Dadzilla
We start off by watching Kootie Pie admiring herself in the mirror and applying lipstick, then she hears a loud stomping noise approaching, followed by her dad calling her name. He announces that Kootie Pie will be grounded if her room isn't clean. Kootie Pie quickly scurries about, grabbing everything she can. When Koopa enters the room, we see Kootie Pie standing in front of a dresser trying her best to keep it shut. Hm. Maybe she has the Mario Brothers in there? Before she can finish saying she cleaned her room, the door explodes and junk flies everywhere. Koopa then lays down the law. “No chocolate-covered cockroach snacks, no tripping old ladies, no fun of any sort for a whole month.” As Koopa saunters off, Kootie Pie is fed up and comes to a realization. Bigmouth appears out of nowhere to ask what it is. Kootie Pie now claims that Koopa isn't her dad. Then she concludes that their real dad is a movie star. Yeah, for whatever reason she just implies Bigmouth is adopted too. Bigmouth seems stoked about this whole thing and decides to go looking for their “real dad.” So, on a whim, these two kids have just disowned their dad and decided to get a new one? Um, okay? Are you disowning your mom too? And, follow up question, who is your mom?
We cut to Mario and Toad looking for fire flowers atop a small hill, when the Doomship flies by and bowls them over. Yeah, they were flying so low they're barely off the ground. After rolling to the bottom of the hill, Mario finds a fire flower, though Toad is more concerned with where the Doomship is going. Inside, we see Bigmouth and Kootie Pie arguing at the helm. Their squabbling causes the Doomship to sheer the top off a toad house before entering a big warp pipe in the sky. That's not a metaphor, there's a warp pipe just hanging in the air that's large enough to fit the whole Doomship through. Toadstool and Luigi walk out of the house that just got destroyed. After meeting up with Mario and Toad and learning the Koopas are headed for “The Real World,” the group decides to go after them.
Soon after, we see Bigmouth and Kootie Pie standing in Hollywood, still saying their dad has to be a movie star. Because logic. The ground then starts to shake and we see a giant lizard monster walking down the street. The two kids immediately conclude that he must be their real dad. I don't know what these kids are even thinking anymore. We hear “cut!” and see a film crew wrapping up shooting while the director turns off the big lizard with a remote. Bigmouth and Kootie Pie don't like this and use their magic wands to turn him back on. The lizard-robot guy blows the director away and has a talk with Bigmouth and Kootie Pie. They insist that he put them up for adoption and the lizard guy, being only a few seconds old, doesn't argue. Bigmouth first asks for a convertible, so lizard dude pulls a pink car off the highway, rips off the roof, and lets the occupants fall out and get stuck on highway signage. Kootie Pie says it isn't big enough, so lizard dude turns it into a stretch limo by, well, stretching it. Next up, the kids want to be movie stars, and the big guy feels he has to comply, you know, so his kids will like him.
Meanwhile, Mario and company arrive through a warp pipe leading into an open waterway. They quickly find the big green guy pulling the stretch limo along. Luigi recognizes him as Madzilla, a monster from all those late night movies they used to watch. Really? Madzilla? That's the best name you could come up with guys? Kootie Pie sees the group approaching and tells Madzilla that they've done some bad things to them in the past. Well, that is true, but it was never anything you creeps didn't deserve. Mario echoes that sentiment when Madzilla picks him up. Mario uses the fire flower from earlier to shoot enough fire at the big guy to get free. As Mario keeps firing away, Kootie Pie shoots him with her wand, and just like that Mario's fire power is gone. Mario and the others run into a building of some sort, while Madzilla picks up a nearby parking garage and throws it on top of the building.
With Mario and company out of the way, the kids and Madzilla begin doing whatever they want. First up is a stop at the Hollywood Walk of Fame where the kids put their prints in wet cement. Madzilla tries the same thing but somehow manages to slip on the wet cement. Realistic physics? In a Mario cartoon? Nope, not today guys.
