Arson Murder And Jaywalking: Real Life

IMPORTANT NOTE #1: Some terminologies, such as "mischief," used to be more grave in nature than they are now. Therefore, it is important for you to know what the terms implied back when it was used.

IMPORTANT NOTE #2: This is about real persons or entities saying or using the Trope in a manifest manner. It is not about you making assumptions based on their behavior. We all are superb citizens, follow the Golden Rule and go to the restroom.
    open/close all folders 

    Crime and law 
  • Criminal charges in general tend to get this sort of thing, usually because the criminal in question tends to commit a number of lesser crimes in pursuit of their main crime (for instance, reckless driving to evade arrest) or are originally detained for something minor before evidence of a greater crime is found. For example, you get stopped for speeding. The breathalyzer test shows you were driving under the influence of alcohol. Then a routine search of the vehicle turns up the massive stash of drugs in the trunk you were hurrying to get rid of... Another reason for including lesser charges is that sometimes those are the only ones that actually stick. So if the prosecutor isn't sure about a major charge sticking, they will pile on the minor ones they can make stick, and the total time a defendant ends up serving for all those little things isn't much smaller than the time the one big charge would bring (or in jurisdictions where prison sentences does not stack at least ensure the criminal will get a sentence, if not as long and harsh as desired).
    • Because the US (and possibly most commonwealth) generally have much stricter rules limiting detaining, stopping or searching people by the police than in other European countries, police frequently use petty, minor violations that they don't actually care about in order to stop and search people they think but cannot prove are up to something else. The traffic stop scene for "obstruction of vision" on the cartel member from End of Watch is an excellent example.
  • According to The Other Wiki, Jeffrey Dahmer was convicted of child molestation, murder... and of public intoxication, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
  • Dennis Hall, for shooting his son Adrian because his toy interfered with his television reception in the presence of his two other daughters, was convicted of murder (for which he was sentenced to death)... and also two counts of cruelty to children (for shooting his son in the view of his two sisters), and of discharging a firearm near a public street.
  • In Montana, Kristofor Hans got sentenced to 206 years for killing and attempting to kill people in his school: 100 year for murder, 100 other years for attempted murder and two sentences of three years each for using weapons during the commission of a felony.
  • When the French government sent agents to bomb the Greenpeace ship Rainbow Warrior in New Zealand in 1985, two agents were caught before they left the country. They were charged with murder, arson and using fake documents to enter the country. (The judge dismissed the immigration charges, ruling they were included in the larger crimes.)
  • In the movie Brubaker, which was based on actual events, one convict was arrested and did jail time for armed robbery, then had a second offense for stealing cars, and in the third case, was in the county jail for drunk and disorderly, and while passed out, a toilet in the jail was shattered. The other inmates claimed he did it, so he was charged with destruction of city property worth more than $50, which made it his third felony offense, which got him life imprisonment as an habitual offender. He got short sentences for armed robbery and auto theft, but got life for destroying a toilet!
  • Another "three-strikes" case: Jerry Dewayne Williams, who had prior convictions for robbery, attempted robbery, drug possession and unauthorized use of a vehicle, received his third felony conviction for felony petty theft — of one slice of pizza. He took it from some teenagers; he claimed he had asked for it, but they said they only gave it to him because his appearance scared them. He got 25 years for stealing something worth 60 cents — beat that, Valjean. (On a side note, he was released after serving only six years, or one tenth of a year to a cent.)
  • Played straighter with some police districts, for a reason. Due to Samaritans interfering in their work when the district either currently is or was renowned for corruption, or has had a history of racially profiling 'perps', if they started with the lesser charges they would get belted and swarmed before apprehending the suspect. The more the police are distrusted in a particular area, the more likely they'll have to do this for their own safety.
    • Further, many arrest charges get dropped to lesser. A local sheriff's office arrests everyone who is driving with a suspended/revoked license. The result: folks arrested on possession of meth, manufacturing of meth, intent to deliver meth, and... driving with a suspended license.
  • Plenty of examples bring some needed humor to those reality cop shows:
    • During a high-speed car chase, the passenger threw evidence out the window, and picked up a hefty littering fine for it.
    • After receiving a ticket, a motorist flipped off the officer as he drove off. He was stopped again, and given another ticket, this time for... making an improper turn signal.
  • In some places "Mailing alcohol, firecrackers, gasoline, ammunition, and nail polish remover is illegal." (Nail polish remover can be highly flammable—the most common nail polish remover is a mixture of water and acetone, a powerful and non-toxic solvent which unfortunately happens to be more volatile and flammable than gasoline. But it still looks silly.)
  • The 2005 Atlanta mass murderer Brian Nichols was charged with every crime he committed (54 of them) during the killing spree he committed after he escaped from jail: murder, kidnapping, robbery, aggravated assault on a police officer, battery, theft, carjacking, rape and escape (even though conviction of the murders alone guaranteed him life in prison without parole or the death penalty if convicted). The prosecution claimed it was under the belief that he shouldn't get off on anything for the sake of convenience.
