. The scene where Bluto looks in the sorority house window is highly edited, of course, and the pot party scene is cut out completely. The most absurd bit of censorship, though, is changing the line, "Gregg doesn't believe in premarital intercourse" to "...premarital activity." It still means the same thing, so what's the point on editing it? Just because "intercourse" is more associated with sex than "activity." Come on, American censors...what are you doing?
Along with both scenes of Greg getting handjobs in his convertible and the scene with Pinto's good and bad angels arguing over whether or not he should have sex with the drunk girl lying before him.
A clever bit of bowdlerization occurred in the TV version of Slap Shot. The scene where Paul Newman's wife relates her lesbian experience to him was heavily edited, but could not be cut out completely because it's too relevant to the plot. Further complicating matters is that she's topless in the scene, so her breasts were airbrushed out.
The TV version of RoboCop (1987): "You freakin' airhead!" And the sequels, for that matter. Just ask Frank Miller.
The line: "Dick Jones is an impostor" is the TV replacement line for the original line, "Dick Jones is wanted for murder."
Another funny attempt at Bowdlerization in RoboCop had to be somebody calling RoboCop a "BLEEP fucker".
Another funny one: The line "Once I even called him" (dramatic pause) "...'asshole'" turned into "Once I even called him" (dramatic pause) ".... a lot worse (or airhead, on some channels)."
Another is "You're gonna be one bad mother crusher”.
A particularly well-done example is the crook's response to Robo Cop's admonition that "there will be trouble."
Original version: "Ah, fuck you."
TV version: "Yeah, for you."
One of the craziest of the television edits is when one of Clarence Boddicker's henchmen gets covered in toxic waste and becomes a scary mutated mess. In the original version, Boddicker is driving away from RoboCop and sees the mutated minion in the road. Boddicker screams and hits the guy, gibbing him and causing him to explode into bloody, syrupy chunks that coat the car Boddicker is driving. In the television version, Boddicker screams when he sees the guy and swerves out of the way, missing him entirely.
The TV version of Theres Something About Mary. In the scene where Ben Stiller's character is taken away on the ambulance after the police officer gets him "unzipped", Mary's brother, instead of yelling "He was masturbating, he was masturbating," yells "Franks and Beans, Franks and Beans".
A TV version of Blade II completely removed Reinhardt's line "you're about one cunt hair away from hillbilly heaven", making it seem as if Whistler was suffering from dementia when he replied "I love it when you talk dirty to me".
One TV version had it so that Hannibal said things like "Shuck me sideways" and "Shuck you"… which resulted in some unintentionally hilarious moments.
Hannibal: "That tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now? It's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air-conditioning systems, you crock-juggling chunderbump!"note The original line was "cock-juggling thundercunt.
The single worst Bowdlerization? Hannibal's "I farted". TNT's edit of the film replaces "farted" with "pooted".
One version (possibly TNT) replaced all instances of the word "dick" with "hoo-ha." In addition to sounding hilarious, it's also an unfortunate substitution, as "hoo-ha" is traditionally used to euphemistically describe female genitals.
The TV edit removes the gag involving the "Shit Happens" bumper stickers by replacing them with "Stuff Happens" or "It Happens" (including digitially editing the bumper sticker shown later), forcing the joke to lose all meaning: "Oh man, you just stepped through a big dog pile!" "It happens." "What? It?"
Also the scene of Forrest as a child sitting outside while the viewer hears his mother moaning orgasmically from having sex had the moaning either muted out completely or redubbed so it doesn't sound as sexual.
The usual TV-edit of Smokey and the Bandit movies has Buford T. Justice's frequent use of 'sonnovabitch' with they arguably worse 'scum-bum'. A later scene is completely ruined: Justice's car is stopped in traffic, and a police officer curses up a storm (but changed in the TV-edit to very mild words) to tell Justice to move it. After the police officer continues "cursing" at the car, Justice finally snaps and tells him to "Stop using that kind of language in front of my son!", which completely confuses anybody who hasn't seen the original movie. It's such a long tirade that it's completely obvious they got the voice actor for Fred Flintstone to dub Gleason's lines. Somewhat appropriate, but not even close voice-wise.
The TV version of Kill Bill had a minor character saying, "My name is BUCK, and I like to PARTY."note Would it have killed the censors to rename the guy, "Marty" or "Arty" for the sake of that edit? Suffice to say that the original rhymed a whole lot better. They changed the name of his truck also, to PARTY Wagon. The original word also started with a P and ended with a Y, though the license plate (PSYWGN) wasn't digitally altered at all. Although without the original name of the vehicle given, you might guess from the license plate that the "P-S-Y" stood for "Psychology" or "Psycho". Also, Thurman calls her killers "sluts" instead of "dicks". Carradine who apparently did dub his dialogue changes it from "assholes" to "jerks".
Ghostbusters is fairly well-known for its rather lame TV version, in which the language is toned down, not by audio dubbing, but by using actual alternate takes that were deliberately filmed in case the censors wanted the movie to be more family-friendly.
The theatrical version's "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" after the lead trio's first capture of a ghost was replaced by "What a knockabout of pure fun that was."
Later, Dr. Venkmann telling Walter Peck "You go get a court order, and I'll sue your ass for wrongful prosecution!" was substituted with "You go get the court order, and I'll sue your funny face for wrongful prosecution."
Dana Barrett says "Oh no" instead of "Oh shit" when her kitchen ghosts return.
The most infamous one, this scene in the mayor's office. Film version:
Ray Stantz: Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off by Dickless here. Walter Peck: They caused an explosion! Mayor: Is this true? Venkmann: Yes it's true, this man has no dick.
Ray Stantz: Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off by Wally Wick here. Walter Peck: They caused an explosion! Mayor: Is this true? Venkmann: It's true, your honor, the man is some kind of rodent, I don't know which.
As per a letter to the British film magazine Empire, the version shown on ITV had a different change to this scene (as well as none of the more gruesome... er... ghosts):
Ray Stantz: Your honor, our system was working just fine until the power grid was turned off. Walter Peck: They caused an explosion! Mayor: Is this true? Venkmann: Yes it's true, this man has no twinkie.
Finally, Winston Zeddemore III later in the same scene as the above, "I have seen shit that will turn you white!" became "I have seen stuff that will turn you white!" with the emphasis moved to the final word.
Some UK airings of the sequel cut out the part where Ray gets possessed, so he's just staring at the painting for no reason before jumping out of the way.
The MGM film version of On the Town altered "New York, New York, a helluva town" to "New York, New York, a wonderful town." A few years later, the Bowdlerised refrain gave a title to Comden And Green's Broadway musical Wonderful Town.
There was one time when some network TV prints of The Sandlot omitted the scene at a carnival where the kids chew tobacco, go on a ferris wheel, and subsequently vomit. They also delete a piece of narration later on that referenced the scene. This is despite the fact that tobacco is portrayed in a negative light in the movie, especially in said scene. ABC Family censors wised up and recently put the scene back into the film.
Broadcast vs. of Dirty Dancing: people would tell each other to "Flake off!"
