- Duckman's rant on the human condition in "Room with a Bellevue".
Duckman: I just want to get home for my kids' birthday, but this whole leaf-blowing, false-advertising, traffic-stopping, tax-dollar squandering workers-on-permanent-coffee-break, upper-class money dodging, stolen car-parts-dealing, sign-changing society won't let me! And you know who's to blame?! We all are! We say we HATE lawyers, but we can't wait to sue somebody. We want leaders to make tough choices, then we vote 'em out when they do! We all want X-Rated older women with hirsute-upper-lips' chat-lines, then scream bloody murder when we get the bill!
- Earlier in the episode, he blows a gasket about the pile-up of crap he'd had to deal with that day, culminating in the Rant-Inducing Slight that landed him in the asylum (because he ranted without a starched collar).
- Duckman's rant on censorship and Political Correctness Gone Mad. It should be mandatory viewing for everyone.
Duckman: "I know you all came here to see Iggy Catalpa, because you think he's funny, because you like his style, because you just plain like him, right? But you just think you do! Because you were manipulated into thinking you do by him: King Chicken! He did it the same way they manipulate us into buying toothpaste, car wax, even politicians! All pre-packaged, the least offensive, most appealing alternative. But it's precisely when humor is offensive that we need it most! Comedy should provoke. It should blast through prejudices, challenge preconceptions. Comedy should always leave you different than when it found you. Sure humor can hurt - even alienate - but the risk is better than the alternative; a steady diet of innocuous, child proof, flavorless mush. Demand to be challenged, to be offended, to be treated like thinking, reasoning adults! And raise your children to be the same! Don't let a comedian, a network, a congressional committee, or an evil genius take away your freedom to laugh at whatever you want!"
- Duckman punching out a waiter who mocked his kind and emotionally fullfilling girlfriend for being a Butterface.
"A rose for the lovely lady...? Woah, how about a sugar cube?!" *PUNCH!*
- Duckman giving a "The Reason You Suck" Speech to Bernice, Charles, Mambo, Cornfed and Fluffy and Uranus in the Indian Casino episode, pointing out that for all his faults, the rest of the cast is FAR from perfect, ranging from Bernice's cruel, humiliating treatment, Charles and Mambo's treating him like an embarassment rather than a father, Fluffy and Uranus preachy and pushy attitude, and Cornfeds constant touting of his own accomplishments.
- "The Once and Future Duck" has the climax where Duckman pretty much tells all his alternate timeline copies to go to hell and take all their nagging and attempts at controlling his actions with them.
Duckman: I dont care if you know what I'm going to say or disagree or think I'm making a mistake, I'm gonna talk and you're all gonna LISTEN!! I just realized that the best thing about life is that we dont know how it will turn out! Being surprised is all we have to hold our interest, and as far as I can tell you, your life ends when you start trying to control your fate. I dont want to know how every move I make affects my fate, I'm just going to do what I think is right and hope things will turn out okay - starting with this! *throws the timeline generator into the sink, breaking it and sending all the timeline copies back to their own realities*
Duckman: *hands the generator to the stunned scientist who's staring at the army of mismatched copies* Dont worry, it's physically impossible!
- Duckman getting back at the smarmy athletic scientist Bernice hired as a surrogate father-figure for the boys, who had been mocking Duckman the whole episode. How? He repairs the generator so it creates copies of the scientist instead.
- Duckman is saved in "Inherit the Judgment: The Dope's Trial" by Cornfed, Charles, and Mambo's work, but at the last moment, he takes on his own defense and calls King Chicken to the stand. Through a series of pointless questions and inane blabber, he drives King Chicken crazy and gets him to confess that the whole incident was an elaborate revenge ploy.