  • From The Bride of Anguished English, compiled by Richard Lederer: "The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death penalty for certain violent crimes: assassinating the President; hijacking an airliner; and... murdering a government poultry inspector."
    • Which actually sort of makes sense. Most countries have some sort of law which implements harsh penalties for killing a police officer or other government agent. Poultry inspectors would count as "other government agent".
  • The Cluny Abbey Foundation charter of 910 threatens anyone who messes with the place with having their name taken out of the Book of Life, getting limbs chewed off by vermin, experiencing the torments of hell while still alive (as a torture-buddy of Judas), etc. Also they've got to pay a hundred pounds of gold.
  • The list of Things Not Allowed in the BYU-Idaho dorms: "Firearms, weapons, illegal drugs, open flames, and Ouija boards." Presumably the last one is because Ouija boards can possess anyone who does not want to play them when someone pulls one out.
    • I think the joke here is actually that he was sort of afraid of the Ouija board, so instead suggested Connect 4, which turns out to be what gets him possessed. That would be why the possession stops when the Connect 4 piece is released at the end.
  • In the typical British middle school, the popular punishment for misbehaviour was "lines": the student had to copy a sentence onto a piece of paper as many times as the teacher required (the more lines given, the more it hurt the student's hand). In the rule book given to students at induction, the consequences were detailed. For instance, it was indicated that the punishment for truancy was 150 lines, and for damaging school property the punishment was 300 lines. But the punishment for chewing gum was a wrist-busting 1000 lines.
  • Just recently Manchester police admitted that their crime records had included, under the category of "Serious Violent Crime", the following four crimes: Murder, Rape, Assault occasioning Grievous Bodily Harm, Snowball fights.
  • In June 2010, a man in Norway pleaded guilty on all of his 59 criminal charges. 58 counts of statutory rape (most against minors between the ages 12 and 16), and one count of driving without a license.
  • Blasphemy (at least theoretically) is serious business in many Muslim countries. Do not take this one lightly if you are abroad. Section 295-C of the Pakistani penal code reads:
    "Use of derogatory remark etc, in respect of the Holy Prophet, whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation, or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable for fine."
    • Bear in mind that in practice, in some Muslim countries these laws are enforced quite strictly, and in other Muslim countries these laws are enforced about as often as Britain's blasphemy laws were enforced before they were abolished in 2008—i.e. hardly at all. (Pakistan, for the record, is somewhere in the middle; enforcement depends on who's in charge and whether or not the Islamists are making trouble, but even then only a select few cases are ever brought, and when they are brought charges are often dropped. Further, over two-thirds of Pakistanis think the blasphemy laws should be repealed—but the Islamists have been making trouble, so the statute isn't going anywhere.)
  • Russell Williams, a Canadian colonel, was sentenced to life for multiple murders, rape, burglaries, and (probably only mentioned on HLN) stealing women's lingerie.
  • Bills banning bestiality, baggy pants pass in Florida
  • A news report stated a biology teacher in Florida was arrested for giving private biology lessons to one of her students, in which she was arrested because she was having sex with a 17-year old student (the age of consent there is 16 but if you're one of their teachers it's 18) and sharing beer with him, being partially nude in the car, and was ticketed for being illegally parked in a handicapped space.
  • When they finish fishing up the bodies, Anders Breivik will probably be facing charges of mass murder, terrorism and impersonating a police officer.
  • In Argentina, the TV news station "Cronica TV" has become notorious for their bizarre and sometimes downright hilarious headlines, some of which, fall directly under this trope: "They broke in, savagely beat an elderly woman, and ate her pie." and "Five felons broke into a home to steal. They drinked the scotch."
  • In 2008, activists were increasingly taking protests to the homes of researchers, staging "home demonstrations," which can involve making noise during the night, writing slogans on the researchers' property, smashing windows, and spreading rumours to neighbours- from Animal Liberation Front's Wikipedia page.
  • The Other Wiki has an entry on the Earl of Oxford, Edward De Vere who was accused of "atheism, lying, heresy, disobedience to the crown, treason, murder for hire, sexual perversion and pederasty with his English and Italian servants ('buggering a boy that is his cook and many other boys'), habitual drunkenness, vowing to murder various courtiers and declaring that Elizabeth had a bad singing voice
  • A newspaper headline as reported on the Criggo blog: "Couple charged with public lewdness, overdue library books."
  • Someone once sued over the conception of the iPod. The defendants? Steve Jobs, Apple... and Sarah Jessica Parker.
  • An article in a South African newspaper (read out on The News Quiz) describes a man attempting to rob a bank by using puff adders as a weapon. He was arrested for "Attempted murder, extortion, intimidation, and contravening the Nature Preservation Act."
  • Quoth a Human Events article about the TSA: "They've been accused of rampant thievery, spending billions of dollars like drunken sailors, groping children and little old ladies, and making everyone take off their shoes."
  • On Thanksgiving weekend 2002, a year after the 9/11 attacks, airport personnel reported seizing 15,982 pocket knives, 98 box cutters, six guns... and a brick.
