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The Suburban Knights Liveblog Thing
Wackd

[table of contents]
Part One: Cars Will Explode. Exposition Will Be Delivered. And the Costume Design Will be...Legandary
Hello and welcome to the Suburban Knights Live Blog Thing. Let's skip the introduction and get started, shall we?

Oo! Barron stretch of road, wind whistling in the background! Should be eery, but it's not really. Here comes a car, and...someone we've never seen before. Can't really tell who it is thanks to the hair, but given my familiarity with the site I'm guessing we're not supposed to know who he is. The story proper hasn't started yet.

Okay, so I know from having already watched this once that the music, save the theme, is all stock music. Where does one find such rockin' stock music? Did someone seriously write this track and just decide they didn't want it? Okay, nitpicking.

Ah! We're following someone we don't know who's about to pick up a hitchhiker. I smell opening kill, but then I've admitted I already sat through this once so there's no way I'm convincing you that was my actual reaction, am I?

Oh, hey, it's Roger! The guy who played him, anyway, but we knew he was in this and in that get up so even when the long shot happened it shouldn't have been surprising. Given that we already know this is the villain, it's definite. Blondie here doesn't stand a chance.

Oh, hey, it's Lewis, just barely not doing his '90s Kid voice!

EDIT, 27-NOV: Thank you, end credits. That's not Lewis. It's Jim Troken. Apologies, Jim.

I'm sorry, Roger, that line delivery kinda sucked. And not-90s-Kid is right. What the hell did you think you'd be riding in?

I've got to say, though, Roger sells the non-dialogue aspect really well. Even without the resigned sigh I can see the frustration on his face through his shades.

Not-90s-Kid is an idiot. I expect Roger looks dumbstruck under the shades. That he doesn't sell so well.

Chicago, of course. Oh my God! That's where the Critic is! Nobody saw that coming!

"Can't get this bloody thing to work?" Was this character originally written as being British?

We can tell by all the random gadgets scattered about that Roger doesn't like electronics. Because he's glaring at them. But in case you didn't get it, he'll be making a speech to that effect in just a few minutes. Hang on.

Okay, I'll admit it. The dialogue here is cracking me up. Not-90s-Kid is starting to sound like Zach Ledger's Johnny Cylon with his voice down an octave, but the actual words coming out of his mouth are funny as all hell. He drove into a lake. Six times.

"You're using that?" No, Roger, he's just trying to get it to point the way to Chicago for the fucking fun of it. The time to be incredulous was before dumbass's rant. I kind of forgive it because, again, this guy's pretty funny, but still. Between this and "you're giving me a ride in a car?" Roger's coming off as a little light in the head.

Roger, bring your voice down a little bit. We know you can be creepy, so why are you so unconvincing here?

I love that a guy dressed in a Matrix costume hates technology. Where did he get his dress sense from?

Okay, one: you finally nailed the voice, but phrases like "electric highways" and "technical prestidigitation" aren't hel...holy crap, that's a real word? Must be, because my spell-check just auto-corrected it. Still sounds silly as all hell, but whatever. Anyway, dude, go read the section in Everything Bad is Good for You on electronics. Learning the ins-and-outs of a GPS, especially if you eschew the manual, can make you smarter. And if your beef with electronics, at least this one, is that it decreases reliance on your own brain, do you hate maps too? Is Not-90s-Kid supposed to memorize the entire road system? If this was supposed to be funny, I'd understand, but it's being played way too straight for that. It's supposed to be creepy, and it's failing horribly.

Okay, Not-90s-Kid Bill is a serious idiot. Of course you said something wrong.

"Would you give up everything you own for [the 21st Century]?" You idiot, if your whole beef with the century is electronics, than wouldn't giving up all that shit remove that beef? Bill, in his own warped way, is right.

"There's one other thing that you own that the 21st Century hasn't given you..." Oh, could it be—your LIFE? Honestly, could it be any more obvious? Just shut up and kill him already! "Do you want it taken away?" REALLY? Sorry, Doug, my reaction here is probably exactly how you'd react if you were reviewing this scene and you hadn't written it. I can totally see you at your desk mocking the fuck out of this dialogue like it deserves.

I'll admit it. The use of exterior shot here is great. Cliched, but great. Very real-looking and scary as all fuck—or it would be, if not for what came immediately before. And I love Roger just nonchalantly walking away. Honestly, the only time I find this guy chilling is when he doesn't talk.

WOAH! Roger clearly attended the SHIT class on blowing stuff up with your mind. Overkill, yes, but badass. Just don't let him open his mouth again and I can accept this guy as cool.

