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A number of shows have used this joke where someone will list the crimes and/or atrocities they've committed, and the last one is (to this extent) retransmitting a televised sporting event without expressed written consent of the sports league (opting instead for implied oral consent) — a Take That on the warning every single major sports league gives during their game broadcast.
3rd Rock from the Sun: Dick tells a psychiatrist his problems: "I don't belong on this planet, I'm an alien from another galaxy, the warranty on my brain just expired, and I'm scared to get married!"
According to Jim: In the Halloween Episode, Jim's three children (Ruby, Gracie, and Kyle) pick up their own Halloween costumes. Ruby goes as a cowgirl, Gracie is Lady Liberty, and Kyle dresses as...Cinderella.
The DVD release featured introductions to each episode. One had this gem:
Frank: "The following episode Mother has all the classic ingredients of a political thriller: a conniving politician, ruthless manipulation of the media, a lobster with a vendetta."
For the record, the episode did in fact have all of those.
In an episode of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., the team encounters an asgardian living on Earth and posing as a college professor. Upon learning this, Skye comments:
Skye: This guy has lived through all the scary stuff; the crusades, the black death, disco...
In an All ThatCold Open, the various cast members had ordered food from somewhere called Rogan's, who royally screwed their orders, including Spaghetti with golf balls and a human foot. Kenan complained, even though the only change to his order was getting Brown Mustard instead of yellow mustard
American Horror Story: Coven has one quite unexpected: when Papa Legba prepares to consign Madame LaLaurie to Hell, he lists her sins as "crimes of torture, murder, passion, fashion, and being an all-round no-good, miserable bitch".
The Andy Griffith Show: Reversed in severity, this show featured Barney, who loves writing jaywalking tickets, doing so for a man who also double parked. Andy comes up and informs him that the man also robbed the bank.
During the fifth season and the episode "Underneath", Illyria recounts all the different worlds she walked through when she was Demon King: she saw worlds of pain and destruction, worlds full of opulent beauty, "...and one world filled with nothing but shrimp. I tired of that one quickly." (This is actually a reference to the many times Anya talked about alternate worlds in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and kept bringing up worlds without shrimp and worlds filled with shrimp.)
An episode later ("Origin"), Angel makes Spike figure out what Illyria's powers are. In the middle of the episode, Connor asks if she has any powers, and Spike says, "Glad you asked. So far, I've determined that she can hit like a Mack truck, selectively alter the flow of time...oh, and possibly talk to plants."
This becomes the subject of a Brick Joke in a later episode where, after having her power level significantly dropped, she muses to herself, while stroking an office plant, "I can no longer hear the song of the green." (Lorne's pretty sure she's not talking about him.)
Less of a Brick Joke than a running gag, as it's strongly implied that affinity with plants was a power FRED possessed. (see: season 4's Spin the Bottle)
And is revisited in the After the Fall comics, where the power actually helps her.
There's also a dialogue early in season 2 that features this trope:
Cordelia: "And you know, you didn't just betray me, Angel. You didn't just hurt me. You gave away my clothes." Angel: "To the needy." Cordelia: "I am the needy!
In the Season 2 premiere, "Diamonds 'n Dust," Murdock uses this to insult a South African store owner about how hideously un-English the establishment is when he's pretending to be a English officer ("Col. Lexington") as he and Face try to "confiscate" some dynamite:
Murdock: No kippers, no herring-bone tweed, no Rolls Royce tire caps, no original pressings of "Hey Jude!!!" Face (mouthing): "Hey Jude?"
And then played with in the late Season 3 episode "Beverly Hills Assault," when Murdock is posing as an up-and-coming artist:
Murdock (to the evil art gallery owner): Can you guarantee that in a hundred years, after I'm gone, that the name "Murdock" will be on a par with Rembrandt, Picasso, Van Gogh, Willy Mays— Face: Uh, uh, Willy Mays? Murdock: Do you deny that Willy Mays was a great artist in centerfield?!
And then a few moments later in the same episode:
Murdock: Murdock does not shake hands. Murdock does not play sports. Murdock does not open canned food. (Beat) Murdock paints.
Baggage: On one episode, the contestants had in their smallest bags, "I have a gill hole in my ear," "I was born with a sixth finger," and... "I'm obsessed with bananas."