  • A Canadian man dismembered a person's body, posted the video of it online, and mailed a foot and hand respectively to the Conservative and Liberal party headquarters. The warrant for his arrest listed: Committing an indignity to a dead body, publishing an obscene thing, mailing obscene matter, and criminally harassing (Prime Minister) Harper and other members of Parliament. Subsequently, an angry news reader wants to tack on the horrible crime of him being a YouTube video thief.
  • The biggest German tabloid Bild is exasperated that Berlin's anarchists not only detonate pipe bombs, burn down cars and are squatting. No! Now they steal the fan flags from the cars during the European Soccer Championship! (see Bildblog (german))
  • Further investigation into the prostitution scandal involving the US Secret Service revealed more inappropriate conduct such as leaking sensitive information, publishing pornography, sexual assault, illegal wiretaps, improper use of weapons and ...Drunken Behavior. Said drunken behavior was likely the cause of several of the other things.
  • In the fall of 2012 eBay included this in their policy change:
    "The following items are also being added to the prohibited items list: advice; spells; curses; hexing; conjuring; magic; prayers; blessing services; magic potions; healing sessions; work from home businesses & information; wholesale lists, and drop shop lists."
  • Former Houston city council member Ben Reyes was arrested by the FBI for taking bribes, improperly ordering the destruction of "crack houses," and... stealing a magnolia tree?!
  • In another case of The Other Wiki possibly unintentionally invoking this trope, the article on the Pitcairn Island sexual assault trial details all the occasions where islanders had sought assistance from the British judicial system regarding various criminal acts, namely adultery, abortion, kleptomania, attempted murder...and the theft of women's underwear.
  • The original code of the American Mafia has eight rules:
    1. Omerta (i.e. don't snitch to the police).
    2. To be a full member, you have to be Italian.
    3. Don't talk about family business to outsiders.
    4. No revenge killing unless the boss explicitly allows it.
    5. No fighting among members.
    6. Members have to pay regular tribute to the boss.
    7. Members can't cheat on their wives with the wives of other members.
    8. No facial hair. note 
  • German law contains a paragraph allowing journalists to not disclose their sources even when involved in investigation, unless the investigation is regarding one of three exceptions: treason, rape and variations thereof, and... money laundering. Understandable since money laundering is organized crime, and sometimes even for "villain states".
  • From legal humor blog "Lowering the Bar" comes a story featuring the following quote from the Courthouse News Service:
    WOODSTOCK, Ill. (CN) - The attorney a man hired to represent him in a child custody dispute had an affair with the mother of the client's child, then tried to hire hit men to kill him—three times—and was sentenced to prison for it, the client claims in court.
    Brian Hegg claims defendant attorney Jason Smiekel also gave him bad legal advice.
  • Invoked during the 2001 Cincinnati Riots: at the height of the rioting, city leaders were initially reluctant to impose a curfew. The argument was that the rioters were already committing felonious assaults and property damage, and would not be fazed by the prospect of facing a misdemeanor citation for a curfew violation. Trope inverted by the fact that, when they finally did announce a curfew, on that night...the rioting abruptly stopped.
  • Under Australian law, only three crimes are punishable with life imprisonment. They are murder, treason...and commercial drug trafficking.
  • In Wikipedia on mandatory sentencing:
    Denmark has mandatory minimum sentences for murder (five years to life) and regicide (six years to life), and for carrying an illegal knife (one week)
  • "SAFETY WARNING! Opening this box will result in Death by Electrocution & a 20 pound fine."
  • Sandy Hook shooter Adam Lanza is said to have played video games ranging from Call of Duty to Dance Dance Revolution. Now what harm could such an innocuous game as DDR possibly do?
  • Christopher Chase, who stole an Albuquerque police cruiser and led police on a car chase while wearing a bulletproof vest and firing a semiautomatic weapon at officers, reportedly had a long criminal record including embezzlement, fraud... and traffic violations.
  • Frederick Cunningham of Florida was charged with meth possession... and failure to release an undersized food fish.
  • In Norway, economical crimes often grants longer sentences than violence and murder related crimes.
  • Priest found guilty of raping dozens of children and a sled dog. Not that having sex with a dog is good, but it somewhat pales in comparison to the 31 counts of sexual offenses against children.
  • This headline from an egyptian newspaper : "Father strangles daughter and buries her without authorization".
  • After a seige in Australia, on 25th December 2014, the gunman was charged with charged with attempted murder, assault occasioning bodily harm, unlawful possession of a weapon, deprivation of liberty, going armed so as to cause fear, possessing explosives, and keeping a rabbit. The last charge isn't as weird as it sounds - several states ban the keeping of rabbits, due to them being a pest species.
  • Sharia Law is broken into five categories: fard (obligatory), mustahabb (recommended), mubah (neutral), makruh (discouraged), and haraam (forbidden). Among the crimes that are considered "haraam" are actions such as premarital sex, murder, or getting a tattoo.

  • President Barack Obama has been criticized for the health care bill, not doing anything about the war or the recession, and... that one time he squished a fly during an interview.
  • Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard spoke in a video about the Mayan 2012 prophecy a few weeks beforehand, in which she compares flesh-eating zombies and demonic hell-beasts to K-Pop.