BAM! Opening credits. The music sounds like Skitch took "He's a Pirate", thought to himself "I can make this more epic", and FUCKING DID. The graphics are cool too, between the Doctor Who timestream effect and the illustrations from CR. If I have one complaint, it's that the relatively bright, vibrant pictures look weird against parchment. I could do with them looking more like ancient fantasy illustrations and less like one of the site's video's title cards. Or if you're sticking with those pictures—which are great, don't get me wrong—drop the parchment. Also, I can do without the screen exploding every few seconds. I get that it's because the pictures are all separate, but seriously, man—it's called Infinite Canvas. Look it up.

Brian Heinz is in this! And it's not just a cameo, either, since if Kickassia is anything to go by, those get stuck in the end credits. (Plus, I already know Ma-Ti is given a relatively substantial role, so if Brian's credited above him it must be a fairly long performance.) I know no one else cares, but I'm a Last Angry Geek fan, so it's nice to see he's in this. (A side note: please tell me Rob isn't Santa Christ again. He's not a bad character, but he's not one I particularly care to see again, either.)

Switching from Roger to Orlando...NOW!

Ed's involved, too! I know he's not a big in-front-of-the-camera guy, so it's nice to see he was involved somehow, as was CR.

No, really, who just abandons music like this? Ah, well, it benefits us, I suppose. There's Joe. Boy does he look happy. Love the "whatever" expression on the guy he just approached as he walks off.

Normally, I'd pick at things like Joe just walking into a house or even responding to someone offering him a free car (probably sent that Nigerian prince his bank account number, too), but unlike that earlier scene, this is supposed to be funny—and is—so I'll let it slide.

And...Big "NO!". Goes on for a bit long, though I do like Film Brain's excited wave. Guy's too friendly for his own good. I laughed at the nodding, too.

Is Obscurus Lupa taking Bennett's place as resident sadist? Because that really does seem like more of a Bennett line. Ah, well. Allison Pregler is too cute—even saying that—for me to care. I can see why Todd does what he does.

Heehee. Epicness. (Incidentally, assume Sincerity Mode for this whole thing. If I'm being sarcastic, I'll let you know.)

Jew Wario's line here sounds a lot like Cinema Snob enquiring about Spoony's alter-ego in Kickassia, requisite with music. Great character acting here. You know what? I could probably buy Todd as the villain just on the strength of this one scene.

I love how we were all allowed to assume that Lupa's medicine line was directed at the Critic. Trailers Always Lie indeed. I love Brain's little inhale there, even if it makes no sense.

I love Critic knowing to duck just there and how he's being so friendly about tricking them into this. The blast from the Gun doesn't look quite right, but Linkara wasn't on the post-production side so whatever.

MarzGurl delivered that line fairly well. Not as incredulous as she should've been, but I don't get all the complaints about her acting. So she's a little wooden. I've seen worse.

Phelous's line is funny, but I'm sidetracked by Linkara. He plays silent-seething really well. I wouldn't want him mad at me, that's for sure.

The Critic is so fucking cheerful! I'll admit, I'd have a hard time being pissed. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about and already I'm sold. And Spoony's rendition of the gag, especially juxtaposed with the Critic, is hilarious. And here's Lupa being adorable again. Is it the voice? And again, why is she getting all the Sage lines? Where is Sage?

Critic, are you THAT lazy? The TV is right there. Funny running effect and...REVEAL!

Ah, Fridge Brilliance. Brainy's childlike innocence last time was because he was the youngest one on the site, but Luke is about the same age Brain was back when Brain first joined. So this dichotomy makes a warped kind of sense.

Brain is completely unphased by Critic forgetting his name. Love it. Not a change in expression.

GAH! Benzaie! Whose crotch did you pop out of? Freaking scary, man. (Incidentally, it's Snob. You can tell because Linkara was to the left of him before and you can make out the plaid-and-tweed in the upper-right-hand corner. But still, why did this just happen?)

Heehee. Collective groan. Still, I'd love it if the guys actually did MST this.

Chuck is Rob, isn't he? Yeah. Mr. Walker totally nails the delivery of these lines, and it sounds exactly like the sort of crap one might hear on a newshow...like, a decade or two ago. Still funny, until you realize that it's really just building up to a Spoony reaction sho—yep. There we go. Not that funny, just an arbitrary Call Back.

Oh, Mr. Walker. Why don't you do this shit regularly? I'd watch it. Also, great shitty VHS effects at the beginning and end. I would've liked it if the thing actually looked like it was recorded on shiteo, but again—nitpicking.

Exposition, exposition, I don't remember the rest of the lyrics...

Love Linkara's reaction to the "no such thing as magic" line, and Benzaie's placement reassures us that yes, it was the Snob's crotch he just jumped out of.

Oh, Phelous. Don't you realize that bringing up Plot Holes only leads to more exposition?

Heehee. Collective groan. Everyone was really hoping that wouldn't work.