The TV series features a classic example in the form of List of Transgressions in the episode The Joke’s on Catwoman, part 2. At Joker and Catwoman’s court trial Batman lists their crimes as: “Robbery, attempted murder, assault and battery, mayhem, and overtime parking.”
King Tut makes one with "My Queen is disloyal, my maiden is a traitor, and everyone is being mean to me! (starts sobbing)" A royal breakdown indeed.
The Big Bang Theory: When Amy was kicked out of her study of monkeys and cigarette addiction: "Typical bureaucratic nonsense. You can get animals addicted to a harmful substance, you can dissect their brains, but you throw their own feces back at them and suddenly you're unprofessional."
Blackadder, after sleeping with someone he suspects of being a spy, asks her whether her boyfriend had been to one of the great universities: Oxford, Cambridge or Hull. (Later, when he points out that "you failed to spot that only two of those are great universities", Melchett remarks: "That's right! Oxford's a complete dump!")
Not to mention that Hull University didn't even exist until 1927.
Squadron Commander Flashheart on why he dislikes WWI: "The blood, the noise, the endlesspoetry!"
Black Books: Does this depending which way you look at it:
Bernard Black: I am cold! I've got chilblains, tinnitus and thrush!
series/Bones: Intern Vincent Nigel-Murray must make amends as part of a 12 step AA process. He apologizes for Peeing in Hodgin's tadpole tank, saying he slept with Cam, Angela and Brennan, used Angela's letter opener to clean his nails, and stole 3 coupons (one for a soda, one for a cheese cracker snack, and one for a fish meal) from Cam.
Principal Snyder states that there are things he won't tolerate in his school: students on the grounds after dark, horrible murders with hearts ripped out, and smoking. He also cites the things juvenile delinquents get up to on Halloween: "Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples..."
Early in season 3, Principle Snyder's reasons for not letting Buffy back into Sunnydale High are her poor grades, spotty attendance record, and, above all else, "tingling pleasure" that he didn't have to put up with her anymore.
While enumerating ex-boyfriends, Faith has had "Ronny, deadbeat; Steve, klepto; Kenny... drummer."
Given that part of her demon powers seems to have included altering the universe so that the persona she'd assumed had always been part of it (no one questions her presence as a student, and she is able to do things that would require a social security number, driver's license, birth certificate, etc.), and considering that the alias she gets stuck in was one designed to move in Sunnydale High's Alpha Bitch clique, it's possible that she's failing math not because she herself is bad at it, but because it's something the person she was pretending to be would fail.
During "The Prom" Jonathan discusses the weird things that have occurred at Sunnydale High. The other students mention "Zombies!", Hyena People!", "Snyder!"
The show pokes fun at the concept in "I Robot, You Jane", when a demon is unleashed on the internet, the group surmises on the type of damage he can inflict:
Xander: "He's in a computer! What can he do?" Buffy: "You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How 'bout mess up all the medical equipment in the world?" Giles: "Randomize traffic signals." Buffy: "Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles." Giles: "Destroy the world's economy." Buffy: "I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing." Giles: "Right, yours was best."
Andrew goes to a butcher shop and orders twelve pork chops, two pounds of sausage, eight quarts of pigs blood (which he needs for an evil magical ritual), three steaks, halibut, and toothpaste. The butcher reacts with a scowl to one of these items, saying, "This is a butcher shop. We don't sell toothpaste."
Castle: In one episode, a reality show star discovers that her dog has been bugged, and someone's been watching her more than she thought. Quoth she, "Oh my god. He could have seen me in the shower, he could have seen me and Reggie in bed together... (Beat) He could have seen me without my makeup."
Emmett Milbarge the Buy More Efficiency Expert: I'd like to report the following violation of Buy More policy: misappropriation of the home theater room, after-hours consumption of alcohol, and lewd use of a musical montage.
During the opening sequence, a list of words describing Colbert fly past him ("Courageous", "Exceptional", "Relentless", etc.) but always ends with something like "Grippy", "Lincolnish", "Megamerican", "Purple-Mounted" or "Factose-Intolerant". They even threw in a whole sentence for a while: "President Bush Have A Hotdog With Me". Debuting with the new opening credits animation, his most recent is "Applepious".
One episode, in the lead up to the March to Keep Fear Alive, featured a segment about the dangers of robots. This included a montage of dangerous movie robots, including T-600s,Gort,the ED-209, MechaGodzilla and WALL•E.
