Part 4: I Know a Place
Welcome back to the madness.
: Previously on Rika's livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie...
...first off, Divatox and Bowser plan to awaken Maligore, who is, sadly, the latter's long-lost brother. Tommy and Katherine go out to search for Lerigot, and Bulk and Skull are kidnapped by Divatox's army. Also, Winnie and friends do jack shit.
: You know...I'm actually quite curious towards the story of Winnie fighting Prince Olympius. I don't know why.
Likely Bile Fascination
Having that recapped, it's pretty damning that...there's less and less of the actual Pooh's Adventures thing to recap. But will I liveblog Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie
in the future as a different liveblog? I admit, I did think about that. I may do exactly that someday, right after I get done with all the other liveblogs.
: Well, we'll continue on with...
Part 4 of 11
In Divatox's lair, she's upset. Elgar can't find Lerigot, and it looks like the two humans of purity and strength are...wrong. Very wrong. However...
: Yep. Elgar even scrambled their brains so they'll easier to deal with.
...wait, what? "They'll easier to deal with"? Somehow, I don't even want to know what that means.
Bowser Jr. then asks Divatox what she thinks. Again, she's not really happy, smelling the stinky fish bait that the duo crashed into whilst escaping. So our villains are restarting the search.
Cut back to Africa, where Tommy and a limping Katherine still search for Lerigot, but his signal's getting weaker. Eventually, they do find him with the monkeys he befriended. But before they're able to go to the Command Center, Lerigot heals Katherine's leg. After a good-bye, they head back to the Center. NEXT!
In the ocean, two scuba divers explore the undersea life until they're captured by Divatox's forces.
: I know who they are...a certain Red Ranger told me of his...misadventures here.
Hm. Though we shouldn't spoil it...
Back at the lair, Divatox looks at the captured humans, symbolisms of purity and strength. After the humans are sent into their...prison, so to speak, Bowser says that they should reel in Lerigot.
By the way, is it me, or are every single shots of Bowser and Bowser Jr. the exact damn same?
I suppose BowserMovies1989 want us to imagine as if they're in the lair, but...it's not that easy to do with video clips. Fanfics are easier, even though you run a great risk of ripping lines off wholesale.
Anyway, Bowser continues to say that Lerigot's probably with Winnie and Zordon right now. He orders one of Divatox's soldiers to remove the mind block. Why? So that the captured Yara, Lerigot's wife, would be used to "conntact" the heroes.
...(facepalms over the continued misspelling)
At the Command Center, Lerigot tries to recover, but Mewtwo says that the sun took its toll on him. Gee, thanks for the information that we already fucking know
, Captain Obvious
. Dear God, for every moment that the "heroes" bullshit around and do nothing, there's every other moment where everyone, "hero" or "villain", states the obvious.
And yes, I do use the terms "hero" and "villain" loosely.
However, Lerigot calls Yara's name, and the Rangers (and presumably everyone else) are worried. As it's revealed that he's getting a message that's upsetting him, the Good Fairy asks Zordon (I swear to God, I absolutely fucking refuse
to say that she's his daughter, there's just no way!) about what they could do. The answer? Alpha shows what Lerigot's receiving.
Yep. Once again, our "heroes" do jack shit, so...why the everloving fuck are they even in the fucking Command Center?
: And the "visiting Zordon" thing doesn't even fly.
Suddenly, Bowser shows up, greeting Winnie, his allies, and Zordon. Winnie and friends, who are once again dressed in Winter gear (what?), shout, "Bowser Koopa?!" No, it's Santa Claus telling you all that you've been naughty and will receive coal this year, dumbasses.
Bowser then asks our "heroes" that they didn't expect
the Spanish Inquisition
to have him, Mistress Nine, and Bowser Jr. remain locked up in the ghost containment unit. Oh, wait, no, Stay-Puft says that they did.
Well, you guys forgot to put a lock on the damn thing, didn't you? If so, you're easily as incompetent as the guys who forgot to put a lock on Dai Shi
's prison. Plot-Induced Stupidity
doesn't even begin
to describe it.
Bowser then calls the "heroes", essentially, dumbasses, and he does an Evil Laugh
. A silent Evil Laugh
, but an Evil Laugh
nevertheless. It turns out that a new partner, Divatox (after Mewtwo asks Bowser who the new partner is), freed them, and Team Rocket's back with Giovanni.
