It was...........Dumbledore! (In his first lines no less. Tara does not have him use such strong language later, and takes care to explain the outburst away as the result of a headache.)
Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!
"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else.
"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT" Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"
"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black... ... ...She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
This was written after Willow was killed off in reflection of the deteriorating relationship between author Tara and beta reader/Willow's inspiration, Raven. At this point Tara appears to be sucking up to get Raven to help her make the story legible again. She doesn't.
"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. "You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.
"Volfemort has him bondage!" (Repeated twice in the same chapter as exposition.)
"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall.
"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"
"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily.
"Suddenly an idea I had. I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape."
"THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.
"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.
(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?)
"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.
A chapter after Loopin "masticates" outside of Enoby's window, Tara took a second stab at it: "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
"Abra Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.
One piece of fanart for that scene actually shows Harry Vampire pregnant with an Abra.
"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.
I smelled happily.
"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.
"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry.
Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash.
"Rid my sight you despicable preps!"
"Ebonyiloveyouwiluhavesexwithme"
"We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it."
Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!
"U must stab Vrompir e." he said to me. "If u don’t then I'll rap Draco!1"
Then......... I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone.
But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.
AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su
Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
"OK classfucking dismissedevery1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go.
"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!" screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.
Suddenly..............."HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted. I looked around................Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.
Whoever made this this screenshot deserves a Nobel Prize for finding the cure for depression.
"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. Now do ur work!"
Gerard Way being described as having an "amazing ethnic voice".
"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then........................ he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle"
"ORLY." I ESKED.
"Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn’t have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn’t gothic. It was...... Voldemort!"
Voldemort wears high-heels. They loudly clack as he walks.
"BECAUSE...BECAUSE...." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
Ebony eats Count Chocula for breakfast as a sign of how "goffic" she is. True, she eats it with blood rather than milk, but that's even funnier.
"Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked"
Anytime during a Dramatic Reading when the reader(s) are unable to contain their laughter.
The line "Loopin slurped as he sat in his chains."
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn’t have a headache or else he would have said something back. Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. “U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!”
"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak."
Becomes even funnier when she comes back from the dead the very next chapter with no explanation whatsoever.
