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Chapter 1: Some Talking and the Incredibly Dull Intro
... Ew. It's a cadence. What is this, the military? "The various buttons will be explained in the order of their importance." Huh? Where'd that voice come from? "Moves the main character..." What're you talking about? "Used to confirm a choice..." My head suddenly got really heavy. Things about buttons faded into the haze "In the world which you are about to enter..." OOH! It's a Pikachu in the corner! It's so cute! It just keeps smiling adorably in its little corner, but I can't seem to pet it. That makes me mad. "Speak to people and check things wherever you go..." Are we done yet? Can I has it now? "New paths will open to you by helping people in need..." So I'll get to be Link? But I'm supposed to be ten and stuff! "At times, you will be challenged by others and attacked by wild creatures." So I'll get to be Link. That's fine. I like the Zelda games. Am I going to be able to find money by mowing people's lawns? I wonder who leaves the money there. People can't be dropping their wallets all over the place. That'd actually be pretty cool if the Minish left money for me. Maybe it's Meowth because it knows Pay Day and stuff... But, wait, isn't Pay Day a candy bar...? "...Let your adventure begin!" YESSSS!!! FINALLY! Ooh, I have a body now. It's actually sorta cold in this place. "Hello, there!" "WAH!" Suddenly, I see this old guy in a labcoat with ugly old guy clothes. "Oh. Hi, old guy!" I waved at him. What’s with this wristband thing? Do I secretly cut myself? "Well... I know your name is Oak, buuuut-" I check my wrist just to make, and it's perfectly fine! "Glad to meet you!" I smiled. "Glad to meet you, too!" "Welcome to the world of Pokemon!" "Finally!" "My name is Oak." "Hi Oak, I'm-" "People affectionately refer to me as the Pokemon Professor." Dude, what, you look older than Ryu! "This world..." "IT'S A NIDORAN! It's so cute!" I go over to pet her, but then her head whips around and something stabs me. There’s a millisecond of HORRID, EXCRUCIATING PAIN I suddenly can't feel my hand anymore. And she’s making this... really... scary... sound. "...Is inhabited far and wide by creatures called Pokemon." "Help me? My hand’s pulsating." “For some people, Pokemon are pets. Others use them for battling.” He just kinda stands there and never moves, forever holding his hand out like that. “Yeah, go figure. That’s why little girls always have Nidorans. We’re in pervert land, remember?” “As for myself... I study Pokemon as a profession.” “Oh, did you know my dad? I think he used to study them, then gave up after meeting one that looked like an ice cream sundae. Have you ever seen one?” “But first, tell me a little about yourself.” Ooh, this part! “Okay!” “Now, tell me. Are you a boy? Or are you a girl?” “Um... I dunno. I wish I had a mirror to check, but I ‘‘miiiight’’ be a guy.” Suddenly, a mirror appears and I see myself. I’m wearing a weird hat, a vest, a short-sleeved shirt, and jeans. And my backpack is, like, the color of squash. I hate squash. But my hair’s still brown and my eyes are still red like Dad’s. That’s nice. I fist-pump my reflection. “Let’s begin with your name. What is it?” “Oh! Myname’selijahcline.” I wave and smile and look friendly, but there’s only enough room for my first name on the Trainer Card. That sucks; what if there’s ‘‘another’’ Elijah out there?! He hands my card to me. “Right... So your name is Elijah.” “Aye!” Suddenly, I see this picture of some douche who looks like he got into mummy's hair bleach. “This is my grandson. He’s been your rival since you both were babies.” “Hah? I don’t remember this bloke.” “...Erm, what was his name now?” I tilt my head. Oak starts muttering and counting off a bunch of really stupid-sounding names on his fingers. “Green... Gary... Kaz... Toru...” Wait, who the hell would name their kid 'Kaz'? He must have Alzheimer’s. I help him out. I know a douche just like this guy. “Dominic.” “...Er, was it Dominic-?” “Yes, it was Dominic!” “That’s right! I remember now! His name is Dominic!" He puts the douchegram away. "Elijah!” “Hah?” “Your very own Pokemon legend is about to unfold!” “Really? I thought I was just going to be stuck in this hideous place! I mean, look at these colors! They’re gray and yuck!” This could do with some purple, actually. “A world of dreams and adventures awaits you!” Suddenly, the entire place goes black.
Quite a humorous way to begin a Liveblog. The "HORRID, EXCRUCIATING PAIN" bit in particular gave me quite a chuckle. If you decide to continue this project, even if I don't always comment, be sure that I'm interested in your work and hope for your success.
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