  • In a speech at Rice University about his goals for the space program, John F. Kennedy said, "But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain. Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?" This was a stroke of speech-making brilliance on Kennedy's part — what did he say immediately after cracking his Rice v. Texas joke? "We choose to go to the moon!" Now everybody's familiar with the footage of Kennedy saying that with the crowd hollering and cheering, but far fewer people are aware that most of the audience are actually cheering at the joke he'd just cracked.
  • Chicago mayor Richard J. Daley:
    "They have vilified me, they have crucified me. Yes, they have even criticized me."
  • Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson was called out by critics who took offense to the fact that he voted for the Senate's Health Care Reform bill. He was accused by various opponents and pundits of accepting bribes and supporting socialism and abortion, but he was responded the most negatively when a newspaper headline criticizing him made fun of Nebraska-based company Omaha Steaks.
    "I'm disappointed that this would be used, and misused in this fashion, not only derisively against a great company in Nebraska."
  • George W. Bush critics will use several versions of this:
    • On September 11. Planned the terrorist attacks, flew out Osama Bin Laden's family on the day, and read My Pet Goat upside down.
    • Rigged the election, invaded Iraq, and choked on a pretzel.
    • Ran the economy into the ground, dragged several countries into at least ten years of war in the Middle East, and fell off a segway.
    • On American talk-show The View, at the start of the infamous fight between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Joy Behar does this twice in a row:
      • "He (George W. Bush) lied to us to get us into the war. He awarded a no-bid contract to Halliburton, Abu Ghraib. He promoted his friend Michael Brown to take care of Katrina. 'Heck of a job, Brownie.' Remember that? He doesn't listen to the Iraq Study Group. He choked on a pretzel." And then: "He waited a week to visit New Orleans and then only to watch some jazz. He stood by Alberto Gonzales, who needs to be thrown out, we all know that, and he stood by Rumsfeld, who some people think is a war criminal. He can't pronounce the word 'nuclear.'"
  • So speaketh Anita Bryant: "If gays are granted rights, next we'll have to give rights to prostitutes and to people who sleep with St. Bernards and to nail biters."
  • Iraqi president Saddam Hussein filed a libel lawsuit in February 1997 in Paris against the magazine Le Nouvel Observateur for a September 1996 story in which Saddam was described by various Arab leaders as stupid and incompetent and specifically, among other things, as an "executioner," a "monster," a "murderer," "a perfect cretin," and a "noodle."
  • During the 1964 Republican National Convention the folks there were awfully upset with the extremism of " the Communist Party, the Ku Klux Klan, and the John Birch Society".
    • Justified in that the John Birch Society was one of the primary instigators of the Red Scare.
    • Although they only carried out lynchings and genocide at the weekend.
  • North Carolina's Republican legislature was accused of many heinous acts, according to the New York Times:
    The Republicans not only cut taxes and business regulations, as many had expected, but also allowed stricter regulations on abortion clinics, ended teacher tenure, blocked the expansion of Medicaid, cut unemployment benefits, removed obstacles to the death penalty, allowed concealed guns in bars and restaurants, and mandated the teaching of cursive writing.
    • Justified; teaching cursive handwriting is expensive and gives no appreciable benefits, thanks to the widespread use of the computer.
  • The Other Wiki's page on buzz words says that some of the common misuses of buzz words include thought-control, perjury, and...disguising idle chit-chat as important discussion.
  • Kim Jong-Un, the "Dear Leader" of north Korea, has a rap sheet that includes holding an American hostage for a square 15 years, instigating the Korean Missile Crisis, hacking South Korean networks, shuttering an industrial complex and laying the blame on South Korea, and leveling a personal attack at South Korea's president, to say nothing of how he runs a propaganda network that deliberately gets the capitalization of "South Korea" wrong.
  • The Other Wiki states that Pat Robertson has denounced "left-wing views of feminism, activism regarding homosexuality, abortion and liberal college professors."
  • "Union of Muslims of Kazakhstan", a political party that often comes with bizarre draft legislations, seemingly For the Lulz, suggested during the 2011 presidential campaign to allow candidates to pay election deposit with tangible property. The suggested list of acceptable materials included cattle, construction materials, fuels and lubricants, cars, land, chicken legs, dry fruits, donkey tails, medicines, clothes, footwear, sheepskins, aquarium fishes, scrap metal, toilet paper, waste paper, anti-personnel landmines, marijuana, manure, perfume, paperclips, fertilizers, slaves, prostitutes and saxaul wood.
  • Uday Hussein was accused of torturing athletes who lost or failed to live up to his expectations. Allegations include making soccer players kick a concrete ball, dragging them through gravel and submerging them in sewage to cause the wounds to be infected, and having the hair shaved off their heads.
  • Boris Johnson once described the city of Portsmouth as "....too full of drugs, obesity, underachievement and Labour MPs." Fairly mild by his standards, though.
  • Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, after facing: allegations of corruption, a conflict of interest trial in which he briefly lost his seat as mayor until the decision was overruled, videos documenting his alcohol and drug abuses, admitting to have smoked crack cocaine while in office while on a "drunken stupor", connections to organized crime, and uttering threats to do violence against an unidentified individual, brilliantly demonstrated this trope by receiving an actual $109 ticket for jaywalking in the city of Vancouver.
  • According to the book A Spy at the Heart of the Third Reich, there was:
    A list of thirty-five prominent French personalities that the Gestapo proposed to have arrested, although it had not been able to reach its goal, “the various German authorities not having succeeded in coming to an agreement” on those arrests [..] Principally targeted were the mayors of a certain number of French towns characterized as “opponents of collaboration” “pro-Jewish Gaullists” “Freemasons” and even “members of the Rotary Club.”

  • When John Lennon returned his MBE to Buckingham Palace in 1969 (four years after receiving it with the other three Beatles), he enclosed a note giving his reasons: "I am returning this MBE in protest against Britain's involvement in the Nigeria-Biafra thing, against our support of America in Vietnam, and against Cold Turkey slipping down the charts." "Cold Turkey," his most recent single, was turning in a relatively poor performance on the music charts, peaking at No. 14 in the UK and No. 30 in the U.S.
  • Behind the scenes of the first season of Saturday Night Live, Bill Murray and Chevy Chase got into something of a verbal brawl. There's no transcript, of course, but after they were separated, Bill yells to Chevy, "Medium talent!" The bosses thought that was especially hilarious, making the decision to replace Chevy with Bill that much easier.
  • "My loathings are simple: stupidity, oppression, crime, cruelty, soft music." -Vladimir Nabokov
  • Thomas De Quincey, in his "Second Paper on Murder," muses that "[I]f once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination. Once begin upon this downward path, you never know where you are to stop. Many a man has dated his ruin from some murder or other that perhaps he thought little of at the time."
    • The paper in question was, however, satirical in nature.
  • A t-shirt worn during the Pride parade in Stockholm, 2009, read (translated into English):
    "Aspiequeer note  transsexual homo-emotional asexual teetotal Christian hard rock fan".
  • "Tweets From 1940" is a project that plans to tweet stuff in real time as it happened in WWII. One of their tweets had this: "2 German spies have been arrested in Scotland. Incriminating evidence: in their luggage were pistols, codebooks, radio, and a German sausage."
  • Robert Ruark on the Death Glare of the Cape Buffalo:
    "He looked at me as if he hated my guts. He looked as if I had despoiled his fiance, murdered his mother and burned down his house. He looked at me as if I owed him money."
  • One 1920s Louisiana clergyman:
    "A modernist in government is an anarchist and Bolshevik; in science he is an evolutionist; in business he is a Communist; in art a futurist; in music his name is jazz."
  • The famous (or infamous?) "Hell's Most Wanted" banner lists:
    Drunkards, Liars, Thieves, Sports Fans, Blasphemers, Money-Lovers, Pagans, Homosexuals, Prostitutes, Witches, Atheists, Gamblers, Porn-Lovers, Whoremongers (Pimps), Child Molesters, Evolutionists, Pot Smokers, Lesbians, Fornicators, Masturbators, Hypocrites, Psychics.
  • In an interview with the cast of Criminal Minds, Matthew Gray Gubler states that "Fire-starting, bed-wetting and killing small animals - those are all precursors that I think 98 per cent of serial killers do before the age of 15." Clearly in jest, and given what his site looks like it's likely not likely that weird for him...
    • The MacDonald triad is an old theory of what's supposed to indicate future sociopathy in a child. While bedwetting as a component has been largely discredited, the theory was that it would cause humiliation and/or disproportionate parental anger (i.e. abuse) that would lead to the other two.
  • In an episode of documentary/reality series LA Ink, tattooist Craig banters with an older woman getting her first tattoo (a sexy pin-up girl): "A lot of my customers, they wait a very long time before getting their first tattoo. Then it's all downhill. Yeah, then it's drugs. Street-walkin'. Gymnastics."
  • From a review about a biography of Mao: "a mesmerizing portrait of tyranny, degeneracy, mass murder and... promiscuity."
  • From an article about increasing violence in Mexico:
    "Experts say the federal government's crackdown on drug traffickers has prompted organized crime leaders to branch out into an array of other illegal activities, including kidnapping, extortion and selling pirated goods."
  • In the New Rules segment, of Real Time with Bill Maher, Bill Maher talks about how Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church called him a "CHRIST-HATING HALF JEW, HALF PEDOPHILE RAPE-ENABLING CATHOLIC" in a flier.
    Bill Maher: To which I say, how dare you call me Catholic.
    • Later in the same segment,
    Bill Maher: They accuse me of using mockery, thinly veiled as thoughtful dialog. [beat] So at least they watch the show.
    • As long as we're on the subject of the most hated family in America, the massive list of things Westboro claims that God hates includes but is not limited to homosexuals, Jews, the army, and Italy.
  • The website (as supported by Glenn Beck) sells kits which include supplies of food and other essentials for in case of emergencies. The possible disasters listed on the site are hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, power outages, severe winter storms, pandemics, terrorism, and unemployment.
