Third Time Is Not the Charm! Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: Threat of Satanic Communism!


Part 7: The Worst is Yet to Come

Welcome back.

Last time, Annabeth is killed off, and Mary arrives and presumably shoots John Lennon. SO NOT COOL. Also, lots of tracts happened. And lots more unpleasantness.

So let's move on with...

Chapter 13

After Mary presumably shoots...Lennon (God, I feel so dirty writing that :(), Jerry heads back to the church with her. Also, the coliseum is destroyed and burned to the ground, and all of those who were in said coliseum are captured. The nonbelievers are beheaded, and those who believed are now part of the happy little murder band.

Mary wants a baby someday again, and she wants a little girl. Guess what? Jerry hates girls, and wants strong Christian men. Well, fuck you, too, buddy. And Mary decides to agree with him.

By the way, that faux-Crowning Moment of Awesome from the last chapter/installment? That's negated yet again with Mary heading straight back to having to agree with her husband as you see here. All those promises of Mary being as strong as her husband, even being her own woman for once, thrown out the window. One has to think that the constant being the "yes man" (or "yes woman", whatever) to men has to be annoying eventually.

Well, Jerry, after the little talk, declares to the people in the church that Lennon is dead. Uggggggggggggh. But...Percy has something to say. Which you know what that means, the obligatory "bussing a character and shilling out the next story" chapter!

Percy: "God Christian men, I will tell you my entire story of how I got her! I was once a Satanist much like John Lennon. I worshiped evil gods of the geeks, but secretly we were worshipping Stan. And after a long battle against my deer friend Jerry, I saw the errors of my mistake. With the strength I managed to convert the camp in which I lived in. Although my old mentored died during the struggle between me and Grover, I managed to convert them all. After that we went with Percy Jackson to face off against the evil gods and won. Now America is free from the satanic scum and now we have done the same thing for you all! You should all be grateful for we have done. You are not free to live in God's chosen path for us! Rejoice!"

Yes, it's a recap of The Evil Gods: Part One, but as soon as he makes the speech, he leaves to America, presumably via the same portal. Jerry and his merry band of OC Sues (and Grover and Clarisse) stay in order to make sure that the future changed for the "better". And yes, it's in quotation marks.

After saying goodbye, Percy leaves. And we get an annoucement that his story will continue in The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods Part 2.

Which, by the way? I'm...actually not going to liveblog for right now.

Yes, this is a shock. But right now, this is probably going to be the last liveblog for The Prayer Warriors series. Because I actually read that story, and while the craziness remained, most of the actually toned down. For fucking once. Sure, Thomas hates Noah. Sure, we get our deaths. But for the most part? Surprisingly, there isn't anything offensive. Yet. It was elevated from a supremely shitty story to...something that's...bland and not as rage-inducing.

So there really is no need for me to liveblog The Evil Gods: Part 2. Because...there you have it, it's probably a Surprisingly Improved Sequel. Thomas has improved. A little, but it's a fucking start. Now, the situation may change in the future, but right now...yeah.

However, this story, the one that is rage-inducing, is still going on. Because hey, your Big Bad is in another castle. Lenin (that feels better for me typing this, because, seriously, John Lennon was not the fucking leader of the Bolsheviks/Communists) is a preview, for the real Big Bad has yet to be faced.

And who is it? Josef Stalin.

...and yes. The worst is yet to come.

Chapter 14

Thomas Brown: Ebony is no proof read this story so I will be gong alone.
Jesus Christ: Yes, but I will be here to confine you.
Thomas Brown: Thanky Jedus Christ, you are bery welcomed.

It's time for more Fun with Spelling Errors.

Let's continue.

A few weeks later, Annabeth—who somehow survived the death (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!)—gives Jerry a message. Percy is captured. But does he show concerns? Nope. He's more concerned about Stalin.

...actually, I'm probably thinking of this. Likely, the effects are already taking place, so it's likely that Annabeth was brought back. Then again, that's stupid.

Anyway, Stalin is located in Saint Petersburg...which he renamed "Stalin Town". Why? He named it after himself. And he wanted to spell it as "Satan Town", but he didn't, and the resulting name made him happy.

Bleh. Okay, you know what? This is a huge-ass fail here. Yes, Saint Petersburg did go through a few different name-changes. But you know what they are? Petrograd from 1914 because "Petersburg" sounded German, and the Russians wanted to cut ties from Germany due to the two countries being on opposite sides during World War I; and Leningrad from 1924 to 1991 after Vladimir Lenin, who died a few days before the name change. That new name was to honor him.

So of course the Prayer Warriors are annoyed of the new name (I would be, too, only due to the reasons mentioned above), and they plan to take back Stalin Town.

Clarisse and Grover head to Stalin Town to spy on Stalin himself. From there, she gives Jerry some important information. I'll summarize them all for you.

  • In the first paragraph, she talks about the journey, about how awful it was and how poor the people were. The folks don't donate to charity and expect the poor to live in scum. Ew? And are all of those really that apathetic, or is she bullshitting?
  • She and Grover baptized the poor and set up secret churches. She gave a sermon about we all have two fathers: the ones who put us into this world (um, yeah, they do help in the creating, but it's the moms who put us into this world) and, of course, God. Oh, and about our fathers? They're false and not important. WHAT THE FUCK.
  • Completely in Stalin Town, they stayed in an inn and did some secret sermons to those who were willing to listen. Which, by the way, were few. Why? They only did it to those who thought were willing to trust them.
  • They found out where Stalin was specifically hiding, and they found out that he was making war plans. What are the plans? Take out Moscow and teach the Christians a lesson!
    • Liveblogger's Note: Um...while it is true that Stalin had war crimes, that...I'm sure, is not one of them.

So there they are. Grover is staying (and we'll expect him to be offed soon enough), and Jerry's happy. He tells Clarisse that he's willing to lead his army to a fight and hopes that she'll come along...despite being a woman. Dude, stop it with the sexism!

The story ends with Clarisse saying "yes", and Jerry planning out the fight. He thinks that Stalin will use dragons (yes, there are dragons in this story!) he found in Siberia. nothing.

He and Clarisse talk about how to beat Stalin...and rescue the Tsar and his family from Stalin Town. Despite the fact that they were already dead.

Ugh...this can't possibly fail any harder. But at least we have two installments left to go, good news! So will our "heroes" manage to beat Stalin? What will Grover find out about...Stalin Town? And will there ever be a bright spot in the story again?

Awaken that soul on the next liveblogging of The Prayer Warriors: Threat of Satanic Communism!


"Evil gods of the geeks" is almost as good a typo as "foul breasts." Almost.
LadyJafaria 28th Aug 13
don't forget Jedus Christ. Presumably one of the eternal clones in heaven.
GenericTroper 17th Nov 14