Inside the old building, Luigi exposits how things are bad, while Mario walks over with a giant lizard head covering everything but his legs. Mario points out that the building was chock-filled with parts from old movie monsters. He wants to use these parts to build his own giant monster. He points to one head in particular, which Luigi recognizes from the film “Revenge of Madzilla's Mom.” Even though it's a little far fetched, I like this plan.
Outside, Madzilla wants to take a nap, but the kids want to do a concert at the Hollywood Bowl. So Madzilla picks up the Hollywood Bowl and brings it to the kids. Kootie Pie and Bigmouth then start singing “Walk of Fame,” while everyone within earshot covers their ears or starts throwing trash at them. A couple guys use a palm tree as a catapult, then throw the palm tree at them. By the end, the two Koopa Kids are sitting atop a veritable mountain of junk.
Back at the monster parts building, the walls and ceiling explode as an unholy amalgamation of monster parts rises up. Among other things, it has bat wings and a lobster claw for an arm, topped off with a lizard head with blonde hair.
At the concert, the kids are still buried under garbage and Madzilla decides to throw a group of people into the ocean for throwing things at his kids. He's interrupted by Mario in his giant robot, who immediately insists that she's his mother, and orders him to put the people down, which he does. As soon as Bigmouth and Kootie Pie speak up, she pulls rank on them and tells them it's nap time. With the threat of mandatory naps and chores, as well as psychical violence, the Koopas decide that maybe they had it pretty good with Koopa after all and run off.
Some time later, Mario and company have explained to Madzilla that he used to be a robot, but now he isn't. The tell him that they plan to relocate him to Giant Land and he says he'll be fine so long as no long-lost Koopa Kids come visiting.
The Trouble With Tetris
We begin watching Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo, watching the N Team fly through space in that vehicle from Solar Striker that we saw back in episode one. Someone must really have liked that game. The N Team is flying through a bunch of meteors, and King Hippo whacks Eggplant Wizard for chewing too loud. Oh, I should have mentioned, they've got snacks. Hippo has a six pack of soda that he downs all at once, and Eggplant Wizard is eating a bucket of vegetables. So does that make him a cannibal? Mother Brain arrives, yells at her henchmen, then begins cheering for the meteors. After successfully passing through the meteors, Kevin loses control of the ship and says that a powerful force is pulling them somewhere. They then get pulled to a planet made out of Tetris blocks. Lana refers to it as a video world, which leads me to believe the writers don't know the difference between a planet and an alternate dimension. Mother Brain claims she can feel the magnetic power just by watching the TV, saying it makes her brain tingle. Then something messes with the TV reception. Whatever's going on, Mother Brain is interested, so she tells Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo to go to the world and find the source of this power.
On the Tetris world, we see the N Team crash in the middle of an empty plaza. Then we see another shot from the same angle and we see that the plaza is filled with people. The people by the way are all very angular looking. The mayor of the world comes forward, announces himself as Mayor Squaresly, and tells the N Team they're on a place called Tetris. He then takes a close look at Simon and declares them all round-faces. Does that count as a racial slur? Squaresly says they haven't seen any round-faces for a hundred years, except this one guy from a little while back. As soon as he learns Lana is princess of Videoland he rolls out the red carpet (literally) and declares today a holiday. Lana also hands out exposition, saying that her dad told her stories about this world when she was little. Yeah, in case you couldn't guess from the title, this episode is based on the ever-popular Tetris game, though when you get down to it, it's really just a planet where everything is square shaped. Lana continues talking, saying that Tetris is so far from the Palace that it never joined in during the fighting against Mother Brain. Squaresly doesn't even know who Mother Brain is. As they get into a car and leave, Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo arrive and hide in a tree, a tree who's branches form a perfect cube shape.
As they ride down the street, Simon begins to get car sick. I can't really fault him for that though, as the car they are riding in has square wheels. Mega Man points out a very tall building and Squarsely says it houses the Sacred Square, which, according to legend, built the whole world of Tetris. Kevin immediately concludes that the square was the reason they crashed. Great, mystery solved. Can we go home now? Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo burst out of the street, having overheard all this. Then they get run over by a street sweeper.