Stephen That's the worst kind of robot: the kind that warms your heart. They don't like to eat them cold.
A Colbert Report list of historical threats to the Jewish people started with Iran, Hitler and King Antiochus, and ended with "Mel Gibson's Dad".
Both The Colbert Report and The Daily Show use this trope in their introduction scenes to news segments, showing two or more examples of something serious, then something completely not serious. For example, on Colbert's theoretical doomsday scenario, the intro shows hurricanes, terrorists, atomic bombs and gay couples.
There was also the poem read by Sam Waterston at the Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear that listed things to fear, such as anthrax, ebola, tornadoes, and getting a pimple on your face before a date.
On The Daily Show, where a list of corruption accusations against Charlie Rangel end with a clip from Fox News stating that he had been "illegally storing his Mercedes-Benz in the House parking lot."
Jon Stewart also says that the main rules of Judaism are not to commit murder, not to commit adultery, and not to eat pork.
Jon Stewart lists Italian prime minister Berlusconi's ethical violations as tax fraud, embezzlement, cronyism, ties to organized crime, and using olive oil of questionable moral quality.
In an interview on The Daily Show, Louis C.K. said that jokes about bad things are good. He then proceeded to list the bad things as rape, the Holocaust, and the Mets.
"Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps": In Shirley's story, the devil arrives and announces the schedule of tortures: "At 10, you'll be buried neck-deep in scorpions, at 11:15, lava enemas, followed by Pilates!" Quickly subverted when the devil adds, "Pilates is a demon that eats your genitals."
In "Remedial Chaos Theory", the darkest alternate timeline determined by the toss of dice has Pierce dead from a gunshot wound, Annie driven to madness, Shirley turned alcoholic, Jeff losing an arm, Troy's larynx destroyed, and Britta with a streak of washable blue tint in her hair (which she regards as bad as the others' conditions.)
In "Paranormal Parentage", the group is in Pierce's mansion, that appears to be haunted by his father Cornelius, and they see Pierce's "corpse":
Mac: You're under arrest for the murder of Derek James, Lauren Salinas, kidnapping and attempted murder of a crime scene investigator, armed robbery, grand theft auto, assault and battery. But most of all, for pissing me off.
Dharma and Greg: Dharma gives a list of what the title couple and their parents can not discuss at the dinner table as "religion, politics, sports, whether or not Buddy Ebsen is dead, and international breakfast foods.”
The Dick Van Dyke Show: In one episode, Rob lists off the horrible events of his day which include: getting in trouble with his boss and being unable to complete his work for the day because on of his coworkers arrived late and the other left early, getting a ticket for jaywalking (ironically given the trope name, not the mildest event), getting into a fight with his wife, and “on top of it all, I think I’m getting a cold sore!"
In Kinda, a mad military scolds young Adric, the Doctor's companion, saying he'll teach him "not to lie. Not to commit treason. And to wash behind the ears."
In Remembrance of the Daleks, The Doctor mocks the Dalek Emperor's rant about what the Daleks will achieve when they have the Hand of Omega: "Become all powerful! Crush the lesser races! Conquer the galaxy! Unimaginable power! Unlimited rice pudding! Et cetera! Et cetera!"
Inverted in Ghost Light (the last story produced, but broadcast third-to-last) - "I can't stand burnt toast. I loathe bus stations: terrible places, full of lost luggage and lost souls. And then there's unrequited love, and tyranny, and cruelty." From the same episode: "My theories appall you, my heresies outrage you, I never answer letters and you don't like my tie."
The call to adventure (inserted as a voiceover at the end of Survival, the last story of the original series broadcast): "There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea is asleep and the rivers dream. People made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea is getting cold."
In Blink, police officer Billy said that he couldn't contact Sally earlier because the Doctor explained to him that it would've caused a rupture in time and space, it would destroy two thirds of the universe, and he would lose all his hair.
In The Big Bang, When the Doctor finds out that he had survived the "Big Bang two" he quickly verifies if he is OK, going through his life priority list, of course. "Legs, yes. Bow tie, cool. *Touches hair* ...I can buy a fez." Although two of the items are silly, we'd already expect the bow tie, so the fez makes pretty much the same effect.