How did Critic get the map? Not important, though knowing him he probably broke into Jaffer's house and tore the place apart looking for it. How did he find Jaffers's house? Not important. Normally I'd complain, but we all know where this is going. The important part now is getting there. No need to backtrack.

Ah, there's Sage. This gag wouldn't have worked with anyone else? He really needed to be the one to take the map, leaving sweet, cute Allison Pregler with the sadist lines? I'm not saying she didn't do it well, or that we have a one-sadist limit, but this is what he does best. She can't sell it the way he can.

Really, Walkers? Flimsiest justification for costumes I ever heard. You could not find a group more in touch with their inner geek. Costumes aren't going to make that big a difference. The dress-up plotline is just a set-up for jokes and you know it. Don't insult us. (Then again, if Jaffers wrote that, maybe Critic is afraid it won't work if they don't do exactly what he says? So that actually kind of works. Never mind.)

Spoony is especially Spoony-licious here. I'm liking it. The Walkers totally nailed his character. (Not like that!)

Rousing Speech! I love it when the Critic gets serious because it doesn't suit him at all, adding to the hilarity.

I don't know why, but the "working with a bunch of kindergardeners" line seriously got me. And not just the Mood Whiplash, the actual line. Love it, love it, love it.

Wait a sec. If that threat worked, than couldn't the Critic have just called them and told them to come or they're all fired? What's with the car scam, theoh what do I care, it's funny.

Film Brain's a pretty good visual actor. Love the subtle transition from gleeful to hateful when he kills the coffee cup. Don't know why he falls back on the head tilt and eyebrow raise so often, though I guess it fits better with his Bad Movie Beatdown persona.

Wow, such subtle build up. Come off it, we already know you're Link.

Wow! Ma-Ti has an actual Captain Planet shirt now, as opposed to a cardboard globe attached to a plain white tee. Very nice.

I got to ask, why is Ma-Ti so interested? And don't we have enough eager-to-please Butt Monkeys wandering about already?

"Is nothing...something?" "It's everything." Nothing is the name of those hooded robe guys. I'm calling it, especially because of Phelous's line later. You'll know what I'm talking about when I get to it. For your convenience, though, I'll go back to pretending this is my first viewing.

It's like the Critic is Ford Prefect and Ma-Ti is Mr. Prosser. Loving it.

"Pop-Tart" is an insult now? I don't get it. I mean, the line is funny, because calling someone a little Pop-Tart can't not be funny, I just don't get it.

Okay, random nature shots. Orlando on a hill looking ominous. Why? I dunno. In case we forgot who he was, perhaps?

Is it just me or has the whole of TGWTG been on a serious 8-bit music kick recently? Film Brain, Linkara, and now this. Still, it's pretty cool and—

ANGRY JOE! Okay, costume confirmation time. Cash all your bets now. We already know that Joe is a certain motherfucker by the name of Inigo Montoya from the trailer, so really, no surprise, besides him coming the fuck out of nowhere. How do you fuck up that line? He only says it ten thousand times. My guess is that was a Throw It In.

Love it love it love it. Love Spoony's Gandolf costume, love Spoony's Gandolf voice, love the Critic's reaction.

Obvious voiceover is obvious. (Years of watching these schmucks means I can tell the slight difference between them being there and them voice-overing.) Still, funny gag. Glad the Critic caught on, especially because everyone jumping the fuck out of nowhere's been done.

Yay, Monty Python reference! Especially because that's the first thing I thought, too. But Richard Harris is awesome. (Why doesn't Critic think he's an actor? Another gag lost on me.) Is "Save it for Broadway" another Python reference?

Not a big Lord of the Rings fan or a The Matrix fan, so another joke lost, I guess. (Also, is the blinding light actually something to do with Arwen or just a general so-pretty-it-burns joke?) Things like this make me insecure about my nerdiness. Like the subtitle gag, though. (This isn't an actual complaint, incidentally. Far be it from me to squee over a Python joke but complain that they referenced Lord of the Rings.)

So much to love about this scene! The only thing that would make it better is if Benzaie actually tried to do the Austrian voice.

And...Bennett's costume. I think the gang said it all much better than I could, though did Spoony turn into Paul Winchell for a second? That laugh is spot-on Tigger, so much so that it's kind of scary.

Phelous! It's been too long since I saw The Neverending Story, but that couldn't have been the voice because I don't remember wetting myself when I saw it. (I was nine. The voice didn't make me wet myself now, I promise you.) Phelous has, apparently, lost it. He gave into the madness, good for him. I like the Scarface reference, too. Great music here, too. Unfortunately, the Rock-biter costume has two very large rocks in very unfortunate places.

Yay! More references I don't get! I don't know if the fact that I can tell MarzGurl's having a great time with this is a sign that she's a better or worse actress than I thought, but either way the fun's rubbing off on me.

