From Shittastic to Lulz-Worthy and Back Again: Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part II!
Part 1: Pleasant Surprises
"Thomas Brown, I hope that you have cleaned up your act and proved it in The Evil Gods: Part Two, because, so help me, God, if I have to liveblog another one of your stories again...
"There. Will. Be. No. Mercy."
...that was me nearly a month ago, after I liveblogged (most of) The Prayer Warriors: Threat of Satanic Communism
. As You Know
, The Prayer Warriors
series is simply a well-written piece with thoughtful characterizations, epic plots, and breathtaking—oh, who the fuck
am I kidding?
Seriously. If I have to write out what's fucking wrong
with the series over and over again, we'd be here all day. It's basically "a group of Christians convert some characters and kill everyone else, all whilst derailing the canon characters, declaring that women suck, and putting in gratutious strawmen".
Thus far, I liveblogged not one, not two, but three fucking installments
. And at that point, I simply gave up because...not only would bashing these stories were as overdone as twice-overdone baked potatoes, but I honestly thought that the story that we're about to do...was good.
Actually, honestly good.
And I need a break from the droll, unpassionate Super Sentai Vs. Power Rangers
So without further ado...with the help of my friends that I met over in the last liveblog...(hem hem)
...I haven't done a rolecall, like, ever.
Chronicling bullshit is a liveblogger's mission!
(enter Carter, Matoi, Mako, and Catherine. Inexplicably, Carter is reverted back to normal)
: Inner power of Bravery, Carter Grayson, Rescue Ready!
: Inner power of Rescue, GoRed!
: Inner power of Samurai, Shinken Pink!
: Inner power of Strength, Catherine Grayson, Red Legendary Ranger!
And...Inner power of Snarkiness...I need no introduction. And neither does the fanfic that we're about to read.
(to the group) And thank you, I won't need you guys until I call you. (they disband) Anyway...
And so, from the batshit insane mind that brought you nine fucking titles
The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part II.
The question is this: will it be better than its predecessors, or will it take a turn for the worse?
Let's find out as we jump into...
We get into a big Author's Note, with Ebony and Thomas speaking to us.
THOMAS: This has been co-written by me and my cousin Ebony Anne Brown. To all those that are concerned, my brother Noah has left home to leave with one of my godless Uncle, curse ye name. I must go on with a new co-writer, who has gotten better at correcting mistakes. So if you have come here to mock me of my mistakes, you will be surprised for there will be no spelling errors at on in this story.
EBONY: Yeah, you won't find any mistakes here. All the spelling mistakes were Noah fault. He allowed many of the spelling mistakes go through. Thomas is dyslexic so it was cruel. Make things worse he caused some of the mistakes on purpose.
By the way, guys? I can still
see the mistakes. And don't say that you were correcting them when...you didn't even go through all
types of errors, even punctuation.
Luckily, spelling/punctuation errors are pretty much the norm in The Prayer Warriors
, so I'll let that slide.
And the rest of the Author's Note is basically Thomas recapping the three stories he has written thus far. Obviously, this doesn't need recapping here, since...I already liveblogged the first three stories. And, of course, this story will deal with the evil
...hopefully this will be better than the first three.
The chapter's title is called "Jason Converts to Christianity". Huh, I didn't know that they made another Friday the 13th
sequel! Before that, we get a prayer.
A prayer to the one I truly believe in
The man that came to suffer our sin
This man is Jesus Christ, our saviour
For this he asks us of only one favour
And this is to convert to God and pray
He wants us all to follow his holy way
So far, nothing completely offensive, though I'm pretty sure that Jesus didn't ask for everyone to convert and pray. Unless if I'm mistaken, which I probably am, he asks us to follow his ways only. And that includes the #1 Aesop in my liveblogs...
"Love one another."
Jason, a young man, wakes up in a bush. Obviously, he doesn't know where he is or why he has a coin with him. Hell, he doesn't even know his own name.
Then Annabeth finds him, and the two talk a bit. Surprisingly, the two actually talk like human beings
. And yes, while we do get the "Christianity is good" thing, it's not shoved into our heads like the last three stories. So that, at least, is an improvement.
Granted, that's not to say that the story doesn't have faults, but...I'm honestly liking this. It started shitty, but...wow.
Anyway! Jason and Annabeth introduce themselves to each other, and it's revealed that Camp Half-Blood is now rechristened (pun intended—yes, you may hit me now) as Camp Christ's Blood. Um...not a very good choice for a name, considering the monstrosities the Prayer Warriors caused, but...eh. I shouldn't complain too
Annabeth tells Jason that her boyfriend has disappeared, and she's distressed—I mean "distressful". And who's her boyfriend? Percy Jackson.
Who was married to Clarisse.
Once again, we have the problem of bigamy. Then again, we can
conduct that perhaps the events of Threat of Satanic Communism
changed it so that Percy wouldn't be married to Clarisse. And negated Grover's deaths. So it's kinda like a Reset Button
Then again, that's my Wild Mass Guess.
So after that, Jason needs guidance. To the Prayer Warriors, it can only mean one thing. Jesus. Christ.
And no, I'm not swearing, this is their guidance. Of course, Jason doesn't know who he is, so Annabeth is happy
to tell him about the guy.
