Let's just jump right in. I don't want to dwell on this any more than I have to.
The song sounds like it's sung by Weird Al Yankovic with a cold. There's no change in inflection in this guy's voice at all, so when he draws out or echos syllables it sounds awkward and forced. The instrumental is pretty much exactly the same as the movie version, though it's slightly faster-paced at Columbia's bit. That's all I can say. The song doesn't have good patches or bad patches, it's just a solid brick of a bad song.
Remember how I said earlier that certain lyrics demand to be done a certain way? The Time Warp needs energy. It needs excitement. Hell, I get that it's not going to be dance music, but it needs to be upbeat and it needs to be loud. Similarly, "Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me" needs to start out innocent and become seductive. Doesn't matter the genre. It's what the lyrics need to be effective. In this way these two are less malleable than anything else in the show.
Now, that might be a problem for "Touch Me", but punk rock lives for energy and excitement. Hell, the biggest changes to the last three songs is making them higher energy. What was so hard about that? What on earth made the Groovie Ghoulies take one look at this song and say it needed to be bland as toast?
Fuck it. Moving on.
