Chuck Austen Meets Chick Tracts: The Fanfic--Rika Liveblogs The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods
Part 8: The Beginning of the Anticlimatic Final Battle
Last time, once again, it's more of the same. Murder, tracts, everything. Except that Mary decides to give up the baby to adoption.
However, this time, we finally get the plot rolling, even with the tracts as annoying as ever. So let's get right to it with...
At this rate, there is just no point in recapping the Author's Notes, as they're all the same. Either it has him rant about how we'll go to Hell, being hacked, and the list goes on. However, here, it states that his story was deleted. Which, believe it or not, was true: as soon as the fic was listed in the So Bad It's Horrible page, it was taken down. Until recently, where it was back up for our suffering.
But the good news is, we're almost done.
After Jerry examines the converted camp, he makes a speech about how it's nearly time to kill all those false gods. And makes another tract about how people who don't support the Iraqi War should be going to Hell, as they're turning the country into an extremist one. Okay...also, Trump for 2012, whoo-hoo!
: "Jerry, for killing tons of people, shoving beliefs down everyone's throats, and being all-around awful, you're fired.
Anyway, Percy decides to bury Chiron in the Christian manner, as he died like a martyr. Despite the death taking place offscreen. Oh, and the person who killed him? He's dead. Hung. If that's Grover...ugh.
However, the guy shows his army and decides on a general, so to speak. And who did he select for that? Luke. Who's supposedly a great fighter.
And so the chapter ends with Jerry telling Percy to let the men fight and the women provide food and aid. Because they will need it. They all head off to the temples to face off against the Greek Gods.
Oh, and the ending author's notes has him reveal his age: 17 at the time of writing the fanfic, and Noah was 13. And tracts about how he wants to protect himself against the government.
...I do apologize for making the summaries short, but at this point, I just want to get this over with while trying to make key points.
So let's move on with...
Take a wild guess on what the rant's about. Go ahead, guess. If you guessed "him claiming to not be a troll, that he's deathly Serious Business
about him being a Christian, and no one has read the Bible", you get a cookie. And how would we become Christians? By doing good work by...not stealing, lying, or killing, the last of which he contradicts due to the events of the story. Oh, and not being gay, either.
If there are any gay people reading this, I am so, so sorry for inflicting this onto you.
The chapter begins with Jerry making a speech. The plan? Of course, destroying the Greek Gods! He plans to destroy Artemis—er, "Atomist" (so there's a god made out of atoms?) and Venus (it's Hera, and Venus was in Roman
mythology, dumbass!). Percy will destroy Zeus and Neptune (it's Poseidon!). And Luke, who we haven't seen before up to now? He gets...Mars and Ares. Who are one and the same.
For someone who claims to have read the Bible, he certainly knows jack shit about mythology in general. But who cares about accuracy when you can worry about demonizing the hell out of those Gods, making them even worse than they were in myths?
Anyway, they must kill the Gods because, you guessed it, they sinned too long. And they rejected Jesus. Though I do wonder if they even knew about God and Jesus Christ in the first place. It's the kind of things that make you say, "hm...".
The Prayer Warriors begin their assault by heading to Artemis' temple. Hey, you remember how the Daughters of Artemis are chaste (thanks, Freezair)? Pfft, fuck that, they're being whorish to married men! No, seriously, they're having sex with them.
...this story pretty much goes beyond They Just Didn't Care
, and yes, it's going to get worse.
The Warriors kill the men (because...you know, they're not liking the fact that the guys are cheating on their wives), and the Daughters of Artemis are forced to dig graves. Guess what? They don't get off scot-free, either, as they're stoned to death, and the graves are left unburied. So that animals can feast on their bodies.
I almost want to compare the Prayer Warriors to...well, a certain group in World War II, but I'm too good for that sort of thing
. Plus, it might scare off advertisers/add unnecessary ads.
After that wholesale slaughter, they find Artemis. She isn't hunting, oh, no, she's counting money that her Daughters made. Jerry stabs her eyes, and she cries out that she'll kill him. Even when the "hero" offers her to bow down to God (no, wait, he demands her to do so), she refuses.
...and she gets her slits slit (seriously), and after she dies, her head's placed on a stake to show that she's a fake God and, thus, is burning in Hell.
Even Kratos would facepalm over how anticlimatic the fight was.
Jerry heads over to the temple of
Venus. Hey, did you know that she's a lesbian? No? Well, you do now, because the author said so!
...there are so many things wrong with that sentence that it would take months
to list them all. But I'll summarize: Hera's famous for really wanting Zeus; after all, she's his wife (and sister, I shall add). Any other woman that gets in Zeus' way (as in, he falls in love with a woman)? She gets jealous and sees to it that the women will not have a happy ending.
Anyway, because she sinned too much, there is no way in Hell that she'll get a chance to repent. Which, by the way, also summarizes pretty much all female villains' fates. So her head's cut off and placed on a stake, and her followers convert to Christianity.
Ugh...is there a real challenge for those..."heroes"? They not only Insta-Convert, but they always win. Come to think of it, what the hell happened to Ethan who was supposedly the traitor? He could have been a powerful villain! But, alas, that plot line has vanished...
And so the chapter ends with the Prayer Warriors burning the temple, for it is too poisoned to be converted to another church. Which leaves four Gods left to go. And also, there's a self-promotion of an author's notes in the form of announcing a story Noahmania wrote: "The Prayer Warriors: A Believer's Journal." But...eh.
And it leaves, coincidentally enough, four more chapters to go. We're almost done with this clusterfuck!
Will the Prayer Warriors defeat the rest of the Gods? Is there anyone who really is a challenge? And will I retain my sanity enough to make it to the finish?
Awaken that soul on the next liveblogging of The Prayer Warriors: The Evil Gods!