  • The warning for Google Maps Navigation on Android phones currently contains this: "... and directions may be wrong, dangerous, prohibited or involve ferries". Thanks for the heads-up, Google!
    • Considering that a couple of Darwin Awards have gone to people blindly following GPS and driving into water, including right off ferry docks, it actually makes sense. Still looks silly, though.
  • When Voltaire had a falling out with Frederick II of Prussia, he wrote that he was, "a nasty monkey, perfidious friend, [and] wretched poet."
  • BBC 3 are currently running a set of one hour documentaries called 'Born Survivors'. The advert for the upcoming programs show us a young man suffering from Treacher-Collins syndrome, a condition that severely disfigures the face and affects his hearing, a young soldier who had both his legs and his hand blown off while at war, and.. a girl with dyslexia.
  • The Primorsky Partisans, a Russian group of either freedom fighters or bandits killing policemen for fun, claim that they became vigilantes in response to police ties to organized crime. In a video statement, they accused the police of being gangsters, adding, "You provide cover for drug-trafficking, prostitution and the theft of wood from our forests" (as reported here).
    • Large-scale theft of wood is a very profitable crime in Siberia and Far East with much less risk than drug trade. Also it often involves forest arsons (the criminals use contracts for clearing burnt-out forest as a cover for illegal logging).
  • Google Chrome's Incognito homepage warns you that going incognito doesn't affect the behavior of other people, servers, or software. Be wary of:
  • The Gilman nightclub in Berkeley, California will not book or support bands that are racist, misogynistic, homophobic, or signed to a major label. Which got Green Day banned after they signed on to Reprise after their second album.
  • Probably unintentional, but it certainly comes off as one: Mom Kills Son for Potty Training Accident, Then Eats Pizza
    • The tags at the very bottom of the article also qualify: "Crime, death, potty training".
  • Sludge metal band Adolf Satan is described by Wikipedia as "a mixture of sludge metal, doom metal, grindcore, and Southern rock."
  • It also says that the Greek goddess Hecate was associated with magic, witchcraft, necromancy, and... crossroads.
    • Not quite as strange as it sounds: crossroads used to be associated with death and magic.
    • Not all that strange if you consider that magic is almost always associated with... boundaries. Take for example some of the common themes in European ghost stories: midnight (end of the day), graveyards (boundary between life and death), the inability of undead to cross running water..
  • This sign from a restaurant, as seen on Fail Blog: "Drugs. Racism. Outside Food. Just some of the things we are strongly against."
  • In a protest against the mistreatment of performing circus animals, one animal-welfare activist lamented how animals are kept in cramped cages for prolonged periods, left without food or water, and "made to wear stupid costumes".
  • A recent severe weather update on listed Severe Thunderstorm Warning, River Flood Warning, Flash Flood Warning, Tornado Warning, and High Pollen Count.
    • High Pollen Count can be extremely unpleasant, sometimes dangerous and in very rare cases even fatal to allergic people.
  • According to Chris, Fall Out Boy singer Peter Wenz "stole Chris's girlfriend, betrayed his fans, broke edge, and...wore a dinosaur t-shirt."
  • From the article "Three Nice Things We Can Say About Mosquitoes", science writer David Quammen said:
    "They have a lot to answer for: malaria, yellow fever, dengue, encephalitis, filariasis, and the ominous tiny whine that begins homing around your ear just after you've gotten comfortable in the sleeping bag."
  • "GOP lawmaker gets drunk, steals truck, wrecks it, then takes nap"
  • A New York Times Magazine article on the 750th anniversary of Magna Carta in 1965 wrote with a straight face: "King John was infamous for his cruelty and treachery. He was also known for avarice, gluttony, lechery, sloth, and book collecting."
  • once listed the symptoms of lead poisoning as being: "brain damage, wrecking the nervous system, headaches, loss of appetite, anemia, a constant metallic taste in the mouth, paralysis, insomnia, and, oddly enough, a limp wrist."
  • The infamous Hamas is a terrorist organization, who murders people, spreads hate and ... uses pirate copies of Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny in his "show" Tomorrow's Pioneers !
  • Michael Moore in a recent interview with the Guardian recalls the backlash after the release of Fahrenheit 9/11 ' 'he's a liar, a conspiracy nut and a croissant-eater' '.
  • Saw this on the local news: "Still on the loose are a Mountain Lion, a Grizzly Bear and a Monkey."
    • Monkeys are actually pretty dangerous.
  • A blogger criticizing global warming advocates pointed out that the Earth has survived "collisions with huge chunks of rock from outer space, regular volcanic eruptions and Earth Day concerts."
  • A recent news story reported that Anonymous spammed thousands of Facebook users with "images of everything from besitaliality to graphic violence and dead babies to Justin Bieber ".
    • Similarly, when responding to investigations into their members by Aaron Barr, they took down his security firm's website, deleted their backups, changed all their passwords, and... wiped the data off Barr's iPad.
  • This. In case it comes down — or you don't feel like clicking — it's an OWS protester with a sign that reads: "Close Corporate Tax Loopholes, Tax Religious Groups, End The Wars, Legalize Weed, And Bring Back Arrested Development." (Hey, evidently the US government must have listened to at least ONE of those things.)