In Time Heist, the Doctor tries to convince Clara out of her date and mentions the places they could go, like the Satanic Nebula, the Lagoon of Lost Stars... or Brighton.
On ER, Doug tries to console Mark over his ex-wife's remarriage by admitting that he never liked her and listing all of her negative traits—"demanding, unsupportive, hypercritical, skinny legs. . ." This backfires slightly as Mark mock-angrily demands to know "what are you doing looking at my wife's legs?"
Chris, narrating: My mother had one goal in life for her kids: don't sell drugs. As long as they weren't doin' that, almost everything else was gonna be OK. Police Officer: (holding Chris in handcuffs at the front door as his mother answers) Ma'am, your son killed the governor, kidnapped his daughter, robbed the President and ran a red light. Rochelle: He ain't sold no drugs, did he? Police Officer: No, ma'am. Rochelle: Boy, get in here!
Firefly: Shepherd Book warns Mal that taking sexual advantage of his wife via Accidental Marriage will find him a place to a special hell, usually reserved for "child molesters, and people who talk at the theatre."
Frasier: Turns up in places you'd least expect. Sometimes becomes part of the scene-stealing moment.
Ross has asked Rachel to make a list of things that she doesn't like about him (it's a long story). While she's initially reticent, he finally ticks her off enough:
Rachel: OK, you're whiney, you are, you're obsessive, you are insecure, you're, you're gutless, you know, you don't ever, you don't just sort of seize the day, you know. You like me for what, a year, you didn't do anything about it. And, uh, oh, you wear too much of that gel in your hair.
In this context, it actually makes sense: she's not going for a dramatic buildup, she's listing them as she thinks of them, and it's reasonable that hair gel might not be the top one on her mind.
Hey, 'still funny.
In the episode "The One With George Stephanopoulos", at the beginning of the episode, they're all discussing what they would do if they were omnipotent for a day. Phoebe goes on to use this trope.
Phoebe: Ok, ok. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, hum, world peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain forest. And bigger boobs!
In the episode "The One After the Super Bowl", Joey gets his stalker to leave him alone by pretending to be his own Evil Twin (well, actually the Evil Twin of his soap opera character, Drake Ramoray, whom the stalker believes him to be). His friends help him out:
Rachel: He pretended to be Drake to, to sleep with me! (throws her drink in his face)
Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't! (throws her drink in his face)
Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard! (throws his drink in his face)
From the same episode, when listing what is stolen from the zoo, the list is a monkey, a snowy egret, a two-toed sloth, and three hooded sweatshirts from the gift shop.
When Monica gives the manager of a restaurant a terrible review, His gripes with her are that she said the food tasted terrible, the service was inadequate, and she claimed they took the Discover card.
Played with in The One With Ross' Sandwich, making it more "Arson, Jaywalking and Murder".
Rachel: He takes naked pictures of us, and then he eats chicken, and then he looks at them!
Get Smart: During one episode of the first season of the original series, a variation occurs between Max and a KAOS agent. Max: "Harvey Satan? Wasn't he convicted of arson, insurrection, treason and mass murder?" KAOS agent: "He got time off for good behavior."
When talking about the letter Chuck's father left for him along with his will:
Blair: Your dad wrote you a letter? You have to read it! Nate: Yeah, aren't you curious to know what it says? Chuck: I think I can guess. "You're a disappointment of a son. I'd die of embarrassment if I wasn't already. Why do you wear so much purple?"
Doubles as a lampshade hanging as the fans have often commented on how Chuck wears a whole lot of purple.
Claude: "I spend a lot of time moving around people's homes, their bedrooms. You get to know people if you see them when they think they're alone. You see them for what they truly are: selfish, deceitful, and gassy."
According to Sylar, Angela Petrelli's most heinous crimes are attempting to blow up New York, poisoning her husband, and compulsive lying to Sylar.
The next episode has Barney have his friends make a "broath" not to infere with his personal life again unless it's a question of his health, national security, or he's about to have sex with a fatty.
Robin telling Ted that he always goes after the wrong women: Robin who told him early on that she didn't want marriage or kids, Stella who had a child with Tony, who she still had feelings for, and Zoey who tried to sabotage his career, was married at the time, and wore a lot of stupid hats.
