Hello, all, and welcome to the first installment of my self-subjugation to a fanfic I found while browsing Fanfiction.net (yes, I do realize I need better hobbies. As proof of that, I write this after having exhausted other methods of entertainment.)
Now, you're probably asking right now, "So what? That's the point of that site; what makes this one so speshul?" After that, you are now thinking, "How dare you assume what I'm thinking, you presumptuous ass." The latter question is not important in reading this, but to the former: it's something you'll have to see as we go along. One could assume I was doing this as a result of the inherent strangeness of the combination: a vaguely feudal story about ninjas, crossed over with a more modern story about card games on motorcycles.
Oh, you poor, innocent little plebians. Let’s not waste any more time and get right to it.
Well, one more thing. As a note about names for 5D’s characters, I’ll generally use names I’m more familiar with, which are usually the original names (though there are exceptions like Luna/Ruka and Leo/Rua). Anyway, let’s get on with it.
Prolouge: The Birth of Kasumi!*
So our prolouge (sic) starts with this bit of exposition narration:
Taking things a bit fast there, aren’t we? I mean, I get that YuseixAki shippers exist, and there is evidence of it in the series, but I wouldn’t think that type of thing to be what would start off a story. Also, this time frame becomes increasingly improbable with later retcons.
The narrator then apparently takes a break and hands it over to some fashion designer, for the narration takes a jarring halt to describe exactly what both of them are wearing and what they look like. It isn’t even the hilariously stupid tripe such as “limpid pools” or “ebony black hair,” it’s just kind of bland.
The narration then resumes to tell us that the other Signers* (and Leo* ) enter... wherever this is, and oh wait, the fashion designer’s back. The strange thing about these descriptions is that they are immediately followed up by the name of the character in question, as if the readers had no idea who these people were. This is more than a little contradictory to the flippant use of 5D’s specific terms like Signers and Dark Signers. Needed terminology
Well, them and Leo. The author tends to forget him. It’s quite sad/hilarious, really.
...Wait, what?
Does Jack really just expect Dark Signers to randomly pop up again, just like that? It’s not as if they were some widespread epidemic the group has been facing their whole lives; the whole issue popped up and was resolved in a time frame of a few months at most. He doesn’t even sound that alarmed by the prospect, stupid as it is. He’s essentially saying, “Hey, man, more Dark Signers? No problem, brah.”
Wait, so they do regularly have to deal with stuff like this, or what? The author probably just can’t convey the ideas well in this passage, but I’m almost hoping this was hir intent. Well, half-hoping, because that would be a much more interesting story to read.
But no, instead we have much more pressing matters to deal with. Instead, Yusei and Aki called them all together to inform them that... Aki’s pregnant!
Everyone immediately starts congratulating them, with Jack doing so in his own weird way by congratulating Yusei for finally having done it with Aki, which Yusei counters by asking about him and Carly* . In response, Jack just tries to brush it off. And Carly is neeeeever mentioned again.
Well, she appears later on, but Jack is nowhere in that scene, and she never brings him up.
Crow is the next to congratulate them:
Crow, the first thing I would want to do to your face is punch it. Repeatedly.
Luna then asks when Aki is due, to which she responds with a date that is unimportant because the point is that she’s due in five months (as Leo helpfully exclaims).
So Yusei and Aki got into a relationship, got engaged, planned the wedding, and got married in the space of eight months? A biiiit unlikely.
Yes, I do realize the possibility of them having sex before marriage, but neither character really strikes me as someone who would do that. What do I know, though; I’m spending time criticizing this fic instead of doing something more productive with my time.
The wedding could have also just been signing the papers* , but the time frame is still rather compressed even then.
Anyway, I digress. The group inquires about things like the gender and the name, neither of which are set in stone yet, but a silence falls among the group when the possibility of the child inheriting Aki’s psychic powers comes up. Psychic powers in 5D’s
Yusei assures Aki that he would never abandon the child if that was the case, to which she agrees, and Crow reaffirms the notion, with some dumb ass metaphor about crows always defending their nests (which only urban crows really do, by the way).
The idea of psychic powers being inherited is not brought up in 5D’s itself, but this is a rather nice, if abrupt, exchange, with the exception of the inclusion of Crow. I don’t think I have to say much to explain why; it shows good characterization of those involved and brings up interesting possibilities never addressed in the series proper.
Leo then tells the couple to let the Signers know the gender of the child, and with that, the group separates.
Suddenly Time Skip to the next scene in the hospital, where the not-pregnant Signers and Leo are waiting for Aki to finish giving birth. The narration helpfully informs us that the child will be a girl.
Yusei is passing pacing back and forth nervously, causing Crow to yell at him for making him nervous. The typical banter about being a good parents occurs at this point, though with the added note that Yusei is worried because he never really knew his parents.
Ignoring that he still had guidance in the form of his caretaker Martha, I find this silly considering how he already acts rather down-to-earth and fatherly to his group of friends.
After this, the narration again skips, this time a few hours ahead to after the baby’s birth.
Hey, the narration finally acknowledges Leo’s existence!*
Aki asks Yusei for a name, to which he suggests Kasumi. There are multiple references I could make here, but I’m not going to make any of them. Instead, I’ll just note that name seems rather random.
Aki doesn’t seem to think so, though, as she calls it a wonderful name and states the full name Kasumi Aki Fudo. A bit vain there, aren’t we, Aki?
NO FUCKING WAY. My mind is blown by your astute observation, Crow.
Martha then comes in and shoos everyone out, saying the mother and baby both need rest.
So, the group decided to have Aki give birth in an orphanage? Not any sort of hospital? It’s not as if it would be difficult to get to one, Satellite (poor area) and Neo Domino City (rich area) were connected following the fiasco with the Dark Signers. I could understand for the sake of nostalgia for Yusei, maybe, but I would think he would want to make sure the conditions were more sanitary.
Regardless, the group complies with Martha and leave the room, ending the chapter and giving us this author’s note:
See, you spell prologue correctly right there, why do you insist on spelling it wrong when titling your chapters?
Despite the claim that the next chapter will be long, most of the chapters from here on out are that long (IE twice or thrice as long as this prologue), meaning we’re in this for the long haul. Also of note is that the ‘‘Naruto’’ elements won’t appear for a couple more chapters. I would make a swipe at how that means it won’t suck for a couple more chapters, but the sad truth is that it starts to suck before that.
Lastly is the note about being in Kasumi’s point of view. So either we get an accurate portrayal of a ten-year-old* or the standard narration with first person pronouns arbitrarily thrown in. Wonderful.
Well, that wraps up this installment. Next time, we actually see the title character of the story do things! Excitement!
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