We now focus on the other part of the episode's plot, as we see inside the Sacred Square building. We see a regular looking human, (round-face? Seriously, is that a racial slur?) bouncing a ball against a wall in boredom. His boss arrives to tell him his shift is over, and the guy falls over as a result. We learn the guy's name is Lyle,
as his boss chews him out for playing stupid games. Dude, he had guard duty and nothing had happened his entire shift. Playing with a ball to pass the time is not childish. Heck, House bounces a ball against a wall all the time and he isn't... Okay, he IS childish, but he's also a genius, so lay off. Lyle walks over to a big door and uses a key he has chained to his belt to open the door, revealing a bright light inside. I guess he was just showing that the key opened the door for our benefit. The door then closes and Lyle then walks right into it. Thing is, the door was already closed for so long that Lyle had to have walked into it on purpose. If you haven't guessed by now, Lyle here is a massive klutz. He then opens the door again and walks through it.
Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are scoping out the Sacred Square building in disguise as “Z-blocks.” Eggy's is lying horizontally and Hippo's is in the vertical position. The N Team arrives at a place called Cubies and they all go in, except for Game Boy, who wanders off. Meanwhile, Lyle gets off a bus and gets his shirt caught in the door as it closes. Lyle pulls his shirt free and smashes into a guy carrying a bucket of, I'm not sure. It's white and seems to consist mostly of bubbles. Maybe it's soap? Whatever it is, it lands on Lyle's head, and he wanders onto a scissor-lift
◊ and winds up several stories off the ground. Then he walks right off the ledge and Game Boy has to fly in to save him. You know you're pathetic when Game Boy is the one saving you. Game Boy mentions he came with “round people” and Lyle insists on meeting them.
Inside Cubies, we get to hear another song called “Get a Little Bit Crazy.” Not sure if this is a sound-alike of anything. After the N Team is seated, a band called the Blockheads comes onstage and plays “Block Party,” which is a sound-alike of “Rock Around the Clock Tonight.” Sadly, we don't get to hear a rendition of “Hip to be Square,” because that would be too on the nose. As the band plays, we hear the crowd start to go wild. Oh, my mistake. One person in the crowd cheers like crazy, screams really, and because she's the only one screaming it sounds like she's lost her mind. A female patron grabs Simon and starts to dance with her while Kevin and Lana also start to dance. Well, I'm calling it dancing. I don't think either of them know the meaning of the word. Lyle and Game Boy enter and Lyle spots Lana. He recognizes her and, not wanting to be seen, immediately turns around to leave. Before he can, another girl grabs Lyle and starts dancing with him. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo are there too and they want Lyle's key. They're both wearing suits, but Hippo doesn't want to be seen dancing with another dude, so he ties a tablecloth around Eggplant Wizard, then grabs some spaghetti from a waiter and slams it on Eggplant's head to produce a makeshift wig. They dance over and grab the key, but in the process Eggplant Wizard sheds a bunch of fruit. Lyle steps on one and smashes into the duo, causing the key to go flying. Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo crash into a table and cause another unidentified white substance to hit Lyle in the face. This causes him to blindly stumble into Lana and Kevin, which causes Kevin's zapper to come loose and somehow shoot the ceiling. Lana then gets a good look at Lyle and recognizes him. Lyle tries to get away but slips and falls. Lana confirms that yes, that is indeed her big brother. Yeah, you heard right, Lyle is Lana's big brother. Simon can't believe the two are related and Lana mentions she hasn't seen Lyle in two years. She says that both her and her father have been worried sick about him. Lyle implies that he left so he could live how he wanted, suggesting he doesn't care to rule Videoland. When he asks about his dad, Lana says that he's missing thanks to Mother Brain.
Okay, this is a continuity mess, and not because this is the first time we've ever heard of Lana's big brother. We're going to take a quick look at the first episode, back in season one. The very first line in the entire series, spoken by the narrator is: “For seven years Mother Brain's minions laid siege on the Palace of Power.” That means that Lyle abandoned his family during a war. Not sure why I'm surprised by any of this. Captain N isn't exactly a cavalcade of competency.