The difference between the two Harry Potters and the two Lord of the Rings is that Gandalf and Arwen aren't the same person. And nationality shouldn't matter because again, frenchman in an Austrian costu—am I really analyzing a debate between two infantile sycophants over who has more of a right to be Harry Potter? Never mind.

Aw. Film Brain looks so proud.

Indiana Jones had a glowing coffin melt a crapload of Nazis and cups that granted eternal life, and that's the argument the Snob made for it being fantasy? Bullshit! (Yes, I know, directly from my forum post. I plagiarized myself. I'll just have to live with it.)

And I thought Lupa couldn't get any more ador—you know what? This is becoming borderline creepy. I'll shut up now.

My god, another insult-then-others-hold-him-back gag! This is becoming an episode of Soap! Also, Mickey's not that short, is he?

Paw isn't that creepy, especially when compared to Phelous's legit insanity. He still nailed the part, though, and he's funny as all get-out doing it.

Like the no-one-recognizing-Todd gag, except for the part where his voice is so freaking recognizable. Seriously, the guy's got a distinct voice.

I'm guessing the cast legitimately got to pick their costumes, sent their choices to the Critic and he wrote gags around them, rather than him picking the costumes, because there's no way in hell he knows who Willow is. I certainly don't. In fact, especially given the red hair, my first thought was something completely different.

Jew Wario = AWESOME. Seriously. His impression's the best I've heard so far. And I love the girls' reactions, even if I can't see myself going for that even if I was into guys.

And...finally! Let's get this started! My guess is that the Walkers wanted to have a place that actually looked abandoned, couldn't find one, and settled for writing a gag about how it's not really all that desolate. Still funny, though.

More Jew Wario-as-chick-magnet gags. Yeah, I can see this getting old fast.

More Ma-Ti. Yay. Again, great character, but considering how long the actual start of the quest has been dragged out I was kind of hoping the Critic would finish his rousing speech and we could use the remaining three minutes to get started. (On second thought, the end of the set-up is a pretty natural breaking point. Starting the quest now only to cut it off would be more disappointing. So never mind.)

Also, didn't we go over this already? Like, ten minutes ago?

Heehee. Fourth-wall breakage. Also, massive continuity error, considering no one is in the same positions they were when we first saw the line, but whatever.

We saw this already. (But we didn't see it not-in-slow-mo and with epic music, so no real complaint.)

Heh. Spoony's hat fell off during a dramatic moment. I'm placing my bets on another throw-it-in.

More quiet nature scenes and HOLY CRAP EPIC ROBED GUYS WITH OMINOUS LATIN CHANTING! Annnd...finished.

I'll be back tomorrow. Hope you guys enjoyed my little rundown.
27th Nov '11 6:30:12 PM flag for mods
comments
Barren. The word you're looking for is barren.
MousaThe14 27th Jun 11
Eerie. The word you're looking for is eerie.
MousaThe14 27th Jun 11
Orlando. The name you're looking for is Orlando.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thought the car explosion was overkill. I saw it coming but totally too much.

Wait... Brain Heinz... That's the Last Angry Geek's name? He's involved this year? AWESOME! Actually, I think Brian is one of the cloaked guys.
MousaThe14 27th Jun 11
Thanks for the corrections. (I switch to Orlando later, because I had forgotten the guy's real name.)
Wackd 27th Jun 11
The bright light behind Arwen thing was how she was introduced in the movie. The scene was from Frodo's perspective and he was not entirely in the physical world at that point (ghost knives do weird things).
Mysterion 27th Jun 11
Cool. Thanks for clearing that up.
Wackd 27th Jun 11
Liz is one of the cloaked guys, and no top billing for her, so somehow I doubt that LAG is also one of them.
Wackd 27th Jun 11
Nella and Elisa were around too but they didn't get top billing. Liz is not a site contributor, Brian is. They'll probably get ending credits credit most likely. Besides, I was sort of wondering who the fat cloaked figure was and my first guess was him after you mentioned him.
MousaThe14 27th Jun 11
Yay I think Brian is the cloaked man assumed to be Lord Kat...

Now Part 2... HOO BOY. I want to hear your thoughts.
Fusionman 27th Jun 11
Heh. Joe didn't simply waltz into whatever house had the address he was given without knocking. He waltzed into such a house that had visible ADT stickers.
FalconPain 28th Jun 11
"That laugh is spot-on Tigger, so much so that it's kind of scary." - Pretty sure they were referencing the Cowardly Lion from Oz.

Also, I'm sure Critic is aware of Willow. The joke is that Willow is supposed to be a Hobbit-like creature, and the guy playing him in this is huge.
brc2000 30th Jun 11
@brc2000: I know the Lion's what they were going for, but it still sounded (to me at least) like Tigger. And I wrote this before I was aware that Doug picked the costumes. So, yeah.
Wackd 30th Jun 11
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