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"My Immortal", Chapters 32-44
Kilgore Trout

[table of contents]
Chapter 36
Diving right in while trying not to think about how uncomfortable it'll be, as one might do when jumping into a swimming pool. Full of battery acid.

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

Just something I've been wondering: how is it that she masters the Shift key long enough to make one exclamation point, and then forgets how to use it for the next nine of 'em?

I'm not gonna bother quoting the first part, which is basically just her getting back and telling all the people in the band that she met their past selves and that she can't believe Snap was goffik, to which Serious says "Yah I no."

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker." I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I"m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too."

You just totally forgot to ask him to stop Trevolry from getting addicted to whatever kind of serum that is, didn't you?

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) gasped B"lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

A group cutting session? Squee! How I wish I could jump into this story and join in on the fun!

"I can"t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow.

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also...sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly.

I can't wait either! SKIP THE BORING STUFF AND GET TO THE AWESOME GROUP CUTTING SESSION, YOU BITCH! >_<

Oh well, I might as well comment on the boring stuff. Apparently all she needed was a potion or two. According to Darko. Maybe Satan told Ebony that between chapters, and she told Draco that between paragraphs, and now he's telling everybody else.

Or maybe this is stupid.

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let"s go.

We went sexily to Potionz class.

Doesn't everybody do that sexily? Stop being redundant, damn you!

But Snap wasn"t there. Instead there was...Cornelio Fuck!11111

I love that name. XD

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer.

If only that typo had reverse the C and the K, because then Dumblydore would just have a canker sore, which is annoying, but not nearly so bad compared to being riddled with kancer.

"Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

SNAP USED TO BE GOTTIK! THAT MAKES ME SO ARNGRY!!!! GRAAAAHHHHH!!!!

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111"

He stomped out angrily.

That fucking fucker named Fuck just changed sex! 0_o

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly..."HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted.

I looked around...Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

Yes they did, and it's getting me really hot, too! Oh the sexiness of it all is too much!!!

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid.

Yeah, you just spiked my drink, motherfucker! What a POSER you are!

Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was...Amnesia Portion!111

Which I'm sure many readers of this story wish they had, so that they could erase the memory of Tara's "masterpiece" from their battered psyches.
31st Mar '12 1:11:22 PM flag for mods
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