  • George Carlin:
    War, disease, death, destruction, Hunger, Filth, Poverty, Torture, Crime, Corruption and The Ice Capades
  • A local taco place, Genkiyaki, advertises an extremely hot taco (it is, indeed, ridiculously spicy. Though they have an even spicier one now). The sign features a warning that eating it "may cause you to see into the future, curl up in the corner and weep like a baby, feel all human emotions at the same time, develop a 6th sense, falcon punch the owner, grow some chest hair, buy a large drink, GET WTFPWNED".
  • The Center for Disease Control(CDC)'s motto: Saving lives. Protecting people. Saving money through prevention.
  • Emma Goldman was one of the most wanted women in the US turn of the 20th century. She's often cited as being wanted for anarchsim, free love, and... birth control.
  • The late, great World Chess Champion, Mikhail Tal, played with this trope in a hilarious bit of self-description:
    "I drink, I smoke, I chase pretty girls. But postal chess is one vice I do not have."
  • From an article on, here's the grandson of baseball player Walter Johnson criticising his statue. "He looks awkward. His delivery point is all wrong, his legs are too stiff, the 'W' on his uniform is too big."
  • This bizarre anecdote from Not Always Right has a Native Canadian lamenting about how the white people had invaded her land, forced her people to reservations and not giving her a cheaper pizza.
  • According to The Other Wiki, after the death of Boudicca's husband, "the kingdom was annexed as if conquered, Boudica was flogged, her daughters were raped, and Roman financiers called in their loans."
  • From the textbook Introduction To Professional Engineering In Canada: Third Edition: "A major engineering project, the survey lasted seven years and required specially designed instruments, perseverance in the face of accident, revolution, and war, and written reports."
  • Among the older customs, practices and traditions of the Igbo people of Southeastern Nigeria, in order to be highly regarded and well-spoken in the community individuals must be of the greatest integrity, truthfulness and sanity. However, they can be disqualified from that title if they lie, cheat, covet or strip a neighbor of their belongings, commit an abomination of a crime (such as murder or suicide), or climb a tree.
  • In September 2012, Brigadier General Sinclair, deputy commander of the 82nd Airborne Division in Afghanistan, was court martialled on charges of "forcible sodomy, wrongful sexual conduct, violating orders, engaging in inappropriate relationships, misusing a government travel charge card, and possessing pornography and alcohol while deployed" after (allegedly) molesting several women, both military officers and civilians. When confronted with his actions, he was quoted as saying, "I'm a general, I do whatever the fuck I want."
  • This is how Confession is supposed to work in the Catholic Church. While not technically a requirement, it is customary to list your gravest sins first, as opposed to last or in chronological order.
  • In their book Pros and Cons, journalists Jeff Benedict and Don Yeager invoke this trope to underscore their point. The book is a hard-hitting expose on the NFL's record of hiring and working with players known to be violent criminals, in which they estimate that over 20% of all NFL players have a criminal record containing serious, violent felonies that the fans never hear about. The authors go over case after case after case of some of the most serious crimes known to man: murder, rape, assault and battery, drug dealing, DUI, gang membership, and so on, showing how the NFL goes to great lengths to keep skilled players out of the justice system and their crimes out of the media whenever possible. But there is one crime that they do not tolerate: If a player get caught gambling, which causes actual harm to no one and is not even a crime in some states, but has the potential to undermine the perception of the legitimacy of the game itself, they'll be thrown out of the league forthwith.
    • While New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was being investigated and later arrested and charged with the murder of Odin Lloyd, several news sources published articles about how the Patriots should not have drafted him (he fell to the 4th round due to drug- and gang-related incidents). One reporter wrote an article countering that claim, and listed several other "character flaws" of players on the team: excessive drunkenness, dating one woman while another was pregnant with his child, receiving unlawful benefits while in college, trashing a hotel room, attempting to gouge out an opponent's eyes, and being from Germany.
  • The O'Reilly Factor - 04/19/2013, a family of criminals goes on a reign of terror. Brothers Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev set off bombs at the Boston Marathon, disabling people, disfiguring people, killing people, even children! They then went on the run, leading to more death and destruction. Dzhokhar ran over Tamerlan in order to get away from the cops, brother betraying brother, and Tamerlan dies. No honor. The surrounding area is put on lockdown as people hide in their homes, scared to leave, mass transit and businesses shut down, everything is frozen in fear, unprecedented... their mother? A shoplifter.
  • In 2013, video game developer Time Gate Studios, best known for Section 8 and Aliens: Colonial Marines, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection (later converted to a Chapter 7). They have creditors asking for $10 million and $50 to companies such as Southpeak Interactive, Epic Games, Agora Games and DJ 2 Entertainment. They also owe a local pizza restaurant £34.80.