Moving on. Lyle retrieves his key and generally feels sorry for himself, saying that he's not much of a prince. This leads us into our montage for the episode as Lyle is trained to do “prince” stuff. Kind of. The song we hear is “Now You're a Man,” a sound-alike of “Walk Like a Man,” and I have to say I think I actually prefer this version to the original. The montage focuses on Lyle learning to sword-fight, joust and finally try on a bunch of outfits until he finds something that royalty would wear.
Later, at his house, Lyle locks his key up in a small safe he has in his room. He leaves before he can see Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo enter through the window and try to blow the safe with a tomato bomb. Unfortunately the bomb is a dud, so Eggplant Wizard decides to eat it, and it promptly explodes in his mouth. In the next room Lyle decides that he now wants to be ruler of Videoland. Why? The guy was next in line for the throne and then he ran away from his responsibilities. Now he is doing a complete 180 and decides that he actually does want to be king after having spent years avoiding that exact thing. Does he think that after being in that montage he's now qualified? Does that mean he always wanted to be king, but never thought he'd be any good at it so he ran away? My point is, Lyle's motivation here makes no sense.
When Lana thinks Lyle is out of earshot, she says that she doesn't think Lyle is up to being ruler. Of course Lyle hears this and skulks back to his room. Before he arrives, King Hippo uses brute strength to punch a hole in the safe and grabs the key. Lyle tries to stop them but, well, how do you think it turns out? King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard are incompetent, but Lyle sucks even more than they do. The pair escape via celery helicopter. Never expected I'd be typing that. Back indoors, Lyle returns to sulking while the others all chase after Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo. Game Boy however opts to stay behind with Lyle.
Not long after, Mother Brain rolls into the vault of the Sacred Square and pulls it free, revealing it to look like a key made of Tetris blocks. Then the world starts shaking. Lyle explains that without the square the entire world will fall apart. Then he jumps on Game Boy and flies away. The N Team arrives to see Mother Brain roll away as Tetris pieces fall from the sky. Mother Brain then realizes she can use the Sacred Square to control the Tetris blocks. She wastes no time declaring that with this power she'd be unstoppable. Nevermind that this power would be absolutely useless anywhere that isn't made entirely of Tetris blocks. So, basically everywhere except here. The chase continues as Mother Brain throws more obstacles at the N Team. She comes out of a tunnel and uses Tetris blocks to cover up the exit, leaving the N Team trapped. However, Kevin is able to pick up Duke and dive through just before the last block fits in place. Why he brought Duke I don't know, the dog almost never does anything. Just as Mother Brain is about to escape through a warp zone, Lyle flies in and drops a bucket of another unknown mushy substance on her, although this time it's black. Whatever it is it totally covers the front of her tank so she can't see anything. Kevin then arrives and knocks the Sacred Square out of Mother Brain's tentacles just as Eggplant Wizard and King Hippo roll the blind brain into the warp zone.
Later, as the N Team is preparing to leave, Mayor Squaresly wants to make another new holiday. Lyle does another 180 and decides to stay here on Tetris in case Mother Brain ever comes back. Yeah, because you'd totally be able to stop her again.
Tag Team Trouble
We start our episode with Toad carrying a huge-ass bag of gold coins. How do I know it's filled with gold coins? Because he says he's delivering one million gold coins to the Mushroom Kingdom orphanage. That's ten thousand free lives! I guess Toad must be super strong, because a million gold coins would literally weight tons. I mean, Super Mario Bros. 2 established that he was the strongest of the four characters, but that bag has got to be heavier than a turnip. Cheatsy and Koopa happen to be in the area, but when Cheatsy tries to point out the bag of coins his dad cuts him off, at one point covering his mouth so he'll keep quiet. Koopa is also carrying a piece of paper, which he throws away. Add litterbug to his list of faults. Toad arrives at his destination and rings the doorbell at the orphanage. Then he falls asleep. The old lady who runs the place answers the door and takes the money. Toad wakes up some time later and immediately concludes that since the money is gone, Koopa must have taken it. Um. Okay. That is one possibility, but don't you think it's more likely that someone who lives at the orphanage may have the cash? He probably should have checked for sure before panicking and running off. He comes across the piece of paper Koopa threw away earlier. It's for a tag team wrestling tournament. And guess how much first prize is?