And Barney, commenting on the dangers of New York:
"Please. Faulty elevators, exploding manhole covers, jealous husbands. This place is a coroner's paradise."
iCarly: "Made of a super-soft, thick luxurious fabric of some sort, the Sack comes in: rash red, mucus green, pus yellow, or blue."
The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret : Features this approximately Once an Episode - the intro for each episode shows the title character in a courtroom, where the judge recites a different snippet each week from the many crimes Margaret is being accused of. For instance, in one episode, the charges include "Insurance fraud, breaking and entering, espionage, forgery, embezzlement, perjury, bribery, rubber checking, unnecessary public nudity", and in another, "antisocial behaviour, disruption of national solemnity, money laundering, lewd sexist behaviour, failure to pay for a cranberry juice".
Mary: Actually, I'm in a really good mood, which is kind of weird, considering where I was 48 hours ago. Then I have a witness off herself, and like that's not bad enough, I gotta play second fiddle to a knucklehead like you. Marshall: Thanks for lumping me in with kidnapping, attempted rape, and suicide.
"They hit us with guns, bazookas, tear gas, tanks, APVs, helicopters, rockets... and I'm pretty sure at least one of them used really harsh language. "
Law & Order: In the episode "Turnstile Justice", Lt. Van Buren orders the detectives to arrest two young girls who have been caught on a store surveillance video buying clothes with a credit card stolen from a murder victim. She tells them to add a charge of "felony bad taste" because the girls are wearing white after Labor Day.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: In the episode "Avatar", the detectives are trying to find something to arrest a man for before he can flee the country. Said man is suspected of kidnapping, rape and murder. At the last possible second, when it seems that the detectives can't get him for anything, the suspect jaywalks at the airport, giving Detective Stabler an excuse to arrest him.
Ray: That's the problem with a politicized youth, they do things like blow up national monuments, burn down induction centers...make their own jewelry out of seashells.
Life On A Stick: Laz claims his girlfriend has a hatred for old people, a hatred "most people have only for terrorists, serial killers and Jar-Jar Binks".
Lovejoy: In one episode a Scottish forger living in Italy (in the 1980s) gives his reasons for not wanting to return to the UK as : "Strikes, recession, and Partick Thistlenote :A Scottish soccer team never making the grade".
Inverted Trope once in one episode. Randy and Captian Stottlemeyer are discussing why a certain athlete cannot be a suspect and Randy names off one less important reason to remove any motive for the suspect to kill the victim, then says, "Number 2, he's dead," and the third, is that even if he were alive, he had moved to Europe in the late 1980s. The really funny thing about that is, he starts continuing to list them even after that one, but Stottlemeyer stops him.
In his defence, it wouldn't be the first time Monk had solved a case with a man believed to be dead. See "Mr. Monk vs. the Cobra," and Sonny Chow, the martial arts guy for that incident.
Played straight in the season three episode "Mr. Monk Gets Cabin Fever", when Natalie lists the consequences of Monk not staying in the car like she told him to: she, Monk and Captain Stottlemeyer are under Witness Protection and stuck in a little woodland cabin with Agent Grooms in the middle of nowhere; Natalie's daughter Julie has to stay with Natalie's parents and miss a whole week of school; drug lord Tommy Winn has a price on Monk's head, and....Monk broke someone's car radio antenna trying to straighten it out.
In Mr. Monk and the Man Who Shot Santa, when doing an inventory on the toys in "Bad Santa" Michael Kenworthy's bag, Randy rattles off each item, which includes a number of stuffed toys, and a walkie-talkie. Subverted when the walkie-talkie turns out to be the most important thing in the bag.
Inverted Trope, starting on a low note and building up while describing a man's hobbies as: "Golf, strangling small animals and masturbating." Sadly, the "masturbating" part was cut by the censors on ABC in the 1970s either by muting out "masturbating" or rearranging the audio so that way the line just names off "Golf and strangling small animals." (Apparently, animal abuse is okay, butA Date with Rosie Palmsisn't — at the time, at least).
The sketch "Philosophers' Football," though, plays it straight when the German team contests Socrates's goal: "Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside."
Also, "Blood, Devastation, Death War And Horror":
Host: And later on we'll be talking to a man who actually does gardening.
Well, there's rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart (without so much rat in it).
Also: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam; spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam; or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
The Muppet Show: In the series pilot, "Sex And Violence", a subplot includes an upcoming "Seven Deadly Sins Pagent". During the show, hosts Nigel and Sam are asked if another sin can take part...Wearing Funny Pants To A Funeral.
