Welcome back... again! We meet again at Meredith's sweet 16, where she's dressed the Bratz-as-servers as clowns! But no way are the girls letting this happen. Yasmin's not letting this happen, she brought her sowing stuff, and Sasha brought her huge make-up kit!
Okay this is absurd, HOW THE HECK DID NOBODY NOTICE THIS STUFF BEFORE NOW? WHO GOES AROUND CARRYING A HUGE SOWING/MAKE-Up KIT ANYWAY? HOW DID THEY MAKE PUFFY SKIRTS OUT OF THOSE CLOWN PANTS? WHERE THE HECK DID THEY GET THE ZETTAI RYOUIKI?
Moving on... Mers enters her party on an elephant, since her party has a circus theme going. Mers is playing Attention Whore
when the Bratz, in their new outfits, steal her spotlight. Seriously, did you think giving them the opportunity to serve your food was a good idea? What do you think people go to parties for Mer?
She tries to make them angry by making demands about the kind of soda she wants, but it comes off like somebody clearly on their last legs tossing a smokebomb as they limp away. Sasha falls for it but Jade stops her. Meredith tells Cloe that she should keep her friends in line before she fires Cloe's mother again. So Cloe's mom used to work for the richest family in town?... I seriously can't see why Cloe's poor anymore.
Mers party is awesome, I guess... the writer decide the creepy level in the movie is lowering and have Cherish mention she's eleven right before Yas' fifteen year old brother hits on her again.
Everybody is sitting at their clique tables (I noticed that the Boy Jocks and Girl Jocks have separate tables... GO EQUALITY!). Anyways, Yas delivers a drink to Dylan, who smiles at her. Cherish calls her father a good dad, since he lets his daughters do whatever they want and enforces the rules they come up with... which is not what I think she meant. I can understand the two of them, especially if Meredith's mother (Who we never see) is as overbearing as I think she is. It's an interesting idea, a school ruled by an alpha bitch who is fuelled by her overbearing mother and coward father with another, younger child in the mix... sadly, that's not this movie.
Now Meredith entertains her guests with a song about how FABULOUS she is.
... I'm not kidding.
She even has Camp Gay
dancers and innaproproate motions (You can tell the dancers are embarrassed)!
"FUNKY AND FABULOUS." - Meredith
"Don't hate me cause I got it. You know I'm gonna flaunt it." - Meredith.
Then she invites Yasmin onto the stage...
"Raise the roof Yasmin!" - Dexter, once again proving that women can't even support their friends without male assistance. (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT)
But Yas is too scared and runs off, so she does the natural thing and shows the video of Yas dancing in her room.
Dylan will not let this happen to his woman (GO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT)! So he gets everybody up to dance to La Cucaracha!
...Wait a minute, isn't Dylan deaf? How did he know what song it was? I'd get lip reading if Yasmin and her mom/grandma/aunt weren't DANCING AROUND!
Meredith shuts the entire thing down and changes clothes, recapturing everybody's attention. She asks if everybody totally loves her, but nobody answers...
... poor Mers... I mean, Alpha Bitches
can be horrible but really?
She brushes it off and starts the dance part of the party. Mers sees Cameron with Cloe and goes over to her, carefully knocking over her platter. She fires Cloe and tells Cam to get her a drink. Cameron, so filled with rage at the girl he's only spoken to four times so far getting fired, tells her to get it herself. Mers, in a fit of rage gets off the elephant and bumps into Jade and her birthday cake. More angry than before, she knocks her sidekicks into the pool and the elphant is all "Oh no you di-int." and knocks her into the pool too.
Mers of course, blames the BRATZ (which she coins here, because this is the first usage of the word in the movie). Everybody, mad that the awesome goodie bags Mers was gonna give them have now been canceled, hates the girls with a passion for fashion.
Back at Carry Nation, Sash is kicked off the cheer squad because she doesn't hang out with them, Dexter dumps Jade for the same reason (Just wanted to mention that nerds actually being the oppressors is kind Truth In Television
for some, so kudos Bratz The Movie). Anyways, due to the fact that the writers couldn't come up with a reason for them to enter the talent show, they enter to take down Meredith and bring the school together.
Yeah, it doesn't make sense and there is no excuse for it aside from songs we can sell on iTunes
Yas doesn't want to enter, even though she agreed last time. They need her, Yas will sing, Sash will choreograph, Cloe will do video effects (Okay, what's with this thing where they get new talents just because they need them?) and Jade will
ADD NUMBER REALLY FAST!
design outfits. Oh, and Dyl's working on the music. They'll get everybody Mers shot down to help them (WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE?) They convince Yasmin by telling them that POOR CLOE (who is not there at this meeting) needs a scholarship, which the talent show for some reason is providing this year. Wait, so the poorest brazt girl is the one they're using as blackmail...
I feel dirty...
But Yas can't do it because they dont have a-
Screw it, Cloe comes in three seconds after that and calls them the BRATZ, so we have a name.