The third Austin Powers movie had a pretty bad case of this at times. Two notable scenes were Danny Devito's cameo as Mini-Me in the opening, where the line "Hey assholes!" ends up as "He—————!", as well as the Fun with Subtitles scene, where "shitake mushrooms" becomes "dungenese crab", but the following "Your assignment is an unhappy one." is unaltered. "Ass" has been downgraded from the top tier of curse words in recent years; "shit" is still up there.
The first film's TV edit renames the character Alotta Fagina to Alotta Clevage and also changes "I never forget a pussy... cat" to "I never forget a kitty...cat."
In some versions, the Fagina part is omitted all together, with her name just being Alotta.
"One Swedish made...enlarger!"
The TV version in the second film had Austin spitting out Fat Bastard's stool sample instead of saying, "it's a bit nutty"
In some versions, he says "It tastes like poo" instead of "It tastes like shit" and still remarks that "it's a bit nutty".
In the TV version of ''...And Justice for All," Al Pacino's summation to the jury climaxes with the line "straight to filthy jail!" instead of "...fucking jail!"
Watching Paper Moon on television, Tatum O'Neal's line "I gotta go to the shithouse" was censored. The last word was redubbed by a voice that was very obviously not O'Neal's. "I gotta go to the" was left intact, but suddenly a deep, male voice finished the line by saying "outhouse."
Carl's Jr. machine: "Carl's Jr. Fuck you, I'm eating."
Joe: "I could really go for a Starbucks right now." Frito: "I don't think we have time for a handjob."
Amazingly, the first airing of the film on Comedy Central missed a huge one: The unaltered sign for the establishment "Buttfucker's" was still plainly visible when Joe first emerged from his pod.
Most basic cable airings of Gremlins cut out the deaths of the first four gremlins which are ripped apart in a blender, stabbed repeatedly, blown up in a microwave, and decapitated with a sword — only the beginnings of these are shown in those airings. Some UK airings of the sequel cut out the part where the gremlins throw metal utensils in a microwave (despite that one character said that doing so was dangerous), so the microwave just explodes for no reason.
The Goonies has a lot of this too. Most of Mouth's dialogue to Rosita is cut out (i.e. warning her of "sexual torture devices.")
In some airings the "hanging" scene is cut down even though it's a faked suicide.
Whenever the film is aired on Channel 5 in the UK, the scene where Chunk breaks the statue of David censors out his expletive. He just says "Shhhhh" instead of "Shit". The reason for this is due to the film being aired in the early evening, as opposed to a time slot where it would be permissible for a film to use expletives.
Free-TV The Jerk ruins the joke with the dog's name (can't call him "Shithead" now…) Also, Iron Balls McGinty became Iron Bill McGinty.
In the AMC version of Friday the 13th (1980) all of the murders were heavily edited particularly Annie's, Jack's, Marcie's, and Steve's and in the climax Mrs. Voorhees' death scene is cut out just showing Alice swing the machete and the last few seconds of her headless corpse falling to the ground.
However in their airing of Part III the scenes of Andy getting cut in half, Rick's eyeball being squeezed out, and Ali's arm getting chopped off were left intact.
During a marathon of the films on TNT's old "Monstervision" block, Joe Bob Briggs once said that you could tell how improved the effects were in each successive film by noting how much of the film had to be cut to make it to air.
In the Kare11 airing of Anchorman all of the violent scenes were cut such as a man catching on fire, Frank getting his arms chopped off, Brick stabbing a man with a trident, and when the biker kicks Baxter the dog off the bridge it's edited to make it look like he threw him.
Saturday Night Live actually used the line "Your mother sews socks that smell!" for their parody called The Exorcist II (no relation to the actual sequel) on the season one episode hosted by Richard Pryor.
A couple of good bowdlerizations on the broadcast version: 1) In the clubhouse, when Happy and Shooter are arguing at the bar. Happy's original line is "I used to be on this tour for one reason: money. Now I'm on it for a new reason: Kicking your ass." The broadcast version dubs "ass" to "head", with hilarious results. 2) At the house auction. In the original scene, Shooter "eats pieces of shit for breakfast". In the edit, he eats "pieces of scum". The dub doesn't quite cover 'shit', however, and it comes out sounding like 'shcum'.
Some networks edit out Bob Barker's "I think you've had enough... bitch", however leave in Gilmore's, "The Price is WRONG, bitch!" Others replace "bitch" with "Bobby".
An airplane edit of Juno changes Juno's father's line, "I'd like to kick that Bleeker kid right in the wiener" to, "I'd like to kick that Bleeker kid right in the knee".
Every swear word from the Comedy Central version of Dogma is removed, making Rufus's line to Jay at the end of the movie ("And if you watch your mouth, I'll get you into heaven too!) fall flat
All known prints of the Marx Brothers film Animal Crackers have one line of the song "Hooray for Captain Spaulding" obviously edited out. (The line was Groucho singing, "I think I'll try and make her.") In one previous musical number, lyrics were changed to substitute "tramps" for "bums" to avoid offending British audiences.
Another Marx film, Room Service, was based on a stage play that wasn't specifically written for the Marxes. It is about people trying to put on a stage play called Godspeed. In the film, this was changed to Hail and Farewell. The hotel troubleshooter's catch phrase "Jumping butterballs!" was originally just "God damn it", a rare case of a clean replacement being a lot more witty and innovative than just some boring obscenity. He also says the commonly used "By Godfrey" instead of "By God".
The TV version of The Matrix had some pretty creative editing, including the notable substitute of "melonfarmers." Another line from a broadcast version becomes fairly funny when Cipher suggests that "If Morpheus had told us the truth, we would have told him to shove that red pill right up his ear!", with "ear" replacing "ass."
One particularly bad edit on a Canadian TV channel (possibly CTV) replaced Neo's "Holy shit" when he first experiences being jacked in with "Holy toast"
When Jim Carrey's character pummels himself in the bathroom (which is one of the movie's funniest scenes), someone walks in and asks, "What the hell are you doing!?" Carrey responds with, "I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind!?" In the edited version, he says, rather loudly, "I'M KICKING MY BUTT!" It's particularly obvious because if you read his lips, he's still saying "ass". In fact, lots of things were censored in this movie. Yet somehow, certain scenes (such as the "moaning" on a tape recorder, or Carrey's "encounter" before he is unable to lie) sneak by...
In the same movie, when Jim's character is describing his client's boyfriend what they were doing on the recorder all of the sexual wordplay Jim uses is edited out and replaced with incoherent gibberish even when his mouth is obviously forming words. WHAT.
Another ridiculous example is when Carrey's character originally said, "Take it up the tailpipe!" which was changed to "Take it like a grown man!".
Yet another example, in the original film Carrey berates his witness into admitting he slept with the defendant, getting the witness finally to shout "Alright! Fine! I humped her brains out!!" (which, already, is a pretty tame way to put it, considering) In the edited version, the guy screams "Alright! I kissed her brains out!" Which is both... weird... and doesn't accomplish what the point of the scene was.
The version shown on Bravo must be at least a good thirty minutes short. The best part is watching Samuel L. Jackson's mouth move with nothing coming out of it.
One version that aired on The WB went further in cuts. The film lost an entire hour and some death scenes were cut completely.
Many TV versions completely omit the character of The Gimp, to the point where all shots with him in them have to be pan-and-scanned or cropped to get him out of frame.