Nigel: There's Envy, Rage, Lust, Vanity, Sloth, Avarice, and Gluttony...
Sam: ...wearing Funny Pants to a Funeral.
NCIS, when Tony and Ziva talk after her time in Somalia.
Ziva:When you shot Michael, I almost killed you where you stood.
Tony: I wasn't standing.
Ziva: No, you weren't. You were lying on the ground, without adequate backup, completely violating protocol...
Tony: And double-parked.
Ziva: Yes, I noticed.
Neveneffecten: This Belgian TV show has a polar bear listing his hobbies as being: farting in igloos, hitting baby seals on the head and watching them die a slow and painful death and crosswords.
Night Court: In one episode, Mel Torme is brought before Judge Harry Stone on a speeding violation and several unpaid parking tickets. Torme has a grudge against Harry for wrecking a concert of his, and eventually finds himself in contempt of court. As he's being carried away by Bull and Roz, he starts ranting at Harry:
Reversed when Michael, trying to scare his employees into respecting the idea of prison with the character "Prison Mike":
Jim: What'd you do, Prison Mike?
Prison Mike: I stole...and I robbed...and I kidnapped the President's son...and held him for ransom.
Jim: That is quite a rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Prison Mike: And I never got caught neither.
Jim: Well, you were in prison, but...
For the Steve Martin episode, it was "Seven-Inch Gangly Wrench."
Once Upon a Time: The ABC site for this show has brief summaries for each character. According to them, Rumplestiltskin is "cruel, vicious, manipulative and calls everyone 'dearie.'"
Only Fools and Horses: In the 1989 Christmas Special "The Jolly Boys' Outing", after the Jolly Boys are stranded in Margate following the destruction of their coach, Boycie complains that he might miss the christening of his son, Mike and Sid complain that they have to run their pub and cafe respectively, Jevon complains that he's going to miss out on a date he had arranged for that night... and then Trigger chimes in and complains that his inflatable dolphin got blown up with their coach.
Also while on holiday in Spain, Del and Rodney get a call from Grandad that he has been arrested. They visit him in his cell and he tells them that during the Spanish Civil War he was a mercenary who used to smuggle guns for both sides (or in his words 'the ones that paid us the most'). He believes that they are going to put him on trial for these past crimes so Del bribes the guard to turn a blind eye and let them walk out. After taking Del's money, the guard tells Del that the charges have been dropped and Grandad is free to go. Flabbergasted, Del points out Grandad's past to which the guard replies that Grandad was actually arrested for... jaywalking.
Also, when Shawn tries to convince a dejected and quite thoroughly smashed Lassiter that his life/career is not over:
Shawn: You're a striking man with strong features, eyes that women wanna do cannonballs into, you have great posture and penmanship the likes I've never seen.
And from Season 4, episode 12, when Shawn confronts the killer he lists the following:
Shawn: Murder, attempted murder, conspiracy, unlawful carving of a spruce tree.
Reba: During the Halloween Episode, Barbra Jean discloses the fact that she hired a private investigator to tail her husband during her separation period from said husband: "He followed you everywhere: to your dental office, to the golf course... to that tanning salon you said you don't go to", leaving her husband looking embarrassed.
During one episode of this show's final season, Bev rants about how her ex-husbsand was rude to her children, cheated on her, had horrible table manners...and made her drive an old car with bald tires! The bastard!
Since bald tires are more prone to blowouts, which can lead to loss of control and a crash, making her drive a car with bald tires was the one thing that actually threatened her life.
One episode hosted by Rob Lowe (from the first episode of the 2000-2001 season [season 26]) inverted this in a news report regarding a lawsuit being filed against the Scooby Doo gang (Lowe played Shaggy and voiced the creepy Scooby Doo puppet used in the sketch, who advocated the "Reath Renalty" for numerous criminals). The attorney representing the plaintiffs noted that the gang had been repeatedly charged with numerous criminal acts, all of which were variants on "meddling". And then he got to the final charge, "sodomy". (He then noted that he was mistaken, and that the actual final charge was "meddling".)
In a small short advertising what Republicans think what could happen with the mosque at ground zero, they list "free nationalization for Mexican citizens, state-of-the-art pregnancy termination lab, and an espresso bar."
