The Weirdest Teamup This Side of Trakeena's Revenge: Rika Liveblogs Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie!
Finale: Best of the Best of the Best
...well. We made it this far. Nine installments filled with nothing but horror and torture. I would like to thank those who have been reading this and giving input on this...thing.
God, calling it a "thing" would be an insult to all...things.
It's...it's...something that defies description.
I guess, we're starting the party, we're shutting it down. And dear God, how much that will take.
: So shall we continue?
Yeah. Previously on my livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie
, Winnie and his friends do nothing. Well, except for C-3P0 understanding Bowser and Maligore. Speaking of, Zuul and Vinz possessed Kimberly and Jason (seriously), and the Rangers managed to save them...kind of. Really, Lerigot and Yara also helped, too.
And I will take the time to answer some concerns. Yes, originally, Maligore obtained Kimberly's purity and Jason's strength. After all, that's pretty much why they were chosen to be sacrifices in the first damn place. And secondly, even if I were to buy the fact that Winnie chose to do the plays in order to regain his strength and thus become all-powerful in the final fight, it just reeks
of both Possession Sue
and God-Mode Sue
when (or if!) he eventually reaches that point.
Oh, and that still doesn't tell us why his other allies do jack shit.
Why Mewtwo isn't using Psychic on the army. Why the Blue Fairy isn't obliterating them. Why Winnie's other friends aren't doing much of anything. Maybe they're Team Cannon Fodder that'll be sacrificed to Winnie in the hopes of gaining more power?
...maybe I'm reading too much into this.
: Perhaps you are. So we'll finish off the installment with...
Part 10 of 11
Bowser Jr., being the ungrateful brat he is, demands Divatox to say something to Maligore. Mistress Nine adds, "And remember, first impresson".
..."impresson"? Look. I can somewhat buy the "w/" in lieu of "with". But this, along with all other misspellings, just shows
that BowserMovies1989 just doesn't care. At least Mistress Nine isn't a bitch, though.
So Divatox compliments Maligore, and as she shakes his hand, she's shocked. Ouch. The Rangers fire at Maligore, but their weapons do nothing. Bowser cheers Maligore on, and—
...did Tigger actually tell Winnie to show Maligore what he's made of? YOU MEAN AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY MINUTES OF THIS BULLSHIT, WE'RE ACTUALLY SEEING WINNIE DO SOMETHING?!
: ...are you okay, Rika?
Carter...(picks him up and snuggles with him
)...I'm not mad. I'm honestly surprised. Well, shoot, we'll see how Winnie fares against Maligore!
: ...I think we're in big trouble.
...aaaaaaaaaand cut to Winnie and his friends cowering. And Piglet asking Tommy what they can do.
THIS IS BULLSHIT!
You mean that after that promising scene, we actually get fucking nothing?! We don't see an epic fight between Winnie and Maligore?!? FUCK THIS MOVIE! I'M DONE!
(suddenly, Carter's turned back to normal—and fully clothed, mind you—and gently touches my shoulder
: Rika. You're not done yet.
What do you care? And how did you change back?
: That doesn't matter right now. What matters is that you need to finish this. The sooner you get done with this mess, the better off you'll be, and the quicker the pain ends. You've got to win this, Rika. Just remember: never give up.
...you know what? You're right, Carter. You're absolutely right. I...I guess I shouldn't give up.
: That's the spirit, Rika!
Anyway, Tommy decides that the best thing for them to do is to go outside, and so they do. Well, after Maligore lays the smackdown on them and Bowser warns them that they're no match for his brother (again, I absolutely refuse to believe
that Maligore is Bowser's brother). And Adam even adds that Divatox is leaving, which she actually does do so.
Oh, and by the way? This is the second time
we see the stock footage of Winnie, his friends, and Slimer fleeing. You know, one may think that the creator should be more creative with the selection of the clips for those scenes, if not in general.
Outside, the Rangers enter their Turbo Zords and drive to the quarry. Divatox and Rygog move elsewhere to watch the fight. And then, Maligore grows, which causes the Rangers to form the Turbo Megazord. Once formed, the heroes and monster have a rock-em-sock-em battle. Seriously, that's mostly what it's amounted to.
Also, Bowser greatly roars for Maligore to win.
Meanwhile, the monster itself uses Flamethrower onto the Megazord, but...the Rangers defeat the monster once and for all with the Megazord's sword. Yep. Just a quick and easy (mostly) battle.
After Maligore falls into the ocean, everyone celebrates. Yes, even Winnie and his friends. With...a large jar of honey for some reason. O__o
: We showed that Maligore a thing or three!
OH, FUCK YOU, TIGGER. YOU HARDLY, IF EVER, DID ANYTHING!
Once again, our other "heroes" take the credit. That's right. They took the credit when we clearly
saw them cowering. This movie is fucked.
However, the volcano erupts, and Divatox swears vengeance onto the real
heroes. And then she and Rygog flee. Mewtwo, somehow back on solid ground, asks Kimberly, Jason, Bulk, Skull, and Lerigot and his family for a lift, which they...do.
And so, the tournament goes on, and Angel Grove wins it. Which means that their shelter is saved. The movie ends with the happy Rangers celebrating over their biggest win.
...OR DOES IT?!
Part 11 of 11
After the credits, specifically after which BowserMovies1989 says "Ciao!" to us, Bowser and his son look over the lost island. Bowser tells him that they just don't know when to quit, and Bowser Jr. agrees. Bowser wonders if there's a way to defeat Winnie and his friends, and...
: Perhaps I can be of assistance.
Who? What? Who said it? Is it...can it be...?
It's the Joker. The motherlovin' Joker!
And he says that he has a deal for Bowser! And so the movie finally
ends with...a cliffhanger.
This movie sucks!
Just when there are thought to be good scenes that are going to happen, it finds some way to subvert the potential awesomeness. Winnie and his friends once again do jack shit, and there's...just...so...much...headaches...
(Carter senses that there's trouble. In a flash, he runs off and finds the source—the movie itself. It has taken a form that seems to resemble a cross of Bowser and Maligore for God knows what reason.
: You caused so much pain to us. Now I will fucking end it!
(Pulling out his Rescue Blaster, Carter shoots the shit out of the personification of the movie, destroying it once and for all. And yes, it is as quick as the fight between the Rangers and Maligore in the movie proper. Job well done, Carter rushes to my side.
Are you all right, Rika?
Yeah...the headache's gone now. How about we do a little something to ensure that this movie shouldn't exist anymore? ;)
(I pull out some sake.
This. Drink until we're so fucking hammered, we'll forget about what we just saw.
: Normally, I would decline. But after seeing what we just saw...I like the sound of that.
Great. By the way...before we start, it has been an honor to be in your presence.
: And it has been an honor to liveblog with you. If you need any help, you know where to call me. If you remember, that is. ;)
(And so, Carter and I drink to forget the memories. Which is a long, long time.
TO BE CONTINUED...