There exists a TV edit that contains the hilarious line "English, mothersucker, do you speak it?". There are also enormous gaps in Honeybunny's dialogue in the opening.
"Any of you... (uh...) pigs move, and I'll execute every last... (err...) one of you!"
Some TV edits are fun to watch just to hear how the "MF"-bombs are dealt with. One version has Jules saying "motherhubber" at one point, while Honeybunny addresses the diner occupants as "my friends".
At the beginning, "Pumpkin" rants about those "fucking Jews". In the German dub, the adjective he uses rather means "crazy" with a hint of "awesome", since using a more offensive word would've reignited all sorts of Unfortunate Implications about Germans hating Jews.
An edit of Conquest of the Planet of the Apes shown in the UK changed Milo's line "Lousy human bastards" to "Lousy human backstabbers." It might not be a bad substitution in of itself, but it didn't make much sense in the context of the movie, as the humans are pretty open about their contempt for apekind. To make matters worse, the edited version only used a single sample of the word "backstabbers," which reduced the following scenes to hilarity as various characters discuss exactly who said "Lousy human bastards backstabbers," with absolutely none of the dubs sounding convincing.
Any good mob movie will actually make it through uncut... but only on a "cinema classics" type setup viewing time. Any other programming slot and, well, Get Shorty looks passable. Especially awesome are Casino and Goodfellas.
Although USA and Bravo showed Casino and, amongst other edits, changed "you Jew motherfucker, you!" to "you Jew money-lover, you!" which is, unfortunately, not better.
Most US channels will show Casino with the various "F-bombs" cut out. Since this movie is a notorious example of the Cluster F-Bombnote It has been calculated that there are more instances of the word "fuck" in the dialog than there are minutes in the screentime, viewers might be forgiven for wondering if their TV's speakers are cutting out or if Joe Pesci has developed a stutter.
"Fuck you! Fuck you, Sam Rothstein! FUCK YOU!" -> "Freak you. Freak you, Sam Rothstein. Freeeak yooou."
The 1947 film version of Life With Father toned down the unbaptized father's frequent swearing. His bellows of "Oh, God!" were changed to "Oh, gad!" and most instances of "damn" were simply deleted.
The broadcast version of 10 Things I Hate About You had a stellar examples of when Bowdlerization doesn't help in toning down content. When Patrick asks of Bianca, "What is it with this chick? She have beer-flavored nipples?" the TV version changes it to "beer-flavored boobs." Seriously, what the hell?
Another example: On the USA channel's airing of Clueless, Dionne's line about the politically correct term for a virgin is someone who is "hymenally-challenged" is changed to "hermetically-sealed." There are two things wrong with this cut: 1) Apparently the censors of USA think "hymen" is a dirty word (it refers to something racy, sure, but how often is "hymen" used in casual sex talk? and 2) (the most obvious of all): It's not an improvement over the original line, since the hymen is technically considered a type of seal. Though it arguably made the original line more accurate - "challenged" is politically correct for "lacking" (e.g. "vertically challenged" as a euphemism for "short") and virgins are, by definition, not hymenally challenged. note Then again, "hermetically sealed" isn't really an accurate description either.
The TV version of Jackie Brown has some rather clever edits of the many, many instances of "motherfucker" uttered by Samuel L. Jackson.
Fantastic Mr. Foxlampshades this by using the word "cuss" in place of every cuss word, sometimes using it often enough to parody the overuse of "fuck" in Tarantino movies. In a streetscape background of one scene, there is graffiti that says "cuss" in big colorful letters. This, in turn, got the movie a PG rating for "slang humor" which was spoofed in this Strewth! comic.
In the German dubs of the (classic) Star Trek movies, they toned down occurrences of "son of a bitch" by translating to the literal equivalent "son of a dog" — which sound similar in the German language (stronger "Hurensohn" 'whore's son' vs. weaker "Hundesohn" 'dog's son'). Considering a bitch is a female dog, maybe this was more of a translation issue and not a censorship one. The literal English equivalent of the German word "Hurensohn" is the archaic word 'whoreson'. In English 'son of a bitch' is a context dependent idiomatic expression.
After listening to a story in the first grade in the original version he says, "that dog is your responsibility you just don't go looking for an hour and call it quits, you get your ass out there and find that fucking dog!", while in the American TV version he says "you get your butt out there and find that stupid dog". The Australian airing edited the entire line on network TV, but not on cable or on the DVD.
The scene of the clown falling and bleeding from his head is replaced with a scene where the clown doesn't bleed and is shows some signs of life.
The scene of the Alex Trebek reading the "burning dog poo and the human response" clue on Jeopardy has been removed (though the clue can still be seen on the board in distant shots).
Dan McGraff's list doesn't have "People to Kill" on it, which ruins the joke about his previous encounter with Billy Madison.
The scene of Eric being set on fire was cut from the British theatrical version (along with the "find that fucking dog" line and the clown falling down and splitting his skull).
The bus driver calling Veronica Vaughn a "hot piece of ass" was changed to "hot tamale."
The TV cut of Trading Places heavily edits the profanity — removing all usage of the word "fuck" note (either muting it, so "Get the fuck OUT!" becomes "Get... OUT!", or replacing it with ridiculous euphemisms like "motherfucking" becoming "mothergrabbing") as well as several other words, though not totally consistently note (it keeps Billy Ray yelling at a woman he was hitting on "Ya BITCH!" but later, when he's pretending to be a pimp, replaces "bitches" with "ladies"). It's all mostly seamless except for one instance where Clarence Beeks is supposed to say "Fuck off", but instead says "Get lost" in a completely different voice.
TV edits of Office Space have "federal pound-you-into-ash prison". Ooh, so close, and yet so clever.
The scene where Raymond spazzes out in the airport was cut from most airline versions of Rain Man, even though it made nonsense out of the plot (why were they driving cross-country if they were going on an airplane?). After all, a recitation of plane crash statistics would be bad for business. The one airline that kept the scene in was Qantas—because "Qantas never crashed."
The goofiest edit by far though has to be an ABC edited-for-television cut, where, in the scene where both Raymond and Charlie are in a telephone booth, Raymond just blurts out "Uh oh, pass gas."
The scene in which Raymond walks in on Charlie and his girlfriend having sex is also heavily edited to remove most of the moans and cuts right to the revelation that he's in the room with them.
Anyone remember the early 90's Made-For-TV movie To Grandmother's House We Go, starring the Olsen Twins? It originally aired on ABC. When The Family Channel re-ran it a few years later (back when it was still owned by Pat Robertson), the word "hell" was bleeped.
Major League's TV version was highly edited. Most memorable instance: "Strike this guy out!" is in the place of "Strike this mother fucker out!" Not only can you still clearly lipread what the character is saying, but "guy" is said with a different actor's voice, rendering it even more awkward.
"All right, all right, knock that stuff off!!"
Pedro's cursing in Spanish at Roger Dorn is overdubbed with "Shut up, cowboy!"
Rick Vaughn's rant in the manager's office ends with "I'm gonna stick it to you, Mr. Brown" instead of "I'm gonna stick it up your FUCKIN' ASS!"
Instead of urinating on Dorn's contract, Lou Brown blows his nose with it.
In the batting cage: "You may run like Hayes, but you hit like shit" became "You may run like Hayes, but you hit like his sister."