In one episode when Slater's girlfriend Jessie discovers he is asking for an old girlfriend's number:
Slater: Jessie's going to rip my eyes out, punch my face in, then break up with me.
At the end of an episode of Saved by the Bell: The College Years when asked if she cheated on a test, Alex cracks and wails "I cheated! I cheated and I lied. I cheated and I lied and I left the cap off the toothpaste! I'm a horrible person".
Charlie: Yes, they're the sort of dribbling unpardonable cretins that use 'party' as a verb. And when I am in charge and establish my Reich, those people are going to be punished. Along with anyone who breaks wind for comic effect, men who wear flat caps, people who consider the Comic Sans typeface acceptable, and Capricorns. I don't know why I'm picking on them, actually; I think I'm justDrunk with Power.
Lois Lane: Stay away from religion, politics, and bad dye jobs.
Seinfeld: In "The Pothole," Elaine is told that the China Panda restaurant will not deliver to her apartment because it is outside of the delivery zone.
Elaine: Your guy can't cross to my side [of the street]?
Owner: If we deliver to you, then what? Eighty-fifth Street? Wall Street? Mexico? Eighty-fourth Street?
Stargate Atlantis: In one first season episode, Rodney is about to receive gene therapy, prompting the following exchange with Dr. Beckett:
Carson Beckett M. D.: [sighs] We believe ATA or Ancient Technology Activation is caused by a single gene that's always on. Instructing various cells in the body to produce a series of proteins and enzymes that interact with the skin, the nervous system and the brain. In this case we're using a mouse retrovirus to deliver the missing gene to your cells.
Dr. Rodney McKay: A mouse retrovirus?
Beckett: It's been deactivated.
McKay: Well, are there any side effects?
Beckett: Dry mouth, headache, the irresistible urge to run in a small wheel...
Hammond: But let me play devil's advocate for a moment here. It's not our world. Is it really any of our concern? Teal'c: The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible. O'Neill: General, I gave the order. Daniel: And I fired the staff at the machine. Carter: And I ... was there.
Stargate Universe: In the episode "Hope", when looking at possible consequences of transplants using Ancient technology, one of the characters lists off, "...infection, high blood pressure, erectile dysfunc... tion..." Cue uncontrollable laughter.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: When the character Q appeared, he bemoaned the fact that Earth had been much more "interesting" in the past. "Crusades...Inquisitions...Watergate..."
Star Trek: Enterprise: According to the inventor of the transporter, "People said it was unsafe, that it caused brain cancer, psychosis, and even sleep disorders."
Q appears again in a variation of this from the last episode:
Picard: Are you saying that it worked? We collapsed the anomaly? Q: Well, you're here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you? Picard: What about my crew? Q: "The anomaly...my ship...my crew..." I suppose you're worried about your fish, too. Well, if it puts your mind at ease, you've saved humanity...once again.
This dialogue is possibly the greatest example of this trope ever:
Anan: You will be responsible for an escalation that will destroy everything. Millions of people horribly killed. Complete destruction of our culture here and yes, the culture on Vendikar. Disaster, disease, starvation, horrible, lingering death... pain and anguish! Kirk: That seems to frighten you.
Star Trek: Voyager: During a holodeck-related episode, light-based aliens assume the Flash-Gordon-esque "Captain Proton" game is real and declare war on the fictional villain. The Doctor, acting as the President, has to get them to trust Paris / Proton and rattles off a list of his character's heroic accomplishments, ending with "and a competent medic, but don't tell him I said so."
Strictly Come Dancing: When Bruce Forsyth introduces the four judges, complete with witty descriptions, he usually finishes with Craig Revel-Horwood (known for being the nastiest of the judges) and insults him - recently describing him as "a bitter lemon".
Suburgatory: They seemed almost to REFERENCE this trope when Tessa, hearing police sirens, wonders if the crime is "Arson? Murder?" but is disappointed when she finds out some dolls were stolen.
In the Season 5 TV-parody episode "Changing Channels", the commercial for the fictional genital herpes medication, Herpexia, lists the drug's side effects as follows (as recited by Dean):
Dean (voiceover): Side effects of Herpexia include permanent erectile dysfunction, thoughts of suicide, and nausea.
