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Valiona2015-12-25 21:33:15

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3:Choose Your Own Romantic Comedy

PDWT then shows us one of the most amateurishly done title screens in all of animated media. The creators would have been better off doing a black screen with the title in a somewhat standard-looking font.

PDWT's opening credits play, over John, the male lead, dreaming about a car race that's shown in entirely negative colors, with various cutout images. Words fail me, save for my insistence that it does exist, and you'll have to see it or yourself.

How NOT to Write a Novel puts it quite succinctly: "A good approach is to allow one dream per novel. Then, in the final revision, go back and get rid of that, too."

John wakes up to a phone call from his mother, but he tries to go back to sleep. This scene, unlike the introduction, consists of still photos with an audio track, making the intro seem masterfully produced by comparison, as well as the only part that lives up to the advertised claim of full motion video.

His mother, getting annoyed, demands that he pick up the phone, and threatens to "be in (his) face in five minutes," resulting in the camera rapidly zooming into and out of John's face, as if to illustrate his distress, and some overly dramatic music plays as he picks up the phone.

His mother asks what he's wearing today, and he says "my birthday suit." She insists that he wear the polka-dot tie she got him, and he says that it "sucks," but quickly says that it's "seersucker" when his mom gets angry. Of course, that doesn't do much good (since it's not actually seersucker), and she insists that he wear it to make a good impression. John says that it would only be for the rats, as he's a plumber, but his mom browbeats him into doing so.

His mom moves on to the next subject, and asks what he did with Amy, while a picture of the (relatively) unattractive Amy is shown. John tries to dodge the question by saying that he got her boiling, and says it's "pretty obvious" why he isn't going out with her, later saying that she's "pretty" but it's "obvious" he doesn't have time. His mom insists that he make time, since she'll be a good House Wife, and their union will be "a match made in heaven." John then says 'I think I'll wait until I get there,'; his snark is probably the most genuinely humorous element in PDWT].

Of course, his mom then complains about him not being with any women, and asks if he even likes them, or if he's gay. John says that he's not gay, but responds that none of his girlfriends are right for his mom. As John snarks about marrying three women and hoping one of them lasts his lifetime, his mom cuts him off (with her picture taking over his side of the split-screen, resulting in two of his mother), saying that saying she wants grandkids from her only child in her lifetime, and begins guilt-tripping him, asking him if he loves her. He says that she isn't his type, and his mother asks who is his type, before suggesting that he hates her. Unwilling to listen to a word he says, including that he'll be late for work, she demands that he come to visit at 6 sharp, and with Amy.

The scene switches to Jane, who gets a call from her father (who seems to have the entirety of his liquor cabinet on the table in front of him), asking where she is, even though he called her on her home phone, and this continues for several lines. He also demands kids, just like "that bitch of a mother" in the previous scene. Yes, he referred to the previous scene, and a person whom he's most likely never met. He's also unwilling to listen to Jane's excuses, namely that she's busy, by insisting that she's not that busy, and that she's running out of time. Similar to John's mother, he demands to see grandkids while he's alive, and offers to introduce Jane to some guys at "The Lodge" who could get her pregnant more quickly than she can tie her shoes. She says that she quit her last job because the guys hit on her. Apparently misunderstanding her, he thought they actually hit her and demands retribution as she hangs up. One can only imagine how he'd react if he knew what "hitting on" meant; perhaps he'd approve of his daughter getting attention from the opposite sex, no matter how unwelcome she finds it.

A montage of their morning routine plays, along with a warning (with a siren and a woman screaming) that it displays "graphic, gratuitous nudity," (although the naughty bits are covered up by default) and advises those sensitive to the human body to turn away until the (bad) music stops. Those who do aren't missing much; just John and Jane in the shower, getting dressed in a few different outfits, fooling around with a plunger and the cat, respectively, drinking coffee and commuting to work, at which point the saturation stops being at acceptable levels. Incidentally, John ends up wearing his mom's necktie, but with a plain white shirt and blue jeans, which is probably not what she had in mind.

John, on his motorcycle, and Jane, in her car, arrive in the parking lot and meet each other. John, his earlier wit forgotten upon seeing Jane, declares that "it's eight o'clock and I'm seeing a ten" and expresses his willingness to "do her plumbing" (Do people always have to make sexual innuendo related to their profession?)

After a brief sound of revving and a horrible screech, a guy named Harry in a garish purple suit with a yellow bowtie (To be honest, with colors like those, a tasteful casual outfit might be better) declares it "better living through chemistry." He introduces himself and asks us to extinguish smoking materials because "it's gonna get hot enough as-is." He then declares that it's our turn to make the decision, but impresses upon us the seriousness of our task- just like how one wrong move in real life will leave us home alone on a Saturday night, it will have dire consequences for the would-be lovers.

Now it's time for the first decision.

For "He makes a first move", go to Installment 4
For ''"Jane makes a move on him"', go to Installment 5
For "The meeting has to wait", go to Installment 6

Comments

BonsaiForest Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 26th 2015 at 3:39:32 PM
Dancing with a plunger and a cat. I guess we know that John's a plumber at least.
Valiona Since: Dec, 1969
Dec 26th 2015 at 6:43:47 PM
BonsaiForest

It seems fairly convenient that John has a job that has easily identifiable imagery, but they don't need to show him doing in the course of the story.
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