Repo Man was probably the first famous incidence of an edited-for-TV movie that used "melonfarmer". The full phrase was: "Flip you! Flip you, you flippin' melonfarmer!"
The German airline edit (most likely the only edit in that country) of The Spirit trims, re-frames, and digitally masks large portions of the scene with The Octopus strutting around in Nazi regalia while "Deutschland Uber Alles" plays in the background for fairly obvious reasons.
Many TV editions of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (particularly the one shown on the former FOX Family Channel) have the disturbing Psychedelic Boat Tunnel sequence removed. The Disney Channel airings of the '80s and '90s keep the sequence, but remove the chicken decapitation.
The FX edit for Pineapple Express is hilarious, most notably changing asshole to casserole. Also: Mucka Lucka, Motherlover, Funny Cops, melon farmer. Surprisingly, a scene mentioning anal beads was left in.
For its Chinese cut, 21 & Over was heavily edited to the point of becoming almost a different movie, turning it from a raunchy college sex comedy into a Lifetime-esque cautionary tale about Western decadence. The Chinese-American main character is changed to a Chinese student in an American university, who is led astray by the American party lifestyle before rediscovering his roots and going home a better person.
Cinemax Asia's airings of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 cut Mrs. Weasely's usage of the word "bitch" to Bellatrix (after she attacks Ginny), shortening her line to "Not my daughter you".
The TV version of Mrs. Doubtfire has Robin Williams' uttering of "Oh, shit!" changed to "Oh, shoot!". Another one muted out "shit", while another edit had the line becoming "Oh, sugar! and others remove the line entirely. In the UK version, the scene of Mrs. Doubtfire naming off euphemisms for sexual intercourse ("Sink the sub? Hide the Weasel? Park the porpoise? Bit of the old humpty dumpty? Hmm? Little Jack Horny? The horizontal Mambo?...The bone dance, eh? Rumpleforeskin? The baloney bop? Bit of the old cunning linguistics?") was cut in order to secure a PG version. An uncensored version of the film didn't come around until 2003 (when it was first released on DVD and VHS in the UK, it was the edited version).
This trailer for a Grease re-release with sing-along subtitles for the musical numbers digitally removes a cigarette from John Travolta's mouth, and now, instead of "cream", "the chicks'll scream". The added sing-along subtitles say scream, but you can still hear 'cream'. "The chicks'll scream" is usually the preferred substitute for "chicks'll cream" whenever a high school play performs Grease in Real Life. Saturday Night Live parodied this on the season 33 episode hosted by Christopher Walken, in which 90% of the words had to be changed because the drama teacher (Walken) found them offensive. The notoriously awful sequel (Grease 2) was hacked to ribbons in an '80s ABC airing, with at least 2 songs (including the infamous "Reproduction") removed.
A James Bond film re-aired on a German channel at an afternoon without showing the explosion of a cruiser ship in the climax, despite the scene being featured in every ad for the film and there being no visible corpses to justify a need for editing.
In Escape from L.A., coarse language is one of the many things banned by the fascist American government (breaking any of their laws, of course, results in deportation to L.A. Island). When AMC airs this movie, any and all instances of coarse language are completely edited out, giving no justification for the punishment and drowning this in irony.
In Desperado quite a bit of the violence was censored in most TV airings and Cheech Marin's death scene is completely removed, making it look like he escaped the shootout (and was never seen or heard from again), and the language is also censored ("What the fuck?!" is changed to "What the frijoles?")
Fuse TV's edit of The Wall went with the brilliant decision to reverse most curse words ("You little TIHS, you're in it!""), as well as do obvious and awkward zooms to the side of the screen when Pink's wife shows up in "The Trial" (odd, since they just did plain old Pixellation for other instances of nudity) and the scene of the Schoolmaster beating Pink while being beaten by a fat, nude version of his wife only showed a close-up of the Schoolmaster and Pink. Some versions of this movie aired on TV don't even show Pink's wife at all.
The Postman Always Rings Twice was notorious even in the 1940's for toning down the source material. The sadomasochistic relationship between Nick and Cora was watered down completely, and the sex in the car sequence was also cut.
Just about every really funny part of Paul Blart is turned into a really stupid-sounding kid-friendly gag. Although, props to the filmmakers for creating a toned-down alternate version to avoid the usual hack-job editing.
In the TV version of Caddyshack, Rodney Dangerfield's last line changes from "Hey everybody! Let's all get laid!" to "Hey everybody! Let's all take a shower!", which (a) is Out of Character for Rodney Dangerfield's character, and (b) sounds worse than the original line.
The TV airing of Waiting to Exhale cuts out the scene of Gloria's son being angry that his father is a closet homosexual.
In the TV airings of American Pie the infamous "One time at band camp..." scene either cuts off before Michelle says that she stuck the flute up her pussy or it replaces "up my pussy" with "in my mouth."
Peachtree TV ran Batman & Robin with all the ass and crotch shots removed from the suiting-up sequences.
When Superbad is shown on FX, a lot of swearing is cut out or dubbed over, in most cases, rather well. The whole scene where Seth is talking about his childhood obsession with drawing penises is cut out, which makes the reason he hates Becca confusing.
In Risky Business, Tom Cruise's friend advises him to "Just say 'fuck'. If you can't say it, you can't do it." (A reference to the character's virginity.) On network TV, that line was changed to "Just say 'hell'. If you can't say it, you can't do it." note Not only does this remove the virginity reference, and not match up to the lip synching of what the actor was actually saying, but the whole second part ("If you can't say it, you can't do it.") is rendered into complete nonsense by the fact that "hell" is not a verb.
In the scene where Bridget Jones quits her job in the first Bridget Jones Diary, she tells her boss that she'd rather have a job "wiping Saddam Hussein's arse" than working for him. The TV-friendly version? "Washing Saddam Hussein's car." In the UK version, Julian's line, "Careful, you ham-fisted cunt," had to be changed to "Careful, you ham-fisted cow!" in order to get a 15 rating.
In the USA edited version of 2 Fast 2 Furious the main character flips off someone going reverse in car. The edited version has him holding a fist towards the character which is apparently offensive.
In the TV edit there's a scene where the teacher Ms. Collins is chewing out the girls who tormented Carrie by pelting her with pads and tampons after Carrie freaks out over having her period (and not knowing what it was, as she grew up very sheltered). Instead of saying what a "shitty" thing they did to Carrie, she tells them it was a "nasty" thing they did. However, since the "nasty" they spliced in was from the same chewing out scene, it actually worked.
The TV edit also throws in a ton of CGI steam to hide the gratuitous nudity in the girls' locker room note some edits exist where the nudity is covered up with digitally-rendered bras and panties, similar to how Showgirls is normally edited, removes the scene where Chris gives Billy a blowjob, and removes the scene with Carrie in the bathtub.
Airings seen up to the early 2000s on TBS were unintentionally hilarious, as they opted to simply mute curse words. So John Travolta keeps slapping his girlfriend for a pause in the dialogue, yet the censors for the longest time ignored a "Carrie White eats shit" epithet written on one of the walls.
The Mask is also edited for TV to remove/alter the following
Cameron Diaz calling the bad guys bastards before tying her to the pole is replaced with her screaming, "Let me go!"