    • This is a function of the way bankruptcy works: A debtor filing for bankruptcy in the US must list all debts, however large or small. If they don't, they and their lawyers will be fined—severely—for lying to the court, and may have their case dismissed altogether (. That includes unpaid pizza bills. Moreover, in general, all general unsecured creditors (i.e. creditors who neither have a security interest in the debtor's property nor have statutory priority under the Bankruptcy Code) are entitled to an equal pro-rata payment of all of the debtor's debts to them (i.e., if Agora gets two cents on the dollar from TimeGate, so does the pizza place; it's just that TG owes Agora a lot more dollars than the pizza place). So this business actually matters, and as a result bankruptcy petitions can end up looking rather silly ("We owe Bank A $1.2 million, Bank B $2.5 million, Supplier X $540,200 in accounts payable, Landlord Y $441,000 in rent, our employees $427,000 in payroll, and the plumber who came in to fix the women's bathroom last week $150.")
  • A document published in File 18 in 1987 entitled "THE ADULT SURVIVOR OF RITUAL ABUSE" lists, of course, characteristics likely to be found in an adult survivor of ritual abuse. The end of one list is: n.) preference for soft drinks. Source
  • Among the potential consequences of being bitten by Australia's Collett's snake are brain bleeds, kidney damage, and permanent loss of sense of smell.
  • Many opponents of Che Guevara like to point out that he's a terrorist, mass murderer, racist towards blacks note , and had strong distaste of rock music.
  • A January 2013 article in the Melbourne Herald-Sun declared the Indian Myna Bird to be Australia's worst pest, ahead of "rabbits, foxes, feral cats, and Collingwood fans".
  • This review. "These films contain strong language, some nudity, sexual references, violent images, and continuity problems and are not recommended for everyone."
  • Baby's Named A Bad Bad Thing: a young mother wanting to name her child "Jesus Joseph Dewey".
  • An infamous homepage that we should not talk about is infamous for his webmaster for hating Chinese, Muslims, Americans, Final Fantasy... and Aya Hirano, for some really bizarre reason.
  • Many entries of symptoms on Web MD will frequently yield these types of results. For example, if you have a slight dull pain in your lower abdomen, your likely causes are: Appendicitis, Colon cancer, or Constipation. A tingling in your foot: Gout, Diabetes, Vitamin Deficiency
  • Content warnings can sometimes be this. For example: "Warning! This post contains gore, sexual assault, racism, and pictures of Will Ferrell in a speedo.
  • For safety reasons, laboratory grade chemicals list all the potential dangers of the chemical on their warning labels in descending order of danger. This can lead to unintentionally hilarious entries such as, "Warning - mutagen, carcinogen, toxic if swallowed, may stain clothing."
  • An assessment of Marshal Guillaume Brune by John Elting goes as follow : "Brave to the last, he was something of a disciplinarian. He stole but looked with disfavor on others stealing. He also wrote sentimental poetry."
  • After drag racing in south Florida, Justin Bieber was charged with with DUI, resisting arrest... and driving with an expired Georgia driver's license.
  • This snarky response to a question requesting that a Stack Overflow Sock Puppet created for testing purposes not be deleted: "I do stupid, dodgy stuff with my sockpuppets, including (but not limited to) posting bogus answers, impersonating other users, impersonating other sockpuppets, and answering Java Script questions."
  • Sir Thomas Beecham's advice: "Try everything once except incest and folk dancing".
  • One ebola survivor described his symptoms as being "diarrhea, vomits, dysentery and hiccups."
  • Per Know Your Meme, but also noted by countless news agencies:
    "On July 8th, 2010, Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert wrote an open letter to Cavs fans denouncing Le Bron James’ decision to leave the team for the Miami Heat. Gilbert’s letter was marked by strange mixed metaphors, excessive capitalization, refusal to refer to the former player by name, and Comic Sans."
  • Youtube was created in 2005 when co-founder Jawed Karim wanted to make it easy to search for video clips on demand. The idea came to him when he had trouble finding clips of two specific events of 2004: the South Asian tsunami and...Janet Jackson's Wardrobe Malfunction at the Super Bowl.
  • Controversial author and philosopher Sam Harris gave a nod to this trope after a blog post he wrote suggesting higher taxes for the rich resulted in a torrent of hate mail, much of it from long-time fans:
    "Do you have too many readers of your books and articles? Want to reduce traffic on your blog?...Simply write an article suggesting that taxes should be raised on billionaires. Really, it’s that simple! You can declare the world’s religions to be cesspools of confusion and bigotry, you can argue that all drugs should be made legal and that free will is an illusion. You can even write in defense of torture. But I assure you that nothing will rile and winnow your audience like the suggestion that billionaires should contribute more of their wealth to the good of society."
  • The Handmaid's Tale was challenged for use in Richland, Washington because it promoted suicide, sex, violence and hopelessness
  • In 1942, following the invasion of North Africa and the surrender of a large number of German troops, Allied General Bernard Montgomery invited the captured German general to dine with him. Hearing about this, Churchill remarked "I sympathize with General von Thoma: defeat, humiliation, annihilation and, worst of all, dinner with Montgomery."
  • According to the New York Times, 'The Imitation Game' is rated PG-13 for "illicit sex, cataclysmic violence and advanced math".