Annabeth: "Well Jesus Christ is the greatest thing to ever happen to the world. He is God's only begotten son and he died on the cross for our sins. He died so that we could be free of sin. Through him we can go to heaven and be with our heavenly father. I am a Prayer Warrior and my job is to spread the word of God to all people, so that they all know who Jesus Christ is and the sacrifice that he made, as told by Saint Matthew in his Gospel. This is truly good news for everyone."
And "answered my question she did". Kinda sounds like something Yoda would say. Or "Answered my question, she did!". That aside, her description is surprisingly not as obnoxious as it used to be.
I'm thinking that these Prayer Warriors learned their lessons from the real
Jesus Christ and God, not some crazed abomination. At least, I hope so.
Jason is happy and wants to be a Christian. So that way, once he meets Jesus, he can figure out who he truly is. Okay, not a bad explanation. Trying to do soul-searching. No pun intended.
Annabeth decides that he must be baptized...but somehow, she doubts that he has been baptized yet. Wait, how would you...never mind. Also, she says simply that women aren't allowed to baptize others, that would be the men's jobs. And nothing else.
I'm pleasantly surprised, Thomas and Ebony. Keep it up!
Another man, Leo, enters the camp and baptizes Jason. Then after the young man feels refreshed and wanted to know more about Jesus, a false prophet, enter stage right. Jason, instead of outright killing him
, asks who the hell the person is, and Annabeth reveals that it's a false prophet. Who's apparently immortal. And claims to worship the Roman Gods (hey, at least they didn't say that they were false!
), but really worships Satan.
And as he's immortal, it won't be long until they figure out how to really kill him. Interesting thus far.
The false prophet then tells them this.
???: "Dear people of this earth, you got this all wrong. We are not here to harm you. All we want you to do is worship our Roman gods. I am here to present one of them, Jupiter, the mightiest of them all. Worship them and you will be rewarded."
False sense of security? Check. Not blatantly praising Satan? Check. Trying to copy the Prayer Warriors' religion? Check, check, and check. Wow, they're actually getting smarter! Me likey.
Annabeth then warns Jason that the prophet is lying, adding that he's there to tempt him to go to Hell by following him. After telling Jason that he must pray to God to be rewarded instead of following the Roman Gods...okay, wait, first you say that he's following Satan, then...never mind, moving on!
The two head to a church that Percy and the now-retired-but-should-have-been-punished Jerry built with their own hands. It has various paintings, the last of which (Moses leading his people out of Egypt) gives Jason a strange feeling. As if it reminds him of a past life. Unfortunately, he doesn't remember.
Then there's a scream, and Annabeth, Leo, and Jason lead to the source. What do they find? Grover! And not only is he back from the dead some-fucking-how, but he's demon-possessed!
The chapter ends here, but we get an Author's Note with Thomas asking the typical "Will (so and so) happen(s) to the character(s)?" and Ebony promising that there will be action-driven plotlines.
Well, so far...so good. It started off shitty, but now it's...turning pretty bland but pleasant.
We open up with yet another Author's Note with the whole "burning in Hell" that I pretty much glossed over. Guess who are the two who will go. If you guessed "well, duh, it's Book and you!", congratulations, you get a cookie.
...and yet, here, I'm praising the fic. Oh-kay...
Chapter 2 is called "Annabeth Performs an Exodus (should be Exorcism, but whatever) on Grover". And without spoiling anything, it is exactly what it says on the tin.
Annabeth asks Jason if he can help her perform an exorcism on Grover. She thinks that Satan has controlled Grover, making him a
tractor. Jason is surprised, saying to her that she thought there were all good Christian men and women.
She then explains that there are people who secretly worship Satan. And actually not forgetting the dropped plot point in the first story
, she adds that there used to be a traitor, but he (or she) has never been found. Granted, there should have been a reasonable ending, but hey, a mention's a mention.
But then again, he could still be in their midsts. So I wouldn't count that out just
Annabeth weeps because the Satanic scum is causing them so much misery, and Jason comforts her. Which is nice. And what do they decide to do with Grover?
Simple! They drag Grover out of the church and into the courtyard, and dunk his head into a well with the help of Leo! Why? Because Annabeth is weak.
...granted, I can actually believe that, given her fate in Threat of Satanic Communism
They decide to leave him like this for a good...five-ten minutes, and then Annabeth will say a prayer, for she's the most skilled. Hey, at least they're giving the women some action, good for them.
After five minutes, Annabeth does a prayer.
Annabeth: "Dear One True God and your only begotten son Jesus Christ, please hear this plead to you. Satan has managed to enter this camp with the aid of a tractor (curse ye hyphen that brings suffering among thee), and he has demon processed a devoted follower of your way: Grover! Please make this demon leave this fellow friend of mine! I shed a tear to allow you to allow this to happen: make the demon leave Grover! I beg you!"
...okay. Too bad that it isn't "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU!", that would have made a better effort.
Regardless...sadly, Grover is dead. And no efforts are made to revive him. Annabeth becomes upset despite the fact that he's been dead a million times, but it's understandable since...it looks like he's been killed off for real this time.
She leaves, and Leo and Jason bury Grover. They talk about the traitor, picking up the plot point at long fucking last, and then Chiron enters.
His revelation as this chapter comes to a close? Satan has taken two lives. Because aside from Grover, Annabeth has been tricked into committing suicide!
...well, so far, it isn't the best, but it certainly has come a long way. And errors and some plot holes aside, it's turning out for the better. So will Jason figure out who he is? Will Percy be rescued? And will Annabeth and Grover be revived?
Awaken that soul on the next liveblogging of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part II!