The part where Kellaway and Doyle search The Mask in the park and Kellaway finds a framed photo of his wife in lingerie with the words, "Call me, lover!" written in cursive: In the original version, Kellaway yelled, "Margaret! You son of a bitch!" Most TV versions replace "bitch" with "witch" while others cut off after he yells, "Margaret!"
The part after The Mask gets his revenge on the car repairmen who screwed him (when he was Stanley Ipkiss) over: Originally, there was a long sequence where The Mask is confronted by gun-toting muggers, then transforms into a carnival barker and makes a Tommy gun out of balloons (after nearly using condoms as the balloons). The edited version either cuts to commercial or goes into the next scene, where it's morning and Stanley wakes up.
The AMC airing of The Silence of the Lambs replaced Miggs' line "I can smell your cunt" with "I can smell your scent," which made it odd when Lecter says that he himself cannot, then starts talking about what Clarice smells like. Another edit has 'fellatio' replaced with 'venal acts' in an obviously different voice.
The Problem Child films suffered some legendary bowdlerization. The usual dub-overs of swearing and removal of gross-out humor are just the beginning; in the first film, two very important lines of dialogue are completely changed out of fear that someone would find the parents' callous take on adoption as offensive (which is the reason why You Cant Do That On Television had its episode about adoption banned after two airings on American TV). In the process, they actually destroy very important nuances of the film's plot and characterization:
"I don't wear second-hand clothes, and I won't have a second-hand kid!" is changed to: "I don't wear second-hand clothes, and I wanna have my own kid!"
"He's not even a real kid! He's adopted!" is changed to: "He's not even a fun kid! He's a devil!"
Other specific examples include editing out a nun saying "crap", pretty much all of Junior's profanity use, Big Ben saying "Japs", every incident involving Junior pissing on something, Junior's massive fart in Peabody's office, the tilt-a-whirl vomit scene, and the massive piles of dog shit Nippy unloads in the second movie.
When the Sci-fi Channel aired the dubbed version of Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, a character briefly says "butt-hole". Apparently, Sci-fi found the word offensive, as they replaced it with "black-hole", in a line that makes no sense at all. See for yourself: .
Good Will Hunting has a lot of the offensive language either dubbed over or cut entirely. One scene that deserves special mention: at the end when Matt Damon hugs Robin Williams and asks "Does this violate the doctor-patient agreement?" to which Williams responds jokingly "Only if you grab my ass." The Bravo channel's edit changes "ass" to "butt" which still gets the idea across. The ABC Family edit of this scene, however, changes the line to "Only if I turn around," the implications of which are arguably more sexual than the original version and the Bravo edit (but, hey, that's our beloved trope namer for ya).
FX's version of Burn After Reading is just sloppily dubbed over. It seems like the actors dubbed their own lines, but it's just that it's not seamless at all, including Brad Pitt constant referencing Malkovich's "stuff" instead of shit. The dubbed-over lines for John Malkovich zigzags in quality as well.
The Cartoon Network airing of Space Jam, to add insult to injury, edited Daffy's memorable line "We gotta get new agents! We're gettin' screwed!" by shortening the line to "We gotta get new agents!".
The Cartoon Network airing of Who Framed Roger Rabbit muted out "lust" and "dinky" in Baby Herman's infamous line, "I got a 50-year-old lust in a three-year-old's dinky!" note (most TV versions of this movie that air during the hours when children and families are watching TV just redub the line as "I'm a 50-year-old lost in a 3-year-old body"), cut out Baby Herman's line "How many times do we have to do this damn scene!", also cut out Benny's "what the hell happened here?", and cut the "Booby Trap" part note Most TV versions — particularly the Disney Channel version in the 1990s and a FOX version that aired back when FOX aired edited-for-TV movies on weeknights and special weekends keep the "booby trap" part in, but replace Eddie's line of "Nice booby trap!" to "Nice one, Jess!"
Who Framed Roger Rabbit is also censored on video and DVD releases. In the original movie, when Jessica Rabbit is flung out of Bennie the Cab, her skirt flies up, and for a few frames, it's apparent that Jessica doesn't wear underpants (although this could just be an animation error). The laserdisc and VHS video version of this altered the scene by digitally putting a pair of white panties underneath her dress. The newer DVD version opted instead to reanimate the scene so that way Jessica's skirt is longer and the fall is a bit more graceful.
Also on the TV version, when Eddie Valiant approached the gorilla bouncer at the Ink and Paint Club, he quips, "Nice monkey suit," with the gorilla grumbling, "Wiseass!" The edited version replaces "Wiseass!" with "Wise guy!"; the Cartoon Network version, on the other hand, just had the gorilla looking pissed before the scene cut away.
FX's edit of Martin Scorsese's The Departed has been turned into a comedy by way of poor choices in redubbing throughout the entire film (such as in the scene of Jack Nicholson telling DiCaprio that someday he will wake the "freak" up or the scene of DiCaprio losing it with Mark Wahlberg with how about I "freaking" kill you. And, of course, there was Matt Damon's, "This gonna be "freaking fun" rant towards the end of the film).
New Jack City is another mess to watch on VH-1. Not only is the language and sexual content dubbed over and removed, but all of the gun violence is trimmed as well. The most noticeable edit: Allen Payne's shot to the head is cut short even though he doesn't bleed. The version shown on BET (Black Entertainment Television) has a better edited version in which only the offensive language is muted and the sex scenes and/or nudity is blurred out or removed entirely while the violence remains. The only annoying edits on the BET version are all of the instances of Ice-T's character saying, "bitch."
In Final Destination 3, a photo shows a woman giving the middle finger (with both fingers) to the camera. Since the photo is integral to the plot, cutting out all scenes of it would render the movie incomprehensible. Instead, the middle fingers were digitally altered to peace/"V-for-Victory" signs (which actually is an obscene gesture in the UK, making the edit worse than intended).
In the version of Mean Girls shown on ABC Family and MTV, they make obvious edits to remove misogynistic slurs. For example, the scene where Regina says, "Boo, you whore." to Karen is cut so that she just says, "Boo!" and hangs up on her, and all instances of "bitch" have been replaced with "witch."
This even happened to the theatrical version of the film. Tina Fey's original script was more R-rated, filled with sexual innuendo, drug humor and "wall-to-wall titties" (Fey's words) in the vein of such teen sex comedies as Porky's and American Pie. Several scenes that were in the movie were raunchier in their original form: the "made out with a hot dog" line was originally supposed to say "masturbated,"note In fact, if you read the girl's lips when she says, "Made out with a hot dog? That was one time!", it's pretty obvious that the line was dubbed over. Regina and Karen's Halloween outfits (already skimpy in the final film) were more revealing in the original version, and the scene where Gretchen and Jason are caught making out in the bathroom originally had Gretchen about to give Jason a blowjob. There was also a subplot involving an ecstasy-popping raver kid named Barry that was dropped from the finished product.
When Friday airs on USA, every single instance of profanity is muted. Seeing that Friday has a lot of profanity, the movie becomes very incomprehensible.
The film version of Damn Yankees rewrote a few lines of "A Little Brains—A Little Talent" to eliminate a joke about Lola sleeping with George Washington, and also altered a four-letter word in Joe's line, "What's so damn funny about Washington winning the pennant?" (Note that the musical's title, and the Title Drops, remained unchanged.)