We have a montage with the girls practicing and their various cliques that ditched them no less that three seconds ago helping them. Some clips of hopeless auditionees trying out in front of Meredith are in it too for some reason.
Oh, and a member of Mers posse records some video of the girls dancing to show to her later.
Sasha's dad is proud of her since her and her friends have put aside their differences and worked together.
... Wait, what differences?
Meredith's posse member shows her the footage, and Meredith, scared on any good competition, calls Yasmin to blackmail her.
The entire sequence with the blackmail seems to bring Meredith's various mental issues to the forefront, she pulls out a sword and points it at Yasmin while talking in a very calm tone. Another thing is that Mers can never seem to remember Cloe's name despite her mother working for her for what seems to be years.
Oh, speaking of the blackmail:
- When Cloe's mom worked for Mers' family, she stole stuff.
Wait, is that it?
Nathalia Ramos tries her best to act both devastated and angry, but all it comes off as it amateur acting... which makes sense since this is her first big job but doesn't cover for the fact that the director still let her go that way.
So what does Yasmin do? She quits the talent show without even telling her friends what's wrong! DUH!
The girls are angry at her, Jade's grades have dropped
for this! (From what, A++ to A+?)
Sasha asks her what happened to stickin' together, but she doesn't get an answer. Jade gets very
angry, she even tells Yasmin to delete her number from her cell
Pfffft... sorry... can't... stop... laughing...
The next day the girls go to the talent show poster and post a huge Bratz Cancelled sign over their entry. Dylan looks angrily and Yasmin.
Yasmin cries to Bubbie, she's just trying to protect them
by telling them nothing and quitting without any reason. Over at Cloe's, Cloe's mother finds out that they aren't going to the show since Yas dropped out with no reason. Cloe's mother gives them a totally tubular idea! Why not ASK YASMIN?
why she did so? I mean, whod'a thunk it? It's so wild and crazy
Yasmin calls the girls, and finds out that they're standing right outside her window! BDF indeed!!
At the talent show Meredith presents a couple of horrid acts.
Back at Yas', the girls are angry at Meredith (But not at Yas, who went along with this idiotic plot). They decide to do the show despite the dirt Mers could dish out on them and I should REALLY STOP watching this movie before my dialogue is altered forever.
At the talent show, Dexter is telling some really not funny jokes while making his own rimshot sounds. Some other horrible acts come on and the Meredith performs.
Her song is called It's All About Me
, which is kind of obvious. It's performed by Meredith and the Merredettes (I'm kind of sad that Cameron isn't a Merredette, I mean, imagine that!). During her performance, Poor Cloe's mom drops off the Bratz in her cool expensive van and the Bratz somehow get everybody who they agreed to help them a week ago to do the show with them today.
"P-p-p-page me! On your cell and press SEND!" - Meredith.
"So buy my ringtone, fashion line and cook books!" - Meredith, proving that she's the only honest person in this whole movie
"M-M-Madonna! Ain't got nothing on me!" - Meredith
Now it's time to judg- wait no, it's the Bratz! Meredith asks Cloe if she wants to do this, so she does.
So in the tackiest way possible, Meredith tells everybdody how Jade is totally a fashionista in front of her parents (Nobody cares) [Note
: Jade says 'dealio
' when explaining herself], Cloe steals stuff (No, it just was Mers' little sister) and then everybody is totes confessin' their issues (Including Bubbie, who is a chocoholic, srs bsns you guys. Some kid cheated on every test he ever took!)
Anyways, the Bratz totes just owned Mers (No, they didn't) and now they're gonna own her music-wise!
Dylan is spinning and the girls are in position, the song is called "BRATTITUDE!", it's about being yourself and every other thing 'inspirational' songs are about.
Seriously, if you've heard any pop music from late 2011, be it Selena Gomez or that one drunk girl who lost a dollar sign in her name, you've heard this one twenty times already.
Practically everybody in school is involved, including that teacher Jade styled up earlier, which makes me wonder exactly how many polygamous families live in Stilesville? (I'm assuming most of the seats are filled by parents).
"Might take the latitude, to show that it's okay." - Actual Lyrics in this proffessionally written song.
"Bra-ta-ta-ta, the Bratz get you theeeere." - More Actual Lyrics in this proffessionally written song.
For a moment, Jade gets off stage and kisses Dexter, since they forgot to film an epilogue. Cloe kisses Cameron, Yasmin... kisses Dylan. Yeah, it's all very obvious.
Weirdly enough, both the Bratz and Meredith win but the Bratz take the scholarship and give it to POOR CLOE since she's POOR and everything.
But the Bratz still win more because they become pop-sensations after being seen by the vice president of MTV.
I'm freaking serious
So yeah, that's the end of the movie (Unless you consider the Bratz singing Open Eyes and Janelle Parish/Jade singing Rainy Day part of it).
Oh wait, even better...
Next Time: The non-canon mess that is Bratz Starrin' And Stylin'!