In season six's The French Mistake, Sam and Dean are being chewed out by executive producer Bob Singer: "You can't come to work on poppers and smuggle kidneys in from Mexico and make up your own lines as you go! You cannot make up your own lines! Good god, what about your careers?"
Dean: Apocalypse apocalypse? Four horsemen, pestilence, five-dollar-a-gallon gas apocalypse?
A bit more serious than other examples, but Doggie Kruger reads the charges that Ben-G is accused of: planetary piracy, billions of deaths resulting from the first, and kidnapping an S.P.D. officer [[note:Swan Shiratori, his assistant]].
Presenters Jeremy Clarkson and James May are teasing each other about famous persons who have owned their classic luxury cars. May's Rolls-Royce Corniche has been the car of Elton John and other Camp Gay icons... but Clarkson's MB 600 Grosser has been owned by such notables as Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein, Pol Pot, Fidel Castro, "and Elvis Presley."
Hammond: So, uh... all these insects? Where are they?
Clarkson: You're frightened of insects?
Hammond: Yeah, it's like you <points at James> and heights; you're scared of falling off! It's a phobia.
James:<looks at Jeremy> So what's yours?
Clarkson: Phobia? Manual labour, you know that.
Torchwood: Lampshaded when Jack discusses the rehabs that his old partner John Hart had to attend. To the audience, ending with "murder" as the last rehab sounds fairly serious, but apparently it's a joke to the two Time Agents. Just goes to show that a little perspective goes a long ways:
Jack: So, how was rehab? John: Rehabs. Plural. Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and ...? John: Murder. Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab? John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Torchwood: Miracle Day: Rex Matheson gives us this: "I had a pole through my chest, I was dead, then I wasn't. And then I had to pay for this bridge."
Tugga Bunch: In this Made-for-TV Movie, Bridget finds out that the MacGuffin she's looking for is in the country of Shrugs, causing the other characters to react with fear. When she asks what's wrong with them, Huggins tells her, "Shrugs is a bad place, and scary, and gruesome, and hard to get to."
Lampshaded, when CJ's off-again-on-again crush Danny berates her for picking on him in the press briefing room:
Danny: CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I have covered the White House for eight years and I've done it with the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you you can't mess me around like this! C.J.: Danny, I just gotta tell you, that was - seriously - that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be your most haughty on the Dallas Morning News in that sentence.
Deborah Fiderer: You never called me Deb before. Leo Mcgarry: No? Deborah Fiderer: The President does sometimes. I actually kinda hate it. Leo Mcgarry: I'm sorry. Deborah Fiderer: It's okay, you didn't know. Leo Mcgarry: Ever tell the President? Deborah Fiderer: Hard to work it in. "Sir, the North Koreans just threatened to rain nuclear fire on Japan again, the NASDAQ is tanking, there's a Category IV hurricane making landfall in the Keys, and, oh, don't call me Deb."
In one episode, Greg gives the Chief a melon and Vienna sausage sandwich, topped with peanut butter and mayonnaise, on white bread. The Chief is appalled...that he'd use white bread.
The full version of the theme song does this, too. After listing a large number of crimes, including stealing Seoul from South Korea and ransacking Pakistan, the last crime mentioned before the final chorus is "her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations."
Don't forget "She put the "miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima" after ransacking, scamming, and pickpocketing.
White Collar: Agent Kramer tries to pull a literal version of this trope in the season three finale:
Kramer: These Marshalls are here to take Neal Caffrey into custody when he returns.
Peter: For what?
Kramer: Public endangerment. I've got a dozen eyewitnesses who saw Caffrey hop that tram. Combine that with evading arrest, obstruction of justice...I may even throw in a jaywalking charge for good measure.
Whose Line Is It Anyway?: It doesn't quite fit the pattern, but both the British and American versions of this show have the host announcing each of the players, prefacing each of their names with some sort of title, each title being related... until he reaches Ryan Stiles (always last), at which point the title is related but ridiculous.
"I think you're a wonderful person: Wayne Brady! I'm just not that into you: Kathy Greenwood! It's not you, it's me: Colin Mochrie! And GET OUT! JUST GET OUT!: Ryan Stiles!"
Yes Dear: Toward the end of one episode, the Hughes family make amends with the Warner family by giving them things the Hugheses had broken — a laundry machine, a blender, and...the Warners' oldest son.