The UK version of the movie The Witches was edited to remove the Grand High Witch taking her wig off (which revealed a disgusting, possibly bloody rash) and shortened Bruno's transformation into a mouse, as the censors felt it was too much terror for a PG-rated movie.
The Hub's version of Zathura censors the line "Get me a juice box, bee-yoch!", although you can still see Walter mouth "bee-yoch" and mutes out "dick" when Walter intercepts Danny's baseball catch at the beginning. The UK version is edited to remove two scenes considered too imitable for younger and/or impressionable viewers: 1) When Walter and Danny find Judy frozen in the bathroom, the scene of Walter using an Aerosol Flamethrower to thaw her out is replaced with a long reaction shot of Danny staring. 2) The scene of Walter and Danny finding the astronaut in their living room squeezing flammable liquid on the couch and burning it is replaced with a longer shot of Walter and Danny at the top of the stairs and a longer shot of the astronaut standing next to the burning couch.
The airplane edit of Goon removes so much of the profanity and violence that some scenes become downright mystifying.
The UK cut of The Three Stooges movie (the one from 2012 with Chris Diamantopolous, Sean Hayes, and Will Sasso as Moe, Larry, and Curly) had some slapstick scenes cut due to fear of being imitatednote The movie is available uncut with a 12 rating for dangerous behavior, but in a slapstick context:
Moe rubbing a vegetable peeler on Curly's head after seeing Curly trying to smother a man with onions in his hospital bed (yet an early scene of Moe trying to slice Curly's head with a chainsaw, only for the blade to break wasn't cut).
A lot of the comedic violence against the Jersey Shore cast, including: Moe rubbing a cheese grater on Ronnie's feet after Ronnie insults the Parmesan he got from the store for them, Moe clamping J-Woww's tongue with a hot curling iron, and Moe slamming a microwave on Ronnie's head and turning it on, causing Ronnie's eyes to bulge as it heats up.
A line about setting some brush on fire and pissing on it to extinguish the flames during the beginning scenes of the Three Stooges as children at the orphanage.
Any and every TV edit of Boogie Nights is horrible to watch. Language is regularly muted and sex scenes are edited out entirely (though the violence remains). The biggest and most glaring edit occurs at the end of the movie in which Dirk Diggler unzips his pants to remove his large penis. The TV edit ends on Dirk just staring into the mirror.
At the end of Arsenic and Old Lace, Mortimer Brewster discovers that he doesn't need to worry about craziness being In the Blood, since he's actually the illegitimate child of a maidservant. The play ends with him exuberantly proclaiming himself a bastard. When the play was adapted to a film in 1944, the Hays Office objected to use of the word "bastard," and, instead changed Mortimer Brester's line to "I'm the son of a sea cook!"
Thunderheart is another to have some scenes filmed twice with toned-down language for television. Crow Horse's "God damn drilling for uranium" toward the end is "gosh darn". David Crosby as the bartender's line, "God damn prairie niggers!" when his establishment gets blown up by a Molotov cocktail was replaced with Crosby glaring as his bar gets burned.
TNT's edit for Watchmen edits for offensive language, sexual content (particularly all scenes of Dr. Manhattan's genitals, which are pixellated for TV broadcast), and violence (the violence cuts usually just cut away to another scene or fade out to a commercial). Additional scenes from "The Ultimate Cut" DVD version are added to make up for the content that was cut (the TV version includes the "Tales of the Black Freighter" sequence).
Showtime Canada's showing of the 2009 Star Trek cuts the scene with Spock and Sarek set just after Spock tried to kill Kirk on the bridge. The scene is important because Sarek's talk allows Spock to deal with the emotions he's experienced due to his mother's death and regain his bearing. Without it, what we get is Bipolar Spock, leaving the bridge a psychological wreck and returning apparently seconds later (after the commercial break) calm and confident.
An example of a movie's plot suffering from the effects of this: Gothika opens with Chloe's psych evaluation, where she describes murdering her stepfather, because it was "the only way to help him." When Halle Barry's character asks, "To help him to do what?", the TV edit changes her response to, "To help him stop fighting me!". The original is, "To help him stop fucking me". Since most of Chloe's problems revolve around how no one believes she's a rape victim, it makes her sound like an ordinary psycho (or someone who was physically abused by a parent at a young age and finally snapped in adulthood) and undermines most of what she represents in the story.
Because of the success of the R-rated Saturday Night Fever, and wanting to expand their audience, an alternate PG version was released to theaters back in the 70's. The swearing was kept in, but the scene with the stripper was deleted, and Annette's rape scene was toned down to PG standards.
Fight Club: In the book, Marla's line, "I want to have your abortion" was asked to be toned down. For the film, it was changed to "I haven't been fucked like that since grade school." The book line was originally in the script and it was recorded, but the studio insisted for it to be changed; so Fincher did, changing it for its even worse replacement, and absolutely refusing to shoot the scene again.
Wallace: Hey! Is that the cops? I'm an innocent victim here! I was attacked by a coked up whore and a...a... crazy dentist!
All television cuts of the Back to the Future films replace Marty's frequent use of the word "asshole" with a badly dubbed "idiot". In another example, when Nickelodeon or ABC Family aired the film, they edited Doc Brown's famous line of "When this baby hits 88 mph, you're gonna see some serious shit" to make him say it as "you're gonna see some serious...stuff," with a replacement voice who sounded bored out of his mind doing this.
Patriot Games features a scene where the protagonist identifies the bad guys' terrorist camp from a satellite photo thanks to the presence of a woman and her recognizable-from-space assets. Though the line is often cut entirely, at least some edits for some reason change his exclamation of "Tits!" with the somehow more acceptable "Jugs!" Additionally, a scene where woman halts sex in order to get something from her purse has the man protesting, "you're not going to make me wear a rubber, are you?", is changed to "you're not going to make me wear one of them, are you?"
Booty Call also suffers from the "Mother Fucker" curse when run on channels like Comedy Central: the "mother lover" that replaces it is technically accurate and wouldn't be two bad, if they only had gotten more than two versions. Every male says "motherlover" in the exact same way, and the few times it's uttered by a female it's the exact same clip for them. There's also about a 50/50 chance, mostly depending on the time slot, of whether Rushon's bare butt is shown when he exposes his newly-shaved pubic area due to nearly getting a vasectomy to Bunz (to convince his girlfriend that he doesn't base his life around the approval of his friends).
The TV cut of Basic Instinct is absolutely hilarious to watch. Sex scenes (and even the more risque clothed scenes — meaning that the infamous interrogation leg crossing scene is no more) are either removed or reduced to nothing. Sexual uses of the word "fuck" are substituted with "sleep with" or "sleeping with", while "fuck" when used non-sexually is muted poorly. Huge parts of the plot are lost as a result, and it's just generally a confusing mess. Much like Blazing Saddles, Showgirls, and Kevin Smith films, Basic Instinct does NOT belong on network or basic cable TV because a toned-down version would be more offensive to watch than the full version, with all the swearing, nudity, violence, innuendo, and drug abuse intact. When aired on a cable channel a few years back, the opening sex/ice-pick murder scene was a total mess, with obvious jump cuts on the soundtrack. It would have been so much easier to just cut the entire scene (or, have the nude woman put in digital clothes [or crop out the nudity] and the violence shortened, but not reduced to nothing [maybe intercut with reaction shots or outside establishing shots]).
