AATAFOVS: Down The Series Of Tubes
Season 2, Episode 7. Preceded in most locales by Through A Glass Nerdly
, followed by Idol Hands
The Vamp Benders return back to base from their previous adventure*. Without warning, the Story Gate Generator activates on its own, creating a portal to a psychedelic catacomb. Necro Blast Vladimus
emerges, grabs Avatar with an oversized claw made out of buildinb blocks, and drags him back through the Gate with surprising stength for someone who's five inches tall, flying through the cyber space
beyond, quickly getting lost in the immense tunnels.
Unable to think of any other course of action due to the ADDness of the scene, the rest of the Vamp Benders immediately leap through the portal after Vladimus, realizing after the fact that the Gate is suspended in midair.
Cut to Avatar waking up**, strapped to a table. Looking around, he sees that the walls are composed of mostly blue text, with a few other colors, mainly red, sprinkled throughout. Behind the walls is a vast void, containing distant objects obscured by white fog. He then notices the gigantic ray gun hanging from the nonexistant ceiling. As it is aimed directly at his head, he declines to question the architectural impossibility, nor the Oreo suspended within the barrel. A hologram of a figure surrounded by Holographic Terminals
Avatar: So, now Necro Blast is working for... who are you, anyway? And how'd you get him past our Story Gate's Intermetaverse Redirect Intrusion System?
Figure: Your gate was remarkably suggestable; also, "IAmNotEvil" is a rather insecure password.
Avatar: What do you want with me?
Figure: We want to decookiefy you.
Avatar: You'll never get away with it! ... wait, decookiefy? What?
Years of TVTW research has discovered that all distinguishing aspects of a person's personality can be traced to the same chemical signatures present within a cookie. This device is based on that principle
. By creating a laser from a cookie composed of antimatter
, we can strip away all your memories, emotions, and will, converting you into one of our Unknown Troopers. The competition for the honor of converting you
was fierce, I assure you. My rivals even accused me of being prone to go off topic! They kept bringing up that one incident from the Wild Mass Guessathon... That was the pizza talking! And such good pizza it was...
Cut back to the rest of the Vamp Benders, within a large library structure, apparently in heated argument with the reference desk.
Cleo: What do you mean you have nothing on the Dark Council? Not even an idea if they have any local operations?
Librarian: We don't consider them notable enough to keep records on. For starters, you still haven't proven to us that they even exist!
Cleo: We fight them on a weekly basis!
Librarian: We cannot accept original research.
Cleo storms off in disgust, followed by the other Vamp Benders. They decide that they will have to search for Avatar without local help, searching the entire network if necessary
. They find an abandoned big truck with stuff dumped on it. As Avatar is missing, it falls to Nerdly to hotwire it.
We are then treated to a montage of them speeding through one room/hall after the next, including:
- A warehouse full of video screens, mostly playing pirated TV clips and home videos.
- A green field with a solitary stick pushed into the ground.
- An English-style college classroom, the blackboard displaying notes on Zero Point Space.
- A gigantic pail containing photographs.
Finally, they end up in a white void containing a large numeral 1, and a hundred zeros. Nerdly starts to whine, claiming that they'll never find Avatar. Suddenly, a booming voice out of nowhere says, "FEELING LUCKY?".
They find themselves inexplicably transported into the room with Avatar and the figure, interrupting the latter's monologe.
Figure: ... and that's how I mastered the art of Watermelon Alchemy. What? How'd you get in here?!
Sue immediately starts to swing her dumbbell at it, only to phase through its incorporeal form. One wall suddenly transforms into a Story Gate, and Necro Blast Vladimus enters. He gets in a cheap shot at Fluffykins, knocking her into a distant corner. Enraged, Cleo leaps at Vladimus. Her attack fails to even connect, but the distraction allows Sue to recover and take him out. Meanwhile, Nerdly releases Avatar, as Solo is still incapacitated by last episode's events. At this point, the Figure is about to toss off a one liner, but, upon realizing that it's facing a Five-Man Band
(however disorganized), it glitches up and vanishes. The wall turns into a Story Gate again, sucking the Vamp Benders (minus Fluffykins) in. They emerge back at base.
Cutting back to the laser room, we find a recovered Vladimus, surprised to find the Figure nonplussed at defeat.
(We see a snake slither unnoticed through the still-open Story Gate)
Necro Blast Vladimus:
Okay, you may be fine with events and all, but what about the Decookiefier? I wanted to see it used!
Tangent 128: (evilly) Oh, don't worry about that. We need a new agent in the Dark Council, and you have seen far too much as is...
Necro Blast Vladimus: If I weren't designed for ages five and up, I would curse like a sailor right now...
Cut to a full screen shot of the Decookiefier, whining ominously as it powers up...
- Fanon holds that the "laser room" is in fact the first glimpse we have obtained of the TVTW headquarters. The creators originally supported this view, but have backed off as of late. A Retcon is expected soon.
* The episode "Marinara Chicken", which was skipped in all locales besides New Czechistan, where it was censored for visually depicting an apple slicer. Rumor has it that said episode featured the only on-screen appearance of Joe to date.
** Nitpicking fans noted that he had never been knocked out on screen; hardcore fans insist that the previous episode explained this plot hole.