Later, Toad is talking to a pair of wrestlers, trying to convince them to enter the tourney. Funny thing is these are the same two guys who are on the poster. Which actually raises questions. Why would they be on the poster if they weren't even going to compete in it until Toad asked them? In fact, when Toad shows them the poster, the pair seem to be seeing it for the first time. How does that happen? Apparently these two guys are Toad's cousins and agree to do it for the orphans. Later, at registration, Toad and company run into Koopa's entries, a pair of sledge brothers. Fortunately, Toad picked a pair of winners because they roll into the sledge brothers, knocking them on top of Koopa and Cheatsy.
Later, we go to Toadstool's castle. Why these two wrestlers are now residing in the castle is beyond me. We see the two wrestlers asleep, but they aren't alone. Cheatsy sneaks in, past all the castle guards apparently, and holds open the wrestlers eyes with tape. He then uses a watch to hypnotize them, commanding the two to sleep for two days straight. Cheatsy leaves and Toad enters. He tries his best to wake the pair, but it proves impossible. Toadstool and the Marios walk in and Toadstool can't figure out why Toad is so hung up over the match. She says feeding orphans is much more important. Wow. Way to go Toadstool. It's like you planned this. Toad starts crying, and making a funny squeaking sound as well. After Toadstool leaves, Toad takes off his shroom-cap thing and comes clean. Mario then volunteers himself and Luigi to wrestle on Toad's behalf. He mentions they used to wrestle in Brooklyn, though in exactly what capacity I'm not sure. One problem, the tournament is today. This looks like a job for a training montage. One where Mario breaks the law of gravity by hitting one block from underneath and then flying under the next one to do the same. The music for this particular montage is “Burn Baby Burn,” definitely one of the show's better tunes.
Cut to the tournament, where it's the Mario Brothers against the sledge brothers. Either no one in the Mushroom Kingdom knows the meaning of the word tournament, or no-one else entered. With the sledge brothers here, the later is a distinct possibility. Koopa likes the thought of beating the Marios and winning a million coins at the same time. Cheatsy helpfully points out that he also sabotaged the ring. Koopa asks for more cheating, so Cheatsy rings the bell before anyone's ready for it. The fight starts and Cheatsy demonstrates teleportation powers, being next to the ring in one shot, then in the stands in the next and under the ring in the shot after that. He starts off by playing with the ring ropes, giving the Marios trouble whenever they go near them. There's also a trap-door in the center of the ring which Luigi falls into.
In the stands, Toadstool is fed up with the cheating and rushes off to get help, oddly making the warp pipe sound effect as she runs through an open doorway. In the ring the sledge brothers are spraying the Marios with an unidentifiable orange liquid. Things are looking bad for the Marios, but Toadstool rushes in and throws two starmen to the brothers. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's cheating, princess. Still, the Marios are able to make quick work of the sledge brothers, though oddly they stop flashing halfway through, even though the starman music keeps playing. The sledge brothers run off and tag Koopa and Cheatsy. I guess no one cares about the rules. The Marios then beat the stuffing out of the father/son duo. Toad takes the bag to the orphanage where he finds out that the orphanage had the first bag the whole time. Toad faints in disbelief.
“Trouble with Tetris” introduces an older sibling for Lana. While this sounds like an interesting idea, the episode focuses much more on how Lyle is a loser than how Lana feels about her big bro. All in all I feel it's a missed opportunity. Lyle appears in the season three episode “Totally Tetrisized,” but that's a cameo that lasts under a minute. The premise of “Dadzilla” is incredibly thin, but despite that it sill manages to be fun. I can't find any major flaws with the wrestling episode either, unless you count everyone's willingness to cheat at the drop of a hat.