When Snakes on a Plane made it on to cable, the movie's big line was…changed slightly:-
And in Asia, Cinemax just cuts out the line entirely: "Enough is enough! Everyone strap in, I'm going to open some windows."
In the 1980's Get Smart movie The Nude Bomb, Max puts his gun in his pants. It goes off, he turns around, you hear the sound of him pulling his zipper down and up again, and he then turns around again with his Catch Phrase "Missed it by that much". NBC dubbed in "Missed the bone by that much," which oddly sounds dirtier than the original!
Possibly one of the most terrible examples of this trope ever: in See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Gene Wilder's character tells Richard Pryor's character to "tell me the first thing that pops into your head," and predictably, he replies "Pussy!", which was dubbed over on TV with... "pasta."
Watch The Breakfast Club on TV sometime. Bender's line to the principal, "Eat my shorts" (which was used well before Bart Simpson used it) was changed to "Eat my socks!"
In the TV version of The Blues Brothers, Jake tells the nun that she's up "the creek" instead of "shit creek," which makes it look strange that she finds the phrase so offensive. Also, they replace Elwood's repeated use of "bullshitting" with "bamboozling". The nun also seems to find "Ow, my arm!" to be offensive, then again, it is funny in an unintentional way.
On ABC Family, they take out all the swear words. One particularly bad example is when Torrance is yelling at Misty, saying something to the effect of "I'm gonna kick your ass." On TV, she yells the "I'm gonna kick your" part, and then she says "butt" in a normal voice. However, they don't do this for any of the other Bring It On movies. (Or maybe they do: on some TV screenings of Bring It On: All Or Nothing the shot of Britney mouthing "Asshole" after her ex-boyfriend leaves is cut.)
"Missy is an uber-dyke" is changed to "Missy is an uber-dork."
Kate and Leopold: During one of the opening scenes, Stuart is listening to the architect of the Brooklyn Bridge giving a speech in which he talks of the bridge as his "erection" (as in "my erection, the biggest on the planet, will stand forever"). The German dub replaced all "erections" with "buildings", leaving Stuart to stand there snickering for absolutely no reason. Although that might be less censoring and more being unable to translate the pun into German.
Tropic Thunder got some flack for using the term "retard" when it was in theaters, so for TV broadcasts, all instances of the word were replaced with "special". Ben Stiller and Robert Downey, Jr. (or soundalikes) redubbed a scene where they're in the jungle alone talking about "special" movie characters. The problem was that every time a dubbed line was used, the editor forgot to blend in these lines with the jungle atmosphere, not to mention, they got the wrong voice actor to dub Jack Black's lines.
Mallrats. Seriously, why the hell would you even show Mallrats on broadcast television (or, more realistically, basic cable)? Especially silly because whenever Jay's lines were dubbed over (which was of course a lot), he was inexplicably given something of a stereotypical surfer dude accent. And of course who could forget "When do I get to see the goshdarn sailboat"?
Brodie's reaction to Trish: "Holy shit, you slept with that asshole?" was changed for the FX version to "Holy snot, you spoke with that airhead?"
Averted with the Fuel TV version of Clerks, which while still censored, was admittedly done pretty well for a Kevin Smith movie.
Chasing Amy on Oxygen. "Life ain't nothin' but bettys and money"? Seriously?!
The Parent Trap remake. Whenever they show it on Disney Channel, they cut out the part where Hailey pierces Annie's ears with a nail. They show Annie holding her ears, trying to make the decision. Then they cut to commercial, and when they get back, Annie's ears are pierced.
ABC Family keeps the ear-piercing scene intact, except for the close-up shot of the pin entering Lohan's ear.
They also have started completely cutting the scene where Hailey asks her mother for a sip of wine, which she then comments on with all the knowledge you would expect of a winemaker's daughter. In the uncut vs., this is a major reason that the grandfather suspects something is up and follows Hailey to the park. But the modern MPAA has declared that films with people drinking anything declared to be wine cannot go lower than PG-13 — that is, if you drink wine, then it's not a family film. The Disney Channel must have taken its cue from there.
The wine and ear-piercing parts were also cut when the movie was released in the UK. Both parts were cut because the censors in the UK don't like showing dangerous or illegal actions that can easily be imitated in real life note such as detailed scenes of drug abuse, lock-picking, suicide methods (hanging and wrist-slitting are commonly cut), any action that can cause injury, illness, or death if imitated by children and idiotic viewers (common scenarios cut include pranks involving electricity, using an aerosol can as a flamethrower, ingesting chemicals or bodily fluid, or anything seen on the MTV show Jackass), and, in the case of the ear-piercing, anything that can cause a blood infection or AIDS, especially in films rated Unote the British version of the G rating and PG (read: the kid- and family-friendly flicks) note Even the PG and 12-rated films have to be relatively family-friendly, but do allow for more intense content, so long as it's relevant to the story. These scenes can now be found uncut on DVD.
They edit the language in the TV cut of Ferris Buellers Day Off to take out any swearing. The cuts are rather obvious to some viewers.
"Pardon my French, but you're an *splice* -IDIOT!
"What a little motorhead!"
(Yelling) "I'm not just gonna sit on my..." (Whiny voice) "Hind."
"If you stuck a lump of coal of his HAND, in two weeks you'd have a diamond."
At one point, a woman in a naughty nurse outfit shows up to give Ferris a singing telegram:
"I heard that you were feeling ill, Headache, fever, had a chill. I came to help restore your pluck, 'cuz I'm the nurse that likes to-
...which is cut short by Ferris's sister Jeannie slamming the door in her face. In the TV edit, she slams the door after the first two lines. Also, at one point a deliveryman drops off a package, which is received by Mr. Rooney. Upon leaving, he honks out the tune, "Shave and a haircut", with Rooney flipping him off twice in "two bits" rapid succession. In the TV version, he simply looks annoyed and does nothing.
In the United States, they've broadcast The Big Lebowski on Comedy Central outside of their "Secret Stash" uncut and uncensored late-night block. By the time they were finished cutting it, the movie was practically incomprehensible — moreso than usual. On the plus side, the edited line "This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!" and its variations, like "This is what happens when you feed a stoner scrambled eggs!" have become Memetic Mutation and are seen as an intentional parody of the kind of nonsensical and lame lines that are used to censor out the stuff that may be violent, profanity-laced, sexual, or disturbing in nature, but probably makes more sense than what's being substituted.
In the twentieth anniversary edition version of E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, the policemen's shotguns were digitally replaced with walkie-talkies, completely negating the suspense of the moment. It makes the staggered zoom to Elliot's horrified face before showing the shotguns, which is kept in the new version, look so out of place. However, this product of said editing was, nevertheless, awesome! As well as funny… Also edited in the newer version of the movie was the line, "You are not going as a terrorist for Halloween." Because it was released post-September 11th, "terrorist" was changed to "hippie." Mercilessly lampooned in the South Park parody episode "Free Hat." Incidentally, while said episode portrays Steven Spielberg as the diabolical mastermind behind editing Raiders of the Lost Ark, with George Lucas only reluctantly following, in Real Life Spielberg himself later stated that editing the movie was a mistake.
