So You Wanna Do a Cinematech: Nocturnal Emissions Liveblog

Beary Scary

Whoopin' and a Hollerin'

Episode 45 General

Murder on the Eurasia Express, a live-action FMV game for the PS 1 by Squaresoft. The action starts when MURDER strikes a high school trip on a train. The “action” consists of... clicking on things, such as people on the trip. The player can zoom in on individual body parts, which is a little voyeuristic, and oh, did the editors linger on some characters for too long. It looks sooooo boring.

Timecode: 2:31: Fighting Beauty, a PS2 game from Bandai based on a Seinen manga. Before showing some gameplay, they show a nice, prerendered scene of the titular beauty practicing some martial arts in the hall after a bath. Much to her chagrin, her grandpa startles her and she loses her towel.

11: 32: The beautiful prerenderd intro of Valkyrie Profile 2 Silmeria. Silmeria tells the story of Alicia, the fragile, human host for Silmeria, the youngest of the Valkyrie sisterhood. Even though Alicia was the princess of Dipan, her father claimed that she died when, in actuality, he locked her away once she began to show signs of coexistence with Silmeria.

Then, one day, one of Silmeria's sisters came for her to bring her back to Valhalla. Silmeria convinced Alicia that, for the sake of Dipan, she could not return. Silmeria temporarily possessed Alicia's body and fended the Hrist Valkyrie off. She relented, but not without ominous words of portent:

“...Be warned: Dipan will not be spared.”

Alicia and Silmeria escaped. Silmeria thanked the timid princess, and told her that it was time to go, if they were to save Dipan.

And so, in the dark of night, as the wind scattered the petals of their flowers at their feet, the princess and the goddess departed on their mission.

(Flowers are a favorite visual symbol of Valkyrie Profile.)

15: 13: It Came from the Bargain Bin: Country Justice: Revenge of the Rednecks, a budget FPS from ValuSoft. This game seems out to lampoon some Southern stereotypes, the graphics are pitiful, and the physics are whack. The game seems to have an open world structure, maybe like Postal in overalls. Enemies include zombie chickens, zombie horses, giant, hostile dragonflies, and barfing human zom – holy shiz. Holy, holy shiz. I was already trying to think up jokes about Ellis from Left 4 Dead 2, but only just had my mind blown by the coincidence of this game taking place in the American South, with zombies. It's so insane, it could be So Bad, It's Good.

16:31: Silly clips from the already silly naked Raiden sequence from Metal Gear Solid 2. They added a campy dance song for extra lulz.

19:21: A silly Easter egg from BioWare's Jade Empire where you can have your character pull a lever to briefly transform into a member of the opposite gender. They step back, confused, before turning back to their default sex. This also startles the character's companion.