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Part 5: More Fun with History Fails!
- Percy: "To those of Moscow, do not fear for your life, for God and his eternal son will punish these demons known as John Lennon, the satanic leader of the Soviet Russian Empire, who allows atheistic rites such as teaching the false lie that, is Evolution and worship of the Roman Gods: Jupiter, Venus, Pan, Mars, Hades, and Hercules, which are false beings that have been created by Satan to betray us to the depths of Hell. I will lead a revolt against this evil man, so that every good Christian man can worship our lord Jesus Christ freely without any atheists telling us that we cannot. We will bring back religion into the government, where only good Christian men can be elected into government, and into our Schools where we allow people to pray again like they should be allowed."
- Percy: "The first thing I will stop is this Coliseum, where good Christian men are forced to fight against each other to their deaths. This is the influence of the false Roman Gods, who want to make the world return back to the old roman times before it became Christian. For many hundreds years good Christian men are forced to fight against each other to their deaths much like they are forced to do here in Moscow. When the Roman Empire became the Holy Roman Empire, they banned all Coliseum games, and instead made people worship our lord Jesus Christ instead. Likewise, when Russia returns to being ruled by the Tsar, these evil games will be stopped, much like the Holy Roman Empire."
- Percy: "Has these evil men ever heard of the law: 'Do not kill'? Good Christian men should not kill other good Christian men because it is a sin, and killing Christians will send people to hell, no matter who they are. Although killing an Atheist is okay, that is because they are not really men, but demons. We will get rid of the Coliseum and force the Atheists to fight against each other to their deaths, so that we can punish these evils things and finally get rid of them once and for. They will learn what it is really like to be forced to fight against each other to their deaths, even against friends and families. And we will be pleased and be rewarded by being sent to heaven and spending time with our Lord Jesus Christ."
- Percy: "I, Percy Jackson, along with my followers, Grover and Michael, who help me very much in converting many people to the way of our lord Jesus Christ and his eternal father lord God, we will help you in the fight to get rid of John Lennon and his followers, and bring back the old traditions of worshiping the one and only true God and his eternal son our lord Jesus Christ of Narrative. I will get my followers to organise the churches around Moscow, so that on the Fourth of July we will up-rise against the evil men in control of this country and bring it back to the way it was before."For in the days of the kings, and evil witched ruled Israel, making people worship the false god Zeus. After Elijah inspired the Jewish people to up rise, the evil witch was killed and had her body drag across the country, to show every why you should not force people to worship false gods. Like what Elijah did, I will do also, by dragging the body of John Lennon across the country of Moscow to show every why Ego vere fidelis in cuniculis. And then we will celebrate and kick any Atheists out of Moscow and send them to Suburbia."
I told you about his revival shtick, I told ya, dog! How appropriate. This is the Sweet Bro And Hella Jeff of religious fanfic. :-P
1. Jezebel forced the Israelites to worship Ashtaroth and Baal, NOT Zeus. 2. Elijah did NOT tell the people to start an uprising. The only thing that was close to that description is when he told the crowd to slay the prophets of Ashtaroth and Baal. 3. Jezebel was NOT killed by an uprising. She was killed by being thrown out of a window by her own servants and Jehu ran her over with his chariot. 4. There was no way Jezebel's body could be dragged anywhere, because the dogs ate her body, something the prophet Elijah himself said would happen. It's really astounding how much Thomas doesn't know about the Bible he claims to serve.
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