The French children's production Arthur et les Invisibles contains some typical French risqué moments: for instance, Arthur, the main character, used the cord that laces the female lead's corset as a climbing rope, causing much complaining and one-handed climbing from her because she needed her other hand to hold the corset shut. This scene survived unscathed in the German version, but it got cut from at least one English variation. That is somewhat understandable, but another scene that got cut was a simple kiss between the two leads. Given the magical power of this kiss (the first kiss transferred some powers, meaning that the villain could no longer rob the female lead of her powers by kissing her), as well as its social implications (it's as good as a marriage), this makes the plot from this moment on rather confusing. Note that in both cases the uncensored film is perfectly legal: while the actor playing real-life Arthur is about 12, the scenes in question play in the world of the Invisibles (Minimoys in the adaptation) and are fully computer-generated. In the director's cut, Arthur's parents are racist, negligent monsters who don't care about their son and only care about the treasure.
The makers of Hot Fuzz were contractually obliged to make a version suitable for television viewing. The edited portions can be viewed on the two-disc version. The results are hilarious. "Jesus Christ" was changed to "peas and rice," for instance.
Shaun of the Dead has a Bowdlerised version as a special feature on the DVD version called "Funky Pete". The original film has a scene where Pete, one of the roommates, uses different variations of the word "fuck" during a rant; hearing every instance changed to "funk" is highly amusing (hence the name of the special feature). In addition, "prick" is changed to the nonsense word "prink".
Edgar Wright seems to be a fan of inventive Bowdlerisation; he did the same thing with Scott Pilgrim vs. The World on a special feature on the Blu-Ray. It involved lots of uses of the word "Smurf" and "Owl".
(500) Days of Summer has a Bowdlerized version played on Delta Airlines flights. In it, when Tom and Summer are playing the penis game the word "penis" is replaced with "panda". This leads to some odd reactions from people towards someone screaming "panda!"
Also, the bowdlerization cuts out the shower sex scene and Tom's "roses are red, violets are blue, fuck you whore" card. And the poo sculpture at the exhibition Tom and Summer visit. There's also "She took a giant spit on my face".
As a joke, Tom Green edited a new version of Freddy Got Fingered so that it would receive a PG rating and included it as a special feature on the DVD. The PG-rated cut is 3 minutes long.
Lloyd's line, "That John Denver's full of shit" was changed to "That John Denver's really full of it."
The scene of Harry rushing to the bathroom after drinking the laxative-laced tea used pan-and-zoom to cover up Harry pulling his pants down just as he sits on the toilet and faded out just as Harry is defecating.
The censors also ruined the punchline of combining a bulldog with a shih-tzu ("We call it a bull-sniki!"). They could have just removed the punchline altogether and make it a Stealth Pun. A different edit of the film does do this, in fact: Harry sets up the joke, Mary responds "Really? That's weird" and instead of the punchline, it just cuts to Harry laughing uproariously.
The scene of Harry, Lloyd and Mary on the bed at gunpoint and Harry fighting with Lloyd, Harry asks Lloyd where he should sign. Lloyd's original line was, "Right on my ass, after you kiss it!" On Cartoon Network (and other televised versions), the line was changed to, "Right on my sandwich, after you kiss it!"
Believe it or not, The Rocky Horror Picture Shownote another movie that's inappropriate for airing on normal television, due to content and its notoriety as a midnight cult film meant to be seen by fans dressed as the characters and shouting things/throwing things at the screen has aired on television with parts edited:
"Rocky Horror was on Fuse last night and they censored so many random things, like when Frank runs his finger down Rocky's stomach during I Can Make You a Man on (the word) "steam". They edit out when he chops up Eddie, which, fine, but also when Magenta pulls off his bloody gloves afterwards. It was so annoying. At that point, I gave up and put in the DVD to finish out the movie, because I'm sure the whole mid-section of the movie was chopped to pieces."
The MTV and VH-1 versions cut the line "A mental mindfuck can be nice" and blur out Columbia's breasts and the genitals on the nude statues.
The Band Wagon bowdlerizes one line of "I Love Louisa": "I love a great big boosom" became "I never want to lose 'em."
Adhering to studio ethics, Disney toned down the violence for a 1975 reissue of their Treasure Island in order to get a G rating. The uncut version was submitted to the MPAA in 1992 with a PG rating.
The Comedy Central version of Scott Pilgrim vs. The World mutes Kim calling Scott a retard and shortens Roxy's "Your BF's about to get F'd in the B!" to "Your BF's about to get in the B!", as well as muting the words "shit" and "asshole" a few times; the thing that's really crazy about this is that South Park gets away with the same kind of language on a regular basic, even in its TV-14 edited version.
The AMC airing of Love Actually completely excises the John & Judy subplot, as there is no way to get around the fact that they are stark naked and simulating sex acts (they're stand-ins for the actual actors in a movie) in nearly all of their scenes.
The TV edit of Bulletproof has old, seasoned police officers calling each other "silly beast" in anger.
In the TV edit of The Usual Suspects, the phrase they have to say in the line-up is changed to "Hand me the keys you fairy godmother!"
In Bridget Jones' Diary, the scene where Bridget Jones quits her job, she tells her boss that she'd rather have a job "wiping Saddam Hussein's arse" than working for him. The TV-friendly version? "Washing Saddam Hussein's car."
In the UK version, Julian's line, "Careful, you ham-fisted cunt," had to be changed to "Careful, you ham-fisted cow!" in order to get a 15 rating.
In the USA edited version of 2 Fast 2 Furious the main character flips off someone going reverse in car. The edited version has him holding a fist towards the character which is apparently offensive.
An entire adaptation was this. The Children's Hour is a play about two female teachers accused by an evil student of being in a lesbian relationship. When it was adapted to a movie in the 1930s, the lesbian relationship was changed to the two women dating (and fighting over) the same man. The 1961 adaptation called The Childrens Hour is truer to the original, though some editing needed to be done to appease the censors (as homosexuality still wasn't accepted in the 1960s).
The profanity-spewing speech therapy scene in The King's Speech led to the film recieving an R rating in the United States, which would have prevented wider audiences from seeing it. As a result, shortly after its Oscar win, a re-edited version with a toned-down version of said scene was released, and got the much lighter PG-13 rating. The public attacked the distributors for resorting to censorship, and this re-edited version slowly drifted away from view.
Thanks to The Hays Code, several lyrics from the songs in Anything Goes were changed for the 1937 movie. "Now God knows" and "four-letter words" were changed to "Heaven knows" and "three-letter words" in the title song, and in "I Get a Kick Out of You" the lyric "Some get a kick from cocaine" was changed to "Some like the perfume in Spain."
In the 1948 film version of The Time Of Your Life, much of the dialogue concerning Kitty is rewritten to turn her from a streetwalker into a "B-girl".
In Canada, as long as you slap a Content Warning on every commercial break, basic cable channels can get away with swearing and violence. However, an airing of A League of Their Own on W Movies censored "god" out of "goddamn". Some Canadian edits similarly seem to allow "shit" but not "fuck".