How the everflying fuck did Divatox even get to the containment unit without being fucking detected
? And even in a fucking plotholed-induced series like Power Rangers
, the Pooh's Adventures
series contains even more.
You know what? "Time for Lightspeed
", for all of its faults and plotholes, manages to still be remarkable. Let me count the ways...
- We know exactly what happened to the other Lightspeed Rangers after their adventure ended. Carter, I can't speak of, but we'll just assume that he's still rescuing people.
- Speaking of Carter, as horrible as it is for poor Sean Cw Johnson to suffer through that piece of shit the most, I'll admit that he actually tried his damnest to make his performance count. Hell, he gets an award solely for showing up throught the teamup and not chicken out or some shit. Guy's got bravery.
- The teamup confirmed Joel and Ms. Fairweather's Official Couple status.
- As stupid as the jacket-tradeoff was (even dumber was the Time Force Rangers mimicking the Lightspeed Rangers' morphing call), at least it showed an honest-to-God attempt for some friendship-bonding between the two teams.
- And as much as the Super Demon had his Informed Ability told and not shown, well, just the fact that Ron Rogge was willing to voice the glorified Monster of the Week while Alison MacInnis was sick and Rhett Fisher was unavailable was pretty nice.
: ...incidentally, I...don't remember much about that. I remember there being a bright light, and I completely forgot about that...meetup or something like that.
...oh, my God. I praised "Time for Lightspeed". I just praised the number one go-to example of the worst Power Rangers teamup of all time, if not the worst teamup of any medium.
(Then Rika has a breakdown while this Sanity Slippage Song plays. The breakdown consists of her downing drinks, babbling nonsense, hugging her lion plushie, and—for no reason at all—punching Carter in the guts while stone-cold drunk and also screaming out "I AM A MAN-UH!". And it lasts for a quite a long time.
(Several hours later...
Okay. I'm better now.
: So am I...
(he rubs his stomach
: It's for the best that you don't want to know...
Anyway, where was I? Ah, yes. Divatox shows up on the screen, telling everyone that Lerigot must surrender. She even shows Yara and the adorable little baby SQUEE!
Ahem. Anyway, Bowser tells the group that they should bring him to them. And in exchange, they'll spare the two humans they just
captured. Former Power Rangers Kimberly and Jason
, played by Amy Jo Johnson
and Austin St. John, respectively.
Oh, and before they're revealed? C-3P0 asks Winnie if he knew who they are. He does. And with a final farewell from Bowser, the transmission ends.
In the prison, Kimberly and Jason try to think of a way out. However, as they try to come up with a plan, Bulk and Skull...just talk to them a bit. NEXT!
Back at the Command Center, Alpha 5 and Lerigot, the latter getting better, communicate. Winnie asks Zordon what Divatox and Bowser want with Lerigot—oh, I'm sorry, "why Divatox and Bowser want w/ Lerigot". Turns out that Lerigot's Golden Key is a way to go to the Nemesis Triangle, and from there, she'll go to an island and awaken Maligore. And no, dammit, I refuse to believe that Maligore is Bowser's long-lost brother.
The Good Fairy wonders what Lerigot's doing, and it's revealed that he's doing the Prayer of Guidance. Upon hearing that he's ready to surrender, Tigger doesn't take it well, and neither does Piglet. The Rangers decide to free Kimberly and Jason, and then they'll save Lerigot's family.
Cut to the shores. The Rangers arrive, ready to surrender Lerigot over to Divatox's army. Our heroes want to stall the villains, knowing full damn well that they're not really going to surrender the former Rangers. However, Lerigot is gone, surrendering himself to the enemy.
And so ends the fourth installment.
: Here's hoping that things get better...
Somehow, Carter, I doubt it.
What will happen to Lerigot? Will his family, Kimberly, and Jason be saved? And will we ever figure out how
the Good Fairy's the daughter of Zordon and Maligore's the long-lost brother of Bowser?
One who does not fight will not survive the next livebloggening of Pooh's Adventures of Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.
The "Winnie the Pooh's Adventures" appellation seems a bit off. It's more like "Bowser mucks around with Power Rangers villains adventures" than anythung.
Jesus fucking Christ, leave the Lightspeed/Time Force team-up alone, will you, ya dumb pillock?